Lowsman Watch: Week 4

1) Harrison Beck, QB, NC State: 60/116. 650 yards, 2 TD, 7 INT

Harrison only got a chance to play in a couple series’ against Clemson last weekend, due to injury, but he made the most of the snaps he did get. On the first two drives of the game Harrison went 1/6, 9 yards, and an INT. Not too bad, those type of numbers will only increase his lead. No one should worry about the injury though, Harrison will be back for the Wolfpack’s game against Louisville. I know because he told me on his website. If anything can save Beck from Lowsman infamy, it’s Deon Palmer and the Louisville defense. (That's Harrison from HS, he's intense)

2) Deon Palmer, S, Louisville: Really Sucks

I hope you enjoyed that transition, I work hard on my transitions. I don’t work hard on much else, especially research, I pretty much used up all of my Deon Palmer info when I enlightened everyone to the fact that Horace Grant’s his father. I don’t have the energy to search any family trees, but I’ll play the odds and say that Shawn Kemp is his uncle.

3) Paul Duncan, OL, Notre Dame: 0 Blocks

I’ve exhausted all of my Notre Dame lineman, so I’m back where it all began. It’s difficult for me to properly explain the ass kicking Notre Dame is about to receive from Purdue, I’m not even going to try. All I know is that Paul Duncan will carry much of the blame.

4) Brandon Cox, QB, Auburn: 50/94, 571 yards, 3 TD, 6 INTs

Brandon is a statistical anomaly, he’s got all the tools, but he can’t seem to put them together for this Auburn offense. I did an oral poll amongst my peers to determine whether Cox and balls are meant to be together, and the results were stunning. 100% of those polled replied that Cox and balls were indeed meant for each other. This is why Auburn’s offense is so confusing, they’re clearly better off when Cox doesn’t control their balls, but I’m not sure they have any other options.

5) Casey Dick, QB, Arkansas: 35/71, 410 yards, 3 TDs, 3 INTs

(Don’t worry, there will be no Dick jokes, I’m too mature for that) I’m beginning to wonder if Dick gets off on throwing interceptions. When teams put 11 in the box to stop D-Fad, the back door is wide open, how hard can it be to hit a receiver when everyone's looking for the run? It can’t be difficult, but Dick managed to pull out two interceptions against Kentucky’s vaunted defense. Though his numbers may not be as bad as other QBs, his numbers need to be more impressive because defenses are begging him to beat them.

Lowsman Watch: Week 3

1) Harrison Beck, QB, NC State: 59/110, 641 yd, 2 TD, 6 INT

Harrison Beck has transformed himself; it’s really been spectacular to watch. He’s morphed from an interception throwing gunslinger, a la Brett Favre or Rex Grossman, into game managing Mark Brunell-type. Last week he threw for over 300 yards and 5 interceptions, this week, he threw for 113 yards, no TDs, and no INTs; that was good for 3.5 yards per attempt… BORING. Beyond being an awful quarterback, he’s gotta be a douche bag too right? What kind of name is Harrison? I know … it’s a last name. I’ve still gotta do some digging, but I’d be willing to bet that he’s the president of NC State’s athletic fraternity, from which, no nerd is safe. If you want to learn more about Harrison, check out his 'official website,' as opposed the the unofficial ones, this is the real deal.

2) Ben Olsen, QB, UCLA: 49/97, 702 yd, 5 TD, 4 INT

Ben, really nice work against Utah last weekend. The state of Utah has not been kind to Olsen as he has gone 33/68, 416yd, 0 TD, and 4 INTs in his last two games, against Utah and BYU. You would think Olsen would be used to the state’s Mormon voodoo elevation, as Olsen himself is a Mormon – and proud of it. Olsen did his mission to Canada from 2003-2005. For those who don’t know, Mormons make a pilgrimage to Canada once in their life to worship maple syrup. Quarterbacks who do their mission are normally awful, but Olsen isn’t worried because “It’s [the mission] important to me, plus I’m blessed with a lot of talent. I’m better than any other guy that’s gone on a mission.” Hmmm, at least he’s confident, but I think the Dolphin’s John Beck might have a legit gripe.

3) Lyle Moevao, QB, Oregon State: 24/43, 255 yd, 0 TD, 4 INT

Lyle is about to be supplanted as the Oregon State quarterback, losing out to Sean Canfield. At least I’d assume he will be, is there anything dumber than a quarterback by committee when the committee members are the exact same type of player? I understood the Chris Leak/Time Tebow thing, but this is ridiculous, especially when Moevao is so bad. Lyle will become the 5^th member of our Lowsman Watch candidates to lose his job; a major hurdle in forming these lists, but something I’m very proud of.

4) Jameel Sewell, QB, Virginia: 31/54, 243 yd, 1 TD, 2 INT

I’m not sure why I didn’t keep Jameel on this list last week, he wasn’t good. So far this year, Jameel has yet to throw for over 100 yards … and he played Duke. UVA has a great defense, but he’s completely spoiling it. He isn’t doing it with his legs either, he is basically Vince Young with a torn ACL.

5) John Sullivan, C, ND: Fucking Awful

Sullivan is definitely not the worst player on this line, as he was the number one ranked center in the country going into the year and was on every lineman award watch list; but he’s the cornerstone of an offense that has rushed for -14 yards. Beyond that, Sullivan made sure that any glimmer of hope for Notre Dame fans was lost on the first offensive play of the game against Michigan when he snapped the ball over Jimmy Clausen’s head, nearly ending in a safety. The game was over right at that moment. Here are some more stats to get nauseous over, 20/39 offensive drives have ended in 3 and outs and 10 of those 39 have gone for negative yardage. It’s unbelievable, and hurts to watch. Against Michigan, nine different offensive linemen saw playing time, the only player that didn’t was 340-lb sophomore Chris Stewart. I can’t imagine how bad he must be.

6) Delbert Alvarado, K, South Florida: 2/6 FGs

South Florida had the week off last week, but get back at it this weekend versus North Carolina. Delbert is on this list, not only because of his FG %, but because of how bad his misses against Auburn were. Seriously, if the uprights were double their actual size, he still would have missed two of his FGs, and they were at key situations in the second half. There is no doubt that he is going to cost South Florida a game at some point, I’m going to guess it will be West Virginia.

7) Brandon Cox, QB Auburn: 37/75, 436 yd, 2 TD, 6 INT

More like Brandon “Sucks” Cox (oh yea, more to come), this guy is a senior, but is having his worst year ever. Cox is completely fucking the Tigers offense this year, sure, the offensive line is allowing penetration, but Cox needs to know better than to try and stick it into tight coverage; the Auburn offense needs to get back to pounding their opposition with the running game. In fact, Brandon may have lost his job to multi-purpose freshman Kodi Burns, by throwing two interceptions in the first 8 minutes against Michael Henig’s Mississippi State team. That might have spelled the end for Cox because, as we all know, once you go black, you never go back …. Cox has most likely become out 6^th Lowsman candidate to lose their job.

8) Deon Palmer, SS, Louisville: MTSU = 42 pts UK = 40 pts

Senior Louisville safety Deon Palmer will continue to represent the Cardinal’s porous defense. They’ve given up over 40pts for the second week in a row. They may get a reprieve this weekend as they meet Syracuse, a team that actually has a worse defense. Deon should probably start taking the advice of his father, Horace Grant, but all signs point to Deon being a bastard child. By ‘all signs,’ I mean he doesn’t wear a helmet visor, I’m sure that would have been lesson #1 from the Horse.

9) Travis Thomas, RB, Notre Dame: 14 carries, 18 yards

Thomas is, thankfully, being fazed out of the ‘running game,’ but he definitely deserves mention before his disappearance. Anyone who has watched Notre Dame’s games knows his fetal possession running style. Literally, every time he gets it, he clutches it with both hands and falls down. I am the last person to blame the running backs or quarterbacks for their lack of offensive production, but Travis Thomas is awful. Others, especially Armando Allen, have shown explosiveness despite having absolutely no room to move.

10) Brian Smith, K, BYU: 0/1 FG, 2 missed PAT

If the Oregon State quarterback by committee situation seems dumb, BYU’s kicker by committee might have out done them. Brian Smith is the second option for the Cougars, but he has missed his lone FG attempt and missed two of six PATs. I can’t imagine how Coach Mendenhall could ever rationally decide to put Smith in, it’s gotta have something to do with reading golden tablets or getting visions in a hat … who the hell knows what these Mormon’s are up to. No matter who the kicker is though, these Cougars should feast on some young, sweaty men in uniform next week as BYU takes on Air Force.

We are always accepting suggestions, please feel free to nominate your team's most worthless player in the comments

Lowsman Watch: Week 2

We're back with another installment of the Lowsman Watch. We are dedicated to uncovering the worst player in the nation by the end of the year. Unlike the national polls, we realize that the first few weeks should be extremely fluid for any ranking, so you won't see any of the original five on this list. Not even Michael Henig who threw six interceptions in week one, but he bounced back to go 20/31, 223 yards, 1 TD, and ONLY 1 INT. Good for him, but sadly it was against Tulane, so we will surely see him again, but we aren't here to talk about the past. Let's look at this week's rankings:

1) Sean Glennon, QB, Virginia Tech: 24/33, 261 yards, 1 TD, INTs


Just as there is a spot on our Heisman Watch for any QB playing against Michigan, it seems like we’ll have to save a spot on the Lowsman Watch for the QB playing LSU. Glennon was absolutely awful, and eventually pulled from LSU’s mauling of Virginia Tech. While he was in the game, he went 2/12, 16 yards, and an INT; everyone hates this guy at VT, he was booed in their emotional season opener, and has not taken his benching well. Here’s what he had to say:

I don't want to think about transferring right now, it’s not a good thought. I've had a good time in four years here. I don't want to leave here. But I feel like I'm good enough to play on any team in this country...

It's just unfortunate that I'm put in a position where, because my legs don't move as fast as Tyrod's, I'm not going to be playing...

Not to say I'll make it, but I feel like I have a shot at the next level...

I don't want to blame anything on anybody. That's the last thing I want to do, is say I'm not playing because of the line...

So, in summary, Glennon can play on any other team in the country (Brian Brohm, WATCH OUT), he’s not starting because Tyrod Taylor is faster (definitely not because he’s more accurate than 2/16), he’s got a shot at the NFL (maybe the Browns), he refuses to blame his performance on anyone else (except his O-line), and he’s a complete douche (I read between the lines). I absolutely cannot stand this guy.

2) Harrison Beck, QB, NC State: 43/78, 528 yards, 2 TDs, 6 INTs

Donald Driver gets hard just watching NC State play, no one has ever thrown for more garbage yards in history, not even Favre, than Harrison Beck did in the Wolfpack’s game against Boston College on Saturday. It seemed like, on every single drive, Beck would lead his team 60 yards downfield, only to end every drive by throwing a crippling interception in BC territory, which explains his line of 26/50, 321 yards, 5 INTs. I was an NC State fan for the day (I bet on the game) and I wanted to beat him senseless, but was calmed to know that the Boston College defense was doing that for me. His performance is probably what it would look like if Peyton Manning and Rex Grossman were in a quarterback by committee for the Colts.

3) Cody Hawkins, QB, Colorado: 33/73, 356 yards, 3 TDs, 2 INTs

Here at Log’s Blog there is nothing we hate more than Sean Glennon, but a close second would be nepotism which makes this an obvious pick. Hawkins doesn’t have the interceptions or fumbles to match up with some people on this list, but I think he fits right in. Saturday night, against Arizona State, Hawkins went 15 of 42 on his pass attempts; that’s a bad three point percentage. I think I’d be more comfortable with Jason Kapono quarterbacking my team. It’d probably be best for everyone if Cody just heeded his coach/dad’s advice to “Go play intramurals, brother son!”

4) Mike Turkovich, LG, Notre Dame: Sucked all year

It’s only fair to spread the love amongst this year’s Notre Dame lineman, this week’s representative is Mike Turkovich. Turk had this to say about the Penn State game, “The O-line is only as good as its weakest link. We’re not coming together right now … Zero yards rushing? It can’t get much worse.” He clearly has a bad memory as the offensive actually did do worse, rushing for negative eight yards the week before against Georgia Tech, but the improvement from week one has been noted. If they keep up this pace, they’ll get to 100 yards rushing around the second game next season; be patient ND fans.

5) Delbert Alvarado, K, South Florida: 2/6 FGs

First of all, Delbert is an African-American kicker, so it’s pretty tough for me to write about him; it’s like criticizing the Yellow-billed Cuckoo Bird of being weird looking; they're both endangered species and you can't criticize what you don't know, but "can't" was erased from my vocabulary in 3rd grade gym class so I'll try. Delbert’s performance bears mention because it was so atrocious. I had a small wager on the South Florida, which I placed legally in Las Vegas, and he nearly ruined it by missing four field goals in the second half of the game. He missed field goals of 37, 45, 37, and 21 yards; each one nearly causing me to emotionally break down. Luckily, Delbert made a 19 yard FG to send the game into overtime, but, since I could have made that, he stays on the list. If the Bulls would have lost the game, he would have been number one, so he’s lucky … this time.

6) Todd Boeckman, QB, AN Ohio State University: 31/46, 356 yards, 4 TDs, 2 INTs

Ever wonder what would happen if Michael Henig was quarterback of Ohio State instead of Mississippi State? This is what would happen. Boeckman wasn’t that bad against Youngstown State, but he wasn’t impressive against an insanely overmatched defense. On the other hand, against Akron he was awful going 14/23, 131 yards, 2 TDs, and 2 INTs. The Buckeye’s were lucky Charlie Frye is no longer a Zip (haha) or they might have pulled a Michigan (albeit Akron is D-I, but Appalachian State is better).

7) Deon Palmer, S, Louisville: Allowed Middle Tennessee State to score 42 points

I’m sure there are probably worse players on this defense, but I have to give the nod to the safety since it seemed like every Middle Tennessee play was either shut down at the line of scrimmage or went for a touchdown. I forsee a long stay on this list for Palmer, considering Louisville’s schedule only gets tougher as they begin playing universities that represent the entirety of their state [note: this was Latarrius Thomas' spot, but he is now out for the season with a torn ACL, so I switched Palmer in ... he's just as bad].

8) Devin Tyler, LT, Temple: 0 rushing yards, 0 passing yards, 0 TDs

I don’t get too upset about the things I write about these young athletes, I don’t have much in the way of a conscience, but Devin’s situation really struck a cord. I mean, I can really put myself in his shoes. Devin was ranked as the 451^st defensive lineman in the country coming out of high school, and decided to go to Temple. So, obviously, he was destined for this award. I just think of how easily his name could be interchanged with my own since I was, in fact, ranked the 452^nd best defensive lineman in the country; I decided not to go to Temple because I thought it would be more embarrassing than impressive. At least he can still say he’s a Division I Football Bowl Subdivision player, I’m sure that got him a handy at some point, but it also got him on this list.

9) Lyle Moevao, QB, Oregon State: 17/32, 175 yards, 0 TDs, 4 INTs

Moevao is part of a quarterback by committee situation along with Sean Canfield at OSU. As the old adage says, “if you have two quarterbacks, you don’t have a quarterback,” this situation is the epitome of that saying. Against Cincinnati, the two combined to go, 32/54, 274 yards, 0TDs, and 6 INTs. Those are Michael Henig numbers. I chose Moevao because he has yet to throw a touchdown pass, but these guys have basically been equally bad. They should be too ashamed to call themselves Oregon State Beavers, until further notice, we will refer to Lyle as an Oregon State Pussy.

10) Chad Henne, QB, Michigan: 31/60, 405 yards, 2 TDs, 2 INTs

I’m not going to pile on here, after watching the Mgoblog’s slow spiral into oblivion the last two weeks, I don’t think they need anymore. As a Notre Dame fan, I know exactly how they feel, and we all handle these situations differently. I unleash my rage by putting my team’s players on this list (see: Turkovich, Mike); they post pictures of kittens and play emo music, but at the end of the day, our teams are still playing on ABC, Go Irish!!!

Lowsman Watch: Week 1

Anyone can do a Heisman watch, including us, but how hard is it to pick the best player in the country? Answer, really easy, it’s Tiquan Underwood. It takes much more effort to find the worst player in the country; luckily for everyone, I’m a very hard worker. Throughout the season, we’ll be updating our Lowsman Watch … pause to appreciate the pun … in hopes of determining the worst player in the nation. On December 7^th, the day before the Heisman ceremony, the top 5 candidates will be invited to my apartment for the award ceremony. The event will be televised on YouTube sports. Here are the rankings from week 1, let’s bully.

1) Michael Henig, QB, Mississippi State: 11/28, 120 yards, 0 TDs, 6 INTS

This might have been one of the worst quarterback performances I’ve ever seen. Sure, he was going against LSU, one of the best defenses in college football, but that’s no excuse for throwing six interceptions. Colt Brennan probably won’t have 6 INTs all year. I found out this little nugget, using mathematics, Henig’s six interceptions were returned for 120 yards, matching his total yards passing. That’s a difficult thing to do, and I’m going to go ahead and say he’s the only person to throw exactly as many yards to the other team as he did his own.

2) Shawn Crable, LB, Michigan: 10 tackles, 1 sack, 3 TFL, 1 missed block

His numbers are great, and, as Sammich pointed out, he’s a scary mother fucker, but he’s not the most intelligent player on the Michigan team. I can’t imagine how many times they practiced it, but for some reason Crable forgot that he was supposed to take the guy inside him on field goal block. Crable was the guy who allowed the Appalachian State defender a free pass to block the game winning field goal try. It was pretty obvious. So long as Crable is losing games for Michigan, we’ll leave the light on for him.

3) Jameel Sewell, QB, Virginia: 11/23, 87 yards, 0 TDs, 2 INTs; 5 rushes, -6 yards

I’m going to leave a spot open for the player that single handedly loses me the most money. So far, that man is Jameel Sewell, the super athletic UVA quarterback. He was a complete piece of shit against Wyoming. Under 100 yards passing? Fine. Two interceptions? Ok, I can handle it, but -6 yards rushing? You’re a black multi-purpose quarterback Jameel, run you asshole.

4) Paul Duncan, OL, Notre Dame: 0 rec, 0 yards, 0 rushes, 0 yards

I had to pick someone from Notre Dame’s line for this list, I decided to choose Duncan, but everyone probably deserves it. I apologize to Sam Young, Dan Wenger, John Sullivan, and Mike Turkovich; you were all deserving but I could only pick one. I choose Duncan because of one play, which Blue-Gray Sky notes, “he was just off-balance and fell down without touching anyone.” I would love to see a video of that [Update: Thanks to Loy for the video, it's the second sack]. The unit gave up 9 sacks, and was responsible for Notre Dame totaling NEGATIVE 8 yards on 41 carries. Paul, you and your teammates are ruining my semester.

5) Lionell Singleton, WR/KR, Florida International: 1 rec, 22 yards, 3 fumbles

I hesitate to put Singleton on this list, because God knows FIU players will throw down anywhere. If they come into the OB talking that smack, I doubt they’ll hesitate to enter Clover Ridge Apartments to kick that ass. My journalistic integrity overrides my fear though, and I’m including him. Singleton touched the ball nine times and fumbled it three times, god he’s awful. Suck it Lionell, you’re my bitch, I’m not afraid of you or your dawgs… BRING IT.

Also See: Week 2