Rejected ESPN Fan Videos

I didn’t think ESPN could do anything more annoying than Who’s Now, but I was very wrong. There is really nothing worse than leisurely watching ESPN and then BOOM! “GO South Florida!!! Auburn better watch out cause Matt Grothe’s coming to town!!! And when he does, he brings THE PAINNNN!!!” I’m sure everyone has had that experience with ESPN's new college football fan videos. The worst one of all is definitely that Texas A&M guy, he is such a douche, “Y’all better watch out for Aggies this year, they’ve got the best running game in the country, Stephen McGee, Mike Goodson, the list goes ON AND ON!” It makes you wonder, how bad are the videos that they don’t put on TV? Well, we’ve been given access to the rejects, and it’s frightening.

ESPN definitely doesn’t want videos of you saying how much your rival sucks, and they absolutely don’t need you ripping your shirt off:

Shockingly, ESPN does not want the videos of you puking on the way to your team’s game:

I don’t really understand why anyone would ever send this into ESPN, but I have a feeling it was a Michigan fan:

ESPN might not want the videos of you hitting your friend in the balls with a football, but we sure do. Please send all videos to our email in the upper left of your page:

This girl clearly doesn’t understand the purpose of these videos, but, I for one, would have thrown her a bone:

Will Leitch was made an offer he couldn’t refuse

The Worldwide Leader never fails. This time, they may have nipped their problem at its source. The conductor of all bloggers, Will Leitch. I trust that you noticed Deadspin posted only once today. Well, here's what we at Log's Blog think happened:

You see, when sports blogging started, Leitch was the guy. And since blogging took off, Leitch became more popular and gained more power and readers. The head honchos of ESPN didn’t like this, so they went to see Leitch with a contract offer of $400,000 a year to write for ESPN.com, but Leitch said no. So the next day, the same guys went to see Leitch again, only this time with Chris Berman. Within an hour, Leitch had signed a contract of $80,000 a year.

How did ESPN sway him so, you ask?

Well, the head honchos made him an offer he couldn’t refuse.

Chris Berman held a gun to Leitch’s head, and the head honchos assured him, that either his signature or his brains would be on the contract.

That’s a true story.

That’s the ABC family, Kay. Not blogs.

Here is the original movie quote from The Godfather

Digger: Highlighting a Fool

Digger Phelps is a South Bend, IN. legend. I remember going to Martin’s Supermarket with my grandma one late fall night a long, long time ago and spotting Digger. My grandma told me “that’s the basketball coach at Notre Dame”, but she didn’t have to say it. I mean, of course I knew who he was. The grocery store was about 5 minutes from Notre Dame’s campus, and Digger was decked out in ND workout gear rifling through the snack aisle like the store was going out of business. It was late and Digger was hungry. He was out of there before we even had time to blink. Sadly, that was the best chance I would have at getting the famed coach’s autograph. He became a laughing stock in his final years at ND, and was replaced by John McCloud, who shockingly, made an even bigger ass of himself. After he was booted from ND, Digger dropped of the Notre Dame map for a long time, and he became an afterthought.

Digger’s efforts in South Bend, IN and across the rest of the county since his coaching days are rather impressive. He’s worked with the United Nations, helped victims of Katrina, and worked with the local government in South Bend to improve education and pass youth initiatives. He’s a philanthropist. Good for him.

However, no amount of generosity can make up for what he’s done on the ESPN sets. I can get past his ridiculous commentary on ESPN’s new basketball version of College Game Day. Him, Dick Vitale, and Jay Bilas make my heart hurt soo bad, but all I have to do is change the channel. However, I cannot get past one thing, and it eats at me every time I see him on ESPN. I cuss, scream, and leave the room with high blood pressure. What is it you ask? His color coordinating of highlighters and ties!

The first time I saw Digger with a bright green highlighter in his hand while wearing a bright green tie, I thought it was an accident. The next time, it was the pink highlighter with the pink tie. Still, maybe it was just a coincidence. The orange and orange finally did it, and I realized he was color coordinating. Digger, why in the hell do you need a highlighter? You’re not studying for a history test. It’s probably the most obnoxious, smug, and idiotic thing of all time.

I was reading through the South Bend Tribune, as I do occasionally to remind myself just how ridiculous my old stomping grounds are, and I found an article about Digger . He’s written a book titled, ‘The Undertaker’s Son”. Pretty self-explanatory, but his Game Plan for Life really caught my eye.

Below are three of his most powerful messages:

1.Music Is Like Pizza: Pick Musical toppings to suit your taste and mellow out to beat stress.
What in the hell does that mean?

2. Always Have A Backup: The best game plans don't prevent setbacks. Have alternatives.

Now, that almost seems like some advice he’s followed in life. Many of his game plans were ineffective at preventing setbacks, only he never had good alternatives.

3. Be Color Blind: Racism is wrong morally and an obstacle economically in global competition.

Digger, take some of your own advice and stop coordinating highlighters and suit ties. You might have a small chance of pulling it off if your suits weren’t 2 for 1 specials from S&K’s Menswear. Believe it or not, you aren’t a local pimp.

I can’t wait to see where this one finishes on the top seller list. Ya, I’m going to take advice from a man who color coordinates highlighters and ties. Good one.

SB TRIBUNE

The Ohio Bridesmaids: We Care about "Who's Now"

Not again, and not ESPN. I’m beginning to think this is some kind of sick joke.We’ve already documented the 2^nd place finishes of the Ohio State Buckeye football and basketball teams, as well as the crushing defeat of the the Cavaliers at the hands of the French flag waving Tony Parker and his Spurs. Next, came the loss of the Columbus Destroyers in the Arena whatever you call it. However, we thought the insanity was over until the Cleveland Indians made an improbable run to the World Series only to suffer a loss to whichever NL team plays poorly enough to sneak in. (I won’t even begin to touch on the rumors of Michael Vick’s planned midseason raid of the Dawg Pound.)

Now, we find out that Lebron James is facing Tiger Woods in ESPN’s “Who’s Now” championship. You’ve got to be kidding me. Lebron navigated through his tough bracket defeating Kelly Slater, who’s nickname in the bracket was the fitting “Who’s That”. I think she may have been in Playboy, so I guess I shouldn’t be complaining. In the semifinals, Lebron took down Shaquille O’Neil, setting up a match-up with ESPN’s “King of Swing” Tiger Woods. We all know how this one is going to end.

I’m pretty sure Tiger doesn’t lose unless he wants to. One would be foolish to assume he’s not going to do everything in his power to ensure victory, even if that means skipping his preparation for the PGA Championship to vote for himself 1 million times over the next day. Hey, the guy is an absolute nut. So, the trend will most certainly continue regardless of any attempt by Stuart Scott to sway the vote with his “Boo-Yahs” and “Cooler than the other side of the pillow’ references during Lebron’s highlight package.

We were beginning to think that Ohio, the bridesmaid, would eventually get her chance. I guess that’s not the case. Ohio is like the really fat, ugly bridesmaid who lost her shot at getting married a few too many twinkies ago. The state of Florida crushed any Ohio State Buckeye title hopes, and now it looks like one of its residents will do the same. It’s unfortunate, a “Who’s Now” victory would have completely made up for the other crushing Ohio defeats. Wait, not at all, but it would have been a start. A really, really small and annoying start.

Damn, Lebron even played second fiddle to Kimmel at the ESPY’s.

(This was a Guy Production in association with Poor Man's Entertainment. All information contained above came from Guy who was attending a concert and had no internet access.)

ESPN Response to Buzz: From Comment to Article

Buzz said:
ESPN is a fucking sports monopoly ... even if another network started to offer programing people actually wanted, they wouldn't be able to get any worthwhile contracts because ESPN will always pay more. And they'll always have more money because they've completely sold out. I've never thought they play shit all day to be assholes, I realize it's all about money and getting the majority of America watching (ie complete dumbasses). Doesn't make it right.I can't wait for Will Leitch's book about ESPN's demise.

I say:
Buzz, what ESPN does is "wrong" for you and me because we hate it and think it’s obnoxious. Nonetheless, there are more people watching ESPN who love Stephen A. Smith and the "Who's Now" Segment than people, like you and I, who hate them. It's "right" for all those people, and sad for us.

How is ESPN the devil for providing a bunch of dumbasses with shit they WANT to see?

Do you think what American Idol does is wrong? I’d bet not because you don't give a shit about it, and it doesn’t affect you. (I hope you don't watch that show for a bunch of reasons, but mainly because my point isn't nearly as effective if you do.)

Why waste your time attaching the ideas of "right" and "wrong" to things that really don’t matter? We should reserve those judgments for things that are important, not things that suck. I would have jumped a long time ago if those stupid croc shoes or the never ending blue jean craze merited any type of serious discussion or valuation. Ridiculous things (ESPN) blow, but only to that extent should they be analyzed. Mocking, however, should continue.

Quite frankly, (yes that’s a joke), their network hasn’t destroyed anyone’s life (and no crying every time Chris Berman talks doesn’t count)! I was joking when I said we couldn't live without sports. If one can't stand ESPN, he should simply turn off the channel. It would suck for that person because his access would be limited, but I think he could manage and find other sources (which I think many of us are doing now!!)

ESPN does have a monopoly over sports coverage, but other substitutes do exist.(Radio, blogs, NFL Network, NBA League Pass, MLB.TV, The Golf Channel etc.) ESPN will only change when people start using those substitutes. Unfortunately, the only way consumers become aware of other options is if people like you and I can somehow convince “the idiots” that ESPN’s product sucks and that there are, in fact, other points of access. Have fun with that. I’m too lazy and don’t care enough to try!

I’ll let ESPN take a fools money any day of the week, and anyone who loves business should feel the same way. My goal still is to create a company which sells a product that I would never buy. I could then sit back and laugh at all of the clowns that made me rich. How great would it be to sell millions of people a product you would never touch!? Maybe, that’s what the fat cats over at ESPN are thinking, and they can sleep easy at night knowing they aren’t hurting anyone.
Haha, see I am a fiscal conservative!!

ESPN: From a Business Perspective (Boring Material!!!)

Very Poor Man's Podcast

Here is my attempt at a somewhat pro-ESPN rant. Once my business side surfaces, I start to fully understand why ESPN operates the way they do. I don't agree with a lot of their ridiculousness, but it makes sense financially. its always very easy to criticize people or things who have sold out until one finds himself in the same position.Would any of us turn down ESPN, who we mock and spit on, if they asked to buy this blog for $3 million dollars? A ridiculous hypothetical example I know, but my point is this; money has a strange way of making people do things they thought they would never even consider.

I think ESPN finds itself in a very similiar situation. Everything they do is to further expand their own empire, and one would be a fool to suggest they haven't been succssful in those attempts. Why market to a group of people ( everyone who is reading this blog) who have to go to them for sports even if they don't want to? We aren't going anywhere because they allow us the access and coverage we need.

The dog poop that is "Who's Now" starts to make more sense when you realize their target market isn't dedicated sports fans, but rather "fringe fans" and kids who like entertainment and celebrity gossip more than baseball highlights. It sucks I know, but it makes complete sense. Make fun of ESPN for selling out, but know their probably making fun of you as well. Its almost like making fun of the boss behind his back. Doing it makes you feel better, but ultimately he still has all of the power, control, and money.

I can only imagine the heat I'm going to take for this one.

Later.

Stuart Scott