Thanks for the joke Brian, and happy birthday.
Friday, June 29, 2007
Posted by Log at 2:12 PM
After being drafted by one of the teams on his “not approved list,” our boy Yi Jianlian needs some cheering up. The 7-foot, 246 pounder out of China was selected #6 overall in Thursday night’s draft by the Milwaukee Bucks. This occurred despite not inviting the Bucks to his workout in Los Angeles, the Bucks not seeing him play in China, and not putting Milwaukee on his “approved teams” list. Overall, just a great play by the Bucks. If they don’t trade his rights, I will be shocked. But just in case they don’t, here are some things that Yi’s travel agent is recommending he do upon his arrival to Wisconsin.
Brewers Game at Miller Park (Read: Sausage Race)
Nothing to cheer you up when you’re down like a great competition at Miller Park. Oh, and a baseball game, too (that joke would have been a lot funnier if the Brewers weren’t actually good this year). Anyway, there is no telling which sausage Yi will be rooting for, but I’m guessing he’ll just play along with Charlie Villanueva, who is rumored to love large dark hairless objects. So, Frankie Furter the hot dog it is.
The Great Wisconsin Cheese Festival
The hits just keep coming for Yi. The famous festival is held in the first week of June every year, meaning that Yi just missed out. It is probably for the best anyway, as Yi may have been scared off by the state of Wisconsin even more after seeing both the hefty broads stuffing their faces with cheese and the strange people wearing Cheeseheads.
(EDIT: I just learned that 93% of Chinese are lactose intolerant-- which may be another good reason that he just missed the festival.)
“One, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight! Schlemiel! Schlemaz! Hasenpfeffer Incorporated!” A dream come true for Yi would be Yao and him skipping arm-in-arm down the street reciting this chant to the Laverne & Shirley background music. I think it’s time for Larry Harris to make this happen. Yi might even take off his gloves, put them on top of already-capped bottles, and wave goodbye to them. Oh, that whimsical Yi.
Press Conference Lessons with Brett Favre
We all know Favre’s genius. “Is he going to retire?” “Is he going to come back for one more?” He leaves his fans hanging on a thread every year. Only Roger Clemens loves the media attention more than Brett. During this two week program, Yi will learn the finer points in giving a press conference. Among these points he will learn timing, shock value, and Favre’s most famous attribute, the “maybe, maybe-not” factor. After all is said and done, Yi will most likely hold a press conference sometime before the Chinese New Year (I don’t know when this actually is, though) or even the NFL preseason to divert attention his way, saying that he may possibly be playing for the Bucks this season, but he’ll have to see about that. If his English is anything like his interview with Stu Scott on Thursday night, it may go down as the greatest press conference of all time. Upon this announcement, NBA Fastbreak analysts Tim Legler and Greg Anthony will strike up so much debate that their respective heads will go Exorcist on us. Then, that son of a bitch Brett Favre will announce his retirement to switch the attention back his way to take the attention away from Yi. That gunslinger really knows how to play his cards.
All that being said, well wishes to Yi and his future endeavors. Hopefully for him, he gets traded to a more Chinese populated area. And hopefully for the Bucks, Yi decides he just can't resist the dark beer and cheese.
Sometimes you get bored, really bored, and start wondering what ever happened to some people who seemingly had it made not too long ago. I'll start with five, but no worries, I have a list of at least 100 more people. So, next time you might be screaming REEEEMIXXXX.
Where in the world is………..?
1. Carl Winslow:
What ever happened to the beloved dad of Family Matters? His spunk (only chubby people can be spunky), light-hearted demeanor, and moral values can never be duplicated. I, personally, would have been in the looney bin if I had to deal with that nuisance Urkel. He handled himself with dignity through it all and for that reason I ask, where are you Carl Winslow?
Well, Mr. Winslow is currently doing theatre work and has made limited public appearances since his TGIF days. He’s written a couple critically acclaimed plays and that’s about it. Ya, sometimes the answers to our questions are a little melodramatic. I bet you thought it ended with him in some gutter, crack-pipe in hand. Side note: When are the Family Matters DVD’s coming out? (Only the ones before Urkel hit puberty, it got really annoying after that. One last thing, why is every television dork’s middle name have to begin with a Q?
2. Nate Newton:
Nate is the biggest known drug dealer in NFL history. His quote best sums up his attitude about dealing, “"I've always been competitive, I've always been in sports. I couldn't see myself not being the biggest dope man."
Nate’s white van was pulled over on an interstate in Nov of 01’ with over 200 pounds of marijuana in the back seat. Five weeks later, having learned his lesson obviously, 175lbs. were confiscated from his trunk on his way into an early morning Cowboy’s practice. But come on, he had to take his pot to practice, that’s where his best clients were.
The Cowboy’s O-Line was probably the greatest in NFL history and Emmitt Smith is the career rushing leader because of it. Just think how many yards #22 would have if his blockers weren’t higher than a spacecraft exiting earth?
So, I’ve gotta ask, what are you doing now Nate Newton?
Guess what, Nate found God, went “straight”, and renounced his past. He speaks to troubled youth in Texas. So basically, he’s still getting really high.
3. Steven Segal:
Who can forget the fourth best action hero of the 90's behind Arnold, Bruce, Keanu Reeves (Speed, Speed 2: Cruise Control, Hardball, The Replacements, The Matrices Part 1 y Part Deux)? Segal's Under Seige Sequal was an action adventure to behold. His repetrior of karate chops, super kicks, and slick sleek hair make me tingle in my nethers. I just wonder; what's up Steve?
Impressively, Seagal was recently awarded a PETA award for his humanatarian efforts after he prevented the export of baby elephants from South Africa to Japan. Why would Steven be afraid for the elephants if they were shipped to Japan? Simple, he had an encounter with the Japanese version of Cojo.
After winning the awatd, a PETA interviewer asked Segal to provide an example of a special interaction with an animal, Here's what he said: " A dog approached [me] during [my] early aikido years in Japan. [I] felt like [I] had known this white dog forever. After keeping the dog for a few days, the dog (by barking) warned me that his dojo was on fire. [I] quickly summoned help to put out the conflagration. [I] never saw the dog again." What in the fuck are you talking about man? Thats one of the most ridiculous quotes of the past 50 years.
Can you imagine his nightmares? He see's Babar(thanks cheff) get detusked as Air Bud, the Golden Reciever, majestically floats through the air only to get gunned down by a glasses and mustahce disguised Slyvester the Cat. Cold sweats, anyone?
4. Olden Polynice:
Olden is a retired NBA player who played for the Sonics, Clippers, Kings, Pistons, and Jazz. He was an average NBA player during his 15 year career averaging 7.8 ppg and 6.7 rebounds. He never had a career defining moment, but he's had a couple life defining moments more recently. Namely, liking Halloween a little to much. To further explain, I must ask, what's going on Lutient Polynice?
Somehow, Olden obtainted a California state police badge and began driving around Salt Lake City impersonating a cop. It might have worked if he wasn't a 6'11 black man. I'm sure there's a lot of police officers in Morman land that fit that description. Imagine what that altercation was like.
I think it would go something like this: Olden, high out of his mind, starts flashing his fake cop lights and pulls over mid 90's chartruse colored RAV 4 sport package with Ski Rack (ski bunnies). He walks up to the car as the couple inside slowly rolls up the window thinking, "Is that Karl Malone? It's gotta be, he's the only black person in Utah" He proceeds to tell them their under arrest, they say "for what", and he say's "I don't know, nevermind, have a marvelous day in the mountains." He walks away confused, and they drive away unable to say anything for 15-20 minutes.
He was arrested when the "criminals" got his plate number and called the cops. It didn't stop Olden, he was arrested a year later for the same offense. He's not smart. Do it on Halloween, avoid the misdemeanor impersonation charges, and get some decent candy in the process. Makes sense to me.
Mark, from the famed Hangin' With Mr. Cooper, in the house. He lived with two hot black chicks. One of them mattered Rodney Peete if I'm not mistaken. I remember the show most for its theme song. If you need a little refresher about Mark and the show check out the homepage: Hangin' With Mr. Cooper
5. Mark Curry:
The creator of the site makes it clear that its "not an official website" promoting the show. Thank god he told me, I ws confused. I personally enjoy the quotes page, as well as the quiz which tests your episode knowledge. I thought I was a loser, but this guy is making me feel pretty good right about now.
The show aired for five years. Mark and the gang were on top of the world. One could say he was on fire! The last word in the previous setence got me thinking, is Mark still on fire? Well kinda of, just in a different way. Mark, whatcha up to buddy?
I'm sad and so is Smokey the Bear. Here's why: On April 17, 2006, an aerosol can that had fallen behind Curry's water heater exploded and Curry, who was doing laundry at the time, was burned on over 18% of his body, including his arm, back and side. He spent many months recuperating at his home. According to an Associated Press interview posted on CNN.com on February 17, 2007, Curry considered suicide after waking from a three-day, medically-induced coma, reportedly hoarding pain medication. (from wikipedia)
He was contemplating suicide but Sinbad (ya, he'll be on the next list) made him "laugh", and got him out of his funk. He must not have been that serious about suicide because, if so, Sinbad would have been the last straw, guaranteed.
That's all for now.
Posted by Bob Rohrman at 2:13 AM
Thursday, June 28, 2007
After coming to the sad realization there was going to be nothing to do on a Thursday night in SB I decided to watch the U.S. soccer game vs. Argentina. Might as well keep a running diary, a la Simmons.
0:00 As mentioned before Bradley is opting to go with a young inexperienced lineup of the Copa America, without any of our European stars. Some have criticized the decision but I think it will be a good opportunity to find some talent. With that being said, there's a lot of pressure on Argentina in this tournament because they are bringing a loaded squad and they have underperformed in this tournament for the past 10 years. I read that their fans are taking this almost as serious as the World Cup.
2:00 I'm watching this game on my computer on some channel called GolTV. The announcer has a crazy accent (British or Scottish?) and sounds like he smokes two packs a day. Just thought you should know.
5:00 Johnson makes run and gets behind the defense with a perfectly times through ball. He slows down in the box and looks indecisive but he draws the foul! Penalty kick and Johnson converts!!
12:00 And just as quickly as the U.S. scores they give it back on a free kick that looked like a make-up type call. Very poor defense in my opinion as Argentina had three men inside the defense and Crespo flicks it over Keller.
13:00 The announcer is questioning Keller on the goal but I don't think you can really blame him. Another hard foul....looks like this could be pretty physical.
15:00 I love watching Javier Mascherano. I really think he's going to be a great addition for Liverpool. Great passer and he is always disrupting things in the middle.
25:00 The U.S. is getting completely owned in the possession right now. They've seen very little of the ball.
42:00 Great save by Keller on a shot from the right wing by Verron.
46:00 As the second half starts I'm wondering when we're going to see Tevez. For the U.S's sake hopefully not for awhile.
52:00 Another free kick wasted, this time by Mapp. It's frustrating but understandable, Bradley hasn't had much time to prepare with this squad.
60:00 The U.S. seems to be gaining momentum and has had much more possession this half. This team has been really impressive thus far against a much, I repeat much more talented Argentinian team.
64:00 And just as I speak, Messi makes a pass, makes a great run and gets the ball back, then slips a pass behind the defense to Crespo who finishes it for his second goal. You just had the feeling that this team could score at any time and it would have been a remarkable feat for the U.S. to hold them to one goal.
70:00 It looks like things might be starting to unravel for the U.S. They look like they're tiring and Argentina is stepping up the pressure.
73:00 Yellow card to Bornstein. I'm surprised that's the first card we've seen.
78:00 The sub Aimar scores on a diving header to make it 3-1. Unbelievable goal. Keller had no chance.
80:00 The forwards are the only thing that has been really disappointing for the United States. Taylor Twellman looks completely overmatched. And Eddie Johnson has basically disappeared after a few flashes in the first half, yet for some reason the chain smoking announcer has a huge hard-on for him. He's called him a "Titan warrior" and claimed that "he will lead the U.S. to South Africa". Yikes.
90:00 Tevez gets in way behind the U.S. defense to net the fourth goal, tucking it just inside the near post. What a clinical finish, and not a great end for the U.S.
I know the (probably 20) U.S. fans who were able to watch this game are probably disappointed, but I think its actually a pretty promising result. Almost all of these guys are second and third options for Bradley but they performed pretty well. They contained and at times controlled a world class at full strength team for 60 minutes. This team had Carlos Tevez coming off the bench! The only thing I wish they would have done was show some decisiveness in the offensive third. Don't get me wrong, they didn't bunker at all, they played a 4-4-2, they just weren't running at people and forcing the Argetine defense to make plays. The talent difference really showed through in the end, but I think there is a great deal they can take from this game.
The silver lining is that because Paraguay beat Colombia 5-0, the U.S. has a great chance to advance if that can put up a good result against Paraguay, which they definitely are capable of doing.
Posted by Log at 10:49 PM
Ok before we start the list there are two things that need to be said. One, when talking about shows I watch, I'm talking about watching them on DVD or DVR. To me that's the only way to watch a good TV show. There's no commercials, you can watch it on your own time, and you can start from the beginning of the season one. Two, I did not include Sopranos in my list. I am sure it is a good show, but I haven't got into it yet. I'm waiting until school starts again and I have more time. Other than that I'll be interested to hear your complaints/thoughts. Without further ado...
12. Prison Break Very entertaining first season, even if it wasn’t the most believable. Its pretty much downhill after season one, because, well, its hard to write a show called Prison Break after they break out of prison.
10. House I haven’t really gotten into this one completely yet but I liked what I’ve seen so far. I’m a sucker for good sarcasm and the main character, Dr. House, is just dripping with it. As far as realism goes, House is somewhere between E.R. and Grey’s Anatomy. Anyway, I think its worth trying to get into, so that obviously means you should check it out.
8. 24 Another interesting case here. After watching the first season I probably would have argued that this was the best show on T.V. hands down. I think Cheff and I watched the first four seasons in about two weeks. The problem with 24 is that it hasn’t adapted. After every consecutive season it becomes more apparent just how similar the plots are and how predictable it is. I read somewhere that Kiefer Sutherland is under contract for at least a few more seasons, but if this show is going to survive they to inject some life into the writing fast. It’s ranked this high because any single season by itself is outstanding. If you haven’t seen it yet, rent it, and get ready to spend multiple hours in front of the TV.
7. LOST I’m not really sure how to describe this one. It may be the most creatively written drama on TV and I was basically addicted to the first season. Then there was the second season. It seems as though the writers got ahead of themselves, letting their creativity run wild so to speak. They were opening up too many questions without resolving any of the old issue and it started to get frustrating. I stopped watching it for awhile and only started up again at the advice of some faithful followers. It didn’t disappoint and season three is as good, if not better than season one.6. Entourage (HBO) Probably the most fun show on the list—everyone in the show is living the life we all wish we could. It’s a must see every Sunday and the only reason its not higher is because its only a half hour, and frankly, sometimes you can watch a whole episode, enjoy it, and yet not really remember anything about it.
5. Rescue Me First let me say that I love this show. It stars Denis Leary and is focused on a group of
In 2003, a man named Juan Catalan was arrested for a murder in3. The Office Another show that is guaranteed to make you laugh out loud and that I would have my DVR set to record every week if I ever actually got DVR. Interesting fact: Many of the actors who play main and supporting characters have individually written episodes. The actors who play Kelly and Ryan have written the most.
. He repeatedly professed his innocence and asked to take a lie detector test, a request that the police denied. He also had an alibi: he swore that at the time of the murder he was at Dodger Stadium with his little girl, watching LA get creamed by the Braves, but his lawyer was unable to find him in any of the Dodger Vision or FOX footage he subpoenaed. Catalan's lawyer discovered that there was another possible source of crowd footage: "Curb Your Enthusiasm" had shot at Dodger Stadium that night. Although he Catalan did not make the final cut of the show, his lawyer was able to find him and his daughter depicted in the outtakes, and ascertain from the timestamps on the tapes that he could not have been the killer. When told that his show had released a wrongfully accused man from prison and a trial that could have led to the death penalty, Larry David commented, "I tell people that I've now done one decent thing in my life, albeit inadvertently." California
2. Arrested Development I’m kind of nervous about putting this at number two although I think it is definitely the funniest and smartest comedy I’ve seen (die hard Curb fans will probably disagree, but whatever). Some people watch a few episodes and just don’t get it. That’s why you have to take my advice on this one and start it from the beginning. The jokes build on previous episodes and sometimes are so subtle that if you watch an episode again you’ll be laughing at stuff you missed the first time. The characters are ridiculous, the writing is clever, and it never gets stale.
Side note: If you think this show is funny, the guy who plays Tobias (David Cross) does stand-up and his stuff is absolutely hilarious. You can download it to your iPod and its great for car trips.
1. The Wire (HBO) This is the best show on television and I will argue that with anyone. It is a engaging drama that both entertains and comments on important social issues that people tend to ignore (inner city drugs, education system, etc.). I am absolutely begging you to give this show a try. I promise you won’t be disappointed.
I also thought I would link to two separate Simmons articles that talk about the show, since he does a pretty good job describing the show and why it doesn’t get as good of ratings as Sopranos, even though it is a better show. Number 17 on this one and scroll to the bottom of this one.
Posted by Log at 3:02 PM
Inmate grabs guard's gun and kills him. Did this guy really think he was going to get away with it? "The guy had tattoos all over his face, including a swastika on his forehead; it could be anybody!"
Nickelback Sucks. A friend of mine with equal hatred for Nickelback showed me this website a few months ago. That's talent.
Rosie O'Donnell's Sex Scene on Nip/Tuck. Don't worry-- its not a youtube clip, but how did I miss this? Thank God I stopped watching after season two.
SuperBron. Forget "King James," apparently LeBron now has unfair, supernatural powers.
Who Wants to Be A Dollar Menuaire?
This is a game I played the last couple weeks of summer last year down in Bloomington when we had no cable, 2 sets of apartment furniture( leaving no room to move), no air conditioning. and a broken DVD player. 1-4 people were continuously playing and a total of 5-10 games were won.
Here's the deal: I will give anyone 10-1 odds on a $5 to $10 dollar bet. You have 15-20 chances to get the million dollars (still haven't decided the exact number).
I trust all of you. I know, I am naive. Let me know if you are interested.
I accept checks. Must pay to the order of: Sir Daris The Great
BTW, its 3:30am, so I am going to bed.
Posted by Bob Rohrman at 3:20 AM
Mr. Reiss is an old college friend and roommate. On fantasy draft days, he truly believes he's a general manager. Our sports arguments have ranged from the famous JJ Reddick vs. NBA's best shooter debate, to Mike Tyson vs. baseball bat to the head. (I'll never forgot how funny that was, and I'm sure you remember as well.) He's going to UCLA this fall to study law, but you wouldn't think it was possible if you knew the countless hours he dedicated to all things sports.
Enjoy reading an article written by a man who's almost as lazy as me, which is an accomplishment in and of itself. Thanks Mikey!
Few things in this world get my juices flowing like the NBA draft. Maybe this is because my favorite team, the Clippers, are always somehow involved and I convince myself that this single draft pick will turn around our 30 years of devastation into a championship caliber club. However far fetched this scenario may seem, we do have past drafts to back-up the notion that one pick can change a franchise: Tim Duncan, Michael Jordan, Lebron James and so on. And then there are the huge disappointments: Sam Bowie, Michael Olowakandi, Joe Smith...the list goes on again. This year though, is a little different from the years past. Due to the combination of a very strong and deep draft and the urgency of some teams to either rebuild now or build a contender now, superstars are being shopped at every corner. Draft picks are more valuable than ever. Teams outside the top 15 are eyeing players that will go much earlier and are looking to get into the top 10; but the price is steep.
The Big Trade Discussions:
Other Potential Moves and Rumors:
-Also, besides the Garnett talks, Phoenix is looking to take the #8 pick off of Charlotte's hands and select Brewer. I don't think Marion would be part of this deal, although he has been mentioned in many trade offers. The Suns have a great asset in that they have the Hawks unconditional first round pick next year. That should sound very nice to a lot of teams....especially if the Hawks don't get Amare and are in for another weak season.
-A new rumor has Dallas offering Devin Harris in exchange for the #6 pick. I think the Bucks would have to pull the trigger on this. I also think that Dallas will not win the championship with this team. They'd pick Yi and market him all over the place. I don't think this makes sense for Dallas, but the Bucks should jump at it. He's be a great complement to Redd and Co.
-The Blazers are shopping Randolph and Jack in an attempt to pick up another young player, a high draft pick, or a solid pg. With Oden coming in and Aldridge developing, there isn't much room for Randolph. Personally, I think Randolph will end up in LA and Odom will go to the Blazers. The Blazers would definitely do that, but I don't know if the Lakers would. They're so fucked up right now it's incredible. Kobe has put them in a position where they have to do something. This might be the move. I think it makes them a little better to be honest, but they'd have to add another wing player for the mid-level exception.
I hope the action tomorrow is at least as good as anticipated. Unfortunately, it's more realistic to think that these pussy GMs will back out of every trade on the table. Honestly, how is it possible that only 1 team (Nuggets) made a deal to improve themselves last year at the deadline? Why are these guys so scared? Everyone plays it safe, but they have been taking the heat for it recently. That pressure might make some GMs get off their asses and make some moves to better the ball club. Even if those moves are a little risky. I'd put up a mock draft, but there are already a million out there.
I see Spencer Hawes falling come draft day. I just can't see anyone drafting a big white guy again unless they're European and play outside. He'll be serviceable at best. For the love of God I hope he doesn't fall to the Clips.
Brendan Wright, even though he has all the right key words for the draft (wingspan, potential, length, and young), will fall maybe to the T'wolves at 7 or whoever trades into the 8 spot. Might be a nice steal there.
I can't understand why Julian Wright has been falling on draft boards. He has all the tools and will improve his jump shot as he gets in the gym more. Also, Nick Fazekas is a guy that I think would be a great late-first round pick for teams that already have a big man occupying the post and want to spread the floor. Word is that this guy has hit about 75% from 3-point range in workouts and is a heady player. Could be a nice player coming off the bench for an already good team looking for some outside shooting....even though he is big and white.
Anyways, good luck to all of you and your respective teams. I can only hope that David Stern walks to the microphone and says those words that send a chill down my spine "I have a trade to announce..." at least 5 times tomorrow. And, more importantly for me, I hope someone wakes up Elgin Baylor from nap time so the Clippers don't miss our pick. Godspeed.
Posted by Bob Rohrman at 12:24 AM
Wednesday, June 27, 2007
It looks like Floyd Mayweather Jr. is not done fighting after all. He has announced that he plans to come out of retirement to fight Ricky Hatton. Obviously this a very exciting development for anyone who is a fan of boxing. I could write some analysis and stuff about the potential fight, but I think you'll enjoy it more if I let Pretty Boy Floyd do all the talking. Here's what he had to say about Hatton....
"He has disrespected me and my accomplishments in the ring, and I take that very seriously. I'm going to give him the opportunity to step up and fight the best in the world. I don't think this punk will take the challenge."
"Now that Hatton has opened up his big mouth, he might start to think about what he has been asking for."
"Does he really want to step into the ring with best fighter of this era and embarrass himself? Being the coward that he is, I doubt he'll get in the ring. We'll see what his excuse will be this time."
"He beat an old (Kostya) Tszyu and he beat an old Castillo who was shot. I beat Castillo twice and the first time I did it with one hand because the other was so messed up."
"That was five years ago when Castillo was in his prime. I was retired but I'll sign to fight Hatton right now."
"I've tried to let the things he said about me slide by but now he's 'dissing' me on national TV and I want to shut him up."
"I've never wanted to hurt an opponent like I do Hatton. For me, boxing is a science but it will be a pleasure to prove to the world what a great phoney the guy is."
"Ricky Hatton cannot fight. He cannot box. He throws one punch at a time and then holds. There is no skill to what he does in the ring. He has got zero skills."
"I will beat him all the way back to England."
Pretty Boy Ready to Silence Hatton
Posted by Log at 11:32 AM
I'm not sure if anyone else will give a crap about these but I just finished reading Moneyball and they seemed pretty interesting to me. These are not the five most important stats, in fact some may be completely worthless.
This one most people have heard of already but I thought I would try to explain exactly what it’s quantifying and why it’s so much better than Batting Average. OPS actually stands for “On-base plus slugging” and it is essential measuring the same thing as runs created, just in a much simpler way. The on-base percentage represents the “on-base factor”, while the slugging percentage represents the “advancement factor”. OPS just adds them together instead of multiplying them. OPS is a far better indicator of a players offensive contribution than BA because it takes into consideration most of the statistics that lead to runs, not just hits.
= (Putouts + Assists) / Innings Played
It’s a much better measure of defensive ability than errors, because if you think about it, errors are completely subjective. An error is one person’s opinion of a play made (or not made) on a ball the fielder was able to reach. Range factor takes into account how many balls the fielder was able to reach, thus giving a better indication of their actual contribution to the team.
Created by Bill James, it takes a hitter offensive statistics and uses them to assess how many runs he essentially “created”. It can be summed up by saying it is equal to the product of the on-base factor and the advancement factor divided by the opportunity factor. The actual equation is a little more complicated:
(H+BB–CS+HBP–GIDP)*(TB + (.26*(BB-IBB+HBP)) + (.52*(SH + SF + SB)))
(AB + BB + HBP + SH + SF)
Yikes. How it works I’m not exactly sure, but I trust Bill James because he’s much smarter than me. I did try it out that and it’s pretty accurate. So let's take the hottest hitter in baseball right now, Magglio Ordonez. He created 81 runs for the Tigers as of yesterday. Just how important is that to his team? Let's see what would happen if we switched him with one of the worst right fielders in baseball, the Cubs' Jaque Jones, who has contributed only 19 runs to his team. That's right, 19! In order to find out the effect of the hypothetical switch we need to look at....
Pythagorean Win Expectancy
This much simpler formula attempts to predict how many should have won based on the number of runs they scored and the number of runs they allowed. The theory is that:
Win % = R2 / (R2 + RA2)
Using this we can find out how many wins the Cubs and Tigers would be expected to have if they had the other team's right fielder. I took the difference in run contribution between the two players (62) and added it to the Cubs total and subtracted it from the Tigers total. The result? The Cubs would have won 7 more games because of Magglio and the Tigers would have lost 5 more. Kind of interesting. And now for our last stat...Balls
Mike Lowell........1 (don't laugh he had testicular cancer)
.....just in case anyone was still reading.
Posted by Log at 10:42 AM
Tuesday, June 26, 2007
Here’s how this works. Buzzsaw and I are going to try to accurately predict each of the Lottery picks (the first thirteen picks) in the draft. Keep in mind that this is what I would do if I were the GM of each of these teams; this isn’t necessarily what is being projected. We’re going to bet on this but we haven’t come up with anything good yet. I suggest that the loser has to anal bong a beer but I don’t want to soil a perfectly good beer bong. Leave your suggestions in the comment box.
On to the picks:
1) Portland Trailblazers
Buzz- Greg Oden- This is too easy, you can't teach height (cliche #1) .. look at the other center prospects in this year's draft: Hawes, uhhh Sean Williams (I guess he's a center), Marc Gasol?, AND Aaron Gray. To be thorough, last year's top center prospects were Patrick O'Bryant, Mouhamad Sene, and Hilton Armstrong. The only thing I'm worried about is Portland's team chemistry as Oden's height will make him too easy to spot on the team's off-day bank robberies, but from all accounts Oden is an accomplished wheelman, which should endear him to the fellas.
Biglots- Greg Oden- Except for Bill Simmons, everyone is predicting that the Blazers take Oden. I have to agree with them simply because I see no logical scenario in which Oden doesn’t average at least 20 points, 12 rebounds, and 2 blocks a game for the next fifteen years. However, Oden is still a fuck in my mind after helping to deliver one of the more painful losses any of my teams have ever received in the second round of last year’s NCAA tournament, so I wouldn’t mind if the Blazers passed on him.
2) Seattle Sonics
Buzz- Kevin Durant- Could the Sonics possibly pull a "Houston Texan's" and pass on Kevin Durant, the basketball equivalent to Reggie Bush?? No. The thing about Durant is that he's very long (cliche #2); he's basically Tracy McGrady in Chris Bosh's body (not to be confused with Tracy McGrady in Tracy McGrady's body, because that'd be two inches shorter). Durant will be able to step right in for Rashard Lewis as Seattle's #2 scoring option.
Biglots- Kevin Durant- Anyone suggesting that he should drop out of the top two because he can’t bench press 185 is a complete dumbass. He has the potential to be a multiple MVP winner.
3) Atlanta Hawks
Buzz- Al Horford- I absolutely love the Hawks, for the record. This pick is not necessarily what I think they'll do, but I think regardless of the team that picks in the 3 spot, Horford will be taken (unless some Yi lover like the Lakers does something crazy). Horford is to girth what Durant is to length. Length may be impressive, but girth gets the job done (penis analogy #1). Sadly, the Hawks won't be the team receiving pleasure from Horford's body as they'll be trading this pick for either Garnett, Amare, or Gasol ... or else. Or else I'm going to cry.
Biglots- Al Horford- Continuing the trend of taking players that are exactly like the person they drafted in the year before, the Hawks take Horford. This team needs some luck though. It just seems as if nothing ever goes right for them. Let’s just call it the curse of Jason Collier.
4) Memphis Grizzlies
Buzz- Mike Conley Jr.- This one was really tough, because I really don't feel that Conley should go this soon, and I'm pretty sure the Grizzlies will be trading which means their whole team will change. However, as the team is presently structured, the Grizz have to take Conley. Chuckie Atkins (32 yrs old) and Damon Stoudamire (100 yrs old) are their primary PG's, they DID take Kyle Lowery with their first pick last year, but they clearly will need depth at that position anyway. The only other real option seems to be Joakim Noah but there are reports from Memphis saying Rudy Gay has refused to play with Noah because he couldn't stop giggling when the two were introduced (also because Stromile Swift and Hakim Warrick are basically the same player .. high energy, defensive players).
Biglots- Corey Brewer- I was hoping to find someone ghetto as hell for Memphis to draft but this draft seems to be rather tame. Brewer may be similar to Gay but he is more of a 2 guard while Gay can play the 3. On a side not, everyone always says that the Utah Jazz is the most ridiculous name for a sports franchise considering jazz music is not played anywhere near Utah, however, when was the last time you saw a grizzly bear in Memphis?
5) Boston Celtics
Buzz- Yi Jianlian- Boston will no doubt find that Yi's Asian persuasion is too strong to deny. The city of Boston has had quite the love affair with Asians lately, something I can totally understand. I think we've all gone through phases in which we become infatuated with women from other cultures, mine include Mexicans, Indian, and currently I'm going through a French-Canadian phase (Celine Dion is a cougar I'd love to tame); basically the same principle is true for cities.
Biglots- Yi Jianlian- I absolutely love Jianlian and am really hoping that he falls to the Bulls, however, I don’t see that happening. I think Yi will be a really good player in a couple years but he’s going to need some time to develop. Good thing he’ll be in a place that has low key fans that are patient and understanding.
6) Milwaukee Bucks
Buzz- Joakim Noah- This may be a little surprising to some, as most have the Bucks getting either Wright or Green in this situation, but the Bucks have absolutley no interior defense with Villanueva and Bogut downlow. Noah, despite his homosexual tendencies, is a great defender with a motor (cliche #3).
Biglots- Mike Conley Jr.- The Bucks need a point guard who can distribute better than Mo Williams. However, Conley is an even bigger fuck than Oden because he completely buried Xavier in OT of the aforementioned NCAA tournament game.
7) Minnesota T-Wolves
Buzz- Spencer Hawes- Garnett is gone, the T-Wolves are going to be in complete rebuilding mode, and what better way to rebuild a franchise than by starting with a 7 ft white guy .. they always work out. Minnesota is going to have a lot of extra picks and this will be the only center available to them basically, I'm sure there is someone that thinks he has a chance to be good ... somewhere.
Biglots- Joakim Noah- This is more of a hopeful pick. Noah is a complete douchebag and I don’t want him anywhere near the Bulls’ roster. Plus he’s just another big with no offense game so it would make zero sense for the Bulls to draft him but apparently if he’s available they’ll take him. Anyways, Noah would at least bring some energy to the Wolves which is something Garnett would love (if he’s still around).
8) Charlotte Bobcats
Buzz- Brandan Wright- This might have been easier than picking Oden #1. For this pick I looked at the UNC roster, figured out who declared themselves eligible, and decided who was the best. Luckily for Charlotte Wright is still available because picking Reyshawn Terry might have been a stretch.
Biglots- Brandan Wright- The Bobcats love drafting players from successful colleges and Wright fits right in. He’s very similar to Sean May but May could be headed out the door. In reality, it’s the Bobcats so no one really cares who they take.
Biglots- Spencer Hawes- The Bulls desperately need low post scoring and Hawes is the best post player in the draft apparently. In my mind, this is a complete waste of a pick because Hawes is a marginal upgrade over P.J. Brown if at all. I’m hoping they reach and take Al Thornton who is an absolute beast, or trade for a veteran. Thornton won’t happen because he’s undersized and they won’t trade for a veteran because they don’t want to break up the core of the lineup. The window of opportunity is closing in the East. Eventually, the Cavs are going to pick up a halfway decent player to play alongside LeBron and once they do, it’s going to be lights out for everyone else. This is the year that the Bulls have to make a run at it and Hawes is not going to help that cause.
10) Sacramento Kings
Buzz- Jeff Green- This is an extremely boring player and team ... I'm trying to trim this article.
Biglots- Jeff Green- Green is projected to go higher than this but I think he’s a little overrated. That’s all I’ve got.
11) Atlanta Hawks
Buzz- Corey Brewer- He's 6-8, he's a swingman, he's a Hawk. Actually I've realized I've pretty much screwed myself dropping him this far, the Hawks would be forced to trade this pick, too many teams will want him.
Biglots- Acie Law IV- Easiest pick in the draft besides the first two. The Hawks are supposedly ready to make the leap this year and Law is more ready than Crittenton. They desperately need a point guard and if they take anyone else then they are even more incompetent then we thought. For comedy’s sake though, let’s hope they take Julian Wright and continue towards the dream of playing five small forwards at the exact same time.
12) Philadelphia 76ers
Buzz- Javaris Crittenton- People seem to think that Thornton is the unanimous choice here, but Andre Miller is getting old, and there are talks that he's being traded. Crittenton is young and can learn under Miller.
Biglots- Al Thornton- I look forward to Thornton viciously dunking over Hawes multiple times in the near future.
13) New Orleans Hornets
Buzz- Thaddeus Young- His stock is rising as much as anyone's in the draft, the Hornets need a slasher to go along with Peja spot up shooting and West/Chandler down low. This might also be Thornton if available. That's it, none of this will matter because this might be the most ridiculous draft ever in terms of trades. People are saying it's one of the deepest drafts which are leading teams to think it's more safe to trade their centerpieces and begin rebuilding.
Biglots- Nick Young- The Hornets are still a pretty young team and could definitely make the playoffs next year with a solid contribution from the 2. Anything is better than Peja at this point.
Alright, that’s it, these are my picks. We will see what happens on Thursday night and hopefully there will be no pictures tagged of me on facebook with a beer bong sticking out of my ass.
Posted by Buzzsaw at 7:45 PM
You've seen the recent commercials and Sportscenter segments-- the ESPYs are near. This year, Jimmy Kimmel and Lebron (LeBron??) are hosting, which should make things rather interesting. Everyone knows all of the different awards: Best Male Athlete, Best Female Athlete, Best Moment, Best Finish, yada yada yada. Those ones are boring, so I'm going to let you in on the awards that didn't quite make the final cut in the ESPN executive idea room.
Best Choke Job
The runners up:
- Troy Smith, Ohio State (vs. Florida)- The Heisman Trophy winner had a rough time in the National Championship Game versus the Gators, going 4/14 passing with only 35 yards and an interception. Fun year for Ohio State fans. “Always the bridesmaid, never the bride.”
- Detroit Tigers (vs. St. Louis Cardinals)- No one in particular to blame here—Sean Casey (.529), Carlos Guillen (.353), and Brandon Inge (.353) were the only Tigers to bat better than .200 in the series. Magglio Ordonez (.105), Pudge (.158), and Curtis Granderson (.095) all probably had something to do with it, though. Plus, how do you lose to the Cardinals? Pathetic.
- Others worth mentioning:
Reche Caldwell, his hands, and his bug eyes in the AFC Championship Game against the Colts; Phil Mickelson at the ’06 US Open (even though it was more than a year ago, Phil’s “I’m Keith Hernandez” moment still shines bright).
And the ESPY goes to:
Dirk Nowitzki, Dallas Mavericks (Game 6 vs. the Golden State Warriors)- 2/13 from the field. 0/6 beyond the three-point arc. 8 points, 10 rebounds in a 25 point loss with the season on the line by the league’s Most Valuable Player. I’m not even sure how Dirk hoisted those 13 shots with those hands around his neck.
Best Chance of Serving 5-10 in a Maximum Security Prison
The runners up:
- Pacman Jones, Tennessee Titans- At some point, the argument shifts from “Pacman is just hanging out with the wrong crowd” to “The crowd is hanging out with the wrong Pacman.”
- Chris Henry, Cincinnati Bengals- When kids that live in Cincinnati get bottles thrown at them and beat up, blame a Cincinnati Bengal, and most everyone believes it, there is a problem.
- Tank Johnson, Chicago Bears- He was just released by the Bears on Monday. If I’m the Bears owner, I get a restraining order. Maybe that’s just me.
- Others worth mentioning:
The problem with this award is that you feel like you left some guys out if you don’t mention them. Cleaning up the rest of the mess, we’ve got Stephen Jackson, Golden State Warriors; Floyd Mayweather, just because; and Albert Haynesworth, Tennessee Titans. Note: I also feel bad not mentioning Sean Taylor of the Redskins, but he hasn’t really done anything yet. Just wait.
And the ESPY goes to:Mike Vick, Atlanta Falcons: (Insert bad dog-fighting joke here).
Best Job by the Media of Driving a Story into the Ground
The runners up:
- The Super Bowl in regards to Tony Dungy and Lovie Smith- Did you know this is the first time an African-American coach made it to the Super Bowl? And there’s two of them!
- Kobe Bryant wants out- Maybe too early to gauge the severity, but it’s been grueling.
- Barry Bonds/Jason Giambi/Steroids- It just hurts.
- Barbaro- Just trust me on this link. Scroll down to the part about the woman modeling her dancing movements after Barbaro. That's pretty normal.
And the ESPY goes to:Rocket Roger Clemens’ comeback- Yeah. We get it. Clemens is going to pitch about 6 innings per game as the Yankees are still just a mediocre baseball team. Please don’t air his minor league start vs. the Red Sox farm team on ESPN2 when you’re already being merciless enough by showing Red Sox-Yankees on regular ESPN. One is enough.
Best and Most Shocking Quote
- Joakim Noah, Florida Gators (upon winning the SEC Championship Game)- “When we win, everybody eats. That's our motto. Everybody eats.” I am pretty sure we still have the Noah dance on “Save Until Manually Erased” status on our DVR at school. We have probably watched and analyzed nearly 50 times.
- Gary Sheffield, Detroit Tigers on Latin players in baseball- “I called it years ago. What I called is that you're going to see more black faces, but there ain't no English going to be coming out. … [It's about] being able to tell [Latin players] what to do -- being able to control them.” Sheffield actually goes on to suggest that there are black players that are sitting at home that can outplay a lot of the Latins. Wow.
- Ichiro Suzuki, Seattle Mariners on his first matchup with Daisuke Matsuzaka in the states- “I hope he arouses the fire that's dormant in the innermost recesses of my soul. I plan to face him with the zeal of a challenger.” Ichiro went 0-for-5. So much for arousing dormant fire.
- Others worth mentioning:
Floyd Mayweather and everything that came out of his mouth on the HBO On Demand special leading up to the Oscar fight, most notably “My name is Floyd, I make it rain” while tossing bills at the camera; Ichiro, again, this time saying “If I ever saw myself saying I'm excited going to Cleveland, I'd punch myself in the face, because I'm lying.” I was just at Lake Erie last night. I guess it wasn’t that bad.
And the ESPY goes to:
Clinton Portis, Washington Redskins- “I don't know if he was fighting dogs or not, but it's his property, it's his dog. If that's what he wants to do, do it. I think people should mind their business.” When told that dog fighting is a felony, Portis replied, “It can't be too bad of a crime.” He goes on saying “I know a lot of back roads that have the dog fighting if you want to go see it.” After this one, I’m guessing Roger Goodell has him on a leash. Haha! Get it! A leash!
If you won’t be able to watch the real July 15th airing, hopefully that covered your ESPY quota for the year. Feel free to leave comments regarding stories that you think should be on here and even other categories.
Leading Candidate for the 2007 Darwin Awards. Don't worry there's still time to vote.
Kobe Clears up Any Trade Rumors. He really had us going for awhile.
Things are a little different in Tennessee. And you thought your parents were mean.
A Brief History of Swear Words. For your education today.
Posted by Log at 8:04 AM
Monday, June 25, 2007
I just want to mention that I realized the gayness of the article title almost instantly after I finished typing the 's' on the end of briefs. I was tempted to take it down as no one would have known, but I decided to leave it. If anyone read it and thought to himself/herself "hey, that was pretty clever", you are gay too. Side note on the himself/herself usage in the last sentence: I don't know if one woman has ever voluntarily/intentionally visisted this site, but I'll still be gender sensitive.
Now that I've wasted 15-30 seconds of your life depending on your WPM (words per minute) reading speed, continue on to waste 120-240 seconds more.
Response to comments posted by Gee, who said: "ive read the comments by you guys and wonder what way your TV's are facing when watching the fights? before the tyzu fight he was pound for pound rated best in the world and was taken apart by Hatton. same for castillo. as for castillo over the hill thats a joke he was just well beaten, what you want Hatton to do stand back and let him fight? id take Hatton against any fighter in his divisions including Mayweather but he wont fight Hatton, too high tempo and needs to rest on the ropes at times and he would get badly beaten up doing that. Hatto, Calzaghe you all want to put them down but unfortunately no big names will fight them as they all run scared.
1. Kostya was 35 years old when Hatton fought him. He may have been considered the best pound for pound going into the fight, but it would be insane to suggest he was fighting anywhere near his prime. Hatton’s win was impressive, but it needs back-up. Hatton wasn’t able to prove anything because Castillo was done before the fight started. He said it was one of his toughest fights of all time, and if that’s the case he still has something to prove.
2. I'll say it again; Castillo was shot. You could tell 30 seconds into the fight. He was slow and dried up. The man wasn’t sweating until the end of the 2nd round. He couldn’t make weight a year ago and was banned from fighting under 140lbs. His last fight was an unimpressive victory that was blamed on his time away from the ring! Believe what you want, but the Castillo we saw two nights ago wasn’t the same man who battled Mayweather, Corralles, and Johnston. Again, I don’t know how that can be disputed; all one has to do is watch Castillo’s old fights.
3. Your assertion that the “best” in the world are running scared from Hatton and Calzaghe is also off base. Mayweather and other big names in the division won’t fight the Brits because there’s not enough money to make it worthwhile. Now, I know that might not be as true for Hatton anymore, but before his last couple of fights it certainly was. Calzaghe’s last fight was against Peter Manfredo, winner of The Contender. If he is 43-0, and his last opponent won a reality TV show in the States, how am I expected to be anything but cynical? That's like me saying I'm 43-0 in my local basketball league, only for you to find out I'm playing at the YMCA against 10 yr old kids who are "special". (I’m 23 years old and only 50% of the population would consider me “special”.) A bit of an exaggeration, but I think you get the point.
4. I don’t have an opinion on Hatton because I haven’t seen enough of him. However, I don’t think anyone is running scared from him. If the money is right, I am sure Cotto, Margurito, Sugar Shane, and a host of others will gladly accept a fight. Just be careful what you wish for as Buzzaw mentioned. Hatton would have trouble dealing with the speed if he jumped to Welterweight. He’s a brawler, but that won’t work against someone like Pretty Boy. Hatton doesn’t move his head and keeps plowing forward. The fight just might turn into target practice for Floyd. Someone like Cotto or Margurito would be better for him, but I’ve seen him look suspect after some marginal shots at light welterweight. Once again, I’m not sure, but he might want to consider staying at 140lbs.
Put these in your favorites so that you have more shit to keep you distracted at work. They all work pretty well for me. Logan, that comic is speaking to you.
The two best boxing links I have found on the internet so far are listed below. Boxing Scene uses something called Compubox which caluculates punch totals and allows observers to really look at the numbers after a fight. (I know Log will love this one! He is the resident "Stat Man") Boxrec is nice as it allows for you to search by name and find any boxer that fought before 200 B.C.. Their database is unreal.
My buddy from California gave me a cool basketball link. A lot of NBA news to be found. I especially like the team salaries link on the page. Take a look at what Isiah and the Knicks owner have done spending wise. They are the biggest disgrace to business management in the last 100 years. The guy who invented the pet rock might have more brains.....no, I don't have mine anymore, I gave Theo away.
Two cool statistical type sites for the NFL and MLB. I'll also link the ProFootball Talk page, but I think everyone should have that bookmarked by now.
I still like gambling. The WSOP is going on right now and the new main event, the 50k HORSE tournament is running over the next few days.
I'll end another one of my ridiculously long articles on a serious note. The number of injured vets returning from During the 04' election, both candidates suggested that something needed to be done about our Veteran health care system; especially for those just getting back from the
During the 04' election, both candidates suggested that something needed to be done about our Veteran health care system; especially for those just getting back from the
These are the men and women fighting to protect us and spread democracy around the world. Regardless of what side of the fence we all sit on, it is important that we never diminish their efforts through our own apathy. Sit back, even for a moment, and remember what these people are doing. I've taken their courage, altruism, and devotion too lightly for far too long. Love or hate the politicians who sent them over, but thank the people who are doing the job!
That's all for now.
Posted by Bob Rohrman at 10:57 PM