Friday, January 25, 2008

Pipe Down Priests

“Pipe down already. Put your instruments away and stop fucking screaming. God damn it, if these hooligans don’t shut up I’m going to go down there and wring some necks.”

Usually, this line is mumbled by an angry parent at 11:00 pm after a son’s basement band practice just passed the three hour mark and shows no signs of stopping. Now, it’s being mumbled by residents living above the Vatican soccer fields in Rome.

Last year the Vatican kicked off the Clericus Cup which is a soccer tournament for priests and seminarians living in Vatican City. Dozens of teams are involved in the priestly tournament; all going after the elusive Cup and the peer mocking it ensures.

The priests are spirited and so are their supporters. In fact, the teams “are cheered on by fellow men of the cloth with drums, rattles and even trumpets.” Wow, I didn’t know priests knew how to party, play instruments, or kick a soccer ball for that matter, so this comes a as a big surprise to me.

Complaints started coming in a few weeks ago from angry Vatican residents who said the players and their raucous fans needed to pipe down. Being thoughtful, The Vatican informed the priests they needed to hush up. I can’t think of anything funnier than the Pope scolding all of his rambunctious priests for their irreverent behavior. These angry residents should be careful though; last week a record three red cards were given during competition.

Pope Benedict is supposed to attend one of the matches before the tournament ends. Hopefully, he’ll throw on some shin guards and step into goal for a half. On second thought maybe not, I think he’s made out of cloth and stuffed with cotton.

I wonder if the teams were able to pick their own names for the tournament. You know, like those clever and usually perverted team names people stew up during collegiate intramurals? A couple funny ones popped into my head instantly, but really “Pullin the Pope” or the more subtle “We pull for Onan” take the cake easily.

And you thought priests weren’t hip? Shame on you.

Matt Arrowhead

1 Comment:

educated bet said...

That priest looks like the roman army in drag.
Peace...Iron Mike