Friday, September 7, 2007

Has Pronk Finally Awoken From His Slumber?


It’s safe to say that Travis Hafner hasn’t been fulfilling his expectations for this season, consider last year’s numbers (.308, 42 HR, 117 RBIs, and an OPS of 1.098).

However, he may be turning things around. Lets look at his last seven games (where the Indians are 5-2):

AB

R

H

2B

HR

RBI

BB

3

1

1

1

0

0

1

3

2

2

1

0

1

2

4

2

2

0

2

4

1

5

0

1

1

0

1

0

3

0

1

0

0

0

1

4

0

1

1

0

2

0

2

1

1

0

0

0

1

24

6

9

4

2

8

6

Hafner has been batting .375 and his on-base percentage is .625. He also had the game-winning sac fly in the September 4th game at Minnesota. It looks like things may finally be turning around for him in a season where he’s batting .260, has an OBP of .398, only 21 homers, and whenever he steps up to the plate, every fan in Jacobs’ Field knows he’s striking out (97 strikeouts this year-- which may not really be all that bad, but is magnified when the rest of his numbers aren’t great).

Now that I say all of this, he will probably crawl back in his hole and disappear for the rest of September and however much of October the Indians get to play. Let’s assume they’ll make it to the Series and blow it. His recent emergence is great; the home runs, RBIs, etc-- all awesome. But the best thing about Pronk? He's clearly named after his penis.

Hey, somebody had to say it.

Don't Choose the 'I'll Break Your Freaking Arm' Difficulty

This is a Sammich article, posted by Buzzsaw ... to confuse you
(I took some liberties with the title)

Not having internet for the past week has really opened my mind to realize that I can't actually function without it. Peanut butter and internet. One cannot survive for more than 2 weeks without both of them. I was down to my last seven days but don't worry I made it.

When I lose in a video game I usually become emotionally depressed for a few hours, sometimes days. However the fine technologically advanced country known as "Japan" has invented a game that punishes its gamers. In the popular game "Arm Spirit," nerds arm wrestle a machine. I can't even win a regular arm wrestling match let alone one versus a fucking machine.

This hit game has decided to break its' opponents arms. Three of them. Some poor little kid just wanted to go have a ball at Chuckie Cheeses but he came home with a broken arm.

The machine isn't that strong, much less so than a muscular man. Even women should be able to beat it," said Atlus spokeswoman Ayano Sakiyama, calling the recall "a precaution.

Arm Spirit

Thursday, September 6, 2007

Weekend Betting Preview: NFL Edition


Alright, as you may have already guessed, we’ll be doing the same betting previews for the NFL as we are for the NCAA. Loser at the end of the year does an anal bong … let’s bully.

I’ll be taking the Rams +1 over the Panthers as my first pick in this series, let’s hope this goes better than my first NCAA pick. The Carolina defense is the key to this bet for me. They are not the same unit as they have been over the last few years. Their defensive line and linebackers are all back, with Dan Morgan and Mike Rucker’s return, but they are old. Mike Rucker is coming back from an ACL surgery which will surely affect him this season. Odds are that Dan Morgan will leave with a concussion in this game, opening up a spot for rookie Jon “Big Bease” Beason (skeet skeet). The real advantage for the Rams comes thanks to the Panther secondary. Their CBs are only average, and they have to replace both safeties. The biggest loss is of Mike Minter, the Panther career leader in tackles. The replacements at safety are Chris Harris and Deke Cooper. Harris had a few starts for the Bears the last couple seasons, but he was not Chicago’s first option. Cooper is 30 years old, and only played in one game last year (from ND, woo woo). Actually, he played for more teams in 2006 than he did games. Torry Holt, Ike Bruce, Drew Bennett, Randy McMichael, etc, will kill these guys.

Delhomme is coming off of his worst season ever, he threw 17 TDs to 11 INTs, which aren’t bad numbers, but are bad for a game managing type quarterback. He only threw for 2805 yards, or only 55 yards more than Brad Johnson … depending on how you judge shitty quarterback play. The fact that the Panthers brought David Carr in will only complicates matters since Delhomme will be looking over his shoulder all season. He has possibly the top WR in the NFL, but still sucks. It goes without saying that Steve Smith will shit on anyone, but they have no other real receiving threats, Drew Carter is their number two and Jeff King (I have no clue who that is) at tight end … that’s a joke.

Carolina’s running back situation is definitely better than their passing. They’ve got DeShaun Foster and DeAngelo Williams splitting carries; I don’t know why they don’t just break Foster’s leg now to save everyone the trouble but when that happens, DeAngelo will be great. However, the football prospectus guys ranked Carolina as only the 24th best O-Line in run blocking (as compared to 6th for STL), so it could be a tough season for either back.

I think everyone loves the Rams offense. I’m not the biggest fan of Mark Bulger, but I absolutely love Torry Holt and Steven Jackson. No one is more consistent than those two guys. This offense, ranked sixth in the league last year, might have improved with the additions of Drew Bennett and Randy McMichael. Basically, you know what you’re getting from the Rams, a great offense and a suspect defense. One change I do like with the defense is their draft pick, Adam Carriker, who, from all accounts, has been a stud throughout the preseason. In conclusion, I like this machine of an offense indoors against a methodical offense and a defense with a suspect secondary.

St. Louis -1 over Carolina






The Rest:

Buzzsaw:
St. Louis +1 v Carolina
Washington -3 v Miami (FL)

Biglots:
Cowboys -6 v New York
Houston -3 v Kansas City

Guy:

Cleveland +4.5 v Pittsburgh
Denver -3 @ Buffalo

Sammich:

Denver -3 @ Buffalo
St. Louis -1 v Carolina



Weekend Betting Preview: College Football Edition


Alright, last week didn’t work out so well, but the first week is a crapshoot. The second week is also pretty much a crapshoot, but I’m feeling pretty good about this play based on the results from last week as well as last year.

The game is Navy versus Rutgers on Friday night in New Jersey. These teams met last year when Rutgers shutout Navy, 34-0. Rutgers’ offense is even better than last year. They return seven starters from the team that averaged 30 ppg, including returning Heisman hopeful, Ray Rice. The line in front of Rice is also very experienced, they lost two starters, but gained Anthony Davis, the #7 ranked offensive lineman in the nation out of high school, Rutgers’ most highly touted recruit ever.

Last year, despite leading a high scoring offense, QB Mike Teel was a liability. There is no excuse for throwing 13 INTs to only 12 TDs when you have one of the best running backs in the country in your backfield. However, Teel is now a junior and should do a better job managing the game. You can’t take much from their game versus Buffalo, but Teel was awesome throwing for 328 yards and 2 TDs, most of which to (Heisman front runner) Tiquan Underwood. Though Navy’s defense is a little bit better than Buffalo’s, I expect Rutgers to carry the offensive momentum from that game with them into this contest with Navy.

Navy’s defense is absolutely awful. They return only 3 starters from a unit that gave up 20 ppg, that number isn’t bad, but is way worse when you realize that they were playing teams like Massachusetts, Temple, Tulsa, etc. Not to mention the fact that Rutgers scored 34 on them. They allowed Temple to score 19 pts last week, so, when you multiply that by how many times better Rutgers offense is than Temple … let me think … OK, Rutgers should score 200 pts.

In contrast to their defense, Navy’s offense returns seven starters, including four of their top five rushers, which is huge in an option offense. You may have stopped reading because Navy got shutout in this same spot last year, and you’d be justified, I was cautious about even playing before I looked deeper. I realized that Navy’s starting QB was injured on the second series of the game last year. 'Playing' in an option offense in high school, I know how important repetitions are for the offense’s success. The offense clearly had no rhythm the entire game, and it showed in the score. Navy only rushed for 113 yards in that game, over 200 yards less than their average of 350 rushing ypg. I was shocked to see they got shutout last year when I was looking into this game, but there is no way that will happen again, barring injury, the option attack is too difficult to stop. I actually think this veteran Navy offense has an outside chance of shocking everyone and winning this game SU, but I’m not gonna go crazy.

The Rutgers defense is actually pretty decent. Their strength is in their defensive line, which actually doesn’t concern me since the option offense forces linebackers and safeties to make stops. Most plays option off of a defensive lineman that is left free, so, they run the plays based on which choice that lineman makes … thus neutralizing them. Rutgers’ weakness is in their linebacking corps. They lost Devraun Thompson and Quintero Frierson, two of their top three tacklers, inexperience at linebacker will kill them against the option. Soooo, I’m taking (this is an awful number, you can get it at 48, but we use wagerline.com to keep the numbers consistent for the contest):


Rutgers/Navy Over 49.5



The Rest of the Plays:

Buzzsaw (1-4)

Rutgers/Navy Over 49.5
TCU/Texas Under 44.5
Miami (FL) +10.5 @ Oklahoma

Biglots (5-0)

Louisville -39.5 v Middle Tennessee State
UCLA -7 v BYU

Alabama -3.5 @ Vandy

Guy (3-2)

Oregon +8.5 @ Michigan
Washington +3 v. Boise St.
Auburn -6.5 v. South Florida

Sammich (2-3)

UCLA -7 v BYU
Florida -25.5 v Troy
Indiana +1 @ Western Michigan

The Bluff City Miracle

You know how everyone thinks that they suffered the unluckiest loss ever when it comes to gambling on sports? You hear stories of some piece of shit throwing a pick with two minutes to go or some liquored up idiot kicker missing the game winning field goal. Well, this weekend marks the rematch of my worst loss ever. Let me set the stage for everyone. As some of us know, Buzzsaw has a little bit of a gambling problem and one night he was informing everyone about how great Arkansas St. was because they had won him some bet. He then proceeded to guarentee that they would win the next day at Memphis. I, knowing nothing of either team, thought that there was no chance for Arkansas St. so I slapped down 40 on Memphis. Needless to say, this garbage game was not televised so we were reduced to following it on Gamecast. I'll spare everyone the details of the game and jump straight to the ending. ASU was facing third and ten on their own 47 yard line with six seconds to go in the game. I think you know what's coming next. Imagine how I felt when Gamecast updated with the message: 53 yard TOUCHDOWN! Game Over. I gasped, Buzzsaw laughed and then I punched him in the face.

No I didn't punch him in the face but I wanted to. I think I just threw a pillow or something gay like that. Anyways, it was complete bullshit. Here's a video of the "Bluff City Miracle" so you can see just how ridiculous it was. The play is 25 seconds into the video.



To quote Tom Jackson and Chris Berman: "JUST KNOCK IT DOWN!" Assholes. Anyways, this Saturday at 7 PM, Arkansas St. will host Memphis. There's no way Memphis can lose to them twice in a row. Any takers?

When Will People Learn to Not Go Into the OB Talkin’ That Smack?

This weekend marks the long awaited matchup between perennial powerhouses Oklahoma and Miami (FL … in case you’re a dumbass). Fans have been waiting for nearly twenty years for the rekindling of this rivalry. In twenty years, you’d think that each school would have grown somewhat apathetic to the other, but you’d be wrong. An Oklahoma fan got the trash-talking started in a big way by attending Miami’s ritual sacrifice against Marshall wearing an Oklahoma jersey; the togetherness shown by the Miami fans is truly remarkable.

Wednesday, September 5, 2007

Lowsman Watch: Week 1

Anyone can do a Heisman watch, including us, but how hard is it to pick the best player in the country? Answer, really easy, it’s Tiquan Underwood. It takes much more effort to find the worst player in the country; luckily for everyone, I’m a very hard worker. Throughout the season, we’ll be updating our Lowsman Watch … pause to appreciate the pun … in hopes of determining the worst player in the nation. On December 7th, the day before the Heisman ceremony, the top 5 candidates will be invited to my apartment for the award ceremony. The event will be televised on YouTube sports. Here are the rankings from week 1, let’s bully.

1) Michael Henig, QB, Mississippi State: 11/28, 120 yards, 0 TDs, 6 INTS

This might have been one of the worst quarterback performances I’ve ever seen. Sure, he was going against LSU, one of the best defenses in college football, but that’s no excuse for throwing six interceptions. Colt Brennan probably won’t have 6 INTs all year. I found out this little nugget, using mathematics, Henig’s six interceptions were returned for 120 yards, matching his total yards passing. That’s a difficult thing to do, and I’m going to go ahead and say he’s the only person to throw exactly as many yards to the other team as he did his own.


2) Shawn Crable, LB, Michigan: 10 tackles, 1 sack, 3 TFL, 1 missed block

His numbers are great, and, as Sammich pointed out, he’s a scary mother fucker, but he’s not the most intelligent player on the Michigan team. I can’t imagine how many times they practiced it, but for some reason Crable forgot that he was supposed to take the guy inside him on field goal block. Crable was the guy who allowed the Appalachian State defender a free pass to block the game winning field goal try. It was pretty obvious. So long as Crable is losing games for Michigan, we’ll leave the light on for him.

3) Jameel Sewell, QB, Virginia: 11/23, 87 yards, 0 TDs, 2 INTs; 5 rushes, -6 yards

I’m going to leave a spot open for the player that single handedly loses me the most money. So far, that man is Jameel Sewell, the super athletic UVA quarterback. He was a complete piece of shit against Wyoming. Under 100 yards passing? Fine. Two interceptions? Ok, I can handle it, but -6 yards rushing? You’re a black multi-purpose quarterback Jameel, run you asshole.


4) Paul Duncan, OL, Notre Dame: 0 rec, 0 yards, 0 rushes, 0 yards

I had to pick someone from Notre Dame’s line for this list, I decided to choose Duncan, but everyone probably deserves it. I apologize to Sam Young, Dan Wenger, John Sullivan, and Mike Turkovich; you were all deserving but I could only pick one. I choose Duncan because of one play, which Blue-Gray Sky notes, “he was just off-balance and fell down without touching anyone.” I would love to see a video of that [Update: Thanks to Loy for the video, it's the second sack]. The unit gave up 9 sacks, and was responsible for Notre Dame totaling NEGATIVE 8 yards on 41 carries. Paul, you and your teammates are ruining my semester.

5) Lionell Singleton, WR/KR, Florida International: 1 rec, 22 yards, 3 fumbles

I hesitate to put Singleton on this list, because God knows FIU players will throw down anywhere. If they come into the OB talking that smack, I doubt they’ll hesitate to enter Clover Ridge Apartments to kick that ass. My journalistic integrity overrides my fear though, and I’m including him. Singleton touched the ball nine times and fumbled it three times, god he’s awful. Suck it Lionell, you’re my bitch, I’m not afraid of you or your dawgs… BRING IT.


Also See: Week 2

B-Easy Thinks Highly of Himself


After visiting the Official Website of Braylon Edwards, I can’t get enough of watching the intro to the site. Make sure you have your sound on-- the “B-Easy” tune by DJ Joey Fingaz is off the hook (or something?).

Braylon has proclaimed, “I’m back.” I’m not exactly sure where he went, or if he had ever even arrived to Cleveland for that matter. All I remember is his holdout his rookie year, his subsequent non-stop talking to the media and yelling at Charlie Frye his second season, and his abysmal performance to go right along with it.

The best part? He actually had to make up a situation where he did something good:

Pittsburgh 24, Cleveland 20. It’s the fourth quarter. 4th and 25. Ball on the Cleveland 32 yard line. The play clock is ticking, 4 seconds, 3, 2…

And Braylon streaks down the field for a 68 yard touchdown, all the while throwing a Steeler corner to the ground!

Talk about the most generic “hero that saves the game” scenario possible. It’s a situation in which a young selfish and immature high school wide receiver would dream about.

But then again, that’s pretty much what Braylon is.

[BraylonEdwards.com]


Thanks to a retired blogger for the tip.

Hands off Limas’ Weed


Since the Texas Longhorns won the BCS Championship game on January 4, 2006, there have been eight current or recently graduated players arrested for various charges. To fight the problem, Mack Brown instituted a ‘zero tolerance’ policy regarding any University of Texas player arrest. Sergio Kindle and Henry Melton have already fallen victim to Brown’s new policy.

Obviously, this policy cannot continue. If you want to be a top college football program, you’re going to have to turn the other cheek on a few indiscretions throughout the year. You might think that Brown would have to drop the policy in order to avoid suspending the entire team, but you’d be underestimating the power of football in Texas. Somehow, Brown managed to have the Texas legislature pass HB 2391. HB 2391 allows for police to give tickets to, rather than arrest, people for certain infractions; such as, criminal mischief, theft, and possession of up to 4 oz. of marijuana. In short, it just got a lot harder to get arrested. There's no proof that Brown played an active role in getting this bill passed, but there is no doubt he's a staunch supporter.

Getting caught with 4 oz. and less of weed will now only be punished with what amounts to a parking ticket. I’m not sure how any school will be able to compete with Texas for the top recruits in the country now that this law has passed. At Notre Dame, you get suspended from school for a semester for having weed in your car, just ask Kyle McAlarney. The law just went into effect September 1st, and might help to explain Texas' uninspired play against Arkansas State (they only won 21-13).

Austin Chronicle

ESPN.com

Tuesday, September 4, 2007

Heisman Watch

Preseason rankings are ruining college football. It’s nearly impossible for a team ranked out, or even in the bottom half, of the top 25 to win the national championship … just ask Auburn (Jason Campbell deserved better). This will once again be proven true by Michigan’s imminent inclusion in the latest polls ['receiving votes' counts], to be released today. Well, the preseason polls are not the only unjust rankings that negatively affect otherwise deserving candidates, the preseason Heisman rankings do the same thing. We’re here to correct the system, to wrestle power from the man, and reestablish the glory of the Heisman Trophy. For the rest of the season we’ll be ranking the candidates based on performance, rather than previous accomplishments, manufactured hype, and dashing good looks. Let's bully.

Week 1

1) Tiquan Underwood, Rutgers: 10 rec, 248 yards, 2 TDs

I’d like to introduce you to your Heisman front-runner. Underwood nearly matched his season total from a year ago in one game. That’s tough to do. I don’t think I’m ever going to put Ray Rice on this list, because everything he does should be directly attributed to Underwood. People would be crazy to think it was the other way around.

2) Colt Brennan, Hawaii: 34/40, 416 yards, 6 TDs, 0 INTs

Those stats are from one half. It’s pretty much impossible to be more efficient than Brennan. I don’t like that people regard Brennan as a Heisman candidate just because he’s actually respected by NFL scouts, when other system quarterbacks have gotten no respect. Clearly, judging by the success of former Heisman winners (Eric Crouch, I’m talking to you), NFL readiness doesn’t effect a player's Heisman prospects. Plenty of system quarterbacks have had overwhelmingly superior numbers to their counterparts yet weren’t even invited to New York. However, I’m of the belief that these players should be considered, so I can’t fault Brennan for being the best of the bunch, but I’m putting you on notice right now Colt … Graham Harrell is nipping at your heels.

3) Tashard Choice, Georgia Tech: 26 rushes, 196 yards, 2 TDs

This was a pretty easy choice (BOOM!), I saw this with my own eyes, nothing can convince me that Choice isn’t the best tailback in the history of college football. Choice quietly led the ACC in rushing last year, and if this continues, may lead the nation this season. So long as defenses refuse to believe that GT is running when Choice lines up at quarterback, he won’t be stopped.

4) Marlon Lucky, Nebraska: 30 rushes, 233 Yards, 4 TDs (including 1 receiving)

Luck has nothing to do with Marlon’s inclusion on this list (nice). His 233 yards were more than any Nebraska running back since Jammal Lord in 2002. He didn’t even play in the 4th quarter of their game against Nevada. Nebraska has clearly not missed a beat since losing Brandon Jackson, Green Bay's new starting running back. The emergence of Sam Keller at quarterback should only increase Lucky’s numbers, as Keller did not play well in his first game at Nebraska.

5) James Davis, Clemson: 18 rushes, 102 yards, 1 TD

I tried to add people who actually played decent competition, but Davis was the only player that really stuck out. His TD run was absolutely awesome, and, since it was on national TV, it gets him on the Heisman watch list. Note to self: Don’t bet against Clemson @ Clemson.

6) Brian Brohm, Louisville: 16/25, 375 yards, 4 TDs, 0 INTs, 289.05 QB rating

Somehow Brian Brohm beat out Colt Brennan in “QB Rating” clearly the most confusing stat in football. I look forward to Logan’s column about the rating, but I refuse to believe Brohm had a better game than Colt. The only thing I can think of is that he averaged more yards per completion. Anyway, Brohm’s march to the number one pick, back in Bobby Petriono's loving arms, started out pretty well.

7) Dorien Bryant, Purdue: 2 KO Returns, 151 yards, 1 TD

I'll leave a spot open each week for an all-purpose type player. To this point, I’ve got to give the nod to Dorien Bryant. This was a difficult decision, considering DeSean Jackson’s unbelievable punt return against Tennessee, but Bryant had two great kick returns against pretty good competition in Toledo. This should be a tight race with the NCAA’s new rule change which moved kickoffs back 5 yards. Right now Bryant is in the lead, but I expect someone to separate themselves from the pack shortly. Bryant is going to absolutely rape Notre Dame, can’t wait.

8) Sam Bradford, Oklahoma: 21/23, 363 yards, 3 TDs, 0 INTs

This is the feel good story of these rankings; Bradford avoided all of the temptations that Oklahoma quarterbacks face and rose up to dominate North Texas. Instead of selling cars, Bradford was preparing for the season this summer, and all his work has paid off. We may have another Josh Heupel on our hands, in fact, Heupel is his quarterbacks coach. Get used to Bradford’s name in these rankings.

9) James Hardy, Indiana: 3 rec, 153 yards, 2 TDs

Hardy might be a legit candidate even for ESPN's talking heads. He’s had 10 TDs in each of his last two seasons, and he’s off to a pretty good start this year. So long as he’s averaging 50 yards per reception, we’ll leave him a spot on the list. Luckily for Hardy, these rankings don't take home attendance into account, he might have been screwed.

10) Graham Harrell, Texas Tech: 44/59, 419 yards, 4 TDs, 0 INTs

Harrell is the first big quarterback recruit Leach has wrangled into Texas Tech. He was the 16th ranked quarterback coming out of high school. In week one they played SMU which is actually a pretty decent team. Texas Tech was actually only an 8.5pt favorite in this game, but Harrell’s offense blew them out of the water, 49-9. I love system quarterbacks.

Photos from ESPN, ESPN, and ESPN

Top 5 Real Men

This is contributed by Sammich. His internet isn't working, so I'm just posting it for him. Enjoy.


DISCLAIMER- At times during this rant you may think I am batting left handed but I can assure you I am straighter than Mike Piazza.

I am not talking about practice, I am talking about giant freaks that need some recognition. These guys might not be the best at what they do, but you will be scared to tell them that to their faces. Let's just get right into it...

#5 Shawn Crable

Okay this really pains me to do this but....


...Sorry Brady. Well Crable was born a day after Christmas and I'm guessing that wasn't a mistake. He is a 6'5, 245 pound linebacker with the speed of a corner back. As seen above, he clearly did not sack Quinn because Brady is too good looking to get sacked, but he is just tea bagging the clearly anguished QB. That would really hurt. Crable has turned into a leader on the fairly new Michigan defense and it looks as if he will have to do most of the work himself. Shawny boy will intercept at least 4 passes, earn 8 sacks, and kill 2 humans in '07.

#4 DJ Mbenga Who? DJ Mbenga

He can't speak English. He can't really play basketball. He has no reason to be on the court whatsoever. Sounds like a Mark Cuban kind of guy. Only put in the game to commit hard fouls, DJ Mbenga is the biggest man I have ever seen. I am pretty sure he was raised in the Congo by rabid apes but we just don't know for sure because he cant speak. I was at a Cavs vs Mavs game two years back and Lebron drove to the hole and was immediately pummeled by a forearm to the face. Yes it was Mbenga's flailing arm and Lebron took his usual 2 minutes of "I'm not really hurt, but I like to give people heart attacks" rolling around on the floor. Or to simplify things from now on let's just call it a soccer injury. (Completely off topic but I was watching some soccer game last week and was bitching about one of the players crying like a pussy but then they actually carried him off and he never came back. 1st time ever. I was shocked). Mbenga is 7'0, 255 pounds and also moves faster than the average giant. For his daily workout routine he does not lift weights, he lifts the entire facility, 3 sets of 10, and goes home.



#3 Batista... Yea I said it.

I absolutely will put a professional wrestler on here. If he played a real sport he would be #1, but he parties with the likes of John Cena and Booker T. It is very safe to say that this is a big man and I am going to guess that he works out at least once per week. Batista is 6'6, 290 and I bet his body fat is a solid 3% max. Basically he has muscles in places that I didn't even know were possible. No, those aren't 2 unborn fetuses attached to his neck, those are his traps. Batista starts every morning out with an unbalanced breakfast of 3 baby calves and steroids. If he was America's last hope to save the world, I wouldn't even be scared. Even Chris Benoit would be no match for Batista. If you ever get into an argument with this man the following strategy should be used: run around in circles until he catches you, kick him in the balls, oh shit he doesn't have them any more because of roids, brace yourself, Batista Bomb. Play dead.

#2 Ray Lewis

Ray stabbed a person. The witnesses were too afraid to accuse Ray. Ray go home happy. There's no point in saying anything, Ray is a freak.


#1 Brandon Jacobs

I haven't seen anyone run over this many people since Maurice Clarett (I don't care if I spelled that wrong he should be shot anyways). Before his running duties he was Auburn's wedge buster
and it takes a brave man to not move when he is coming at you. Oh, and here's full speed. Jacobs is 6'4, 265 and carries people like Spike from Little Giants. He is the clearly the most real of all men and that kind of sounded like saying he's more now (cringe).

Monday, September 3, 2007

The Contest Update


As our faithful readers already know, we will be having an ongoing competition during the year in which all the contributors minus Logan will attempt to succesffuly predict college football and NFL games. One thing you have to remember is that we are picking against the spread, not straight up winners. For those of you who don't gamble, this is pretty difficult and anyone who comes out above .500 has done pretty well. Forget successfully predicting all five games. That's pretty much impossible. You would have to be a complete badass to do something like that, so don't expect it.

I was planning on doing a "Beat of the Week" in which I pointed out who suffered the worst loss but no one really had any unlucky losses. Therefore, I'll use this space to point out how bad Buzzsaw's "Game of the Week" was. He told us to take the over in The Miami-Ball St. game and the line was set at 53. The final score was 14-13. Needless to say, I won't be following his lead this week.

Anyways, let's take a look at the standings after week one.

The Contest


W L
BigLots 5 0
Guy 3 2
Sammich 2 3
Buzzsaw 1 4


To sum it up, I'm pretty awesome.

Will Leitch was made an offer he couldn’t refuse


The Worldwide Leader never fails. This time, they may have nipped their problem at its source. The conductor of all bloggers, Will Leitch. I trust that you noticed Deadspin posted only once today. Well, here's what we at Log's Blog think happened:

You see, when sports blogging started, Leitch was the guy. And since blogging took off, Leitch became more popular and gained more power and readers. The head honchos of ESPN didn’t like this, so they went to see Leitch with a contract offer of $400,000 a year to write for ESPN.com, but Leitch said no. So the next day, the same guys went to see Leitch again, only this time with Chris Berman. Within an hour, Leitch had signed a contract of $80,000 a year.

How did ESPN sway him so, you ask?

Well, the head honchos made him an offer he couldn’t refuse.

Chris Berman held a gun to Leitch’s head, and the head honchos assured him, that either his signature or his brains would be on the contract.

That’s a true story.

That’s the ABC family, Kay. Not blogs.


Here is the original movie quote from The Godfather

Lingering Long Weekend Thoughts

  • If I ever say that I think that the Mariners will win the Wild Card, I will punch myself in the face because I’d be lying. Before Monday’s win, they had dropped nine straight. Sounds like a pretty big collapse that everyone expected, but they’re tied in the loss column and down only 1 game to the Yankees for the Wild Card.
  • The Indians beat Santana again today, 5-0. That makes him 0-5 for the year against the Lake Erie Warriors. For all related jokes to this news, refer to Sammich’s post from last week (Johan's 4th loss against the Tribe).

  • Lots of college football happened. And a friend of the blog was actually at the Michigan-Appalachian State game. He and his brother have a rather new tradition where they pick a random college game every year to go to, and they stumbled upon tickets to this one about 3 weeks ago. Pretty random and lucky pick. Since it wasn’t on TV, here’s what he said happened during the final play of the game:

    Lining up for the field goal: Pure excitement, everyone standing, bedlam

    The block: collective “GASP!”

    The aftermath: complete silence (no one left their seats for ten minutes)

    What a way to go. If Youngstown State would have beaten Ohio State, I probably would have just laughed it off. That’s pretty much all Michigan fans can do. Except this one.
  • I have the Clemson-Florida State game on. Florida State looks pretty bad, and James Davis just had one of the best touchdown runs I’ve ever seen. I’m sure you’ll see it on the highlights.

That is all. I should be back tomorrow with something of more substance.

Ohio State Season Preview After Game One: A Carl Contribution

I consider myself a pretty big Ohio State football fan, but a few things kept me from seeing the opener this year. They include The Big Ten Network and the fact that I-A teams don't lose to I-AA teams. Err, nevermind. So as much as I would like to grace you with my sarcastic comments about the Youngstown State game, I can't. So here is Carl's take. Enjoy witnessing his blogging cherry being popped:

This Ohio State team isn't nearly as scary as the past two teams, but that's when Coach Tressell is at his best. Three of the last four games this season are @ Penn State, vs. Wisconsin, @ Michigan. Yikes. I have no reason to think that they are a national championship threat, but here's how they looked on Saturday anyway (broken down positionally):

Offensive line

Bad? Yes. Real Bad? Maybe. Terrible run blocking. Not bad pass blocking for Todd Boeckman (who we'll get into in a minute). In this year's Sports Illustrated college football preview, the Ohio State section was all about Alex Boone and the rest of the offensive line, yet they were the unit that struggled the most on Saturday. I don't get it. If this line hasn’t gelled by Big Ten Season, the Buckeyes could be in for trouble.

Quarterbacks


Solid, considering who they are. Boeckman (pictured) is a statue in the backfield and can definitely be considered a true pocket passer. Actually, if he is on the run at all, his accuracy is completely shot. We'll see how this goes all season, unless of course he is replaced by St. X Bomber Rob Schoenhoeft, who is a surprisingly good runner with a strong arm.

Running backs

Beanie Wells looked pretty bad considering he was getting national media attention in the preseason. In fact, in the news today he said he didn't play as hard as he could have. That's encouraging. It just seems like he tries to take on too many bodies and wants to break a ton of tackles. As for the rest of the backs, freshman Brandon Saine played well in his debut. There is no doubt he is the faster player on the team. And for those Maurice Wells haters out there; he played well for Maurice Wells. Handing it off to him up to the middle is about as efficient as a Boeckman quarterback draw but in the open field he usually lives up to his nickname, “Florida Flash.” But that's what we pay him to do. I mean, thats why we gave him a scholarship.

Defensive Line

Lawrence Wilson is out for the season. That is not good. Vernon Gholston (pictured-- he is kind of ripped) had a pretty quiet game, but I expect that to change.

Linebackers

Nothing special. Laurinaitis had a solid game and he is a very good player, but despite Buzzsaw’s constant lobbying for Laurinaitis to win the defensive player of the year award last year, I don’t believe that he was the best defensive player in college football last season. Maybe that's just me. Also, Larry Grant had a good debut starting.

Secondary

Malcolm Jenkins is good. Anderson Russell seemed a bit shaky but that is expected after returning from a serious injury.

As far as the defense as a whole goes, it was that same bend don't break bullshit—it works but its sure frustrating.

Back to Tressell being at his best with teams that we don't expect anything out of, his playing calling was pretty vanilla on Saturday. As always, he showed nothing. But we all know that’s how the sweater vest operates. Another important note: a lot of guys saw playing time. Second and third stringers saw action as early as late in the first quarter. This just means he is still feeling out exactly what he has and who works well together.

What does it all mean?

2008 NATIONAL CHAMPIONS

On a more serious note though, there is no reason this team shouldn’t be unblemished heading into State College on October 27. That game will show how good these Buckeyes really are. Logically I would say 10-2 this season but there is a still a part of me that finds this team very similar to the one in 2003. We Shall See.

You Won’t Like the Man-Genius When He’s Angry

The following video is from Kansas’ demolition of Central Michigan, one of the favorites to win the MAC conference (Kansas won the game 52-7). Early in the game, Raimond Pendleton had a 77 yard punt return for a touchdown. To celebrate the play, Pendleton dove into the end zone. Someone on the sideline had a camera and recorded Kansas coach Mark Mangino’s reaction. It’s scary.




“Look what the fuck you did. And you did it all on your own, didn’t you? You did it all on your own.” Mangino promptly sent Pendleton to timeout. It’s like he’s scolding a kid that shit on the carpet.


It's Investing, Not Gambling


I've never been much into politics, it makes me feel dirty; and with Daris having died and Logan fleeing the country, I didn't think there would be much more political talk in these parts, let alone by me. However, those feelings faded when I realized I could bet on the presidential race.

Well, betting is the wrong word, the government is too classy for that, it's more of a stock market. I don't know all of the stock market lingo, so bear with me. As it stands right now in the Democratic race for the presidential nomination, Clinton is worth 67 cents on the dollar, Obama is 19 cents, Edwards is at 6 cents, and the field is at 7. The Republican nomination looks like this, Giuliani at 33cents, Romney at 28, Thompson at 17, and McCain at 10 cents.

My question is this, why don't we all put a shit load of money on Thompson? He hasn't even announced he's running yet, but he's one of the main contenders. Is there any doubt that, when he does announce his campaign this Thursday, his price will skyrocket? Guy, I posted this for you, it seems like something you'd jump on. I'm sure I'm missing something though ... I'm just a simple man, I don't understand all this stock market business.

I apologize for the awful post, I just got back from a politics class where I found out about this, I should have something really awesome later today. Hopefully my compatriots wake up, they're all hung over. Biglots should have a gambling contest review post that will tear my ass apart, I went 1-4, the loses weren't very close either. I'm the man.

Political Stock Market