I'm back. I never really went anywhere I guess but now I've decided to finally get off of my ass and update the contest. I got a little bored with it because I've been dominating so thoroughly. You know that feeling when you're just a little too good at something? It gets tiresome. When I'm not challenged I lose interest. It's just human nature.
Okay, I'm glad I got that out of my system. Truthfully, I only wrote that last paragraph to piss off Buzzsaw. It just so happens that pissing off Buzzsaw is one of the few things in the world that I'm better at than this contest. Actually, as you can see Guy is pretty close to me and could even pass me this weekend if I slip up. Even though it's early, it looks like Buzzsaw and Sammich are going to be battling it out to avoid funneling a beer up their ass.
In completely unrelated news, the Diamondbacks and the Cubs are just now starting their series. I think it's well documented where my allegiance stands in this match-up. While in the middle of writing this award winning article I happened to catch the starting lineup of the Diamondbacks:
Jesus Christ that is awful. That team had the best record in the National League, are you kidding me? I knew the D'backs weren't exactly a dominant team but I had no idea it was this bad. I'm relying on Augie Ojeda and Jeff Salazar to deliver me from my own personal hell which would be the Cubs advancing in the playoffs? This is just awful news. I'm extremely bitter right now. I'm just gonna console myself by staring at The Contest standings for a couple minutes.