Lowsman Watch: Week 1

Anyone can do a Heisman watch, including us, but how hard is it to pick the best player in the country? Answer, really easy, it’s Tiquan Underwood. It takes much more effort to find the worst player in the country; luckily for everyone, I’m a very hard worker. Throughout the season, we’ll be updating our Lowsman Watch … pause to appreciate the pun … in hopes of determining the worst player in the nation. On December 7^th, the day before the Heisman ceremony, the top 5 candidates will be invited to my apartment for the award ceremony. The event will be televised on YouTube sports. Here are the rankings from week 1, let’s bully.

1) Michael Henig, QB, Mississippi State: 11/28, 120 yards, 0 TDs, 6 INTS

This might have been one of the worst quarterback performances I’ve ever seen. Sure, he was going against LSU, one of the best defenses in college football, but that’s no excuse for throwing six interceptions. Colt Brennan probably won’t have 6 INTs all year. I found out this little nugget, using mathematics, Henig’s six interceptions were returned for 120 yards, matching his total yards passing. That’s a difficult thing to do, and I’m going to go ahead and say he’s the only person to throw exactly as many yards to the other team as he did his own.

2) Shawn Crable, LB, Michigan: 10 tackles, 1 sack, 3 TFL, 1 missed block

His numbers are great, and, as Sammich pointed out, he’s a scary mother fucker, but he’s not the most intelligent player on the Michigan team. I can’t imagine how many times they practiced it, but for some reason Crable forgot that he was supposed to take the guy inside him on field goal block. Crable was the guy who allowed the Appalachian State defender a free pass to block the game winning field goal try. It was pretty obvious. So long as Crable is losing games for Michigan, we’ll leave the light on for him.

3) Jameel Sewell, QB, Virginia: 11/23, 87 yards, 0 TDs, 2 INTs; 5 rushes, -6 yards

I’m going to leave a spot open for the player that single handedly loses me the most money. So far, that man is Jameel Sewell, the super athletic UVA quarterback. He was a complete piece of shit against Wyoming. Under 100 yards passing? Fine. Two interceptions? Ok, I can handle it, but -6 yards rushing? You’re a black multi-purpose quarterback Jameel, run you asshole.

4) Paul Duncan, OL, Notre Dame: 0 rec, 0 yards, 0 rushes, 0 yards

I had to pick someone from Notre Dame’s line for this list, I decided to choose Duncan, but everyone probably deserves it. I apologize to Sam Young, Dan Wenger, John Sullivan, and Mike Turkovich; you were all deserving but I could only pick one. I choose Duncan because of one play, which Blue-Gray Sky notes, “he was just off-balance and fell down without touching anyone.” I would love to see a video of that [Update: Thanks to Loy for the video, it's the second sack]. The unit gave up 9 sacks, and was responsible for Notre Dame totaling NEGATIVE 8 yards on 41 carries. Paul, you and your teammates are ruining my semester.

5) Lionell Singleton, WR/KR, Florida International: 1 rec, 22 yards, 3 fumbles

I hesitate to put Singleton on this list, because God knows FIU players will throw down anywhere. If they come into the OB talking that smack, I doubt they’ll hesitate to enter Clover Ridge Apartments to kick that ass. My journalistic integrity overrides my fear though, and I’m including him. Singleton touched the ball nine times and fumbled it three times, god he’s awful. Suck it Lionell, you’re my bitch, I’m not afraid of you or your dawgs… BRING IT.

Also See: Week 2