Friday, October 5, 2007

What Ever Happened to Discipline?

My memory may be faint, but I think that I recall back in the day that when an athlete committed a felony, action was taken. These days it seems like every time a kid does wrong, he gets off with a slap on the wrist and heightened popularity. Their ego grows, they think they are untouchable, and they grow into a poor example and role model as a professional athlete. Just look at the Vick brothers, Pacman, Randy Moss, Chris Henry, Corey Dillon, none of them were disciplined well in college (besides Marcus). I know I have written about this before, but it is time the coaches, and judicial system take control and crack down. There is no excuse to drop charges because they are an athlete. I believe, that if Vick is charged fairly with a very harsh sentence, that it could be the beginning of a new era. However, it still seems as if coaches will do anything to protect their irresponsible players, and do anything to win.

Earlier this week, fifth year senior, captain, and starting safety Tony Joiner, was arrested on the charges of felony burglary when he broke into an impound lot to steal his girlfriend's car. You would expect that Joiner would be doing some time for a felony charge, but no he will be back on the field this Saturday vs LSU. The worst part about the whole thing, Urban Meyer doesn't care. Meyer said that as long as the charge got dropped or reduced to a misdemeanor then Joiner could play. So according to Meyer, it is perfectly fine to receive a misdemeanor because that crime isn't that serious, right? Pathetic, sad, call it what you want, I'm disgusted. Joiner's punishment: he loses the title of captain. That is sad Urban.

Joiner complied with the police the night of his arrest. The witness saw him break in and then called the police. When Joiner tried leaving with his girlfriends car, the witness told him that police were on the way and he drove the car back into the lot, and waited for them to arrive. They arrested him and charged Joiner with a felony burglary. The owner of the impound lot (obviously a huge UF fan), dropped all charges because he said that he lost nothing and nothing was damaged.

It makes no sense. If you are a big time athlete at a big time college, why would you fuck up your career by doing something mentally retarded? Why can't you just take your four years, play your heart out, and make it to the NFL as a touted, respected human being? There is no point in breaking the law when you have everything lines up for you. Would Joiner have done this if Florida beat Brandon Cox? I don't think so. Maybe he was on tilt. Maybe that's his "excuse." But I just think he's a giant turd. Along with Meyer, the whole Florida team, FIU, FAU, every single thug college in Florida that can't figure out how to teach their kids some damn life lessons.

LeBron takes a dump on Cleveland

I didn't notice it while watching last night's game but its been brought to my attention by a number of people that LeBron James was actually sporting a Yankees hat at the Tribe-Yanks game--at Jacobs field no less. I used to have some respect for BronBron until I realized that he is every kid that I hated in grade school. Not only is he a Yankees fan for no apparent reason, he's also a Cowboys fan and a Bulls fan. You know the kid I'm talking about. Cowboys Starter jacket. Jordan jersey. Brand new Yankees hat. How can any one like such a bandwagon piece of shit? Its bad enough that he's a fan but to wear the hat to the game and proudly display it is like taking dog shit and smearing it in the face of every person in the city of Cleveland. If I were an Indians fan at the Jake I would bomb beer bottles at his head (Cleveland fans already know how to do this).

As if I needed another reason to root for the Yankees to lose. I hope the Indians sweep and LeBron breaks his leg.

Weekend Sports Betting Preview

Alright, I apologize for my lack of productivity this week, I just got completely shit on with school work. Anyway, this is gonna be short and sweet. I've loved Arizona State all year, I think they're the most underrated team in the nation … think Purdue with a defense. This week they go to Washington State, in their second road game in a row.

Washington State is coming off two awful losses, 47-14@ USC (understandable) and 48-20 @ Arizona (understandable in women's basketball). Overall, they're 2-3, also getting crushed by Wisconsin, 42-21 in the first game of the year. Their only two wins have come against San Diego State and Idaho, teams that are a combined 2-7. Washington State also has a shit load of injuries. Arizona State is 4-1 ATS this year, and Washington State has been raped by every decent team they've faced. I should probably be wondering why this line isn't closer to two TDs, but I don't care. I love ASU this year, they'll win by 10+.

Arizona State -9.5 @ Washington State

Arizona State -9.5 v WSU
Tulsa -3 v UTEP
UVA -10 v MTSU
Houston/Miami Under 43.5
Detroit/Washington Under 46

MSU -14.5 v Northwestern
OSU -7 v Purdue
Texas +11 v Oklahoma
San Diego +1 v Denver
Houston -5.5 v Miami

Northwestern +14.5 v MSU
Kansas State -3 v Kansas
LSU -7.5 v Florida
New England -16.5 v Cleveland
Indianapolis -10 v Tampa Bay

Big Lots:
Kansas/Kansas St. Over 55
Stanford +41 v USC
Michigan -29 v E. Michigan
New Orleans -3 v Carolina
Houston -5 v Miami

Thursday, October 4, 2007

The Tortured Fan

Has anyone else ever noticed how a network will have a big game on and they focus on one fan throughout the entire game? I kind of realized this strange occurrence during the Florida-Auburn game. They showed the rise and downfall of one particular UF guy. It seems like there are certain stages...

1) I'm drunk and glad to be here
This is great, I have so much to look forward to. We are going to destroy Auburn. They start Brandon Cox, I mean wow why don't they just put Rick Clausen out there and try to win. After we win I'm going to rush the field and celebrate with Percy Harvin. We have History 223 together on Tuesdays and Thursdays and the other day he brushed my shoulder walking by. Dude then we can go party with all these smokin' Florida girls. I love being in the SEC, it's like hot babes just pop out of holes. Oh man, here comes the coin flip.

2) We scored, we have the lead at home, no stopping us
YES! Let's do some crowd push-ups... oh how i just love them. YEA YEA LIFT ME UP! AHH THIS IS FUN! SEVEN! Good job guys. Hey next week, let's take our shirts off and paint GATORS across our chests. Yes this means you too Gary. I don't care how fat you are, there always has to be the one fat guy who doesn't wear a shirt. Suck it up. Hey let's go get a beer, no no wait everyone's doing the gator chomp.

3) Shit, turnover
What was he thinking?! Your one job is to hold onto the ball. Its ok, our defense is amazing and I mean... Brandon Cox cmon. I think the Cox family has some dirt on Tommy Tuberville. The must have his one son held for ransom. Oh what the fuck Brandon Cox is playing alright.

4) The characteristic downfall
They have too much momentum. I don't know what to do. DON'T TELL ME IT'S GOING TO BE OK SHARON. WE ARE LOSING TO BRANDON COX. HE HAS NEVER WON A GAME BEFORE. JUST DON'T FUCKING TOUCH ME, OR LOOK AT ME. WE ARE THROUGH (Sharon sits down for the remainder).

5) Accepting defeat
Whatever, I mean there's always the Gator Bowl. This is terrible. Tim Tebow sucks. So what if he's a Heisman candidate and he's playing amazing, we have to think that right? I mean we did it with Chris Leak and then he won us a national title.

6) Glisten of hope
Yea there we GO! I take back everything I said about Tebow. He just makes plays, I love it. We have a chance Sharon. DON'T SAY ANYTHING SIT DOWN AND SHUT UP. We can win this i know it.

7) It's all even
TEBOW! TEBOW! ALL TIED UP! WE GOT THIS! The mo is on our side. No way Brandon Cox leads a game winning drive. He's such a joke. I love this shit. I just want to party with Percy!

8) Shit, I'm really nervous
I can't watch, I can't watch. I know Cox is terrible but what if? What if someone slips up? I can't do this. I just want to cry.

9) Wow, we are actually going to lose
Seriosuly? I am going to cry. Why couldn't we just have gotten blown out? I would rather be dead right now. I know this is going in. I am terrified.

10) We lost
I'm tearing up. I can't go party with Percy, I can't rush the field, all i want to do is die. Sharon, I'm sorry I didn't mean any of it (at least i can hope she accepts my apology and i can go get laid).

Yes I know the game didn't go this way. It's just an example.

Wednesday, October 3, 2007

The long awaited update to The Contest

I'm back. I never really went anywhere I guess but now I've decided to finally get off of my ass and update the contest. I got a little bored with it because I've been dominating so thoroughly. You know that feeling when you're just a little too good at something? It gets tiresome. When I'm not challenged I lose interest. It's just human nature.

Okay, I'm glad I got that out of my system. Truthfully, I only wrote that last paragraph to piss off Buzzsaw. It just so happens that pissing off Buzzsaw is one of the few things in the world that I'm better at than this contest. Actually, as you can see Guy is pretty close to me and could even pass me this weekend if I slip up. Even though it's early, it looks like Buzzsaw and Sammich are going to be battling it out to avoid funneling a beer up their ass.


BigLots 18-7

Guy 14-11

Sammich 9-15-1

Buzzsaw 6-16-3

In completely unrelated news, the Diamondbacks and the Cubs are just now starting their series. I think it's well documented where my allegiance stands in this match-up. While in the middle of writing this award winning article I happened to catch the starting lineup of the Diamondbacks:

Chris Young
Stephen Drew
Eric Byrnes
Tony Clark
Mark Reynolds
Jeff Salazar
Chris Snyder
Augie Ojeda
Brandon Webb

Jesus Christ that is awful. That team had the best record in the National League, are you kidding me? I knew the D'backs weren't exactly a dominant team but I had no idea it was this bad. I'm relying on Augie Ojeda and Jeff Salazar to deliver me from my own personal hell which would be the Cubs advancing in the playoffs? This is just awful news. I'm extremely bitter right now. I'm just gonna console myself by staring at The Contest standings for a couple minutes.

BoSox-Halos, Live from Switzerland

It's 12:30 here, I'm fighting off a cold, pounding Red Bulls and I have class at 8:30 a.m. tomorrow. Don't ever question my dedication.

After everything negative I've heard about, I have to say I'm pretty impressed. The picture quality, while not comparable to HD, is pretty damn good.

1st inning
Lead off hit by Chode Figgins. He seems very intent on running...two hit and runs lead to two outs and Figgins is stranded at third.

Yooooouk deposits the first pitch he sees over the Green Monster, staking the Sox to an early 1-0 lead.

With two runners on J.D. Drew grounds out to end the inning leading my friend Pat to call him a 'giant cum guzzler'.

2nd inning
Beckett is hitting 98 on the radar gun.

Jose Mota is the sideline reporter, which leads to the question...who the fuck is Jose Mota?

Harold Reynolds makes a surprise appearance on the commercial. I think this is the first time I've seen him in about two years.

Lugo leads off the bottom of the 2nd with a hit...they're starting to look like they own Lackey.

With two outs Lugo steals second only to be called out. A ridiculously bad call. The replay shows he was CLEARLY safe.

3rd inning
Mike Lowell makes a great diving stop to his left for the out and...there were no announcers to call it. They must have both been taking a piss or something.

Home run by Big Papi!

Great shot of Lugo spread eagle in front of the dugout adjusting his 'package'. Thank you Bill Simmons for allowing me to notice that.

Wow, Manny just swiped a base on a ball that bounced in the dirt. Steve Stone says that Manny's awareness and anticipation are an underrated part of his game. Yeah, like his intelligence is an underrated aspect of his announcing ability.

Lowell singles to drive in Manny (4-0). Drew grounds into a double play. Cumguzzler...I think that nickname may stick.

4th inning
Beckett goes 1-2-3
Through four he's thrown 51 pitches, 38 strikes and just 13 balls. He hasn't given up a hit since Figgins led off the game with a single.

Sox go 1-2-3 as well.

5th inning
No offense to Jose Mota but you would think a qualification for a sideline reporter would be the ability to speak English. Seriously this is unintelligible.

Beckett goes 1-2-3. Beckett is dealing. I have wood.

6th inning
TBS shows a shot of Lackey in the dugout. He is probably the least indimidating ace I have ever seen. He looks like he should be an accountant.

Beckett retires the side on 8 pitches. Two Ks and a flyout to center.

Just as I was about to call for Jacoby Ellsbury, Drew gets an infield hit. Its a short noose.

Varitek grounds into a double play, making it the third of the day for Boston. This game could be a blowout right now.

7th inning
2:33am Europe time and I'm still going strong. I actually just changed into basketball shorts so I can scratch my balls better. Thought you might like to know...

Vlad just swung at a ball that was about to bounce to Varitek...and he fouled it off! He is a freak. He then ripped a single to left.

Please, please Josh, please go 8 so we don't have to see Gagne.

Beckett induces a ground ball to end the inning. Note to random announcer with Steve Stone: it can't be a double play ball if there are two outs.

Lackey is out, Santana goes 1-2-3.

8th inning
Beckett strands the runner on second with a nasty 2 seamer that sneaks back over the inside corner to freeze Morales. Alright Terry, let's not fuck around here...put Papelbon in.

Santana goes 1-2-3 again.

9th inning
Even better than Papelbon...Beckett comes back out for the ninth. I guess that makes sense, he's only at 100 pitches. To quote Dan Fouts in The Waterboy, "You can't hold anything back now."

Figgins hit a sharp liner to left and Ellsbury, in as a defensive replacement for Manny, makes an amazing diving catch. Fracona looks like a genius.

Orlando Cabrera grounds out to third, followed by a Vlad single up the middle. Garret Anderson then flies out to center to end the game.

Becketts final line: 9 IN 0 R 4 H 0 BB 8 K
Its already the third postseason shutout of his career and he's only 27. Wow.
Dice-K vs. Escobar on Friday...should be interesting. That's all I've got. I'm going to sleep for a few hours.

Tribe-Yankees Game One: Sabathia vs. Wang (Insert Penis Joke Here)

Let's make this quick. The Indians play host to the Yankees tomorrow evening at 6:30 for Game 1 of the ALDS. Certain victory looms for the Tribe, as the Yankees haven't faced off against Sabathia since 2004, before he was a real ace. And with a name like Wang, you're asking to get slapped.

But seriously, this game will set the tone for the rest of the series. Although that may be true for every series, it is especially true for this one. The Yankees beat the Indians in the season series 6-0. If the Tribe can't win with their ace on the mound at the Jake, this team might start agreeing with everyone else; that they just can't beat the Evil Empire. I will be in Cleveland for this game, but not in the stadium. That way I can be there if the city sees fit to set up the collective noose. I imagine Derek Jeter would be the one kicking the chair.

Speaking of Jeter, I found it absurd outrageous appalling all of the above that he doesn't appear on Simmons' 25 Players to Watch in the ALDS. Seriously, I typed "Jeter" into the "Find" feature after reading the article and there were no results. Either it's some weird Boston thing where you can't say his name in October or Simmons is just a big jackass.

"Too high. It's too high."

Tuesday, October 2, 2007

Notes from the Underground

Don't get too excited, this is not actually my first post in almost a month. has returned for a guest appearance, which may please you more than my return. In other good news, I have purchased the International Edition of which means that I will be able to watch all the playoff games live (albeit at ungodly hours) so expect something later in the week. Until then...enjoy.

With the MLB playoffs looming, and NCAA/NFL in full swing, I couldn't resist doing a quick write-up.

I didn't know if the MLB playoffs would decrease my work productivity this year, but after watching the dramatic finish to the Rockies vs. Padres one game playoff, it's safe to say I'm screwed. The game was back and forth all night, and produced some great drama . I guess Dane Cook is right; "There's only one OCTOBER!!!". I don't really feel bad for Trevor Hoffman, who blew two saves in three days, as he's had his moment in the sun for quite some time. I was actually amazed he had over 40 saves this year. He has a wicked changeup, but it's not too effective when its only 2 mph's faster than his, ah, fastball. Matt Holliday went from "outhouse to penthouse" (yea, I still say gay stuff), when he ripped a triple off the right field wall that tied the game at eight apiece. He was actually in jeopardy of losing the batting title when he stepped to the plate; having gone 1-5 up to that point,. However, his triple sealed the batting title, and the RBI crown (if I'm not mistaken.) Next came the sacrifice fly that will be talked about incessantly over the next couple days. Yes, Holliday was blocked by Barrett, and never touched home plate. Umpire Tim McClelland made the safe call, about 3 seconds too late, and the game was over. After 13 innings of exciting, lay it all on the line baseball, the game was decided by an incompetent umpire. I say, "who cares", the game was spectacular, and I was rooting for the Rockies anyway. I mean, they hadn't made the playoffs since 1995, and had to win 14 of their last 15 games to get into the post season. There's nothing left to be said, but congratulations. Larry Walker is so freakin' proud of you guys. I bet he slammed a bunch of Molson Ice (I think he's Canadian) right when Holliday thudded across the area around home plate.

Now, the whole playoff picture is set, and some focus can shift off the NFL Empire; at least until Sunday. I am looking forward to almost every series coming up. I really can't decide who I like in either AL series as the teams all seem so evenly matched. I will be rooting for the Indians and Red Sox, only because I want to see McBread and Log's friendship ended when one of their respective teams fails to win the AL Championship. As of now, my money is on Log in any fight that occurs because of the potential Cleveland/Red Sox matchup. Why you ask? Well, he TKO'd me during a slap boxing match a few months back. I don't know if McBread could do the same, so I'll just have to see.

The matchups in the AL are very interesting. I'm not sure if the Yankee's pitching staff can hold up, especially in the middle innings. Moreover, Roger Clemens guarantees a Game 3 loss for the Yanks, so I like the Indians chances. With CC and Fausto heading the Indians' rotation, the Yanks could be in for a long week.

The BoSox just named their starting rotation for their series against the Yanks. Beckett has been spectacular this year, and we all know he performs very well in the post season. If Dice-K doesn't have a tired arm, and Curt can spot his pitches well, the Red Sox can get by The Los Angeles Angels of Anaheim (or whatever the hell they are called.) Lachey, the terrorist threat, has pitched very shitty against the Red Sox, especially in Fenway, so it will be interesting to see how the series plays out. (Oh, and Eric Gagne needs to take off those ridiculous glasses. They were cool when he was good, but come on, its just pompous when you dress ridiculous and suck at your craft.)

I'm not going to get into a long discussion about the NL series. I don't think the Phillies/Rockies series is worth talking about (yet), and I don't know enough about the D-Backs to comment on their series with the north siders. I am not a Cubs fan, but will be pulling for them as many of my friends are. They deserve to get within a couple outs of the World Series, so I hope they advance to the NL Championship.

If im not mistaken, baseball has taken a backseat on the blog, so I hope to inject a little "fall fever" (Yep still ridiculously gay) onto the interwebs.

I have been having a very great football betting year. I am up a total of 22.75x over the past month or so, which has inflated by thin wallet and ever expanding ego. I'd be up a few units more if not for the Bungul's no-show tonight against the Pats. I don't know why I bet against the Pats. I've never lost a game I've bet with them. Randy Moss is ridiculous; shakin' his dick in front of every DB in the league. He is one of the Top 5 most talented football players of all time, and it's just sad that he stopped trying for a couple years out in Oakland. Of course, the Patriots are able to keep him under control, and it means trouble for the rest of the AFC. I don't think they will go undefeated (that's pretty tough to do people), but I do believe they will be next to impossible to beat when the playoffs roll around. The Colts are still at the top of the AFC as well, but the Patriots seem to be playing on a different level. The same cannot be said for the San Diego Chargers. They are (1-3), and seem to have no energy or enthusiasm. I predicted this when they hired Norv Turner. He is the worst coach in the NFL and is a proven loser. Marty Schottenridiculouslastname couldn't win a playoff game, but at least he consistently took his teams to the playoffs.

We can also throw the Saints into the group of underperformers this year. This shouldn't be too surprising to NFL "experts", nonetheless, you think they'd be a little better. (Contemplated Katrina something or another here, but I think its too soon.) However, the season is young, and one would be foolish to jump the gun on who will/won't suck at the end of the year. (Oh, I forgot to mention the Bears, but their not really worth talking about. What a joke!)

Some pleasant surprises include:
Detriot (Maybe Kitna isn't crazy)
Arizona (Kurt Warner's butch wife is getting more air time)
KC (Watch Hard Knocks on HBO. You gotta root for KC)
Tennessee (Vince Young says "F You Wunderlich Test)
Tampa Bay (John Gruden is a jackass)
Green Bay (only if you're a Packers fan, and I am certainly not.)
Washington (Joe Gibbs likes Nascar)
The Skid Marks (Browns)

Oh, Dallas is pretty good too. (Wade Phillips, Romo, TO, Jerry Jones...... Foursome?)

College football got pretty ridiculous this past weekend. I don't like to say "I told you so", wait yes I do, so I'll just come out and say that the Big East was overrated this year. And shockingly, Steve Slaton's fumble issues cost WV any chance of winning the game against South Florida. The PAC 10 is performing quite well, and the Oregon/Cal game was one of the best I've seen over the last couple years. I'm interested to see if Cal or USC can come out of the PAC 10 with an undefeated record; it will be tough.

My two teams, ND and Michigan, seem to be headed in opposite directions. Michigan has played well since the dreaded spread offense went away, and could be the talk of the Big 10 by the end of the year. It seems like Wisconsin is overrated, and Ohio State is beatable in the Big House, unless Tressel installs the spread offense and lays the biggest beat in the history of the Big 10. He's pretty crafty, so I'm sure he's planning on firing something ridiculous off.

Notre Dame, on the other hand, can't win a game to save their lives. They are getting pooped on by every team in the country. They showed some heart and executed well in the 2nd half against Purdue, but it could be along time before they get a victory. They might have trouble beating Duke this year if they don't pick it up. O'Charlie looks like he's put on another 15 pounds of blubber, which only suggests he's spending extra time sulking in the Ponderosa buffet line. GROSS! Really, ND football deserves its own article, so I'll stop ranting now.

Oh, and my fantasy leagues aren't going to well. I'm glad I listened to all of those people who told me to take Stephen Jackson. Just goes to show, one should always trust his gut. I'm in last (or close to it) in both of my leagues. I will continue to get embarrassed unless I start caring and turn into the beat master. If anyone wants to make a "shady" trade and split the profits at the end of the year, I'm all ears.

Well, that is it for now everyone. Peace be with you. (I guess the write-up wasn't so quick after all.)

Monday, October 1, 2007 Could Have Told You That, Indiana

As you have probably already heard, Indiana Hoosiers basketball recruit Bud Mackey was arrested for carrying around some coke (not a big deal). Anyway, I found this humorous when a friend linked me over to Mackey’s profile, where he told me to look at his “Areas for Improvement”:


Decision Making
Perimeter Shot
Values Structure

Anyone who questions which site to look at, or, every time they are looking up recruits should be clearly convinced after this that Scout is the winner. Especially considering Mackey’s past (from

Scott County Schools Superintendent Dallas Blankenship told the Herald-Leader the district would review disciplinary action, adding that Mackey had never been in trouble before at the school.

How much time did these scouts spend with this kid to realize that he had some values problems even though he didn't ever get in trouble at school? A day, tops, right? Amazing. Keep up the great work,