Tuesday, July 10, 2007

ESPN's Much Needed Timeout and an Update on the Status of 'Toine's Shimmy

I just remembered another ridiculous ESPN segment from Baseball Tonight last year involving former Mets GM Steve Phillips and those phony GM press conferences. Phillips couldn’t make it as a real GM, “trading for the planet formerly known as Mo Vaughan”, so ESPN decided to have him hand out advice to real GM’s. I can only imagine how Steve Levy and Karl Ravech felt when they had to ask questions as if they were press reporters. I don’t know if that’s worth the six figure salary! You know, some strippers in Vegas make that much money and probably don’t feel nearly as dirty as those two after that ridiculous segment.
I also hear the “Who’s Now” Segment is really heating up. Oh wait, I’m not 14 years old, so I really don’t give two shits.
I am proud to announce that I only watched one minute of the Home Run Derby. The Baseball Tonight crew was grounded to their set in Bristol, and you could see the disappointment in their faces! They had that stupid fake Baseball Diamond on the set and a giant TV that was bigger than my apartment. I could tell they were hoping it would turn into a “new age” Field Of Dreams, so that they could walk right through the screen, land on their set in San Fran, and smell the sweet aroma that is Chris Berman’s swampass. Maybe Kruk invited the boys over for a stay the night after the show was over!

On a more upbeat note, Antoine Walker was robbed at gunpoint tonight at his home on the north side of Chicago. Police were confused upon arrival as ‘Toine was seen making “eccentric movements that looked like a remixed version of his famed shimmy”. Later, the police realized that he went into shock, pissed his pants, and suffered a massive seizure. Unfortunately, the robber’s only stole money and jewelry. The shimmy is supposedly a little shaken up, but should be ready in all of its gayness for the start of next season. Reports also indicate that he might have been tied up, hmmm, I wonder why?

I promise a real article about something serious over the next few days. I heard Cheff Cheffers is getting a little MLB’d out. He is the only person subscribing to my insider column over on my old blog and my white pimp pants are in his room in Cincy, so I have to keep him happy.


Guy said...

Right when I saw that news about Toine late last night, all I thought about was your love for the shimmy.

Daris said...

maybe deep down i do love the shimmy, but I have so much pent up animosity towards all things Toine. It's starting to consume me.

Buzzsaw said...

I was probably someone from Paul Pierce's entourage, as payback for 'Toine running away screaming like a girl when Pierce got stabbed. I love 'Toine though, he was a great Hawk

Anonymous said...

Toine is Chicago's Favorite Son.

Daris said...

Then what's the shimmy? 'Toine's shimmy has taken on a life of its own. It, I mean he, should be in the running as well.