Tuesday, January 29, 2008

Eli's Journal: (1/22/08) - (1/29/08)


Tuesday (1/22/08):

Dear Journal:

Oh shucks, I only got a few hours of sleep last night. I was up until 4am watching film of Tom Brady. Ssshhh, don’t tell anyone, but I’ve been watching those TMZ videos of Tom wearing that boot cast thing and hanging out with that tall skinny foreign girl. He’s gosh darn lucky I tell ya. I can’t even talk to girls unless I’m buzzing off a couple Miller High Lifes.

Man, if Mom knew I drank, she would kill me! I’m just glad I have you to talk to.

Wednesday (1/23/08):

Journal,

I can’t talk to Daddy or Pey about nothin’ because I don’t want them to think I’m a weakling. For years, it’s always been the same with those two buttholes. They’re always saying “Eli’s like his mom. He’s quite, has jealous tendencies, and cries easily.”

I’m so sick of being picked on. I wish I could be like Tom Brady. He seems like he’s suave. I bet no one in his family picks on him. Heck, I’m from the south! I’m the one who should be walking around in Cowboy boots.

Oh crap journal, it’s 9:30 ! If I don’t make it to Giant’s Stadium by 10:00am, Straham’s gonna make me rub down his thighs again. Gotta jet.

Thursday (1/24/08):

Mr. Journal,

Hah, I love calling you that!

Practice today was borrring, and really, really cold. Maybe I should have shut up and stuck it out in San Diego. But journal, you have to understand that I’ve never been to Mexico before, and I heard Americans aren’t treated right over there. Plus, I’d be far away from Mommy, and sometimes I need to see her when I’m feelin’ down in the dumps. That reminds me, I haven’t called her yet today. She’s probably gettin' nervous. Gotta scram, but I’ll be thinking about you!

Friday (1/25/08):

J,

You know how I told you and everyone that the cold weather in Green Bay didn’t affect me last week? Well, I was lying. My tootsie was freezin’ cold! Christ, I just wish the fellows on the team and that meany- pie Tom Coughlin weren’t all about being tough all the time. I’m just a boy from the South and sometimes I get cold. I just heard that the weather in Arizona was all crummy this week. I might have to bring my blankie, so I’m sure to stay warm.

Saturday (1/26/08):

Hey you!,

Just another day of watching film at practice. Coach let us out a little early, so I came back and caught up on some episodes of the Andy Griffith show. I’m so bored in New York. Pey called me and was trying to give me advice about the Super Bowl, but I don’t listen to that big dummy....(Everyone tells me that I look like Pey, but I hope not. I think he's ugggllyy, haha!)

I’m getting nervous about flying to Arizona. I hate those big flyin’ cars more than anyone. I think I’m gunna try to hitch a ride to the game with John Madden.

Why can’t we just ride there in a big bus, anyway? I know I’m supposed to keep my cell phone turned off when I’m in the air, but I’m gunna keep it on while we fly out there. I usually sneak in the bathroom and call Mom to calm me down. The guys are always telling me that I need someone else in the bathroom with me if I want to join the Mile High Club, but I don’t know what they mean. Heck, we’re all part of the 1,000 Mile High club when we’re up there flying in that big car. Those city-slickers say some crazy things to me sometimes, but I know they love me.

Sorry, I’m rambling again, I’ll write again tomorrow. :-)

Sunday (1/27/08):

My only friend,

Gotta be brief. I had a horrible dream last night. I woke up covered in sweat and kept my head under the blankets for 10 minutes. I’ve been having a lot of dreams lately about those Vrabel and Harrison characters. I’ll just tell ya right now those guys are major league butt heads.

In my dream, Harrison gave me a wedgie during media day, and I saw Vrabel making out with my mom up in the stands. I don’t know if I can deal with this pressure anymore. How am I gonna be able to shake that dream when I see Vrabel and Harrison on the older side of the ball yellin’ stuff at me during the game?

If it wasn’t for you and Mom, I’d have no one to talk to Journal. Thanks for bein’ a pal.

Tuesday (1/29/08):

Mr. Journal AKA “Mr. Always there for me”,

Sorry, I didn’t write yesterday Journal. Really, I am.

I left you in New York and had to have you sent overnight via FedEx. Don’t worry, I had you locked up, and keep the key in my shoe at all times, so nobody read anything on your pages.

We got into Arizona, and I’ve been a busy beaver. I got my haircut and ate at the In-n-Out. They make some gooood burgers. I haven’t been invited to any parties out here yet, but I got a nice pair of new PJ’s anyway, so I’m kinda lookin’ forward to hanging out in my room, eating ice cream, and gettin to bed early.

That Bill Bellicick is a fart, but he makes me nervous. I walked by him today, and felt like I was almost gonna pee my pants. Sometimes, I just wish we would have lost that game to the Packers. Those guys in Las Vegas who make all of those bettin’ things think we are gunna get our butts kicked anyway. Honestly Journal, I’m beginning to think that as well.

I’ll try to keep you updated, but if I’m not able to, just remember it’s because I’m busy.

Sorry again.

E


Matt Arrowhead

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