Wednesday, September 12, 2007

Lowsman Watch: Week 2

We're back with another installment of the Lowsman Watch. We are dedicated to uncovering the worst player in the nation by the end of the year. Unlike the national polls, we realize that the first few weeks should be extremely fluid for any ranking, so you won't see any of the original five on this list. Not even Michael Henig who threw six interceptions in week one, but he bounced back to go 20/31, 223 yards, 1 TD, and ONLY 1 INT. Good for him, but sadly it was against Tulane, so we will surely see him again, but we aren't here to talk about the past. Let's look at this week's rankings:

1) Sean Glennon, QB, Virginia Tech: 24/33, 261 yards, 1 TD, INTs

Just as there is a spot on our Heisman Watch for any QB playing against Michigan, it seems like we’ll have to save a spot on the Lowsman Watch for the QB playing LSU. Glennon was absolutely awful, and eventually pulled from LSU’s mauling of Virginia Tech. While he was in the game, he went 2/12, 16 yards, and an INT; everyone hates this guy at VT, he was booed in their emotional season opener, and has not taken his benching well. Here’s what he had to say:

I don't want to think about transferring right now, it’s not a good thought. I've had a good time in four years here. I don't want to leave here. But I feel like I'm good enough to play on any team in this country...

It's just unfortunate that I'm put in a position where, because my legs don't move as fast as Tyrod's, I'm not going to be playing...

Not to say I'll make it, but I feel like I have a shot at the next level...

I don't want to blame anything on anybody. That's the last thing I want to do, is say I'm not playing because of the line...

So, in summary, Glennon can play on any other team in the country (Brian Brohm, WATCH OUT), he’s not starting because Tyrod Taylor is faster (definitely not because he’s more accurate than 2/16), he’s got a shot at the NFL (maybe the Browns), he refuses to blame his performance on anyone else (except his O-line), and he’s a complete douche (I read between the lines). I absolutely cannot stand this guy.

2) Harrison Beck, QB, NC State: 43/78, 528 yards, 2 TDs, 6 INTs

Donald Driver gets hard just watching NC State play, no one has ever thrown for more garbage yards in history, not even Favre, than Harrison Beck did in the Wolfpack’s game against Boston College on Saturday. It seemed like, on every single drive, Beck would lead his team 60 yards downfield, only to end every drive by throwing a crippling interception in BC territory, which explains his line of 26/50, 321 yards, 5 INTs. I was an NC State fan for the day (I bet on the game) and I wanted to beat him senseless, but was calmed to know that the Boston College defense was doing that for me. His performance is probably what it would look like if Peyton Manning and Rex Grossman were in a quarterback by committee for the Colts.

3) Cody Hawkins, QB, Colorado: 33/73, 356 yards, 3 TDs, 2 INTs

Here at Log’s Blog there is nothing we hate more than Sean Glennon, but a close second would be nepotism which makes this an obvious pick. Hawkins doesn’t have the interceptions or fumbles to match up with some people on this list, but I think he fits right in. Saturday night, against Arizona State, Hawkins went 15 of 42 on his pass attempts; that’s a bad three point percentage. I think I’d be more comfortable with Jason Kapono quarterbacking my team. It’d probably be best for everyone if Cody just heeded his coach/dad’s advice to “Go play intramurals, brother son!”

4) Mike Turkovich, LG, Notre Dame: Sucked all year

It’s only fair to spread the love amongst this year’s Notre Dame lineman, this week’s representative is Mike Turkovich. Turk had this to say about the Penn State game, “The O-line is only as good as its weakest link. We’re not coming together right now … Zero yards rushing? It can’t get much worse.” He clearly has a bad memory as the offensive actually did do worse, rushing for negative eight yards the week before against Georgia Tech, but the improvement from week one has been noted. If they keep up this pace, they’ll get to 100 yards rushing around the second game next season; be patient ND fans.

5) Delbert Alvarado, K, South Florida: 2/6 FGs

First of all, Delbert is an African-American kicker, so it’s pretty tough for me to write about him; it’s like criticizing the Yellow-billed Cuckoo Bird of being weird looking; they're both endangered species and you can't criticize what you don't know, but "can't" was erased from my vocabulary in 3rd grade gym class so I'll try. Delbert’s performance bears mention because it was so atrocious. I had a small wager on the South Florida, which I placed legally in Las Vegas, and he nearly ruined it by missing four field goals in the second half of the game. He missed field goals of 37, 45, 37, and 21 yards; each one nearly causing me to emotionally break down. Luckily, Delbert made a 19 yard FG to send the game into overtime, but, since I could have made that, he stays on the list. If the Bulls would have lost the game, he would have been number one, so he’s lucky … this time.

6) Todd Boeckman, QB, AN Ohio State University: 31/46, 356 yards, 4 TDs, 2 INTs

Ever wonder what would happen if Michael Henig was quarterback of Ohio State instead of Mississippi State? This is what would happen. Boeckman wasn’t that bad against Youngstown State, but he wasn’t impressive against an insanely overmatched defense. On the other hand, against Akron he was awful going 14/23, 131 yards, 2 TDs, and 2 INTs. The Buckeye’s were lucky Charlie Frye is no longer a Zip (haha) or they might have pulled a Michigan (albeit Akron is D-I, but Appalachian State is better).

7) Deon Palmer, S, Louisville: Allowed Middle Tennessee State to score 42 points

I’m sure there are probably worse players on this defense, but I have to give the nod to the safety since it seemed like every Middle Tennessee play was either shut down at the line of scrimmage or went for a touchdown. I forsee a long stay on this list for Palmer, considering Louisville’s schedule only gets tougher as they begin playing universities that represent the entirety of their state [note: this was Latarrius Thomas' spot, but he is now out for the season with a torn ACL, so I switched Palmer in ... he's just as bad].

8) Devin Tyler, LT, Temple: 0 rushing yards, 0 passing yards, 0 TDs

I don’t get too upset about the things I write about these young athletes, I don’t have much in the way of a conscience, but Devin’s situation really struck a cord. I mean, I can really put myself in his shoes. Devin was ranked as the 451st defensive lineman in the country coming out of high school, and decided to go to Temple. So, obviously, he was destined for this award. I just think of how easily his name could be interchanged with my own since I was, in fact, ranked the 452nd best defensive lineman in the country; I decided not to go to Temple because I thought it would be more embarrassing than impressive. At least he can still say he’s a Division I Football Bowl Subdivision player, I’m sure that got him a handy at some point, but it also got him on this list.

9) Lyle Moevao, QB, Oregon State: 17/32, 175 yards, 0 TDs, 4 INTs

Moevao is part of a quarterback by committee situation along with Sean Canfield at OSU. As the old adage says, “if you have two quarterbacks, you don’t have a quarterback,” this situation is the epitome of that saying. Against Cincinnati, the two combined to go, 32/54, 274 yards, 0TDs, and 6 INTs. Those are Michael Henig numbers. I chose Moevao because he has yet to throw a touchdown pass, but these guys have basically been equally bad. They should be too ashamed to call themselves Oregon State Beavers, until further notice, we will refer to Lyle as an Oregon State Pussy.

10) Chad Henne, QB, Michigan: 31/60, 405 yards, 2 TDs, 2 INTs

I’m not going to pile on here, after watching the Mgoblog’s slow spiral into oblivion the last two weeks, I don’t think they need anymore. As a Notre Dame fan, I know exactly how they feel, and we all handle these situations differently. I unleash my rage by putting my team’s players on this list (see: Turkovich, Mike); they post pictures of kittens and play emo music, but at the end of the day, our teams are still playing on ABC, Go Irish!!!


Guy said...

Great work, Buzz. I didn't realize you'd be linking the kittens with this post, as I just did with my newer one. Oh well-- that stuff can never get old.

Daris said...

haha, a lot of these guys lost me money this week. can you do a lowsman preview before thursday of this week so i know what teams to stay away from?

im not joking. i lost CO, OSU, ND, MICH, and NC State.

BigLots said...

I have a real soft spot for Delbert. He clearly sucks but you had to at least feel a little bad for him.

Buzzsaw said...

Why would you feel bad for him of all people? He literally almost kicked a FG out of bounds wide left, it was unbelievable.

ex-WVU chuck said...

Hilarious... and it looks like your KY prediction came true. Fortunately for him, Palmer was nowhere near the action on the game-winning pass play that put UK ahead, but then again, maybe that's why the play was successful to begin with (as he and the rest of the Cardinals must have been busy on that play ogling the UK cheerleaders as much as the ESPN cameramen had been all day).