Tribe-Yankees Game One: Sabathia vs. Wang (Insert Penis Joke Here)

Let's make this quick. The Indians play host to the Yankees tomorrow evening at 6:30 for Game 1 of the ALDS. Certain victory looms for the Tribe, as the Yankees haven't faced off against Sabathia since 2004, before he was a real ace. And with a name like Wang, you're asking to get slapped.

But seriously, this game will set the tone for the rest of the series. Although that may be true for every series, it is especially true for this one. The Yankees beat the Indians in the season series 6-0. If the Tribe can't win with their ace on the mound at the Jake, this team might start agreeing with everyone else; that they just can't beat the Evil Empire. I will be in Cleveland for this game, but not in the stadium. That way I can be there if the city sees fit to set up the collective noose. I imagine Derek Jeter would be the one kicking the chair.

Speaking of Jeter, I found it absurd outrageous appalling all of the above that he doesn't appear on Simmons' 25 Players to Watch in the ALDS. Seriously, I typed "Jeter" into the "Find" feature after reading the article and there were no results. Either it's some weird Boston thing where you can't say his name in October or Simmons is just a big jackass.

"Too high. It's too high."

Uh Oh, Joe Blowrowski is on the Prowl

Don't look now, but Indians' closer Joe Borowski has been having a rough couple of games. Actually, a rough season. However, in his last two appearances, Borowski has blown both save opportunities against the Seattle Mariners. Very encouraging with the playoffs on the horizon. But here's the problem-- Cleveland fans aren't surprised at the least by this. Here's why:

G	IP	H	R	HR	BB	SO	W	L	SV	WHIP	ERA
67	63.2	75	39	9	16	57	4	5	43	1.43	5.23

Why does Joe Borowski still have the closer job? One stat: saves. The dumbest stat in all of baseball. The stat that managers actually manage around when deciding whether or not to bring their "closer" in. Rafael Perez and Rafael Betancourt, the other two pitchers in the back end of the Indians bullpen, have ERAs of 1.66 and 1.49, respectively. Either of these two (probably Betancourt) should be the closer for this team. Just don't say I (and the rest of Indians fans) didn't warn you when Joe Blow pulls a Jose Mesa in late October.

The Magic Number: 7

The Indians expanded their lead over the Tigers in the Central to 5.5 games Monday night. Jhonny Peralta hit two homeruns, one of which tied the game in the bottom of the 8^th. The Tribe went on to win in the bottom of the 11^th off of Casey Blake’s walk-off home run, his second in the past four games.

This qualifies for excitement in Cleveland. With two more games with the Tigers coming up today and Wednesday, it is possible that the magic number could be down to five, or even (gasp) three with a sweep.

Back to Blake: Sammich and I were discussing this last night. Indians fans have always looked at Blake as a "glue guy." What does this exactly mean?

1 cup leadership
2 cups clubhouse persona
1 cup versatility
1/8 cup (is that possible? I'm bad with measurements) clutch hits

add water... and what do you get?

Well, in 2007 you get a .267 average, 17 homers, 72 RBIs, an OBP of .337 and a slugging % of .434.

And two walk off home runs when the Indians needed them most.

Watch out for this team in October (assuming we get there-- yes, I am paranoid enough to cover up my possible jinx). Sabathia and Carmona is a pretty scary one-two punch. And I guess watch out for Blake too.

In other Cleveland news as you may have heard, the Browns beat the Bengals 51-45. I still haven't quite figured out how this happened yet (most people are saying a combination between Charlie Frye was a cancer and the Bengals defense is horrid), but maybe I'll be able to sort more of this out after we see a road game this weekend.

Has Pronk Finally Awoken From His Slumber?

It’s safe to say that Travis Hafner hasn’t been fulfilling his expectations for this season, consider last year’s numbers (.308, 42 HR, 117 RBIs, and an OPS of 1.098).

However, he may be turning things around. Lets look at his last seven games (where the Indians are 5-2):

AB	R	H	2B	HR	RBI	BB
3	1	1	1	0	0	1
3	2	2	1	0	1	2
4	2	2	0	2	4	1
5	0	1	1	0	1	0
3	0	1	0	0	0	1
4	0	1	1	0	2	0
2	1	1	0	0	0	1
24	6	9	4	2	8	6

Hafner has been batting .375 and his on-base percentage is .625. He also had the game-winning sac fly in the September 4^th game at Minnesota. It looks like things may finally be turning around for him in a season where he’s batting .260, has an OBP of .398, only 21 homers, and whenever he steps up to the plate, every fan in Jacobs’ Field knows he’s striking out (97 strikeouts this year-- which may not really be all that bad, but is magnified when the rest of his numbers aren’t great).

Now that I say all of this, he will probably crawl back in his hole and disappear for the rest of September and however much of October the Indians get to play. Let’s assume they’ll make it to the Series and blow it. His recent emergence is great; the home runs, RBIs, etc-- all awesome. But the best thing about Pronk? He's clearly named after his penis.

Hey, somebody had to say it.

Fausto is NOT Invited to Grady and Travis’s Tree House

Poor Fausto. First his career as closer ends abruptly last season, and now this bull shit happens to him. In his eight starts since the All-Star Break, he has an ERA of 1.80 (wow), but his record is 4-4. That should be a pretty easy 6-2 or 7-1 at the least. The Indians might be using plastic bats just to screw around with Fausto’s mind. Maybe they just don’t like him and figure they can coax manager Eric Wedge into believing that he should be demoted to Triple-A. That’s the only legitimate way these final scores with him on the mound make sense:

5-3 W vs. KC
3-2 W at Tex
1-0 W vs. Bos
3-1 L vs. Tex
1-0 L at Min
6-1 L vs. NYY
5-2 W vs. Det
2-1 L @ Det

That’s a total of 17 runs scored in the eight Carmona starts. And this is coming from a pretty formidable offense in Sizemore, Victor Martinez, Hafner, Ryan Garko, and Kenny Lofton. Hell, even Casey Blake and Franklin Gutierrez aren’t that bad.

A couple of those wins were probably goof-ups by the Indians, too. I’m sure Franklin Gutierrez was scolded properly for hitting the eventual game-winning home run in the 3^rd inning of the 1-0 victory over the Red Sox. The veterans don’t take too kindly to things like that.

In fact, Trot Nixon was rumored to have given Fausto a wet willy after striking out with the bases loaded and Josh Barfield depantsed him in the clubhouse after the 1-0 loss to Minnesota.

At least for him, his contract is up after this year.

The Indians and Tigers are Acting Like a Gay Couple (Not That There’s Anything Wrong with That)

This AL Central “race” has shades of the tortoise vs. the tortoise. In their last 22 games, the Indians and Tigers are 10-14 and 8-16, respectively. It has gotten so bad that the Twins are only 7 games back and the Yankees and Mariners are tied for the lead in the Wild Card, with the Indians trailing by 1.5 games. In fact, the Tigers have won only 5 of their last 17 and the Indians just got swept by the Yankees in Cleveland. I can just imagine Eric Wedge and Jim Leyland, at Baskin Robbins, sitting on the same side of a four-person booth with a hot fudge brownie sundae:

Wedge: You can take the first bite
Leyland: No, you take it!
Wedge: No, no, no. I want you to have it!
Leyland: (giggling) Okay, fine! (takes a puff from his cigarette, then takes a bite)

Tuesday the 14^th, the Tigers will be going to Cleveland for an infamous two game series that is sure to be a split, with blown saves by Joe Borowski and Todd Jones on the horizon. And people make fun of the NL.

Bob Wickman and Joe Borowski Spotted at Same Location

(Note: I wrote this back in June after the Indians-Braves series, but never posted it. So, enjoy, I guess.)

Contrary to popular belief, it has recently been confirmed that Bob Wickman and Joe Borowski are not the same person. This weekend in Cleveland, the Atlanta Braves visited the Cleveland Indians (the first time since the 1995 World Series). The old, tireless joke-- “I’ve never seen them in the same room together”-- goes hand in hand when talking about love-to-make-it-interesting closers Wickman and Borowski. This popular conspiracy was put to rest at Jacobs’ Field during a beautiful June weekend.

When Wickman was traded to the Braves from the Indians midseason, panic struck Cleveland as to who would be the next closer. After Borowski was acquired in the offseason and kept giving Tribe fans something to think about during the ninth inning of close games, everyone assumed it was just Bob Wickman with an alias. With their similar WHIP of over 1.50 this season (walks plus hits per innings pitched), size, and lack of intimidation factor, it is easy to see why the casual baseball fan was confused. However, when Wickman closed out the Tribe on Friday night, putting two guys on base in the process (we think he gets off to this sort of thing), reality set in. If Borowski gets traded, we can always go for Todd Jones.