Thursday, September 20, 2007

Lowsman Watch: Week 3

1) Harrison Beck, QB, NC State: 59/110, 641 yd, 2 TD, 6 INT

Harrison Beck has transformed himself; it’s really been spectacular to watch. He’s morphed from an interception throwing gunslinger, a la Brett Favre or Rex Grossman, into game managing Mark Brunell-type. Last week he threw for over 300 yards and 5 interceptions, this week, he threw for 113 yards, no TDs, and no INTs; that was good for 3.5 yards per attempt… BORING. Beyond being an awful quarterback, he’s gotta be a douche bag too right? What kind of name is Harrison? I know … it’s a last name. I’ve still gotta do some digging, but I’d be willing to bet that he’s the president of NC State’s athletic fraternity, from which, no nerd is safe. If you want to learn more about Harrison, check out his 'official website,' as opposed the the unofficial ones, this is the real deal.

2) Ben Olsen, QB, UCLA: 49/97, 702 yd, 5 TD, 4 INT

Ben, really nice work against Utah last weekend. The state of Utah has not been kind to Olsen as he has gone 33/68, 416yd, 0 TD, and 4 INTs in his last two games, against Utah and BYU. You would think Olsen would be used to the state’s Mormon voodoo elevation, as Olsen himself is a Mormon – and proud of it. Olsen did his mission to Canada from 2003-2005. For those who don’t know, Mormons make a pilgrimage to Canada once in their life to worship maple syrup. Quarterbacks who do their mission are normally awful, but Olsen isn’t worried because “It’s [the mission] important to me, plus I’m blessed with a lot of talent. I’m better than any other guy that’s gone on a mission.” Hmmm, at least he’s confident, but I think the Dolphin’s John Beck might have a legit gripe.

3) Lyle Moevao, QB, Oregon State: 24/43, 255 yd, 0 TD, 4 INT

Lyle is about to be supplanted as the Oregon State quarterback, losing out to Sean Canfield. At least I’d assume he will be, is there anything dumber than a quarterback by committee when the committee members are the exact same type of player? I understood the Chris Leak/Time Tebow thing, but this is ridiculous, especially when Moevao is so bad. Lyle will become the 5th member of our Lowsman Watch candidates to lose his job; a major hurdle in forming these lists, but something I’m very proud of.

4) Jameel Sewell, QB, Virginia: 31/54, 243 yd, 1 TD, 2 INT

I’m not sure why I didn’t keep Jameel on this list last week, he wasn’t good. So far this year, Jameel has yet to throw for over 100 yards … and he played Duke. UVA has a great defense, but he’s completely spoiling it. He isn’t doing it with his legs either, he is basically Vince Young with a torn ACL.

5) John Sullivan, C, ND: Fucking Awful

Sullivan is definitely not the worst player on this line, as he was the number one ranked center in the country going into the year and was on every lineman award watch list; but he’s the cornerstone of an offense that has rushed for -14 yards. Beyond that, Sullivan made sure that any glimmer of hope for Notre Dame fans was lost on the first offensive play of the game against Michigan when he snapped the ball over Jimmy Clausen’s head, nearly ending in a safety. The game was over right at that moment. Here are some more stats to get nauseous over, 20/39 offensive drives have ended in 3 and outs and 10 of those 39 have gone for negative yardage. It’s unbelievable, and hurts to watch. Against Michigan, nine different offensive linemen saw playing time, the only player that didn’t was 340-lb sophomore Chris Stewart. I can’t imagine how bad he must be.

6) Delbert Alvarado, K, South Florida: 2/6 FGs

South Florida had the week off last week, but get back at it this weekend versus North Carolina. Delbert is on this list, not only because of his FG %, but because of how bad his misses against Auburn were. Seriously, if the uprights were double their actual size, he still would have missed two of his FGs, and they were at key situations in the second half. There is no doubt that he is going to cost South Florida a game at some point, I’m going to guess it will be West Virginia.

7) Brandon Cox, QB Auburn: 37/75, 436 yd, 2 TD, 6 INT

More like Brandon “Sucks” Cox (oh yea, more to come), this guy is a senior, but is having his worst year ever. Cox is completely fucking the Tigers offense this year, sure, the offensive line is allowing penetration, but Cox needs to know better than to try and stick it into tight coverage; the Auburn offense needs to get back to pounding their opposition with the running game. In fact, Brandon may have lost his job to multi-purpose freshman Kodi Burns, by throwing two interceptions in the first 8 minutes against Michael Henig’s Mississippi State team. That might have spelled the end for Cox because, as we all know, once you go black, you never go back …. Cox has most likely become out 6th Lowsman candidate to lose their job.

8) Deon Palmer, SS, Louisville: MTSU = 42 pts UK = 40 pts

Senior Louisville safety Deon Palmer will continue to represent the Cardinal’s porous defense. They’ve given up over 40pts for the second week in a row. They may get a reprieve this weekend as they meet Syracuse, a team that actually has a worse defense. Deon should probably start taking the advice of his father, Horace Grant, but all signs point to Deon being a bastard child. By ‘all signs,’ I mean he doesn’t wear a helmet visor, I’m sure that would have been lesson #1 from the Horse.

9) Travis Thomas, RB, Notre Dame: 14 carries, 18 yards

Thomas is, thankfully, being fazed out of the ‘running game,’ but he definitely deserves mention before his disappearance. Anyone who has watched Notre Dame’s games knows his fetal possession running style. Literally, every time he gets it, he clutches it with both hands and falls down. I am the last person to blame the running backs or quarterbacks for their lack of offensive production, but Travis Thomas is awful. Others, especially Armando Allen, have shown explosiveness despite having absolutely no room to move.

10) Brian Smith, K, BYU: 0/1 FG, 2 missed PAT

If the Oregon State quarterback by committee situation seems dumb, BYU’s kicker by committee might have out done them. Brian Smith is the second option for the Cougars, but he has missed his lone FG attempt and missed two of six PATs. I can’t imagine how Coach Mendenhall could ever rationally decide to put Smith in, it’s gotta have something to do with reading golden tablets or getting visions in a hat … who the hell knows what these Mormon’s are up to. No matter who the kicker is though, these Cougars should feast on some young, sweaty men in uniform next week as BYU takes on Air Force.

We are always accepting suggestions, please feel free to nominate your team's most worthless player in the comments


sammich said...

atleast travis thomas punched someone

Buzzsaw said...

Haha, that might have been more embarrassing than his play.

Daris said...

i saw deon palmer downtown today, and I was able to outrun him to a cab we were both chasing down.

Anonymous said...

If you're going to jump off of the upper deck of Jordan-Hare Stadium then let me know; I've always wanted to see someone jump off of there.

Just don't have Cox push you, because then someone will intercept you and your suicide attempt will fail.

Cougfan85 said...

I nominate Loren Langley (K) - Washington State. Lost his job to a walk-on who recently lost his kickoff job to a walk-on freshman. Then, inexplicably comes into the WSU/Idaho game to kick a field goal. He misses. And in the process becomes the first kicker booed off the field at Martin Stadium.

Maybe I'm being a little too harsh on "Peanut". He does have a game winning field goal - from under 20 yards away.

Anonymous said...

how the hell do you even put Brett Favre and Rex Grossman in the same sentence??

ex-WVU chuck said... this point, Bucky's Bevel would look like a vast improvement over UCLA's Olsen, even if he was somehow granted eligibility by the NCAA and thrown into the Bruin's lineup today. Too bad benchwarmers probably don't stay on your list as the season rolls on, eh?

Buzzsaw said...

Anon- I'm talking about over-the-hill Brett Favre, not the old Brett Favre or even the new Brett Favre, haha. I can understand the confusion though.

WVU- No, bench warmers get taken off, it's a thin line for all non-QB positions though.

Anonymous said...

I suggest everyone friend harrison beck on facebook and see what my school's qb does in his free time by looking at his pictures

Anonymous said...

i meant to add this picture as an example

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