Wednesday, August 1, 2007

Harry Potter and the Order of the Pedophile

written by special guest KingKongBundy

In light of the final Harry Potter book being released and the fanaticism that follows I thought I would pass on a story that I find all in all disturbing.

So as I am sitting in sitting at my desk typing up my cover letter on my TPS reports, my co-worker Ryan, sends me an IM telling me that if I want to see the coolest thing I have ever seen in my life, to go to the following link http://media.universalorlando.com/harrypotter.

This is the new Universal Orlando Harry Potter Theme Park. Now let me inform you this is a 37 year old, white, male, has two sons, and his s/n is GenericWhiteMale (Thank you “How to Catch a Predator”). I rarely, though ever so often, do I hear a grown man talk about Disneyland like it’s the greatest place on earth, but this man could not shut up about this Disneyland-style theme park.

Now the part that concerns me, after watching a marathon of Chris Hansen’s ground breaking “How to Catch a Predator” I can not help but think, when are they going to air the special edition “How to Catch a Predator: Harry Potterland Edition”??

Now let me lay this out for you, do you know what will be available at this theme park?

1) Riding Broomsticks (We all know how this goes)

2) Wielding Wands (We all know Chris Henry’s Magic Stick will be there)

3) Flicking Bernie Bott’s Every Flavor Beans (We mean every flavor)

If this is all not a perfect recipe for a Pedophile’s dreamland, please tell what is.
In conclusion, do you want this man dueling wands with your kids?

6 Comments:

Guy said...

hahahah funny stuff kingkong.

A few more funny stories out of you and BigLots' job might be on the ropes.

knicksgrl0917 said...

hey! i'm going to cali this weekend and won't be back until september...here is the website i was talking about where i made extra summer cash. Later! the website is here

Buzzsaw said...

Speaking of predators, knicksgrl needs to back the fuck off

Daris said...

who's BigLots? I vaguely remember a contributor by that name.

The creep in the picture looks like my old grade school janitor at corpus christi, Mr. Bob. Mr. Bob was a big fat man with a little white dog. Oh, he was gay too. :-(

Daris said...

oh and buzz, i think this knicksgrl is destroying your life. She's like the annoying kid who's looking for attention. The more we give her, the worse it gets.

Matt Jenks said...

...I gotta take down all my Harry Potter posts now, don't I?