Friday, October 26, 2007

The Contest

Due to the fact that Buzzsaw was at the Virginia Tech debacle last night (Boston College is trash), I'm filling in for him and posting this week's picks. It's time to update the standings first though.

BigLots 26-14
Guy 22-18
Sammich 16-23-1
Buzzsaw 13-23-4

To sum it up, I'm awesome and Buzzsaw will be taking an entire beer up the butt shortly.

Onto the picks:


West Virgina/Rutgers Under 57
Houston/UTEP Over 74
South Florida -4.5 @ UCONN
Tampa Bay -3.5 vs. Jacksonville
NY Giants -9.5 @ Miami

Iowa +3 v MSU
Ohio St -3.5 v Penn State
Minnesota +23 v Michigan
Redskins +16.5 v Patriots
Dolphins +9.5 v Giants
**BONUS** Bye pk v Notre Dame

UConn +4.5 @ USF
Washington St +5.5 v UCLA
Oregon -3 v USC
Miami +9.5 v NYG in London
Carolina +6.5 v Indianapolis

Vanderbilt -13.5 v Miami (OH)
Ohio State -3.5 @ Penn State
Michigan -23 v Minnesota
New York Giants -9.5 v Miami in London
St Louis -3 v Cleveland

Things That Suck:

I've been in Germany the past week and haven't had access to a computer except to watch the Red Sox but sent me this article so here it is. Enjoy.

My Life:

I try to get things accomplished and end up writing 2 page blog articles. People tell me no when I offer to give them stuff for free. My favorite season, fall, is now 1 week long. It goes from 85 to 50 degrees over the course of three days. I'm down, and have decided I want to be a dog. As I sit next to my sister's dog, Boozer, who has been sleeping peacefully for the better part of two hours, my jealousy grows stronger and more steadfast

The dog doesn't do anything all day. He sleeps, walks around, chews on a bone, and whines when no one plays with him. People watch when he is going to the bathroom, which kind of sucks, but I'd let someone put a leash on me and take me outside to drop my deuce in a heartbeat if it came along with all of the perks of being a dog. No responsibilities of any kind exist for this thing, and he's the biggest asshole in the world. Doesn't have to wipe after shits, farts whenever he feels like it (yep, he just ripped one in his sleep and didn't even notice), and gets to bark (the dog form of yelling at people) whenever he is unhappy. Oh, and if he rolls over, he gets a treat. If I roll over, it probably means my apartment is burning to the ground.

His life seems so simple. Throw in a couple prescription pills, some bottles of bud light, and the ability to bet on the occasional sporting event, and I would accept any offer to become a dog.

The World Series:
After the Red Sox route yesterday, I am beginning to think this World Series is going to be as boring as the others we've seen over the last few years. World Series years '04 and '05 produced little excitement as both were four game sweeps (that is unless you're a fan of red or white sox), and '06 wasn't much better unless you enjoyed watching a Quad A team destroy the offensively challenged Detroit Tigers. The Red Sox seem to be playing on a whole different level since going down 3-1 to the Indians. They have dominated every game, and I don't see too much changing. I could end up looking like an idiot if the Rockies make this thing close (which would be ok because I make myself look like an idiot at least 15 times a week), but I don't see it happening.

Byron Leftwich's Legs:
He is officially the Barbaro of the NFL. The only time you see him is as he crumbles to the ground in agony. His ankles are made of plate-glass. He should be taken out back and put to sleep. I've faded the Jaguars for a long time, and was looking forward to fading the Falcons, so I'm kind of pissed, but whatever, I can't talk about gambling on this siteL

Notre Dame Football:
I've been to almost every home game, and I've left with a bitter taste in my mouth each and every time. My highlights of the ND home game weekends include strippers, explaining the meaning of the word FUPA to my Grandma after I told her Charlie Weis had one, and Jay Morris getting kicked out of the Backer for taking off his pants. Notice none of those highlights include an ND win or anything that would make me think they had a chance against any team that's not playing in wheelchairs. Moreover, the entire college football season has been a letdown on some level.

The Colt/Pats and Manning/Brady Comparisons:
I hope no one else watched the MNF game between the Colts and the Jaguars. Tony Kornheiser didn't go more than 5 minutes before comparing the two teams or the two quarterbacks. It got so ridiculous that I contemplated shutting the game off about 15 times, and would have if I didn't have a little cash on it. Unfortunately, I now hate Kornheiser. I've noticed he can't go more than a few minutes without making some ludicrous comparison that means absolutely nothing. Manning or Brady? Here's your answer Tony; I don't give a shit. They are both sweet. Stop making Ron Jorowski flip coins to decide which one he'd take if he had to start a team. I suggest you take Smarty Joines advice and refrain from watching ESPN for at least a week before the Pats/Colts game that's coming up. They will drive this story into the ground like it's the Super Bowl. (Oh, and I'm willing to lay some serious cash on a bet that involves the Patriots and whether or not they'll go undefeated. It won't happen.)

My Fantasy Teams:
Wow, I have been pretty pitiful. I haven't updated my roster in about 3 weeks. It all started after I took a massive beat in Joines' league. I was up about 35 points to Smarty with only the 2nd half of the MNF game between the Bears and Cowboys remaining. We had shut off the game to start a new episode of Curb (which is absolutely awesome this year and doesn't suck at all.) He called me the next day to tell me Marion Barber picked up his usual garbage second half points and that he had won. I nearly fainted on the phone, felt defeated, and have since vowed to quit all together. I'm really good at quitting things when I get far behind.
My addiction to chew:
Just sad. E'snuff said. (sorry that was stupid and gayish.)

Those are the things, off the top of my head, which suck really, really bad. Goodbye for now.

Tuesday, October 23, 2007

Just Checking In

I don't have much to say about the ALCS. Except, damn. That was pretty cruel. Any true Ohio fan knows that our Buckeyes are going down to Penn State in Happy Valley on Saturday and that the Rams are taking the Browns behind the woodshed for their first win of the season. After all, when it rains, it pours. That's just how it goes sometimes. I would also like to apologize on behalf of the Indians for denying all of you fans of another Bridesmaid article. I know you were all very excited.