Log's Blog: Heisman Candidates

We are less than two weeks away from the start of the college football season. Before Mark May, Lee Corso, and Lou Holtz can begin slowly terrorizing your soul and everything else you thought was right and good, I present you with the top Heisman candidates for 2007. (Beano Cook believes Jimmy Clausen will win 5 Heisman Trophies, starting this year, but he is really old and senile and smelly, so I’m going to breakdown the contenders for this years’ top college football award without his input.)

Top Quarterback Prospects:

John David Booty: His name is almost as annoying as Pete Carroll’s slow ascent to the top of the “Biggest Jackass of All Time” list, but he’s pretty good and surrounded by a butt load of Grade A talent. Booty’s numbers last year were very impressive, passing for 3,347 yards. He had a completion percentage of 61.7%, 29 TD’s, and a QB rating of 144.01. His team is ranked #1 in every preseason poll, and with the exposure the Trojans now receive on a national level, expect to see him sitting in New York for the 2007 ceremony. (Three of the last five Hesiman winners have come from Southern Cal.)

Brian Brohm: A weak Big East, a stacked Louisville offense, and a huge junior year all suggest that Brohm will be part of the 2007 chase for the Heisman. Louisville will most likely finish the season with double digit wins, and Brohm is coming off his FedEx Orange Bowl MVP award where he passed for 311 yards.
He’s part of the famed, but now debunked “Derby City Duo”, which included legendary EA Sports 2006 NCAA College Football star Michael Bush. Bush is now playing in the NFL, so the newest version of the Derby City duo consists of Brohm and Barbaro. Hopefully Brohm, who has battled knee problems his entire career, won’t see the same fate as the now euthanasia-ended horse of Kentucky fame. (Wow, can you imagine if we put injured college football quarterbacks to sleep. Michael Vick could be looking at a new gig post-federal ass pound.)

Colt BrennAn: I don’t know much about Colt, other than the fact that I hate his name and know his parents are pompous assholes. Seriously, who names their kid Colt?

Colt has the most impressive statistics, and plays out in Hawaii, which in terms of talent is equivalent to an Idaho Pop Warner league. Accordingly, he has a chance at putting up some pretty ridiculous numbers in 2007.

His 2006 season looked like this:
5549 yards
72.6 completion %
58 Touchdowns
185.96 QB rating

He might be as overrated as Hawaiian bread, but he’s positioned himself quite well. I’m pretty sure Donny Kaczarowki, my neighborhood ”All-time QB”, didn’t ever put up stats this ridiculous over his 5 year reign at QB, so I'm thinking Colt has a chance.

Why? Well, you see Donny won our version of the Heisman every year; which I thought was unfair as I was the one catching most of his perfectly placed fades into the back of my neighbors’ pumpkin garden. Subject matter for another column I know, nonetheless, the comparison does suggest that “Baby Horse” does have a chance at garnering some Heisman support.

Top RB Prospects:

Darren McFadden: McFadden is really good. I mean really, really good. He just needs touches, and help from the rest of his team. Many top candidates fall by the waste side every year when their teams fail to perform. The Razorbacks will face a loaded SEC schedule, and winning enough games to merit Heisman consideration could be a problem. McFadden is a freak of nature, has a mom named Mini Muhammad, and drives a ridiculous car that would make Darius Miles jealous. Suffice to say, he has everything it takes to win the Heisman this year. Look at his 2006 numbers if you don’t believe me, Mini could be prophetic a few months from now if she predicts her son will win the Heisman. Hell, his ’06 numbers suggest he has a shot.

In 2006, despite a slow start due to a dislocated toe from an off the field incident at a night club in Little Rock, McFadden rushed for a school-record 1,647 yards, scored 14 touchdowns, and threw for 3 more touchdowns on just 9 passing attempts, becoming a first-team All-American.
McFadden was named 1 of 3 finalists for the 06’ Heisman Trophy, along with Troy Smith and potential Hall of Famer Brady Quinn

McFadden is a pimp. I’d say he was the favorite, but he has an Irish last name and is black. This annoys me to no end, so I’m not giving it to him just yet.

Steve Slaton: Slaton is a pussy. He pulled the “I hurt my arm” injury after turning into a big ole’ fumble fest at Louisville last year. I was so pissed at his bitch out because it cost WV any shot of winning that game. They would have been lined up for a BCS game if they pulled it out. I’m not a WV fan, but I hate it when people pull Kobe’s after they mess up in life; to me there is nothing more annoying.

I have to include him on the list though, because the Mountaineer backfield is tops in the country, and with Pat White’s help, I can see the duo tag teaming the weak Big East; both literally and figuratively. Not since the days of “Famous” Amos Zereoue have hopes been so high for a WV Heisman candidate. But Amos finished 10^th in Hesiman votes following his 97’ campaign, so Slaton better hope his ’07 season is better than Amos’ garbage nickname, or he’ll be an afterthought.

Michael Hart: My Michgan bias comes out here in full force, but Hart has the tools, and the offense to back up a Heisman run. He has been one of the most underrated players in college football the last few years, and is it just me, or does it seem like he’s been at Michigan forever? As long as Henne doesn’t fuck up too bad, and the rest of the offense remains healthy, Hart might be sitting in New York. Hart, unlike Lloyd Carr at times, has a grip on what he’s doing. He’s never lost a fumble in 3 years at Michigan. There needs to be some type of award giving out for that.

His 2006 season looked like this:
1562 yds
4.9 yards per carry
14 Tds

Top Wide Receiver Prospects:

De Sean Jackson: De Sean is fast as shit. His 40 time has been clocked at 4.29. He is a threat every time he touches the ball, and other teams in the PAC 10 should be very afraid. I don’t know why he’s not playing at USC. I was under the assumption that every freak of nature west of the Mississipi went there. Cal should compete this year for a PAC 10 title, and with a little more recognition, this guy could sneak up on some people.

Check out this little ditty about his 06’ Season:

Coming into his sophomore year with high expectations, Jackson displayed more of his talent and playmaking ability tallying 1,060 receiving yards and nine touchdowns. He was also a constant threat to return any opponent punt into a highlight reel touchdown, taking four returns for a score and averaging 19.2 yards per a punt return - best in the nation. He was voted All Pac-10 first team as both a punt returner and a wide receiver. Jackson also garnered national recognition with selections to first team All-America

If you still don’t believe the hype, check out this clip and judge for yourself:

Mario Manningham: Last, but certainly not least, is my boy Mario Manningham. He showed flashes of brilliance last year, including the ND anal rapping, and his numbers are a little misleading because he injured himself in that ND game. He’s actually most known for his game winning catch against Penn State that prevented Joe Pa from playing for a national championship, but he was huge in ’06.
As mentioned already, Michigan returns their entire offense, and as long as Chad Henne doesn’t make me stop believing in God, Mario should have a monster year. He was receiving double and triple team coverage last year, and still wasn’t able to be stopped.