Saturday, September 29, 2007

That Was Fun

Cool Saturday, let's do that again. I love watching teams lose so TOSU can move up to number five even though they haven't played a top 100 team. First of all, my other preseason national title pick, Texas, is out of the mix. They decided to not show up against poop state. So anyways, #3, #5, #7, and #10 have lost. Thats tits. Plus when Jake Locker beats USC, that will be five of the top 10 falling in one week. That has to be some kind of record. There's always a chance Auburn could beat Florida, but I bet Tim Tebow does something "amazing" that will be talked about for another season. My guess: They snap the ball to Timmy and Percy Harvin runs forward and dumps a gallon of honey all over Tebad. Wideout Kesthan Moore was in motion and comes behind for the fake end around, but instead dumps a bag of bird seed all over the sticky Tebow. Meanwhile Tim pulls out his bird whistle and a flock of trained pigeons swoop down with their huge talons and pick up the quaterbad where he is gracefully flown into the end zone. Hey, I've seen crazier things... LIKE THAT JESUS CHRIST LOCKER!!!!!!! HIT HIM HE WAS WIDE OPEN YOU ARTARD! Fucking huskies.

Rutgers lost. HAHA fags. Tiquan Overratedbythisblog Underwood, cut him from that list. Rooting against Rutgers was not acceptable last year, but I believe things are different now. They were so overrated the whole year, I've said it all along, and now no one can disagree. FU.
Also, I wish I knew those Big East lovers who were commenting on here so I could ask them how their week was.

Minnesota just won an award for the ugliest uniforms ever. I hope I am not the only one seeing this. It looked like Chris Wells just trucked a bottle of mustard to get six.

My hatred of Michigan State grew today as well. Late in the game Wisconsin wide receiver Kyle Jefferson caught a ball across the middle and a Michigan State dback, whose name I refuse to mention (I also can't find out who it was), DESTROYED Jefferson. It was one of the biggest hits I've ever seen, however it was also helmet to helmet and it looked like Jefferson's neck snapped on impact. The kid did not move at all after the hit and Michigan State starts celebrating the big hit like the cocky bastards they are. Everyone loves big hits ok yea, but don't continue to celebrate after the guy lies there motionless.

Before this week, I thought there were six good teams this year. The top four, Kentucky TOUCHDOWN LOCKER! TOUCHDOWN HUSKIES YAYAYAYYA, and Notre Dame. After this week, there is LSU, Kentucky, and Notre Dame. Florida and USC are losing so I can't count them yet. All of this has left me with two thoughts...

1) I can't believe they are making a movie about Michael Clayton... he isn't even good.
2) I have to shit.

Friday, September 28, 2007

Weekend Sports Betting Preview

Alright, if this game is not a blowout, the Chargers are just not a good team. They’re coming back home off a loss to Green Bay, people are understandably down on them, and their coach. If they have any pride at all, they’ll kick the shit out of Kansas City.

Norv Turner is the worst head coach in the NFL, it’s unbelievable to me that he even got that job, but I worry less about this offense than I did about Chicago's against KC because, thankfully Rex Grossman isn’t involved in this game. If Norv wants to keep his job, scoring over 30 pts here would be a good start. If they can get to thirty, on LT’s back, the cover shouldn’t be a problem, since KC absolutely cannot score. The Chiefs are ranked in the bottom half of the league in rushing defense, so I expect Tomlinson to get back on track.

Well, that’s all I’ve got, this is pretty much just a situational play. I think the Chargers finally show up after facing three tough opponents to start the year, if they don’t, then they’re actually a bad team. I’m not ready to believe that, thus, I’m taking San Diego minus the points.

San Diego
-11.5 v Chiefs


Auburn/Florida Under 55
Notre Dame/Purdue Over 53.5
Idaho +24.5 v Hawaii
San Diego -11.5 v Kansas City
Cleveland/Baltimore Under 40

Big Lots

Penn St. -3
Iowa St. +21.5
Georgia Tech +3
Arizona Cardinals +6
Indianapolis -9.5


Oregon -6.5 v California
South Florida +7 v West Virginia
Ohio State -23.5 @ Minnesota
Minnesota + 1 v Green Bay
Atlanta +2.5 v Houston


WVU/USF over 56
Purdue -21.5 v ND
Syracuse -1.5 at Miami
Houston -2.5 at Atlanta
Tampa Bay +3 at Carolina

Thursday, September 27, 2007

Lowsman Watch: Week 4

1) Harrison Beck, QB, NC State: 60/116. 650 yards, 2 TD, 7 INT

Harrison only got a chance to play in a couple series’ against Clemson last weekend, due to injury, but he made the most of the snaps he did get. On the first two drives of the game Harrison went 1/6, 9 yards, and an INT. Not too bad, those type of numbers will only increase his lead. No one should worry about the injury though, Harrison will be back for the Wolfpack’s game against Louisville. I know because he told me on his website. If anything can save Beck from Lowsman infamy, it’s Deon Palmer and the Louisville defense. (That's Harrison from HS, he's intense)

2) Deon Palmer, S, Louisville: Really Sucks

I hope you enjoyed that transition, I work hard on my transitions. I don’t work hard on much else, especially research, I pretty much used up all of my Deon Palmer info when I enlightened everyone to the fact that Horace Grant’s his father. I don’t have the energy to search any family trees, but I’ll play the odds and say that Shawn Kemp is his uncle.

3) Paul Duncan, OL, Notre Dame: 0 Blocks

I’ve exhausted all of my Notre Dame lineman, so I’m back where it all began. It’s difficult for me to properly explain the ass kicking Notre Dame is about to receive from Purdue, I’m not even going to try. All I know is that Paul Duncan will carry much of the blame.

4) Brandon Cox, QB, Auburn: 50/94, 571 yards, 3 TD, 6 INTs

Brandon is a statistical anomaly, he’s got all the tools, but he can’t seem to put them together for this Auburn offense. I did an oral poll amongst my peers to determine whether Cox and balls are meant to be together, and the results were stunning. 100% of those polled replied that Cox and balls were indeed meant for each other. This is why Auburn’s offense is so confusing, they’re clearly better off when Cox doesn’t control their balls, but I’m not sure they have any other options.

5) Casey Dick, QB, Arkansas: 35/71, 410 yards, 3 TDs, 3 INTs

(Don’t worry, there will be no Dick jokes, I’m too mature for that) I’m beginning to wonder if Dick gets off on throwing interceptions. When teams put 11 in the box to stop D-Fad, the back door is wide open, how hard can it be to hit a receiver when everyone's looking for the run? It can’t be difficult, but Dick managed to pull out two interceptions against Kentucky’s vaunted defense. Though his numbers may not be as bad as other QBs, his numbers need to be more impressive because defenses are begging him to beat them.

Abandon Ship!!!

The Notre Dame football team is completely imploding, today, 360 lb OL Chris Stewart just left school. That marks the third player to transfer this year, and the second in a week. On Tuesday, sophomore tight end Konrad Reuland announced he was transferring, most likely to UCLA. Reuland was the #2 ranked tight end coming out of high school, and would have most likely started next year.

Stewart was the only offensive lineman to not play against Michigan, literally, so that won't hurt too bad. None of these transfers will, tight end and quarterback (Demetrius Jones) are the deepest positions Notre Dame has, but this points to a larger problem with the team's morale. I don't blame ESPN and talk radio hosts for not looking at the big picture, they're borderline retarded, but why don't the players see it?

This year's seniors are from Willingham's last recruiting class, it was horrendous, and was basically the reason he was fired. You want to know why Weis isn't being fired? Because he has a top-3 recruiting class coming in next year. The juniors on this team are from the turnover year, from Willingham to Weis, Weis was busy winning a Super Bowl, and the coach search took forever ... so there is basically no one in that class either. This team you see now is basically made up of 5th year seniors, sophomores, and freshmen.

Next year, this team will be better, not great, but I'd say a top-25 team. They will have no significant seniors, but will have top-5 recruiting classes in their junior through freshmen classes. By the time Clausen is a junior, this team should be a national title contender with the recruits they have. It's disappointing that these guys are leaving this year, as the future is bright ... sure, when you come to ND you don't plan on having rebuilding years ever, but it will be worth it.

Uh Oh, Joe Blowrowski is on the Prowl

Don't look now, but Indians' closer Joe Borowski has been having a rough couple of games. Actually, a rough season. However, in his last two appearances, Borowski has blown both save opportunities against the Seattle Mariners. Very encouraging with the playoffs on the horizon. But here's the problem-- Cleveland fans aren't surprised at the least by this. Here's why:

67 63.2 75 39 9 16 57 4 5 43 1.43 5.23

Why does Joe Borowski still have the closer job? One stat: saves. The dumbest stat in all of baseball. The stat that managers actually manage around when deciding whether or not to bring their "closer" in. Rafael Perez and Rafael Betancourt, the other two pitchers in the back end of the Indians bullpen, have ERAs of 1.66 and 1.49, respectively. Either of these two (probably Betancourt) should be the closer for this team. Just don't say I (and the rest of Indians fans) didn't warn you when Joe Blow pulls a Jose Mesa in late October.

Wednesday, September 26, 2007

A Few Thoughts

  • Kevin Curtis, of the Philadelphia Eagles, stated on Sunday that he feels as if white receivers don't get enough of a chance. After his huge game, KC explained that he thinks white wide outs are exploited and that the media hates to see them make plays. Donovan McNabb wasn't available for comment, but his agent said that McNabb thought Curtis was black and he won't make the mistake again next week.
  • Mark Ecko is the clothes designer who purchased Barry Bonds' steroid record breaking home run ball for 3/4 of a million dollars. In case you haven't seen the website yet, Ecko has been taking national votes on what to do with the ball. The options include sending it to the baseball hall of fame as it is, sending it in after branding it with an asterisk, and launching it into space. Barry Bonds called Ecko "an idiot."Personally I would love to see it launched into space because that would be hilarious, but today the votes were tallied and it will be given to the hall of fame with an asterisk on it. I voted to let it go unblemished. Why? Because, after all was said and done, I was watching the chase as it got closer and was ready to see him hit the home run. Of course I hate him and want him to die, but Arod will destroy that record in the next decade and we will once again, have a legit home run king.
  • Milton Bradley really did tear his ACL arguing with an umpire. This is going to be on every single countdown that the best damn sports show has for the next century. Even the one's titled "Greatest Moments in Figure Skating." I remember when Milton played for the Indians and he had "I'm going to be a clubhouse cancer" embroidered on his jersey. Someone decided to get rid of him and ever since he has hit a home run against the Indians in every game he's played, but at least he's still a dumbass. In case you haven't seen it yet, please click accordingly. The umpire has been suspended for the rest of the season because Major League Baseball said he used profanity to taunt Bradley. Toys R'Us has decided to pull all Milton Bradley board games off its' shelves until the company changes its' name. (that's not even funny. i suck).
  • Antonio Henton, 3rd string quarterback for TOSU, has been arrested on charges of soliciting a prostitute. He was considered to be Troy Smith's apprentice, even though he was dumber, and couldn't throw a football. Still the typical TOSU fans believed him to be the next Heisman Trophy winner since they are irrational and dead to me. Henton offered money to a prostitute who posed as an undercover cop and was arrested hahaha. TOSU hass suspended Henton indefinitely and I believe he should be kicked out of school where he will enroll at Florida this coming fall. Florida encourages prostitution, gambline, and rape so Henton will be given a full ride. Have fun with Todd Boeckman.
  • My preseason pick of a Texas vs Louisville national title game is open for laughter. Louisville is out barring the top 25 teams don't all die, and Texas still looks a little shaky. Clearly I should have picked USC vs LSU, but what is the fun in that? That's like saying America is the best country in the World and everyone is just a bunch of pussies... it's already general knowledge, I like to be adventurous. Also I still stand by my statement that Rutgers is bad and is probably the worst top 10 team in the history of college football besides Miami and FSU when they were "good"). Actually every team in college football sucks. This is by far the least talented year ever. It is like an NFL season. Bad

Tuesday, September 25, 2007

Heisman Watch: Week 4

I had a tough day today, I apologize for kind of going through the motions. At class, my teacher mentioned how some revolutionary group "got in through the back door," I laughed out loud and things got awkward; the teacher wasn't amused. It ruined my day. Anyway, I'm beginning the pare down the list to the top 5 contenders, as players are beginning to separate themselves.

1) Tiquan Underwood, WR, Rutgers: 20 Rec, 500 yd, 3 TD

Bye weeks are for pussies, but that’s on the Rutgers AD, not Tiquan. We still love you Undies. We’ll get back to talking about his greatness next week when he tears the balls off Maryland.

2) Graham Harrell, QB, Texas Tech: 166/227, 1963 yards, 19 TD, 2 INT

Losses are for pussies, but that’s on Texas Tech’s defense. Harrell has still been absolutely unbelievable. Last week in their loss against Oklahoma State, Harrell went 46/67, 646 yards, 5 TDs, and 0 INTs. That’s an entire season of passing yards for Jameel Sewell. While tearing OK State apart his system QB rival, Colt Brennan, was busy ducking Charleston Southern’s vaunted ‘Icebox’ defense.

3) Darren McFadden, RB, Arkansas: 86 rushes, 519 yards, 4 TDs

I’m a little leery of McFadden, when he’s playing, he’s the best in college football, but he’s missed a lot of key time for his team. Against Troy he missed time for cramps, he missed the Razorbacks last drive against Alabama with the game in the balance with a 'concussion' (there were no symptoms 30 min afterwards), and he got a stomach virus versus Kentucky. What the hell is happening to him? I'm not gonna say he should be fighting through all of this shit, because I wouldn't ... I'm a pussy, but I think there are guys that could.

4) Tim Tebow, QB, Florida: 65/95, 1096 yards, 10 TD, 1 INT

I’ve always thought Tebow was kind of a douchebag; I didn’t really have a reason, maybe it was because of the never ending handjob he receieved for his gay jump pass last season, but this year has changed my opinion of him. He has torn everyone apart, despite supposedly struggling with his passing in the preseason. Luckily for Tebow, any inadequacies he does have are being covered up by Urban Meyer’s insane recruits, most of which he vultured from other programs, like ND … what a bitch.

5) Andre’ Woodson, QB, Kentucky: 86/134, 1008 yards, 11 TD, 0 INT

I wasn’t a believer in Woodson to start the season, but he has turned me around a bit. So long as teams refuse to play defense against him, I like his Heisman chances. We’ll see how he does against the traditional SEC powers, Arkansas and Louisville basically have I-AA defenses, so we can't get too excited yet.

And one for good luck …

6) Dorien Bryant, WR, Purdue: 32 rec, 368 yards, 3 TD; 6 rush, 59 yards; 14 returns, 402 yards, 1 TD

I had to include Bryant somehow, just so I can explain how bad he and the rest of the Boilermakers will rape Notre Dame’s ass next weekend. I’m actually worried that this massacre will carryover into my own ass, all ND fans should be vigilant in their anal protection on Saturday. Last year Curtis Painter threw for nearly 400 yards in a loss, and WR Selwyn Lymon had 238 yards receiving. Bryant is clearly Painter’s favorite target this year, so he should get the looks, and with Notre Dame’s godawful offense, Purdue will get even more chances to score. I could not dread watching a game more than I do this one.

Mark Cuban to Mow Kym Johnson’s Lawn... Nice.

Some of Mark Cuban’s decisions have been questionable in the past. His Dairy Queen stint was absurd. His constant making-an-ass-out-of-himself-at-Mavs-games is ridiculous. And now, of course, he is going to appear on Dancing with the Stars. I can think of better ways for a millionaire to spend his time than appearing on a show that can only embarrass you. Here’s what he has to say about it (from

"Guys are going to love watching me because I'm pulling out every white guy's dream moves," he said. "I've got the lawn mower, I've got the sprinkler working, I've got the churn-the-butter working."

Wait, it gets even better: "I made my partner promise we'd put one of those in every single dance, so watch out."

Cuban’s partner that he speaks of is Kym Johnson (pictured above). I have no idea who she is, but Cuban is probably doing this for the potential ass, because there is obviously no way that he actually wants to be on the show, right?

Cuban also just got his hip replaced, which could possibly make him the comeback dancer of the stars. Or something. Anyway, I don’t appreciate Cuban’s stereotypes of white guys not being able to dance. I’ve been known to bust out the Moses before, and I’m not afraid to part the Red Sea again.