Tuesday, September 25, 2007

Heisman Watch: Week 4

I had a tough day today, I apologize for kind of going through the motions. At class, my teacher mentioned how some revolutionary group "got in through the back door," I laughed out loud and things got awkward; the teacher wasn't amused. It ruined my day. Anyway, I'm beginning the pare down the list to the top 5 contenders, as players are beginning to separate themselves.

1) Tiquan Underwood, WR, Rutgers: 20 Rec, 500 yd, 3 TD

Bye weeks are for pussies, but that’s on the Rutgers AD, not Tiquan. We still love you Undies. We’ll get back to talking about his greatness next week when he tears the balls off Maryland.

2) Graham Harrell, QB, Texas Tech: 166/227, 1963 yards, 19 TD, 2 INT

Losses are for pussies, but that’s on Texas Tech’s defense. Harrell has still been absolutely unbelievable. Last week in their loss against Oklahoma State, Harrell went 46/67, 646 yards, 5 TDs, and 0 INTs. That’s an entire season of passing yards for Jameel Sewell. While tearing OK State apart his system QB rival, Colt Brennan, was busy ducking Charleston Southern’s vaunted ‘Icebox’ defense.

3) Darren McFadden, RB, Arkansas: 86 rushes, 519 yards, 4 TDs

I’m a little leery of McFadden, when he’s playing, he’s the best in college football, but he’s missed a lot of key time for his team. Against Troy he missed time for cramps, he missed the Razorbacks last drive against Alabama with the game in the balance with a 'concussion' (there were no symptoms 30 min afterwards), and he got a stomach virus versus Kentucky. What the hell is happening to him? I'm not gonna say he should be fighting through all of this shit, because I wouldn't ... I'm a pussy, but I think there are guys that could.

4) Tim Tebow, QB, Florida: 65/95, 1096 yards, 10 TD, 1 INT

I’ve always thought Tebow was kind of a douchebag; I didn’t really have a reason, maybe it was because of the never ending handjob he receieved for his gay jump pass last season, but this year has changed my opinion of him. He has torn everyone apart, despite supposedly struggling with his passing in the preseason. Luckily for Tebow, any inadequacies he does have are being covered up by Urban Meyer’s insane recruits, most of which he vultured from other programs, like ND … what a bitch.

5) Andre’ Woodson, QB, Kentucky: 86/134, 1008 yards, 11 TD, 0 INT

I wasn’t a believer in Woodson to start the season, but he has turned me around a bit. So long as teams refuse to play defense against him, I like his Heisman chances. We’ll see how he does against the traditional SEC powers, Arkansas and Louisville basically have I-AA defenses, so we can't get too excited yet.

And one for good luck …

6) Dorien Bryant, WR, Purdue: 32 rec, 368 yards, 3 TD; 6 rush, 59 yards; 14 returns, 402 yards, 1 TD

I had to include Bryant somehow, just so I can explain how bad he and the rest of the Boilermakers will rape Notre Dame’s ass next weekend. I’m actually worried that this massacre will carryover into my own ass, all ND fans should be vigilant in their anal protection on Saturday. Last year Curtis Painter threw for nearly 400 yards in a loss, and WR Selwyn Lymon had 238 yards receiving. Bryant is clearly Painter’s favorite target this year, so he should get the looks, and with Notre Dame’s godawful offense, Purdue will get even more chances to score. I could not dread watching a game more than I do this one.


mjenks said...

The one good thing is, with Notre Dame's anemic offense and no-show punting unit, Painter shouldn't rack up as many yards this year with so many short fields to play on.

If Tebow wins the Heisman, I want his girlfriends gigantic tits to accept it for him.

Anonymous said...

Just a few corrections regarding McFadden

1) McFadden did play in the 4th qtr against Bama. He scored 2 TD's. He only missed the last drive because he had a concussion. He was told by the trainers/coaches that he could not play. He wanted to be in the game.

2) He missed time in the KY game because of a stomach virus not cramps. He was throwing up in the locker room.

3) His heart is not questionable. You won't find a player in college football that plays as hard as he does. Watch him play sometime, and you will see what a misguided statement that is.

At least you got it right that he is the best in the country.

Buzzsaw said...

My bad on McFadden ... I'll fix it, I'm not saying he doesn't have heart, just that the fact that he's missed time in every game for something random. Cramps v Troy, concussion v Bama, and apparently a stomach virus v Kentucky. I looked up that concussion and it says he had no effects 30min afterwards ... sounds more like a headache. He's awesome though.