Thursday, August 16, 2007

It’s the Most Wonderful Time of the Year ... For Pedophiles

If you’re like me then little boys don’t make your dick hard, but there is a large contingent of Americans that aren’t like me and Thursday is their Christmas. Except in this Christmas, it’s not sugar plums dancing in the heads of these perverts, it’s naked twelve-year-olds. The 2007 Little League World Series is right around the corner, and so too are the sexual predators that lurk in the shadows of these types of tournaments.

The Little League World Series, Junior Olympics, and AAU tournaments all have the same problem … their participants are all sexy as hell. Well, that’s not the problem; the problem is that people act on their desire for these youngsters. Boys this age are in their formative years, I know if an old man told me I was sexy when I was twelve, it’d fuck me up. Well, in order to target problems in the future, we have to look to the past. Last year’s Little League World Series was marred by numerous instances of sexually explicit conversations regarding LLWS players. For example, men would post gross compliments on Little League message boards under female pseudonyms:

i think that Devon is REALLY sexy! I have met him before. I know who Jace Fry is. My friends used to live in BEaverton and lived across the street from him. I went to Oregon with them during Labor Day weekend. Devon is the sweetest! You have to think he is hot –Sarah

One person even claimed they could see through a player’s pants:

kyle carter does not wear a cup i saw him his pants were white and u could see his boxers underneath without a jock strap IT IS TRUEEEEEEE –Annonymous

Worst of all, a man made lewd comments about an Oregon player’s sexuality and penis:

kyle carter is such a faggot hes so ugly he dosent hav a penis so he dosent wear a cup! lol i love this website they should realy clean this site out lol – Billy

They should clean Billy's filthy mind out is what they should do; with comments like these, the need for increased protection is obvious. The threat of these freaks bringing their sexual aggressiveness to Williamsport is real. Moral standards in America have gradually deteriorated throughout the decade and, without the proper restrictions, the next great sexual revolution might occur in Pennsylvania.

One great sign of America’s moral deterioration is the way masturbation has completely taken over the sports world. Examples of masturbation’s pervasiveness include, Eddie Griffin masturbating while driving, David Cone bopping the bologna in the Mets dugout, and Ohio State super fan Mike Cooper bleeding the weasel in a public library; but it has yet to seep its way into amateur sports. Who says this epidemic ends in the library? The Little League has safeguards in place to protect these boys from fans with guns in their pockets, but what’s to stop those that are 'just happy to see them?’ There’s nothing, and that needs to change. The only people playing with balls should be the players on the field. CARL MONDAY WHERE ARE YOU?!?!

Interview with Oregon Little Leaguers

Little League Message Boards


Daris said...

buzz, shocking article. haha the christmas line is classic, and i love the picture of ronald mcd, even though the guy flashing his junk is probably already on his way to the llws said...

thoughts on the the message board:

nice work buzz, i forsee a pulitzer for investigative journalism in your future. carl monday would be proud, but is probably pissed that he didn't think of this first. i can just see him now - in his trenchcoat and moustache - creeping outside the men's room waiting to confront one of these pedder-asses. a powerful image.

Buzzsaw said...

Wow, great username ... thanks for the compliment, I only feel alive when I'm uncovering the seedy underbelly of the sports world.

Sense Is Common said...

This is all Busch League... The College World Series is where the real meat is at!

BigLots said...

Is this the type of stuff that goes through your mind? haha this is the weirdest thing ever.

Sense Is Common said...