Would You Rather...

I have some weird reasons for how I got my favorite teams. A dolphins fan because Dan Marino was my childhood man crush, also a giants fan because I love power football and I loved Ron Dayne, Jeremy Shocktarts and now Brandon (first name basis- no biggie). Arizona Wildcats bball because I picked them to win in '97. They won. Notre Dame because I am American. But the weirdest has to be the Pittsburgh Penguins. When i was little playing NHL 95 for my kickass 32-bit SEGA Genesis, I did not now how to change the teams. The default game was Pitt versus the Rangers and I was always Pitt. Maybe i was a re re but let it slide.

My point is, hockey is coming back. Here's a question. Would you rather watch the stanley cup finals, or the NBA finals? To me, it seems like getting to the finals is fun, and then I just don't care anymore. Usually because the Cavs will never have a chance at winning the finals, but for the most part its because it consists of either the Pistons or the Spurs, maybe even both. So I try watch a minute of those games but i fall asleep watching Bruce Bowen nutcheck his opponent and get away with it while Rip hits15 foot jumpers around the key. To wake myself up, I turn on the WNBA. Diana Taurasi's face usually has enough man in it to wake me up and get me going throughout the rest of the day. Give me the option or a Spurs-Pistons game or a Sparks-Comets game and I'll take the fembots (Are the comets a team? sounds right).

I've been following this NHL season all year. Mainly because I go to a hockey school and people watch it. With an exception of golf, this has to be the most challenging sport. You can argue something but you will be wrong. Everyone can run, not everyone can skate. Especially at that level. Looking at the finals this year, Detroit may have one of the most talented teams in history. Young in Zetterberg and old in Lindstrom, there is no stopping this team in 2008. The pens have talent, just no experience. And with the double digit years of goal tending, Chris Osgood is playing lights out.

This year isn't the point though. Within the next three years, hockey won't just be a canadian (ew) sport. Young talent is sweeping into the league to create a revival. Crosby, Ovechkin, Parise, Malkin, these are names that are going to be around for fifteen years and are the future of the ice. I'm leaving. I have go to nasty nati for the day. getting shot by a brotha.

Go LAKESHOW

Hay is for Horses

I hate horse racing. Sure I always watch the Derby, but this "sport" just doesn't do it for me. You can say I don't understand the concepts and what it takes to train and breed a thoroughbred. I just don't like seeing horses get beat down the stretch with whips. I am not a hippie animal hugger, in fact I hate horses, but I still don't enjoy watching them get pushed to the limit and beat. You can also say that jockeys are athletes. Well then I guess all it takes to be a jockey is have angry short Spanish parents who conceive a small man without testicles. How many young boys want to "grow up" and become a jockey? The fags who like riding things, i.e. dick, shaft, pole etc.

I hated hearing about Barbaro in the past years. Not because it died (did it die?) but because horse racing was taking up valuable time for America's past time highlights. I want to see the baseball headlines, not the racing lines. I don't care about the medical condition of a horse 2 years after it wiped. I am convinced the only reason we still have the Derby each year is because it is the only reason Kentucky has to remain a state. It definitely is not the 134 year tradition, the mass amounts of money, or millions of viewers.

Thanks to this year's Derby we are graced again with starting every sportscenter with.. Oh poor Eight Belles euthanized on the track. Let's go to its fellow looking horse Holly Rowe who is live in Kentucky.. "Well I'm sad to say that the horse is still dead. The doctors and racing officials have been working diligently and we will let you know if there are any further updates." Shocking how ESPN loves reporting the same news on the same dead horse. I swear nothing new will happen so please continue onto the web gems and LeBron owning our nation's capital.

All in all, I think horse racing is cruel. Let me reiterate, I hate horses, yet I have always thought that horse racing is pointless. This sounds like a little child talking, but horses can't talk. We don't know if they want to race. It's the only way they know how to live though because it is all they are taught and trained to do. Then they hit the race tracks, get whipped, break their legs, and the docs have to kill them. Sounds like a fun life. I know it is just a horse, but its still cruel.

This incident this past Saturday was terrible and tragic. Nothing like this should ever been seen again. The face that a horse had to be put down on the track in which thousands of spectators were watching is a major loss for the sport. Horse racing will never become illegal or shut down. It is too big of a business and the low lifes trying to get out of the red couldn't survive without their fix. What needs to happen are more strict procedures to the diets and vitamins administered to the horses. There are substances given to them to make them run faster, gain stamina, and increase lung capacity. Sometimes the body cannot handle these and there is no reason to push the horse's finely tuned body to the maximum. Focus on the bone and ligament health so we can avoid further tragedies to this "sport" in the future. This way no one will have to go through with the terrible incidents and we can all watch Kobe dominate the west.

With all of this being said, ESPN needs another network. "ESPN: Stories that we care about but no one else does."
Roger Clemens and his sex life
Roger Clemens and his roids.
Roger Clemens.
Barry Bonds.
Steroids in general.
Dead horses.
Poker.
Tony Romo and Big Blond Tits.
Ricky Williams latest drug habits.
Marvin Harrison Kill Count
Tom Brady vs Jesus Christ
Chad Johnson's love for Cincinnati.
Mel Kiper's Big Gay Draft Board.
NASCAR (except for the big fiery crashes and pit crew fights)(and people in the stands getting hit by tires)(and the post race redneck interviews)(actually just let NASCAR stay on ESPN)
Any women's sports unless Maria Sharapova is involved.
Tiger Woods' nude wife.
Alonzo Mourning's 5th comeback.
San Antonio Spurs

Its finals week. I may kill myself come Thursday. This could be the last thing I ever write. The only thing that may save me is a trip to Monty's.

Liverpool-Chelsea Champions League Preview

This isn’t necessarily a blog resurgence, but I wanted to write a preview for the Champions League Semifinal 2^nd leg between Liverpool and Chelsea. For those of you who didn’t see the first leg, Liverpool’s John Arne Riise scored an equalizing own goal in the 94^th minute, earning Chelsea a draw and coveted away goal, after a mostly uninspired performance. I love Liverpool, so while I will do my best to provide objective analysis, I cannot promise the same for the tone.

(The game is on Wednesday at 2:30 p.m. on ESPN2.)

Liverpool’s success during the second half of the season seems to have come as a result of Rafa Benitez’s decision to solidify the starting lineup and the 4-2-3-1 formation, which makes speculation for his lineup choice on Wednesday all the more interesting. While Liverpool completely outclasses Chelsea with this same lineup last week, their precarious position and the pressure to score at least one goal may force him to opt for a more attacking formation.

History certainly favors Chelsea. They have not lost at Stamford Bridge since 2004, which was also the last time they conceded a goal to LFC.

If I had the choice I would opt for a more attacking lineup, but with the same general 4-2-3-1 formation:

Reina

Riise-Škrtel-Carragher-Arbeloa

Alonso-Mascherano

Gerrard-Torres-Benayoun

Crouch

This lineup basically replaces Kuyt and Babel with Benayoun and Crouch. People may question the exclusion of Kuyt given his goal in the first leg and his overall experience. I would go with Benayoun because of his pace, as well as the form he showed in the game against Birmingham this weekend. What it does is give Benitez two options for a substitute. Say Liverpool score an early goal or two. He can then bring on Kuyt who can track back and provide help in the defensive third to protect the lead. And if they are still searching for a goal as the game progresses, then Babel would be the perfect option for a set of fresh legs to run at the Chelsea defense who will be at least somewhat fatigued after playing a full, intense 90 minutes against Man U on Saturday.

Crouch is the riskier choice. I like his aggressiveness and the target he provides up front. He has seemed to work well with Torres in the limited opportunities he’s had, and I would think he could put pressure on the back four. I think it is more likely that Benitez will keep Gerrard in the slot behind Torres and go with a lineup of:

Riise-Škrtel-Carragher-Arbeloa

Alonso-Mascherano

Kuyt-Gerrard-Babel

Torres

He would then bring on Benayoun and possibly Crouch if they still need a late goal.

As for Chelsea, their biggest benefit is the return of the suspended Michael Essien. I’m assuming they will stick with their 4-3-3 formation of:

Cech

Cole-Terry-Carvalho-Ferreira

J. Cole-Lampard-Essien

Malouda-Drogba-Ballack

Essien replacing Makelele should figure to be a tremendous improvement, considering Makelele’s subpar performance last week. Kalou on the other hand was outstanding, and I would look for him to provide a spark coming off the bench.

Keys to the Game/Things to Watch For:

1. 1. John Arne Riise

Let’s go over what everyone should already know. Riise has been shit all season. He scored a completely stupid and unnecessary own goal. With Aurelio’s injury he is almost certain to get the start at left back. What people seem to forget is that he has played in numerous big games and scored some big goals in his career. He was devastated after last week, but said he is ready to move on and looking forward to the second leg. While I’m not optimistic enough to think he will score the winning goal, I do expect him to be solid in defense, as well as get forward and serve some good balls into the box.

2. 2. Refereeing

I need to preface this by saying that Liverpool wouldn’t be here without some controversial calls going their way. With that being said, Drogba is a bitch and his diving is a disgrace. Moreover, Fernando Torres got abused by Chelsea defenders (including the kick in the ribs by John Terry behind the play which should have resulted in a send-off and possibly a fine). It will be interesting to see if Torres can get some of the protection that Drogba seems to have earned.

3. 3. John Terry

Terry is playing with a yellow card (as are Gerrard and Carragher) meaning if he picks up another he will miss the final in Moscow. Liverpool should look to exploit this by attacking him and forcing him to make some tough decisions. My bet is that Terry will be hesitant to make a tough tackle around the goal, which could provide LFC with the advantage they need to score the away goal.

4. 4. Goalkeeping

Cech was the Man of the Match of the first leg in my opinion. He made some top class, unbelievable saves, keeping Chelski in the game and allowing for the late equalizer. Pepe Reina was barely tested, minus the attempt by his own defender. Judging by recent form I would say that Chelsea have the advantage in the net, unless the match goes to penalties, in which case Reina’s record gives Liverpool the edge.

Prediction: Chelsea score first (Ballack), but Torres equalizes in the second half. The game goes to overtime where Ryan Babel scores the winner. Liverpool wins 2-1 and go on to Moscow.

Don't Worry, He's Alive

After years of looking, I finally spotted him. This guy is more slick than Carmen San Diego and blends in better than Waldo. Yes folks I am talking about Dale Davis. After missing my 11pm flight out of hotlanta i was forced to stick around for the night. I quickly checked my surroundings and realized that I was in a Stomp the Yard remix. Literally the only white person in the whole place. At least I wasn't wearing a bright pink polo and jeans so i didn't stand out or anything... oh wait I was. I only have one dance move and its the worm, I'm pretty sure that is no longer "in" either. So I called a hotel about as quickly as possible to board up in the ATL before I got served.

As I am traveling through the airport to the hotel shuttle, all of the workers are getting off work and going home. It is one giant black posse and me. So I call my mom. I get to the shuttle and encounter my first caucasian mates who were at the Notre Dame vs someone bball game that weekend Mcalanreyerarere hit 42 threes. At least I got to chat with some fellow Irish fans for a while. When approaching the hotel the guys at the bell hop thingy tell the bus driver, "Watch out he likes to run in front of the bus." I look up and see a homeless man approaching at about 50 feet away. We start driving toward him and sure enough he ACTUALLY jumped in front of the bus and we almost killed him.

Fast forward on 5 hours of sleep. So I am getting breakfast the next morning in the airport. The only choice is Popeye's... shocking. So its 6am obviously I am getting to get a egg and cheese biscuit. All of the different colored skinned people around me get a chicken strip biscuit. Thats weird, i hate culture and diversity. As I am waiting in line for security and people are getting thrown out left and right for having gats and uzi's, I notice a very tall, very dark figure in front of me. I see his profile and immediately think... KEVIN GARNETT?! but then i realized that KG is actually blacker than night. So I am trying to get a glimpse of this guys boarding pass to figure out his name and it read none other than Dale Davis. Dressed in suede NBA Fusion clothing, he was 1 foot in front of me. I took a picture of him on my phone and couldn't even get his head in it. I immediately texted my friend who actually believed me.

I had to check up on what Dale has been doing since the NBA.

In August 2006, Davis was shocked with a stun gun as Miami Beach police arrested him for assaulting a police officer, disorderly conduct, and resisting arrest.^[2] In December 2006, Davis was acquitted of all charges.

He's An Angry Elf

I don't really approve of classes to improve one's personality and make them more likable. I think that if someone is absurd and ridiculous then you can't really help it. For example, in Minnesooooooooooooooooooota there was this 27 year old male. He had some anger problems. grrr angry. So one day a judge sentenced him to do some anger management classes. Bullshit right? right. So Justin Bourdin went to some classes and was on the right path I guess. Well the other day on his way to class, JBO decided to punch a 59 year old woman. Then after that, took his anger management binder and beat some old guy with it. A 63 year old man.

So J will probably go to jail. You can't really beat two old people for no reason. According to witnesses, he yelled WHY DONT YOU SHOW ME SOME RESPECT?! and then she whipped out her phone to call the cops and he jacked her in the face. he is so cool.

Well That can be topped. In Washington, a man had his friend shoot him in the shoulder so he could skip work. He calimed that he had been a victim of a drive by shooting while he was jogging. Apparently he was doing it to avoid a drug test but thats a wee bit extreme. He must really hate his job.

PERVO

This article was written some time ago. Probably 3-4 weeks.

A 48-year old junior high school soccer coach in Osaka Japan, who had forced some members of his team to run nude laps after missing penalty kicks during practices in 2005, committed suicide early Thursday morning by jumping in front of a moving train. I guess saying “moving train” is kind of pointless because it’s pretty obvious that the train must have been moving if it killed the guy, but hey, I like to be descriptive.

Anyhowsies, he was suspended last year for 2 months when the school found out about the incident, but was actually back teaching at the school this year. How someone still has a job at a middle school after making little boys run naked laps is beyond me, but I guess they do it a little differently over in Japan.

Side Note: Since hearing the news, 250 Catholic priests have requested transfer to Osaka. “So, you’re telling me I can make little boys run around naked over there? And, I’m not going to get arrested or lose my job?? Yeah, ok, I’ll do it. When do I fly out there? Oh, and can I make them do naked pushups too? Ok, Ok, I’m getting greedy. Sorry, I’ll be able to live with out the pushups. In fact they don’t even have to run. Being naked is the only important part. Hmm, they are Asian though. Not really big into Asians……sorry, sorry I’m being rude again, I’ll be just fine.”

The only time its acceptable to make people run naked in the United States is after skunking them in a game of beer pong. I have seen many a naked lap run around apartment complexes and other shitty college dwellings, but none of the people running the laps were 11-13 yr olds……. at least I don’t think so.

In fact, if a youth soccer coach tried to make 11-13 yr old kids run nude laps during practice over here in the US, he’d probably get his ass beat by the kids themselves. This whole fiasco would have been diverted if only the kids in Japan were as insubordinate and disrespectful as most little American pricks. I would have laughed in a coach’s face ten years ago if he told me to take off my pants and start running around. Probably would have mumbled some smart ass line like “why don’t you do it first, and I’ll see how you like it before I try.” Then, I would have told my grandma what he was trying to make me do, and immediately after, she would’ve morphed into that creepy dude from “No Country for Old Men” and went on a killing spree.

Anytime I think I’m a bad person from now on, I’m just going to think about this guy or some other creep who does outrageous things to innocent people. In fact, if some accuses me of being rude, mean, or disrespectful, I’ll just turn to them and say, “Well, ya, at least I haven’t punished any 11-13 yr olds by making them ran naked laps. So, there, in your face person who is accusing me of being rude, mean, or disrespectful.”

Then, I’ll say “Nah, nah, na boo boo” and stick my tongue out while shaking my head from side to side. Oh, and I’ll probably throw in a middle finger and/or “c-word” at the end for good measure.

Alright, I’m going to bed.

Matt Arrowhead

http://mdn.mainichi.jp/national/news/20080117p2a00m0sp031000c.html

Berman Doesn't Believe in Miracles

Oh, Another Berman video. He doesn't like Al Michaels. He actually calls him a very, very dirty word at the end of the clip. Bad Chris.



Here's the rest of them from the white whale at You Tube. Supposedly, he doesn't have anymore. What will we all do with ourselves?

MA

Start Calling Him 'D-Beck'

Posh Spice wants everyone to call her husband, David Beckham, ‘D-Beck’ from now on. The nickname was created after Snoop Dogg said David and 'Becks' were both too boring. I’m just glad Snoop Dogg has found that creative spark he’s been missing for the last 15 years.

Why celebrities feel the need to give themselves or others nicknames is beyond me. I blame Puff Daddy for this whole mess. The clown changed his name to ‘P Diddy’ then had the audacity to drop the “P” of his nickname and start referring to himself as “Diddy”.

The general public is to blame as well; we do promote these ridiculous nicknames form time to time. So, from now on, every time you hear someone refer to Sean Combs as ‘P. Diddy’ or Beckham as 'D Beck' just give them a swift kick to the “D” or “P”. It’s the only way to stop this epidemic from spreading.

A more fitting nickname for Beckham would be ‘D-Bag’. Also, ‘Injured’, ‘Hurt’, or ‘Sprained’ would work fine too.

MA

F*uck You

Young Toronto Maples Leafs fan acting like a drunk 45 year old. Absolutely hysterical.

Critcal Fan @ FAN IQ

MA

Frat Bro Love: Roy Jones Jr. Endorses Mike Huckabee. People far and wide left saying, “Whaaa???”

Roy Jones announced his endorsement of Republican Presidential nominee Mike Huckabee last week. The Huckabee camp actually put an announcement up on his internet “media page”. Huckabee said he was “proud to have the support of such a dedicated athlete and champion.”

I’m sure he has no idea who Roy Jones, Jr. is. Seriously, what in the hell is going on? Is it possible that two men have any less in common? Jones Jr. and Huckabee are both members of Tau Kappa Epislon and that seems to be the reason Jones came forward with the endorsement, but it’s absurd nonetheless.

Jones said:

"Governor Huckabee is a man who knows about struggle and how to work hard for what he wants. As a fellow TKE, I know he's a man of honor and integrity."

This is the same Roy Jones Jr. who’s held cockfights on his property, formed a rap group called the ‘Body Head Bangers” in 2004, and admitted letting the pit bulls he breeds fight for “10 minutes, 15 minutes, maybe like the longest I let them go was a half-hour, but I never let them fight to the death 'cause I can't take that.”

At present, the two most famous people endorsing Huckabee are Chuck Norris and Roy Jones, Jr. Think about that for a minute. Then, think about them fighting each other because that’s even funnier.

Oh, and Huckabee used to be an absolute HOUSE. I don’t think anyone knew that.

Haha, goodnight.

MA