Heisman Watch: Week 4

I had a tough day today, I apologize for kind of going through the motions. At class, my teacher mentioned how some revolutionary group "got in through the back door," I laughed out loud and things got awkward; the teacher wasn't amused. It ruined my day. Anyway, I'm beginning the pare down the list to the top 5 contenders, as players are beginning to separate themselves.

1) Tiquan Underwood, WR, Rutgers: 20 Rec, 500 yd, 3 TD

Bye weeks are for pussies, but that’s on the Rutgers AD, not Tiquan. We still love you Undies. We’ll get back to talking about his greatness next week when he tears the balls off Maryland.

2) Graham Harrell, QB, Texas Tech: 166/227, 1963 yards, 19 TD, 2 INT

Losses are for pussies, but that’s on Texas Tech’s defense. Harrell has still been absolutely unbelievable. Last week in their loss against Oklahoma State, Harrell went 46/67, 646 yards, 5 TDs, and 0 INTs. That’s an entire season of passing yards for Jameel Sewell. While tearing OK State apart his system QB rival, Colt Brennan, was busy ducking Charleston Southern’s vaunted ‘Icebox’ defense.

3) Darren McFadden, RB, Arkansas: 86 rushes, 519 yards, 4 TDs

I’m a little leery of McFadden, when he’s playing, he’s the best in college football, but he’s missed a lot of key time for his team. Against Troy he missed time for cramps, he missed the Razorbacks last drive against Alabama with the game in the balance with a 'concussion' (there were no symptoms 30 min afterwards), and he got a stomach virus versus Kentucky. What the hell is happening to him? I'm not gonna say he should be fighting through all of this shit, because I wouldn't ... I'm a pussy, but I think there are guys that could.

4) Tim Tebow, QB, Florida: 65/95, 1096 yards, 10 TD, 1 INT

I’ve always thought Tebow was kind of a douchebag; I didn’t really have a reason, maybe it was because of the never ending handjob he receieved for his gay jump pass last season, but this year has changed my opinion of him. He has torn everyone apart, despite supposedly struggling with his passing in the preseason. Luckily for Tebow, any inadequacies he does have are being covered up by Urban Meyer’s insane recruits, most of which he vultured from other programs, like ND … what a bitch.

5) Andre’ Woodson, QB, Kentucky: 86/134, 1008 yards, 11 TD, 0 INT

I wasn’t a believer in Woodson to start the season, but he has turned me around a bit. So long as teams refuse to play defense against him, I like his Heisman chances. We’ll see how he does against the traditional SEC powers, Arkansas and Louisville basically have I-AA defenses, so we can't get too excited yet.

And one for good luck …

6) Dorien Bryant, WR, Purdue: 32 rec, 368 yards, 3 TD; 6 rush, 59 yards; 14 returns, 402 yards, 1 TD

I had to include Bryant somehow, just so I can explain how bad he and the rest of the Boilermakers will rape Notre Dame’s ass next weekend. I’m actually worried that this massacre will carryover into my own ass, all ND fans should be vigilant in their anal protection on Saturday. Last year Curtis Painter threw for nearly 400 yards in a loss, and WR Selwyn Lymon had 238 yards receiving. Bryant is clearly Painter’s favorite target this year, so he should get the looks, and with Notre Dame’s godawful offense, Purdue will get even more chances to score. I could not dread watching a game more than I do this one.

Heisman Watch: Week 3

Just a reminder, in case you're really confused, this isn’t your normal Heisman Watch list. We don’t care what players did last year or what 'the man' says. This list is based solely on this year’s performance and my personal biases. Alright, let’s bully:

1) Tiquan Underwood, WR, Rutgers: 20 Rec, 500 yd, 3 TD

Tiquan is Log’s Blog’s poster man; he’s been top 3 in our list every week thus far. He has been as consistent as any player in the nation, and he depends on Mike “Awful Quarterback” Teel to pass him the ball. This week, Underwood had his third straight game of 100+ yards receiving and added another touchdown … all of which were gathered the 2^nd quarter. This is all despite Greg Schiano’s continued efforts to chop (Under)wood, and his Heisman campaign; he clearly has sided with the Ray Rice. To go along with the TD, Tiquan got Rutgers into the red zone twice on deep passes … in each instance Rice vultured the TD. Would it kill Schiano to call a fade once and awhile? Undies is doing all of this without being the focal point of his team, we love him.

2) Colt Brennan, QB, Hawaii: 103/133, 1262 yd, 12, 1 INT, 4 rush TD

Colt has continued his magical season by dismantling UNLV in Vegas. This time he showed his versatility, that he can beat teams with his arm AND his legs. Brennan went 26/32, 298 yards, 2 TD and also added 3 rushing TDs. This was an especially important game for Colt as his brothers were finally able to see him play; they are normally unable to make the trip to Hawaii from California. Luckily, Rocky and Tum Tum were able to see one of the best all-around games of Colt’s college career.

3) Sam Bradford, QB, Oklahoma: 59/74, 823 yd, 11 TD, 1 INT

Had to drop Bradford a couple spots due to an INT at Utah State last week, but he had another solid game overall. We really appreciate that Bob Stoops has presented a respectable Heisman candidate from his team, the other serious national title contenders to this point, USC and LSU, have not. Pete Carroll has turned into the college version of Mike Shannahan, it’s actually creepy how much high school boys love him, top RBs are willing to split carries to play for him … it’s kind of gay. Uhh, getting off topic, Sam Bradford is good.

4) Dorien Bryant WR, Purdue: 20 Rec, 218 yd, 198 total yd/game

There are too many stats to write for Bryant, he’s the best all purpose player in the country … sorry DeSean. This is despite only being punted to 3 times even though Purdue has forced 22 punts; he’s kicked to 13% of the time. DeSean Jackson on the other hand has been kicked to on 6 of 18 punts, or 33%. That’s a very, very key stat. Bryant also has 279 yards on only 6 kickoff returns, a 46.5 yard average. He made the list in week 1 because of his kickoff return for a touchdown, but the last two weeks he has also dominated as a receiver. Last weekend, for instance, he had 95 yards receiving, 39 yards rushing, and a routine 58 yard kick return. Dorien hasn’t even gotten to the easiest part of his schedule, as Notre Dame doesn’t come to town for two weeks… watch out.

5) Graham Harrell, QB, Texas Tech: 120/160, 1317 yd, 14 TD, 2 INT

Another day, another 400 yard passing performance for Harrell. It is a travesty that ESPN is not talking about this guy yet. I might be a simple mind, but I don’t understand how anyone can be stroking John David Booty’s dick while Harrell is left unserviced. How much different would USC be with Harrell at QB? No different at all. For some reason, Heisman voters have decided to make the QB of the best team in the country a top three Heisman candidate, regardless of his importance to their team. We’re against that here.

6) Matt Ryan, QB, Boston College: 77/130, 985 yards, 7 TD, 3 INT

I was not a believer in Boston College before the season, but they’ve played arguably had the most difficult schedule in the nation to this point, and he has led the Eagles to a 3-0 start. I bet Tom O’Brien is beginning to regret his decision to leave Boston College for NC State, which he did because NC State “has a better chance to recruit BCS level talent.” It’s going to be tough to recruit Ryan-level QB’s to NC State when they realize that it’s only the third most desirable school in Raleigh-Durham. He better just hope to hit the jackpot on some overrated, sidearm-throwing QB… I’m a Philip Rivers hater.

7) Darren McFadden, RB, Arkansas: 57 carries, 346 yards, 3 TDs

McFadden has only played in two games thus far this year, and has been unbelievable in both. Last weekend, he put Arkansas on his back to take the lead after being down 21 pts at Alabama, but 21pt deficits are the least of McFadden’s Heisman problems. D-Fad has been one of the many excellent players to suffer through the SEC’s phallic QB surname epidemic of 2007. Casey Dick (Arkansas), Brandon Cox (Auburn), and Chad Penis (Ole Miss) have set back their kind 100 years and, in turn, their teammates.

8) Percy Harvin, WR, Florida: 10 Rec, 215 yd, 2 TD, 16 rush, 156 yd

Harvin finally had his breakout game at Florida, he caught 4 passes for 120 yards and rushed nine times for 75 yards against rival Tenessee. He’s also one of the hardest working players in the NCAA, and he better be if he wants the public to overlook his first name. Last year, Percy was overshadowed by his counterpart Dallas Baker, he was the Carlton to Baker’s Will Smith. He’s finally out of the Touchdown Maker’s shadow, but Percy has not stopped doing the impossible, he’s also made Tim Tebow look like an accurate passer.

9)Andre’ Woodson, QB, Kentucky: 65/95, 743 yards, 9 TD, 0 INT

I’ve got to give it to Andre’, he outplayed Brian Brohm. Brohm threw his first INT of the year in the first two minutes of their game, absolutely killing Louisville. If it’s actually possible to kill a team’s chances in the opening minutes, he did it. The INT immediately followed a fumbled kickoff which had been converted into a FG; Woodson’s offense converted the INT into a touchdown, thus ending Louisville’s chances of a cover win. It will be interesting to see how Woodson performs against actual defenses, if last year was any indication, he could be on this list for a long time.

10) John Parker Wilson, QB, Alabama: 55/98, 666 yd, 4 TD, 3 INT

The Heisman is about a lot more than stats, and Wilson’s are underwhelming and somewhat satanic, but he had the best “Heisman Moment” of the year thus far against Arkansas. He threw the game winning touchdown with 8 seconds left last weekend, on national TV. Previous Heisman winners include Eric Crouch, Jason White, and, now, Troy Smith so you know that being the most skilled player in the country is not a prerequisite for winning the award. JPW has everything; athletic ability, team success, and, or course, massive sex appeal. Sex appeal cannot be underestimated by Heisman Watches; it got Brady Quinn all the way to New York. You aren’t a real Heisman candidate until you make me question my sexuality, and JPW certainly has. I mean, has not. I mean, has. I'm so confused.

Heisman Watch: Week 2

1) Sam Bradford: 40/48, 568 yards, 8 TDs

Bradford is the first of a couple redshirt freshmen gracing this column. He has been the best player in the country to date. He only has 8 incompletions, that’s insane. Oklahoma is one of only a couple teams to actually play real competition, so his accomplishments are even more impressive. He truly is following in Josh Heupel’s footsteps, luckily for him there is no Weinke standing between him and the Heisman, but he does have his own baseball playing QB to deal with.

2) Colt Brennan: 77/101, 964 yards, 11 TD (including 1 rushing), 1 INT

Colt, I really wish you’d stop throwing interceptions, interceptions make my dick soft. For the most part, Brennan has kept my dick hard though, hard enough to stay on this list. Sure he was only playing Louisiana Tech, a team that has never seemed to recover after their loss in the Bourbon Bowl, but his teammates aren’t exactly superstars.

3) Tiquan Underwood: 16 rec, 352 yards, 2 TD, 0 INT

Woody, Log's Blog's poster boy, showed that his week one performance was not a fluke by putting in another 100 yard receiving performance. So people might ask, “wait, where’s Ray Rice?” I’d answer their question with a question, “where was Ray Rice with 2:17 left in the game when Rutgers was already up 17 pts?” Oh, he was scoring a touchdown? Well, fuck Ray Rice, the Heisman isn’t about finding the best player in garbage time, it’s about finding the best player in the nation. His stats may fool Lee Corso, but they won’t fool me. Tiquan is invited to my Heisman party, but he isn’t welcome to bring a friend.

4) Patrick Pickney: 45/66, 521 yards, 3 TDs, 0 INTs

Most of his stats came this week against North Carolina, but he also held strong against Virginia Tech, not making mistakes and keeping his team in the game. He actually didn’t start against the Hokies, didn't play until the second quarter, East Carolina was his first start ever. In this first start, he threw for the second most yards in school history. I love this guy; he’s the next Byron Leftwich, nay, David Garrard.

5) Tashard Choice: 37 rushes, 306 yards, 4 TDs

Ray Rice should take a page out of the Tashard Choice playbook, Choice only played in the first quarter against over matched Samford, but in that quarter he ran for 100 yards and a touchdown. This is the type of performance I like to see from a Heisman hopeful. Someone needs to get this man a billboard in Times Square.

6) Graham Harrell: 92/123, 903 yards, 8 TDs, 1 INT

Brennan and Harrell are struggling to separate themselves as the best system quarterback in the country, so, for the time being, they will both stay in the rankings. I might just keep Harrell on here because I feel bad that he has to deal with his coach Mike Leach. Leach was abusing dogs before it was in vogue. When his dog peed on his tent as a child, Leach tied the dog up and pissed on it, so I can’t imagine what he does to Harrell when he throws an interception. God help him.

7) Jake “For Goodness Sake” Locker: 27/44, 335 yards, 1 TD, 1 INT … 26 rushes, 167 yards, 3 TDs

Locker might not have the passing numbers, but he’s got a Vince Young-type presence. He doesn’t lose. He’s another redshirt freshman that’s come in and taken over. He, too, has played actual competition, as Washington destroyed #22 Boise State. He really reminds me of the ASU version of Jake Plummer, if he grows a porn star mustache, I’m putting him at #1.

8) Dorien Bryant: 14 rec, 123 yards, 1 TD; 3 KO Returns, 191 yards, 1 TD

I tried to keep Bryant off this list, I thought if he didn’t get a return touchdown then he’d be gone. I just couldn’t do it though, he had over 100 yards receiving and a touchdown to go with a 40 yard kick return on his only chance. His QB, Curtis Painter, probably deserves a spot on this list, but I’m openly against Purdue quarterbacks. I had a bad experience with Kyle Orton, so I swore them off for good; the same thing happened when I got food poisoning at a Kuboto, I can no longer eat Japanese steak.

9) Dennis Dixon: 25/40, 426 yards, 5 TDs, 0 INTs

This spot will remain open for the QB facing Michigan each week. As a Braves fan, I’m extremely excited to see him excelling, Bobby Petrino must be salivating. We might have another Brian Jordan/Deion Sanders on our hands; he’d be a welcome addition to the long list of Brave Falcons (Dixon signed/played with the Atlanta Braves this summer).

10) Brian Brohm: 41/60, 776 yards, 9 TD, 0 INTs

This nomination will stand so long as I don’t hear any rumors of Brohm paying his defense to let Middle Tennessee State stay in the game. Brohm cannot be denied from a spot on this list. He’s got a gorgeous body, strong arm, and makes great decisions. I love everything about this guy, he’s a few crotch grabs away from Brady Quinn status for me.

Dropped out: James Davis, James Hardy

Heisman Watch

Preseason rankings are ruining college football. It’s nearly impossible for a team ranked out, or even in the bottom half, of the top 25 to win the national championship … just ask Auburn (Jason Campbell deserved better). This will once again be proven true by Michigan’s imminent inclusion in the latest polls ['receiving votes' counts], to be released today. Well, the preseason polls are not the only unjust rankings that negatively affect otherwise deserving candidates, the preseason Heisman rankings do the same thing. We’re here to correct the system, to wrestle power from the man, and reestablish the glory of the Heisman Trophy. For the rest of the season we’ll be ranking the candidates based on performance, rather than previous accomplishments, manufactured hype, and dashing good looks. Let's bully.

Week 1

1) Tiquan Underwood, Rutgers: 10 rec, 248 yards, 2 TDs

I’d like to introduce you to your Heisman front-runner. Underwood nearly matched his season total from a year ago in one game. That’s tough to do. I don’t think I’m ever going to put Ray Rice on this list, because everything he does should be directly attributed to Underwood. People would be crazy to think it was the other way around.

2) Colt Brennan, Hawaii: 34/40, 416 yards, 6 TDs, 0 INTs

Those stats are from one half. It’s pretty much impossible to be more efficient than Brennan. I don’t like that people regard Brennan as a Heisman candidate just because he’s actually respected by NFL scouts, when other system quarterbacks have gotten no respect. Clearly, judging by the success of former Heisman winners (Eric Crouch, I’m talking to you), NFL readiness doesn’t effect a player's Heisman prospects. Plenty of system quarterbacks have had overwhelmingly superior numbers to their counterparts yet weren’t even invited to New York. However, I’m of the belief that these players should be considered, so I can’t fault Brennan for being the best of the bunch, but I’m putting you on notice right now Colt … Graham Harrell is nipping at your heels.

3) Tashard Choice, Georgia Tech: 26 rushes, 196 yards, 2 TDs

This was a pretty easy choice (BOOM!), I saw this with my own eyes, nothing can convince me that Choice isn’t the best tailback in the history of college football. Choice quietly led the ACC in rushing last year, and if this continues, may lead the nation this season. So long as defenses refuse to believe that GT is running when Choice lines up at quarterback, he won’t be stopped.

4) Marlon Lucky, Nebraska: 30 rushes, 233 Yards, 4 TDs (including 1 receiving)

Luck has nothing to do with Marlon’s inclusion on this list (nice). His 233 yards were more than any Nebraska running back since Jammal Lord in 2002. He didn’t even play in the 4^th quarter of their game against Nevada. Nebraska has clearly not missed a beat since losing Brandon Jackson, Green Bay's new starting running back. The emergence of Sam Keller at quarterback should only increase Lucky’s numbers, as Keller did not play well in his first game at Nebraska.

5) James Davis, Clemson: 18 rushes, 102 yards, 1 TD

I tried to add people who actually played decent competition, but Davis was the only player that really stuck out. His TD run was absolutely awesome, and, since it was on national TV, it gets him on the Heisman watch list. Note to self: Don’t bet against Clemson @ Clemson.

6) Brian Brohm, Louisville: 16/25, 375 yards, 4 TDs, 0 INTs, 289.05 QB rating

Somehow Brian Brohm beat out Colt Brennan in “QB Rating” clearly the most confusing stat in football. I look forward to Logan’s column about the rating, but I refuse to believe Brohm had a better game than Colt. The only thing I can think of is that he averaged more yards per completion. Anyway, Brohm’s march to the number one pick, back in Bobby Petriono's loving arms, started out pretty well.

7) Dorien Bryant, Purdue: 2 KO Returns, 151 yards, 1 TD

I'll leave a spot open each week for an all-purpose type player. To this point, I’ve got to give the nod to Dorien Bryant. This was a difficult decision, considering DeSean Jackson’s unbelievable punt return against Tennessee, but Bryant had two great kick returns against pretty good competition in Toledo. This should be a tight race with the NCAA’s new rule change which moved kickoffs back 5 yards. Right now Bryant is in the lead, but I expect someone to separate themselves from the pack shortly. Bryant is going to absolutely rape Notre Dame, can’t wait.

8) Sam Bradford, Oklahoma: 21/23, 363 yards, 3 TDs, 0 INTs

This is the feel good story of these rankings; Bradford avoided all of the temptations that Oklahoma quarterbacks face and rose up to dominate North Texas. Instead of selling cars, Bradford was preparing for the season this summer, and all his work has paid off. We may have another Josh Heupel on our hands, in fact, Heupel is his quarterbacks coach. Get used to Bradford’s name in these rankings.

9) James Hardy, Indiana: 3 rec, 153 yards, 2 TDs

Hardy might be a legit candidate even for ESPN's talking heads. He’s had 10 TDs in each of his last two seasons, and he’s off to a pretty good start this year. So long as he’s averaging 50 yards per reception, we’ll leave him a spot on the list. Luckily for Hardy, these rankings don't take home attendance into account, he might have been screwed.

10) Graham Harrell, Texas Tech: 44/59, 419 yards, 4 TDs, 0 INTs

Harrell is the first big quarterback recruit Leach has wrangled into Texas Tech. He was the 16^th ranked quarterback coming out of high school. In week one they played SMU which is actually a pretty decent team. Texas Tech was actually only an 8.5pt favorite in this game, but Harrell’s offense blew them out of the water, 49-9. I love system quarterbacks.

Photos from ESPN, ESPN, and ESPN