Thursday, August 9, 2007

Terror Alert: John Lackey Hates the Midwestern and Eastern United States

Anaheim Angel's pitcher John Lackey started his own blog over on Yardbunker, and though he’s no Greg Oden, he’s offered some startling insight on “crappy” weather and “crappy” baseball stadiums across the Midwest and eastern part of the United States. I think the Department of Homeland Security might want to start investigating.

On April 24th, AOL Fanhouse reported that John Lackey had started his own blog. By that time, it had already been a week since Lackey delivered this chilling blog message on Yardbunker, which at the time seemed harmless:

“I'm fired up to be back on the west coast. It's been a brutal trip. The weather was crappy back east and we've been getting our butts kicked. It's just been a crappy trip. We had to go to Milwaukee last week to play Cleveland. I've never heard of anything like that. It was snowing in Milwaukee too, a lot. I'm a Texas guy. I've never seen it come down like that.”

Unfortunately, Lackey’s message of hate didn’t end with that Spring post. We were willing to give him the benefit of the doubt as winter should have been turning to spring by that point and April snow, even in Milwaukee, is atypical. However, tonight I happened to stumble across Lackey’s blog again after finishing Oden’s nausea inducing “Crib’s Video Blog", and found a post that should certainly worry any God fearin' American. Here’s what he had to say:

“I've got to say, Tampa has a great clubhouse. They have some of the best food in the league, but the stadium sucks. They have a good lunch here which is big because there really isn't much around the hotel. They have a really good post game spread too. It's kind of like a convenience store, they have a little bit of everything. Now once you leave the clubhouse inside the stadium is not so good. It would probably be worse to be playing outside though. It's 95 and 100 percent humidity. It's pretty miserable. It's like East Texas weather. I'm from West Texas where it's more of a dry heat. I guess I've been in California too long, I'm not used to the heat anymore. Honestly, this is one of the worst stadiums in the league, definitely top two or three. We leave today for Minnesota so we get two really bad ones on this trip. At least Minnesota is getting a new one though.”

He posted 20 days ago, and I just connected the dots, so I’m not blaming our intelligence agencies for missing this one.

Notice how much the level of hate has increased in the short span of 3 months. He’s isolated himself as a “Texas Guy”, and is only comfortable in California where there is no snow, cold, heat, or humidity. The Angels begin a 7 game trip out east next week which starts in Toronto and ends in Boston. I can’t even begin to imagine how much animosity he’s built up towards Toronto (Canadians in general), and their outdated Roger’s Centre field. He can’t be a fan of the Green Monster or those humid Boston nights either. I’m worried, and hope this threat isn’t taken too lightly. Can anyone say severe? He needs to explain himself immediately; due process can wait for a less critical time. Kiefer Sutherland, where are you?


Guy said...

I guess the Angels don't have to worry about him signing elsewhere.

He and Ichiro would probably get along pretty well, though.

Anonymous said...

Jahn Lackey...A.K.A. whiney little bitch. He gets paid millions of dollars to play baseball and travel across the country & yet he still has the nerve to complain. I think he needs to pull his head out of his ass and look around once in a while.

sammich said...

Forget about his terrorism issues... that might be the ugliest thing I have ever seen. There are 0 mirrors in the Lackey household

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