Friday, June 15, 2007

Eric Snow Drains Two Jump Shots

Sports fans will be hearing a lot about the San Antonio Spurs winning the 2007 NBA Finals, their 4th in 9 years. Congratulations. Whatever. Let's call that a headline-stealer. The real story from Cleveland is that with 10:33 to go in the second quarter, Eric Snow buried a 16-foot jumper to put the Cavaliers ahead 22-21. The beautiful stroke was assisted by Cleveland Cavaliers' LeBron James. I can assure you that when Snow released the shot, every true Cavs fan around the state of Ohio had a couple months taken off their lives. As if that wasn't enough excitement for Ohioans, the Snowman trotted down the court with 4:43 to go in that same quarter and buried yet another 16-footer, this time assisted by Daniel Gibson to cut the Spurs lead down to 30-29. Snow's relentless effort, heart and determination represent a lot of what he is all about. Going into the fourth quarter, ABC showed the Snowman giving a pep talk to his teammates (the ones that are usually on the court in these big time situations… you know, like Donyell Marshall). He basically said that the Cavs had 12 minutes to keep this season going and it was all up to them. Let's just say the rest of the team didn't look too interested.


Guy

Random Thoughts

°I watched some of the U.S. Open yesterday afternoon and today at lunch, at it is absolutely unbelievable to watch these pros who are usually amazing hack away out there. This course is so tough that ball are just going everywhere and its almost impossible to get an approach shot to stay on the green. I'm not a huge fan of golf but this is actually fun to watch because it makes them look like actual humans as opposed to robots who hit ridiculous shots reminding me that I suck at golf.

When Big Phil was asked what he was going to do after finishing his horrific round today he said, "Go back back and watch the carnage on tv." When asked if he was rooting for carnage he replied, "I don't have to, its just going to happen."

°Daris showed me this pretty cool artcle that ranks the top ten fighters for every division. Its kind of sad how much the quality of the heavyweight division has suffered. But on the bright side, James Toney made the top ten!

No division is more intriguing than the welterweights. I think the best case scenario would be Miguel Cotto attempting to defend his title against the winner of Antonio Margarito-Paul Williams, and maybe Sugar Shane Mosley after that. If those fights are exciting and generate some more interest it might be enough to lure Mayweather out of retirement. Or at least we can hope.

°Not that anyone really cares but the Giants are coming to Boston this weekend and the Red Sox are really struggling. Big Papi sums it up best when he says, "We haven't been hitting for shit."

°I'm going to be gone next week but the other contributors will still be posting articles, so check back regularly.

Thursday, June 14, 2007

What Does this Actually Mean?

Now that we know Jimmy Clausen did have a procedure done on his elbow, I wanted to take a closer look as to what the effects of the surgery will be and examine if it is possible that there is any truth behind Notre Dame's claim that he will be ready for fall practice.

Since I am assuming that the surgery was to repair bone spur problem in his throwing elbow, I began by trying to find some information on the procedure itself. The best site that I found was this. The site not only outlines what the surgery would entail, it also says that a return to pre-injury athletic activities would take anywhere from 8-12 weeks. I also looked for cases involving athletes who have had a similar procedure. The first I found was Giants outfielder Dave Roberts. It was estimated that his surgery for bone spurs in his elbow would take 6 weeks to recovery from but he came back in a month. The problem here is that his injury was on his non-throwing arm. A better fitting case is Cardinals pitcher Chris Carpenter, since his bone spurs were in his throwing elbow. He is expected to miss three months.

Now that we have identified both ends of the possible return spectrum, we need to make some assumptions about when Clausen actually had the surgery. I broke the story on Tuesday, and my source said the surgery happened several days ago, sometime prior to that weekend. I know this is a big assumption, trying to guess the day, but I would think if it was done any time prior to late last week the story would have broken sooner. So for the sake of setting up a time line, let's say he had the surgery on June 7th.

If all of our assumptions are correct the best case scenario (8 weeks) would have him coming back just in time for the start of fall practice on August 6th. Notre Dame made it sound like as long as he was ready to play by that date everything would be fine, but let's think about this. Do you really think that they are going to just throw back into the mix as soon as he comes back as if nothing happened? If the coaches and medical staff is smart (which I believe they are) they will ease him back into things slowly. And there's still the problem of him having missed all of summer practice, putting him at a huge disadvantage with the other QBs.

If the injury takes any longer than 8 weeks to heal it will cut into fall practice time. At this point, it can basically guarantee that Clausen will not be the starter on September 1. The worst case scenario (12 weeks) would mean he misses all of fall practice, at which point it would be stupid not to redshirt him.

So what can we conclude from all of this? This injury and subsequent surgery, while not career threatening by any means, is serious, especially in how it will affect the upcoming season. Notre Dame fans should be worried about Clausen, despite what Notre Dame officials are saying.

Everyone Mocks the Bengals

For the past year the Cincinnati Bengals have been the running joke of the NFL for their off the field problems, as opposed to previous years when they were a joke because of their on field issues. They mocked by fans, talk radio, late night TV, and especially by me. Well, I have a new one for you. They are now being mocked by a minor league baseball team.

The Fort Myers Miracle of the Florida State League (Twins affiliate) will be holding "Don't Be a Bengal, Be a Good Citizen Night". Any fan wearing prison stripes or prison orange, while fans wearing Bengals gear will receive a slap on the wrist from an on-site lawyer. Tickets to the Bengals-Dolphins game will be raffled off, and rumor has it they will even pay to have a live tiger on hand. If they really wanted I'm sure they could pay Chris Henry to attend. I'm pretty sure he won't be doing anything else.

Celebrity Matchmaking: John Daly

John Daly's love life is in trouble, and we're here to help. By now, everyone has heard of Mrs. Daly's alleged knife attack and the story that he actually cut his own face ... whatever, no one knows what actually happened. However, one thing is for certain, and that's the fact that John's marriage is on the rocks and he's gotta start weighing his options. There is only so much masturbating a redneck can do to Jamie Presley, at some point, John is gonna have to get back on 'the course,' pull out 'the driver,' and go for 'the green.' When he's ready to do that, we've got just the girl for him...

Her name is Lindsay, she's nearly 21 and resides in LA ... Despite the age difference, these two are perfect for each other. Lindsay comes from a broken home, her dad was taking advantage of her and her parents separated; she is in desperate need of a father figure. This fills a need for John as well, since he is in need of some 21-yr old vagina. However, beyond their needs, these two have much in common:

1) Booze- It was nearly impossible to find someone that could keep up with JD in terms of alcohol consumption, but we managed to do it. Lindsay isn't hindered by things like "legal ages," she is hands down the drunkest person in Hollywood, and she hasn't even turned 21.

2) Boobs- In our search, one thing was for certain, the match had to have a great appreciation of the female breast. John withstands high prices and poor food quality, just to eat at Hooters ... and the Hooters girls aren't even hot. Their only redeeming quality is their breasts, and Lindsay holds these qualities near and dear to her heart, literally. Rather than going to Hooters, Lindsay can bring Hooters to him.

3) Blades- Some might consider this a turnoff for John, but one must understand that it's impossible to match him with someone that isn't batshit crazy, it just wouldn't work. I'd argue that a date pretending to cut you with a knife is a clear step up from a wife that actually cuts you. Besides, if John cut himself, then he'd be into Lindsay's knife play anyway.

As with all relationships, nothing is certain. However, if Daly can muster the will to play a round with Lindsay, he's sure to find the rough ... if you know what I mean.


Daly Cuts Own Face
John Daly

Wednesday, June 13, 2007

ESPN Confirms Clausen Story

As happy as it makes me to prove all the assholes who doubted me wrong, as a fan of ND football I am not pleased to report that almost 24 hours after I posted my article about Jimmy Clausen's elbow surgery, ESPN.com came out and confirmed my original story, citing an unnamed friend of the freshman QB. ESPN then contacted a Notre Dame official who said Clausen would be ready for fall practice.

First, I want to say that I'm skeptical that Clausen will be ready for practice in the fall. It makes sense for Notre Dame to try to downplay the situation to negate the inevitable panic from ND fans. With that being said, even if he is somehow ready for the start of fall practice, this is still a huge story. By missing the entire summer Clausen will be at a huge disadvantage in the quarterback race. In my opinion it almost assures that Demetrius Jones will win what was already going to be a tough competition. Regardless, it is absurd to think that my original story is somehow discredited just because ND says he will be available for fall practices.

If you are a fellow ND fan, I'm sorry that this was proven to be true. If you are one of the people who made insulting comments, you can post your apologies to myself, Daris, and 'Buzzsaw' in the comments section.

No One Likes a Potty Mouth

Especially in Singapore, where English striker Kim Grant was fired from his team, Geylang United, for using vulgarity that club officials "felt was unacceptable". Grant, who previously played for Charlton Athletic of the EPL, said that his profanity was not directed at one person in particular and, "I looked down and exclaimed angrily. I did not think it would hurt anyone." He plans to appeal to FIFA and Singapore FA, but they probably don't like potty mouths either.
Striker sacked by Singapore club for Swearing

Clarkson Needs Love Surgery

I recently found out from a trustworthy source (read CNN.COM) that Kelly Clarkson has indeed "never been in love". I must assume this could put a hindrance on any future K-Clark endeavors. Whether or not she will cancel any summer tour is still unclear. At the end of her soliloquy, Clarkson delivered these haunting words which have been echoing in the depths of my mind all night long: "Women can't possibly be good at two things. I haven't lost my temper about it. It only drives me more. If your thing is to bring me down, cool. I'll just work harder." I've been saying the same thing every day for the last 6 years. With Clarkson out my summer tour might boil down to some different Ruben Studdard and gay Clay Aiken shows. I hope this is wrong.


Note to Editor: I couldn't resist the striking similarities between the two stories. I think this story will generate as much, if not more buzz than the Clausen story, so get ready to take some heat from those fiesty guys over at irisheyes.com

Cincinnati Bengals' Representatives Assault Child

Another breaking story, of the non- Jimmy Clausen variety, Chris Henry and Reggie McNeal are being questioned by Cincinnati Police about their involvement in the assault of a 16 yr old boy on Friday night around 11 PM. The boy said he was walking down the street when a black SUV pulled up next to him .. a white man got out of the SUV and assaulted him, when he tried to run away a black man (later identified as Henry) got out and pushed him to the ground. The assault continued when those in the SUV threw beer bottles at him as he fled. The victim also identified McNeal as being in the SUV. Goodell has already said that if Henry screws up again he's going to be banned from the NFL ... However, I don't believe there will be any Hall of Fame reprecussions with this newest Cincinnati player to potentially be banned from a pro sport. I think the only possible way to save this organization is to send this team to Utah, you can't get in trouble in Utah .. Mormons aren't there to cause no trouble, they just want to do the Super Bowl Shuffle.


WCPO Cincinnati

Thank you "Guy" for this tip

Tuesday, June 12, 2007

Clausen Has Elbow Surgery

I recently found out from a trustworthy source who I cannot name that ND freshman QB Jimmy Clausen recently underwent elbow surgery. Supposedly he will miss the entire season. Whether that means the recovery period covers the length of the season or ND will choose to redshirt him is unclear. With Clausen out the two leading candidates for the job would be Demetrius Jones and Evan Sharpley. I hope this is wrong.

Gold Cup Preview/Review

I had promised House that I would write something about the CONCACAF Gold Cup, and even though I think he will be the only one who reads it, I keep my promises so here it is.

I know most people think the Gold Cup is a bunch of meaningless games leading up to U.S.-Mexico, but can be a showcase for some good soccer from up and coming nations. This years group features Canada, Costa Rica, Guadaloupe, Haiti (all in Group A), USA, El Salvador, Guatemala, Trinidad & Tobago (Group B), Panama Honduras, Mexico and Cuba (Group C).

While Mexico and the United States are always the favorites and the only teams ranked in FIFA's top 50 (20 & 29 respectively), this year has already provided some good upsets. Take for example the tiny French overseas department Guadaloupe. Making their first ever appearance in the tournament they shocked Canada and followed the victory with a draw with Haiti, and now have good chance to make the quarterfinals. Even the usually strong Mexico squad was not immune to an upset, falling to Honduras 2-1. Group C has proven the most intriguing, with everything coming down to the last two games on Wednesday night.

But what about the U.S.? Bob Bradley has compiled a roster of 11 overseas players and 10 domestic players, 10 of whom have less than 10 caps. There are familiar faces such as Landon Donovan, Beasley, Dempsey, Keller and even Tim Howard. But even more exciting are the newcomers looking to prove themselves. No one is more exciting than 19 yr old midfielder Michael Bradley (yes he is the coach's son), who had a pretty uneventful performance as a sub against Trinidad, but should be a treat to watch in the future. (Here's a good article about him, even though its kind of old.)

The U.S. beat Guatemala 1-0 and Tridad & Tobago 2-0 in a lackluster performance, although they are the only team who have yet to allow a goal. The MNT takes on El Salavdor tonight at 7 p.m. on Fox Soccer Channel, needing a win or draw to secure first place in Group C.

I know the Gold Cup has mediocre competition but it is still good quality soccer and an opportunity to see how some new faces perform with some of the fixtures in U.S. soccer. And don't worry, we will be playing some tough teams in the coming months. Our group draw for the Copa America (starts right after the Gold Cup) includes Argentina, Colombia, and Paraguay. After that the team travels to Europe for friendlies against the likes of Sweden and Switzerland.

Links

Man vs Beast How many little people equal one elephant?

Another Elephant That's just gross.

Tyson's Knockouts Pretty much speaks for itself.

10 Baseball Fights George Bell Meets Mo Vaughn at 8

SportsPickle.com Updated every Wednesday. This site is hilarious.

Scanner, Daly, Boxing, McCavy, Other Shit


Scanner:

First and foremost, I finally fixed my printer/scanner/fax thingy. I call it the BizHub Jr. Here is a little sample. I find this scanner shit cool as hell even though its been around for quite some time. The pictures of me are at ages 10,12,16 respectively. I hope this gets you interested so that there is a 5% chance you read this whole thing!

John Daly:

John Daly is one of the most insane "semi-celebrities" of all time. I can't think of anyone whose life is a bigger mess. He supposedly smokes 2-3 packs of cigs a day, and his constant battle with alcoholism and gambling is never ending. I started making fun of this guy as early as 1996 when I realized he was a joke. He's lost 10's of millions of dollars, and continues to destroy his body (i.e. the tournament where he was shaking so bad from withdraw that he had to house 24 diet cokes and wear a polar fleece in 90 degree heat); there seems to be no light at the end of his tunnel. Who in the hell shows up to a golf tournament with his face looking like he just got done shooting a knife fight scene with Steven Segal?

Can you think of a bigger joke (with personal/drug alcohol problems) the past 15 years? Still, he is entertaining and doesn't seem to give a fuck, which I appreciate on some level. He doesn't seem to want any attention, but it just comes his way! I love his melt downs most of all. I will never forget what he did at Pebble Beach (I think it was at the 00' open). I've used my imagination and created the last part of the story, but he took a 14 on #18 after being in contention all day. Supposedly, he proceeded to throw his clubs into the Pacific Ocean, storm off the course, and swear he’ll never play in another US Open again. Wow, what I loss for the USGA John! I’m sure they want some drunken, red-neck, chain-smoking, crazy SOB running around their golf course dreaming about the next 5th he’s going to slam! Go do a big biker chick in the woods.

Hahaha I’m just joking of course. Daly is sweet, but it is starting to get a little embarrassing for the poor guy. I hope he gets his act together, so that we don’t see him stumble out to the first hole of the British Open naked and drunk out of his mind. (I don’t think his exemption is up, so they probably have to let him play in it).

Does Boxing Have a Fighting Chance?


Fight night this past Saturday did exceed all expectations as Log mentioned during an earlier post. Judah came out and really stuck it to Cotto for the first couple rounds. He knew his only chance was an early round KO. After the 2nd or 3rd round he said something along the lines of “I am going for it now”, but his corner told him to stick with the game plan. I wish his corner would have given him the OK. Supposedly Cotto has a very suspect chin and that seemed apparent early in the fight. However, Judah faded as the fight wore on and Cotto didn’t stop grinding. The man is relentless, and I have a ton of respect for him.

Everyone who thinks Pretty Boy Floyd (PBF) is overrated (I would of course be in this camp) will be pushing for a Cotto v. Mayweather fight, but I say be careful what you wish for! PBF is a more skilled, discipline, and fit fighter than Judah. Judah is literally just a poor man’s Floyd. I’d bet PBF would hurt Cotto early, or hold him off late (because of his quickness/ability to dodge punches) after doing enough work early to win the needed rounds if it went to a decision.

More importantly, the fact that people are talking boxing and getting excited about more “obscure” boxers indicates boxing might have a brighter future than I once suspected. The fight between De La Hoya and PBF could be the shot in the arm the sport has needed. I know the fight didn’t match the hype it received, but it caused a bunch of us to watch the next “big fight.” I will be interested to see the ratings, but I think the product is good enough for the industry to see sustained growth. Saturday's fight wasn’t nearly as high profile as PBF vs. ODL, but it was better. Promoters and fighters owe boxing fans matches between the best and brightest the sport has to offer. If they do that, they will create a bunch of loyal boxing enthusiasts (ages 20-30) who will gladly pay the $44.95-55.95. I mean what’s that split up over 10 people anyway, right? They get us hooked now, and we will be fans for life!

I will be writing an article about Floyd “Money” Mayweather when I’ve concluded some research. As of now, I contend that PFB is overrated; be it because he has dodged the best over the past 6 years or hasn’t been fortunate enough to fight in an era of extremely talented fighters. The former seems more logical, but I’m not going to rush to snap judgements. I might be wrong, but everyone seems to have jumped on this bandwagon without any real historical backing. I was as unimpressed by what he did against ODL as most people were impressed. People act like he beat ODL in his prime. De La Hoya had lost 2 of his last 4 coming into the fight. He was at the end of his career. He still didn’t get destroyed! He lost the fight, I know, but it wasn’t like PBF put on some virtuoso performance. He just did enough to win the fight.
How can Floyd say he’s proven everything he needs to prove? Let’s not get so caught up in a number (i.e. Floyd’s 0 in the loss column) and forget how that number was created. Does a record of 38-0 really mean as much if your competition isn't up too par? One deserves credit for being undefeated, but is that the only number we should consider? Much more on this in the next few days!

McCready and the Cavs:


First, I must thank you for all of the laughs on Satuday night during our finals discussion. Your enthusiasm and love for the Cavs is like nothing I’ve seen since my days of rooting for the Bulls as a youngster. The highlight of my night was our discussion about the Snowman, and your comments about his 37 pt outburst in high school. Remember, you then asked the question “How could he ever score 37 points in a game?” as you mimicked his ridiculous jump shot. Your impression was spot on. LOL!

I am still rooting for you guys to get a game or two in Cleveland. I think it can happen if your team starts playing with a little more heart and focus. The fans should be enough to get one win, and if the Cavs play decent, getting two is possible. I don’t feel the need to comment anymore on the Series because so far my predictions are 100% accurate. The Spurs are in another class, and Mike Brown’s decision making is ridiculous at times.

Remember the bet still stands if your team wins:
1. 5k Dollars
2. Shave head and grow Drew Gooden tail for a year
3. Masturbate around circle in Indy (I wanted it to be Cleveland, but somehow Denny convinced us that Indy would work better)

What happens if Cleveland wins the next two? I will be shitting my pants. I guarantee a move to Uzbekistan if your Cavs win.

Some Loose Ends:


1. Why is every US Open predicted to be the hardest of all time? Does that talk get a little old to anyone else?
2. I am still attempting to convince myself to remain focused for about an hour and a half so that I can write up a serious article about government/politics. Too be honest, nothing has quite caught my eye lately, and I am always hesitant to write anything serious unless I really care about an issue.
3. Soon enough I want to touch on immigration, healthcare, social security, and education, but for now I’ll stick to being an idiot. I posed this question a few weeks ago: What is the role of government? I want to make sure my answer is articulate, well founded, and able to stand up to the criticisms that it will most certainly receive. Preparation and thoughtfulness are always important; especially when your answers are being dissected by intelligent b(log)ers. You’ll just have to wait to tear it apart.
4. If you got this far, thanks, and editing is still for losers.


One last thing: Keep commenting on articles. I had one of these things a couple years ago, and it died because no one commented. Our editor-in-chief, Logan, needs to know how good this thing is. I know it keeps me distracted a good part of my day, so let’s keep it up. Log said he thinks he can get 1.5 million hits over the next 3 months. A little ambitious I know, but he’s a dreamer.

Monday, June 11, 2007

Poor Cavs Fans

-written by Guy

Aren't the Cavs cute? These 'fourth quarter toy with Cleveland fans’ emotions comebacks' by the Cavaliers are delightful. I would like to thank the Spurs for not giving a shit during these exciting runs just because it keeps my blood flowing. And as much as I want to sit here and rip Mike Brown for playing Larry Hughes even though he brings absolutely nothing to the table, I just can’t do it because it doesn’t matter. But seriously, what is the difference between Larry Hughes and Eric Snow right now? I would say the only thing would be the fact that Snow is aware of his offense incompetence, thus he would not be chucking up garbage shots (Hughes is 1-10 from the field in the first two games); and, oh yeah, he doesn’t have a bum foot. Even if he played Gibson for 40+ minutes and gave everything else to the Snowman, it would just make the beatings during the first three quarters a bit more respectable. Then, when the fourth quarter rolled around, the Spurs probably wouldn’t be handing the show over to Jacque Vaughn.

I somehow went an entire paragraph about the 2007 NBA Finals without mentioning Tony Parker. The Cavaliers’ problem with quick point guards continues as they cannot contain him (which was one of my keys to this series). The guy is living the dream. Since Thursday, he has scored 57 points in the first two games of the Finals, has finished nearly every impossible layup he has attempted, and has capped off both nights by going home to rail Eva Longoria in every way imaginable. Not a bad weekend. But as Dennis Hughes points out, “He can have all the championships he wants, but it doesn’t change the fact that he’s French.”

I have nothing more to add. Hopefully the Spurs and the refs feel bad and give us a win at home.

Apparently John Daly's Wife May be Crazier than Him

Not that anything you hear about John Daly should ever really surprise you, but you may be surprised to know that Daly was stabbed by his wife with a steak knife on Friday. He showed up for his round at the Stanford St. Jude Championship with two bodyguards looking like this:Daly went to shoot a 74, 75 and 79 finishing at +18, good for 79th place and $11,000 or, in other words, an hour of blackjack.

Daly says wife tried to stab him with steak knife
(ESPN.com)

Expectations Exceeded

All too often in boxing nowadays the actual fight fails to live up to the hype surrounding it. Well, in Saturday night's Cotto-Judah fight this was definitely not the case. Anyone who predicted a slugfest was correct, both fighters came out swinging. But it was Cotto, not Judah, who, more times than not connected with the head and, umm, Judah's other head. Judah, on the other hand, failed to display what was supposed to be his superior technical skills at any point after the first round. In the third round Cotto was docked a point for his second shot south of the belt. From there on out, however, it was Cotto's fight. As predicted he relied on his powerful left hook, repeatedly pounding the body and further opening the cut above Judah's right eye that was caused by a headbutt. Judah continued to take abuse and after a flurry of punches in the ninth round that had him struggling to see from his right eye, he chose to take a knee in the corner. He did get up and survive the tenth round, but he went down again in the eleventh, this time not on his own accord, and the fight was stopped shortly thereafter.

Now that Cotto has successfully and convincingly defended his title against a very able fighter in Zab Judah, the questions to be asked now are what is next for Miguel Cotto, and what is next for the sport of boxing? It is quality fights like these that could restore the popularity of boxing, but it seems as though a bigger name is needed to draw the necessary attention. Will Mayweather fight Cotto? I sure hope so.