Friday, August 10, 2007

Friday Funny: Will Baby take Backseat to Blue Label? Problems in Lohan Land


Are the Vodka Filling Water Bottle Days Over for Lindsay?

Log has disappeared, and he was our in house celebrity gossip columnist, so we've hired outside help.

Kiss Louisville, a local pop radio station, reported that Lindsay Lohan might be pregant. Lindsay had a similiar scare a year and a half ago. This report suggests that Miss Lohan is not only a line blowing cokehead but a whore as well….Yeahyaaaaa.. I once had a dream of moving out to California and knocking up a famous celebrity such as Lushahan. I guess I made my move just a little too late. A young man from Indiana will never get to fulfill his lifelong dream. I believe I also missed my window op opportunity with Britney Spears as she seems to be regaining some sanity one open- doored poop at a time. Must have been the fried chicken she was stuffing her face with during the OK interview late last month. She probably only devoured the skins, a la Cartman.

Who knows maybe this bastard child is what Lindsay needs to get a grip on reality. I seriously doubt it though. She is gonna take one look at Fas Lohan (Fetal Alcohol Syndrome Acronym) and peace him/her to the curb. She has been to so many clubs that I bet the baby is gonna flop out dancing to house music (techno to the layman) with a glow stick in hand during delivery. Poor thing never stood a chance. Wow, another celebrity mom pushing her child to the backseat; exactly what Hollywood needs…Life just ain’t fair.


Buzzsaw, has Daly made any visits to LA lately? Your think piece is really starting to make a little more sense. If not Daly, its gotta be Phil Jackson. He's dating Jeanie Buss, and I think she just graduated from high school this past June.


Article contributed by Sockless Dilemma (friend of the blog)
I could not find the information on KissLouisville's website, and thats where they told users to go to read the rest of story. We'll figure it out.

Tuesday, July 24, 2007

Celebrity News, Where the Word 'News' is Used Loosely

Back by popular request we have another edition of celebrity news and gossip. Well actually two people asked me to do it, but I'm tired of talking about Donaghy, Vick and Bonds. That sounds like a law firm that would have really cheesy commercials. Wow, I can't believe I just typed such a horrible joke. I would start over but, like I said, two people will probably read this so screw it.

Not surprisingly Lindsay Lohan and Britney Spears are competing for the biggest celebrity story. Paris Hilton, out of pure jealousy, is probably on a boat somewhere recording a sex tape involving a train, Daunte Culpepper and other assorted current or former Vikings.

Lohan, who recently finished her alcohol rehab, was pulled over early this morning while chasing the mother of her former personal assistant, who had just quit. Not surprisingly, she was bombed off her ass (.13) and was found to have cocaine in her pocket. She was booked on two misdemeanor charges of suspicion of driving under the influence of alcohol, driving on a suspended license and two felony charges of possession of cocaine and transport of a narcotic. Yikes.

Britney's story on the other hand does not involve being charged with a crime, only a massive meltdown during an interview that she apparently requested. The editor-in-chief said that Britney was very "out of it" and pictures from the interview were so bad that they could ruin her career if they were published. At one point, she said, Britney's eyes rolled back into her head making her appear to be half dead. I don't even have a joke at this point.

The editor said Britney's mood would change every time she went to the bathroom and at one point she was paranoid that the ceiling was going to collapse on her head. I shit you not, the article says she was eating fried chicken and wiping her greasy hands on her several thousand dollar Gucci dress. Jesus Christ. It looks like found the new Courtney Love and we haven't even gotten rid of the old one yet.

I think that's enough of the freak show today.

*In other, less absurd celebrity news, Drew Carey has been chosen to replace Bob Barker as the host of the Price Is Right. I hear he's moving the show to Cleveland.

Britney Spears Reportedly Breaks Down In Interview
Lindsay Lohan Busted Again