Monday, June 18, 2007

US Open: Back Nine Log (Pun 50% Intended)

I really haven’t been able to focus enough to write something meaningful, so I’ll go for some entertainment value with this piece. If anyone is familiar with Bill Simmons, the Sports Guy, you’ll get the gist. I hope you guys were able to watch the end of the Open this year as it provided for some great drama down the stretch. Oakmont is probably the toughest golf course in the world and it proved itself this weekend.

I really love NBC’s coverage, but sometimes Johnny Miller, Roger “Chocalate” Maltbe, and the rest of the crew go a little overboard with their old man comments. Miller, when describing Angel Cabrera, said “he’s moving around like a cat on a hit tin roof.” What? If I would have known any of my grandpa’s I’m pretty sure I would have heard that line at least a half dozen times. Start speaking to your crowd you guys, we aren’t all 55-75 years old.

5:10pm- I decided to start this thing as I promised Log an article, and thought this might be good enough. The coverage is interrupted so that we can listen to Bob Costas, at the Lincoln Financial Prudential Bank One FedEx Sports Desk, recap the entire round I’ve been watching the last 3.5 hours. I find out Bonds went deep off Wakefield in their series against Boston, so I am happy. I’m sure Log was as well. Anytime you want to start winning ball games just look for a 3 or 4 game stint with the Giants.

5:14pm- The 9th green at Oakmont is insane. First, it doubles as the 9th hole and the practice putting surface. More importantly, its two elevations make it almost impossible to score on. Tiger hits it to within 20 feet, but facesa real tough double breaker. Maltbe, who has been following Tiger around during the round, is talking entirely too loud. 6/5 Tiger eventually turns around and tells him to shut the fuck up.

5:17pm- Steven Ames needs to stop fist pumping after the 40 ft bomb he just made. Last time I checked he was leading the open 30 minutes ago and now he’s 5 back after a 3 hole string of triple, double, bogey. Oh, and if you think Shannon Sharpe looks like a horse, take a look at Ames. He looks like Mr. Ed.

5:20pm- Miller mentions that the last three groups are a combined +25 at the turn. Combination of tough course conditions and people choking. We should be in for a good finish. The USGA just started promoting the 08’ Open which will be held at Torrey Pines. Tiger’s won 5 or so tournaments there. Might as well save everyone some time and just give him the trophy.

5:25pm- Tiger just smiled on a Sunday at the US Open down 1 stroke on the back nine. What in the hell is going on? Cabrera continues attacking pins and ripping cigarettes, or “heaters” as Scott Van Pelt called them on Sportscenter tonight. BTW, Cabrera just hit a 397 yard drive. He is a house.

5:28pm- Tiger has another 12-15ft putt. He missed. I’m pretty sure he might break down and start crying if he doesn’t get one to drop pretty soon. I’ve never seen him miss this many opportunities to take over a major on Sunday.

They keep cutting back to Scott Verplank……….. Yeah, exactly, who is that?

5:30pm- I feel bad for Aaron Baddeley. He was paired with Tiger in the last group and came out nervous with a triple on one. He continues to meltdown. He, along with Justin Rose, is a good young player who can contend in future big tournaments. They both just need to adjust to the pressure. Johnny Miller keeps saying how great a kid Baddeley is and that he was really pulling for him. He’s also commented on his attire over the past couple days. I think he wants to do him.

5:33pm- AIG has some funny commercials going. The Big headed kid, who’s standing in the doorway of his parents bedroom, is hilarious. His parents think he’s having a nightmare, but he’s worried about their investments. He runs through a laundry list of his concerns, and they make him feel better by telling him they’re with AIG. He then says, “Ah,, don’t get up. I’ll tuck myself in.” Really funny stuff, and if you don’t know what I’m talking about I apologize.

5:35pm- NBC’s Sunday Night Football commercial with Al Michaels and John Madden has been played 10-15 times already. Madden looks 3 times as big as Michaels, and its entirely possible he is the world’s largest man. Who really knows though? Has anyone ever seen John Madden in person? Is he even real? He’s close to seven feet tall and weighs over 400lbs, that’s all I know. Seriously, someone produce one real picture of John Madden just to prove to me he isn’t some fat, turkey leg eating, ghost-jackass.

5:44pm- Cabrera (+3) seems to be holding up pretty well right now. I still predict +5 or +6 is going to win the tournament. Looks like we could be looking at an 18 hole playoff tomorrow. I hope so because it means I won’t have to work.

5:48- A commercial comes on for America’s Got Talent. It’s just another one of those stupid ass reality TV Shows that NBC threw together to try to compete with American Idol. (All of these shows are garbage btw, and I hope no one watches them.)

David Hasselhoff (sp?....wait who cares) just told someone to shut-up. The other jackass came back by saying something like “you don’t run this show.” I know Hasselhoff(sp?...wait who cares) is worth close to $100 million dollars and revered in Germany. Why is he doing this? Hasn’t he already embarrassed himself enough?

5:56pm- The log of events was temporarily interrupted as I frantically searched for my tin of Grizzly Straight. Couldn’t find it so I had to scrounge what I could out of the 7-8 empty tins laying around my apartment. (Personal reaffirmation that I am still 100% addicted and it feels soooo good.)

Cabrera just birdied giving him a 3 stroke lead. I till think he’s going to choke. He’s way too worked up. Easy on the Red Bull Angel.

5:59pm- Tiger’s shirt isn’t red, its pink. He’s been wearing this color a lot recently on Sunday. Your color is red Tiger, don’t think you can fool me. It’s really, really tight too. He is trying to show off his guns, and looks stupid. So Smug tiger, you’re not a body builder, put on a shirt that fits.

6:06- Cabrera is on the 16th tee biting his nails. He just landed in front of the 16th green. He is about 90ft away. I smell a three putt!! Tiger needs to start scoring right now. I think he’ll need to play his last holes at -1 if he wants to win.

6:07pm- Tiger sticks a shot to within 7ft on #13. NBC cuts to commercial with Hicks sating “Cabrera is feeling vintage Tiger heat.” That’s’ all, I just thought it sounded kind of funny.

6:08pm- Damn commercial with Zach Johnson keeps coming on where he says “I’m just a mid-western guy.” Me too Zach, who the hell cares.

6:11pm- NBC finally unveils their spilt screen coverage as Furyk and Cabera are putting. Where has this been the last 15 hours of coverage? Furyk drills his putt and is making a big time move. Furyk is from the Pittsburg area, and Johnny Miller says “Jim is making one of those Western Pennsylvania charges!” Once again, what in the hell does that mean?

Cabrera leaves himself with 8ft.

6:17pm- Commercial time. I forgot about the log as the action is getting fucking good. I flip and see Seinfeld on. The episode is “The Subway”, and its one that is rarely talked about. Elaine’s internal outburst on the Subway is great when it stops moving, and Kramer’s “his mother was a mudder” line is one of my favorites of all time. Not to mention, the shot of him at the bookies when he is rooting for the horse he bet on. Screaming “Come on, come on!” as he hits his knee with a newspaper and mimics the moves of a jockey. I hope you know what I’m talking about.

6:18pm- Tiger should make a commercial with Lee Trevino. They could do the whole Happy Gilmore deal where Tiger would be saying inappropriate shit and then cut to Trevino who is just shaking his head. Good stuff.

6:20pm- Tiger missed his short putt on #13. He needed to stick his approach on 14, but he flew the green.

6:24pm- Cabrera is starting to meltdown as he just bogeyed 16, and if Tiger can pull out some of his tricks the tournament will be his.

6:25pm- I am getting way to into this tournament. Jim Furyk is putting together one of the best back 9’s in Open history.

6:30- Cabrera just bogeyed 17 after failing to get up and down. Furyk and Cabrera are tied at +5 and Tiger is one behind at 6 over. Cabrera needs to find a Joy John and put on a diaper. He’s about to poop his big pants.

6:32- Goes to commercial. I just flipped to A League of Their Own at the end of the movie, and almost forgot about the Open. How embarrassing that would have been!

6:35pm- Tiger misses another green. Furyk decided to go with driver on 17 and ends up in the deep, deep rough on the left side of the green. What in the hell is he doing? Very uncharacteristic of Furyk!

6:41pm- Tiger continues to grind out ridiculous par saves. Cabrera is in the house and has posted +5. I think Tiger can get him! NBC announcers are basically giving Cabrera the tourney. He has a good chance, but Tiger is heading to 17 down 1 stroke.

6:43pm- Ben Toothlessburger just woke up from a nap nightmare thinking he was on a crotch rocket. Can you imagine what that old lady was thinking when he flew through her windshield? “Oh, that’s Big Ben and he just face planted into the front of my car.” Nice little weekday, don’t you think?

6:52pm- First Immaculate Reception reference all week, which is a good thing. Tiger has a tough chip on 17. If he hits this, I shave off my eyebrows. (I need to do that anyway, they are quite bushy.)

6:56pm- Close-up of Cabrera watching Tiger. He looks nervous as hell and it smells like poop in the clubhouse, Check his diaper.

Jimmy Roberts appears for the second time, but he doesn’t have a sweater vest on. Nothing makes sense to me anymore!

6:58- We find out Frank is the name of Tiger’s Tiger driver head cover. Good sports reporting.

7:10pm- Sorry I got distracted. Tiger didn’t birdie 17.

Those “The Villages” commercials with the old people are scary as shit. Old people golfing, roller-blading, and going upper 90 during a pick-up soccer game is ridiculous. I haven’t exercised that much in 5 years.

7:20pm- Tiger is on the lip of the primary cut looking at his approach on 18. He needs to stick it close for a birdie and playoff. Steve Williams, his caddy, just told him to hit a 9 as hard as he can from 155 yards out. What?? I would hit a 9 iron there.

7:22pm- Tiger misses long by about 25-30 feet. Nice shot, but he didn’t get it to land soft enough. His putt is going to be too tough.

7:27pm- Tiger misses his putt and Cabrera wins the 07’ Open. Congratulations Angel , you played very will.

The Open this year was unreal. I hope you weren’t too bored. Editing is stupid when you are writing a running log.


Brian said...

I enjoyed reading the golf blog today. Hats off to Cabrera for simply playing better than everyone else. He was bombing drives down the middle. (The one on 12 that went 397 was great.) He hit some stiff iron shots and knocked down putts.

Tiger played well but couldn't get the putter going. The thing about Oakmont is that there are very few easy putts of any length. If you leave is above the hole like Tiger did on 15, good luck. The putt was only about 4 or 5 feet but it takes some incredible touch going right to left, down a hill on greens that stimp over 13. I've heard some call Tiger's performance a choke. That is a laughable to even suggest and a statement like that really shows one's low golf IQ. A 72 on Sunday at a completely dry Oakmont is no choke. It just wasn't good enough.

Some clarifications for you:

"A Western Pennsylvania charge"
I assume this reference is to Arnold Palmer at Cherry Hills in 1960. One of the most famous rounds in golf history. He started the day 5 strokes behind Jack Nicklaus and shot a 65 to win the US Open.

Also, Furyk was not putting together one of the best back nines in Open history. He had a very nice run of 3 consecutive birdies but you can't forget the 2 bogey's he made right before that. If those bogey's were pars, MAYBE. By the way, I think he shot 35 on both nines yesterday.

Scott Verplank:
Come on! Give Verplank some love. He's a two time Ryder Cup participant. Don't you remember that Ace he had at the K Club last year? He also won a U.S. Amateur if I'm correct. He's one of the most solid players on tour. He hits it like a bitch but keeps it straight and is a great putter.

Final thought:

2008 US Open at Torrey Pines:

What a fucking disappointment. Torrey Pines is one of the most boring, uninspiring courses I've ever seen. The USGA needs to forget about SoCal. There are ZERO courses worthy of hosting a U.S. Open.

They need to find a good rotation of 4 or 5 courses and just stick with those.

1. Oakmont
2. Pinehurst
3. Pebble
4. Shinny/Bethpage/Merion/WF West

(2013 at Merion Golf Club in Philly will be the best Open ever! only 6 more years!)

There are no courses worthy of hosting a U.S. Open in the south/midwest. Olympia Field was OK but very uninspiring. It will still be 10x better than Torrey Pines. I still can't believe they are going to that dog track. With the PGA Championship at Oakland Hills, we have a boring year in store.

I wish every year could be as exciting as this. Oakmont is the ultimate test of golf.

Buzzsaw said...

No mention of the fact that Cabrera was sitting in the men's bathroom watching Tiger's last few holes? The bathroom attendant was the second person he hugged when he won ... I was actually shocked he wasn't in the kitchen with all the Spanish-speakers

Brian said...

Since when is it Sunday pink? That was the gayest shirt I've ever seen Tiger wear. It was a neon pink, mock turtleneck with weird ruffles on the front.

That Zach Johnson commercial was alright the first time they played it. After I saw it for ATLEAST the 10th time, it was unbearable.

Cabrera posted two of the eight rounds under par this week. The best golfers in the world played about 450 (??) rounds this weekend only 8 round were under par. Cabrera posting two rounds under par says a lot about his game. He played outstanding and deserved that win.

I must say, I like Johnny Miller. He is brutally honest and not afraid to speak his mind. I remember watching the Player's and he used that same phrase. "O'Hair's as nervous as a cat on a hot tin roof." The comment was right on the money and I don't think I've laughed that hard at golf commentary in my life. I had never heard the phrase but found it hilarious.

Daris said...

haha i know miller was refering to gold ole Arnie, nonetheless its ridiculous.

I do give a little credit to Verplank because he is a solid golfer, but he was too far out of it at +8 or +9 to be showing two or three of his putts. I guess they were just running out of options.

Ya, I though Furyk was going to finish with a furry. After getting his back nine to -1, I thought he could birdie 17 and put together one of the best 5 hole stretches in Open history given the circumstances and his tough finish last year. His decision to hit driver on 17 was ridiculous, even though he did a good job justifying it after the round.

hahaha "i can't believe they're going to that dog track."

i love johnny miller too, but I think you're turning into him with quotes like that.

BigLots said...

Kind of going along with what Brian said, had a poll up that asked whether Cabrera won it or Tiger lost it. Just ridiculous. I found this incredibly insulting to Cabrera. Tiger just simply didn't have enough.

Buzzsaw said...

Settle down Biglots, the poll wasn't up on ... no harm done.

Medicine said...

Anytime you want to start winning ball games just look for a 3 or 4 game stint with the Giants.