Tuesday, July 24, 2007

Celebrity News, Where the Word 'News' is Used Loosely

Back by popular request we have another edition of celebrity news and gossip. Well actually two people asked me to do it, but I'm tired of talking about Donaghy, Vick and Bonds. That sounds like a law firm that would have really cheesy commercials. Wow, I can't believe I just typed such a horrible joke. I would start over but, like I said, two people will probably read this so screw it.

Not surprisingly Lindsay Lohan and Britney Spears are competing for the biggest celebrity story. Paris Hilton, out of pure jealousy, is probably on a boat somewhere recording a sex tape involving a train, Daunte Culpepper and other assorted current or former Vikings.

Lohan, who recently finished her alcohol rehab, was pulled over early this morning while chasing the mother of her former personal assistant, who had just quit. Not surprisingly, she was bombed off her ass (.13) and was found to have cocaine in her pocket. She was booked on two misdemeanor charges of suspicion of driving under the influence of alcohol, driving on a suspended license and two felony charges of possession of cocaine and transport of a narcotic. Yikes.

Britney's story on the other hand does not involve being charged with a crime, only a massive meltdown during an interview that she apparently requested. The editor-in-chief said that Britney was very "out of it" and pictures from the interview were so bad that they could ruin her career if they were published. At one point, she said, Britney's eyes rolled back into her head making her appear to be half dead. I don't even have a joke at this point.

The editor said Britney's mood would change every time she went to the bathroom and at one point she was paranoid that the ceiling was going to collapse on her head. I shit you not, the article says she was eating fried chicken and wiping her greasy hands on her several thousand dollar Gucci dress. Jesus Christ. It looks like found the new Courtney Love and we haven't even gotten rid of the old one yet.

I think that's enough of the freak show today.

*In other, less absurd celebrity news, Drew Carey has been chosen to replace Bob Barker as the host of the Price Is Right. I hear he's moving the show to Cleveland.

Britney Spears Reportedly Breaks Down In Interview
Lindsay Lohan Busted Again


Buzzsaw said...

Where the hell is everyone today? Working?? Haha, just kidding

Buzzsaw said...

Check out With Leather ... they've got another story about Lindsey, she apparently bet her friends 50,000 that she'd sleep with Beckham before the end of the year. And she's also facing 6 years in prison for the DUI's/Cocaine posession charges. I think she is 100% going to jail which will be pretty fucking annoying for everyone, a la Paris Hilton's sentence.

Guy said...

In a related story, Drew Carey hired Brady Quinn as one of his showgirls.

Daris said...

drew carey sucks, and I cant believe bob barker's show will be disgraced by the idiot.

The Drew Carey Show..... garbage
Who's Line is it Anyway? Who cares

I had to reread the defintion of comedian after I watched one of his shows. I forgot what it meant to be funny.

Daris said...

oh, and Im going to try to get an interview with lindsay while she's in prison.
Something needs to give this site a boost!!

Matt Jenks said...

I heard that Britney's dog shit on the site of the shoot, and she actually used one of the thousands-of-dollars worth of gown to clean up the turd.

I wish I had source for that other than the local radio show, but there apparently was definitely dog doo and the gown involved. And Britney kept the bathroom door open whenever she went. Wheee! No one does a crotch-shot like a bombed-out inbred hillbilly bitch in heels. I'm a slave for you.

Buzzsaw said...

I just saw that Jenks, what a fucking mess she is