Monday, August 27, 2007

765 People Creeped Out; In Stable Condition


First of all, thanks for the opportunity to write for THE blog, and I can assure you that I will offend multiple people daily. Now, have you ever been walking down the street and some random person comes up to you and gives you a hug? Exactly. Well out in Utah, where the Mormons roam, a young 18 year old female decided to take a shot at the prestigious record of "let's see how many people one person can hug in an hour." Her name is Jordan Pearce and I bet she is fat and ugly and has no life. She needed to beat the record of 612 and although this hug chase was more exciting to read about than Barry steroids, it is still absurd for many reasons.

First of all, let's say she is a good looking girl(highly unlikely). I bet out of those 765 people at least 15 were pedophiles and followed her around licking their lips for a few minutes.

Second, the record had to be counted and watched by a district judge and a state senator(both Mormon). I'm happy to see two high ranking government officials spent their day counting hugs and taking pictures.

Thrice, Guinness won't mark the record as official until they have video, pictures, and written accounts from witnesses. It is a record for HUGS Guinness. The World is falling fast.

Lastly, Pearce had this to say about the best day of her life,

“I feel like I’m on cloud nine,” Pearce said after the last hug Saturday.
Wow Jordan I'm glad to see you can die happy now that you grabbed 765 rando's sweaty bodies. Creep. Pearce's steroid results are not yet available to public but I'm pretty sure she will test positive for dumbass. Tim Donaghy wouldn't comment on the story, he was too angry after wagering the under at 732.

Creep

10 Comments:

Buzzsaw said...

Donaghy was seen calling pedestrians for traveling a block before Pearce's position. Luckily for Pearce, Stern took away his whistle. Thank god for that, I don't know if I could handle it if the Western Conference playoffs AND the World Hugging Record were tainted in the same year.

Great start Sammich, glad to have you.

Buzzsaw said...

Post some of your old stories on here if the topics are still relevant since this week could be slow while everyone is settling into school.

Guy said...

Way to kick things off, sammich.

Logan said...

Haha great story.

mjenks said...

No word on whether her egregiously gay friend wearing a lame political shirt was used to help tally the happiness she was handing out.

This is what happens when you live in a land that will not allow beverages with abv% above 6.

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This is what happens when you live in a land that will not allow beverages with abv% above 6.

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