59 Year Old Makes College Football Team

People make a lot of ridiculous decisions when they are drunk, and I’ve found one that takes the cake. Supposedly, Mike Flynt, a 59 year old man, made a spontaneous decision to make a college football comeback while drinkin’ beer and swapping “old college war stories” one night in Alpine, Texas. He was kicked off his college football team before his senior year (37 years ago), and has decided to do something about it after one of his old, drunken friends said something along the lines of “Why don’t you do something about it, chicken?” The friend then said, “Caw, ca caw, ca caw” as he fluttered his arms around, and mimicked a chicken. (AD rest in peace)

Flynt, obviously taking the joke way too seriously, found out that he had one more year of eligibility remaining, and yesterday he made the roster of the Division III Sul Ross State. He’s a grandfather. He hasn’t played football in 37 years, and is actually 8 years older than the coach.

Jerry Lernad, the coach who kicked him off the team 37 years ago said this:

"I told him he's an idiot. Gosh, dang, Mike, you're not 20 years old any more. You're liable to cripple yourself.' He understands all of that. But he has a burning desire to play. ... He is in great physical condition. He still runs a 5-flat 40 and bench presses I-don't-know-what. He's a specimen for 59 years old."

So basically, the coach still thinks he’s a cocky son of a bitch, and wants to see the old man get seriously injured. I doubt that any 59 year old man can run a 5 flat 40. Come on, it’s gotta take “Old Bones” a little longer to get the motor running. What position he will play is still up in the air, but he was a linebacker so expect to see him getting ran over from time to time. When he takes the field on Sept 1^st, he will most likely be the oldest man ever to play college football. Reaseachers haven’t found anyone over 45 years old.

He was originally kicked off the team many years ago for fighting too much. I think he might run into a similar problem this year while showering. Can you think of anything worse than seeing a set of old, wrinkly balls right after exhausting yourself on a football field? That should be enough to start a couple shower brawls. God, I wish I could have been a fly on the wall the night he made his decision. Watching a drunk, old man make a decision that could potentially get himself killed brings a smile to my face. I hope there are “Cool Zones” in Hell.

Old, Wrinkly People say “We Got Next”

Admittedly, this story is a month old. I can’t believe I missed The '07 Summer Senior Olympics as they were being held right under my nose here in Louisville. You would think the smell of gold bond, moth balls, and adult diaper change stations would have activated my dog like sense of smell. Thank you Louisville Courier Journal.

The ‘08 Summer Olympics in China will kickoff less than a year from now, but to be honest, I’m more excited about the ‘09 Senior Olympic Games which will be held in Stanford, CA. The ‘o7 Senior Games produced unspeakable drama, stories of dedication, and 16 days of ridiculous quotes that only old people can produce. 16,000 seniors invaded the city of Louisville, riding into town on RV’s, Cadillacs, motor scooters. All of the seniors, who didn’t “expire”, left with feelings of accomplishment and pride after 16 days of boring and sometimes disgusting competition. You think talking to your grandma on the phone is bad? Well, try watching 10 85+ year olds playing volleyball for an hour. What’s your gag reflex like? I’ve only seen a few pictures, but they didn’t look pretty.

Unspeakable Drama:
93 Year Old Women wins 7 Medals in 07

Going into yesterday's mixed doubles bowling, Lillian Webb of Sebring, Fla., was already loaded down with hardware -- five gold medals in track and field and another in bowling. Her feats included a record-setting 100-meter dash of 31.3 seconds for her age group. (Her age being 93.) There weren't any male bowlers in her age group, so she paired with a younger man, Harry Jackman, also a Floridian. They won the silver medal.

So, after bowling three games yesterday, she said, "Now I am really tired."

So, I’m supposed to be impressed by a record I could beat by around 22 seconds? Please.

Stories of Dedication:
Shuffleboard Comeback

Roy Armstrong and his wife, Joyce, of Water Valley, Ky., trailed 95-80 in the championship match. Joyce lined up for the final shot. She scored seven points for her side and bumped their opponents' disc from its resting place, costing them 10 points. That 17-point turnaround gave the Armstrongs an 87-85 victory.
Their home lies between Fulton and Mayfield. So, is it easy to find a place to play shuffleboard in Water Valley?

"It's impossible," Roy said. "We have to go to Martin, Tenn. -- 20 miles."

20 Miles for an old person could take upwards of 2-3 hours! Now, that’s dedication.

Is 7^th Place Worth It?

How many athletes are so determined to compete that they will stay in a homeless shelter? That's what Robert Buesse of Battle Creek, Mich., did two years ago when the Games were held in Pittsburgh. He couldn't afford lodging, so he slept in a homeless shelter the week he competed in horseshoes. He said it was the only time he ever stayed in a shelter.

"The whole house was rooting for me," said Buesse, 62. "When I came back with a seventh-place ribbon, they said, 'Way to go.' "

Wow, I don’t mean to sound too critical but with that story's build up I at least expected a top three finish. You didn’t leave with a medal old man? Why were people telling him he did a good job? I’m not dishing out compliments to any senior citizen I know for a 7^th place finish.

The Two most ridiculous Quotes from 16 Days of old people blabber:

Philip Godfrey, president of the National Senior Games Association, which has held these Games 20 years said.

"I know and I believe in my heart that we've taken it to a new level in 2007.”

97-year-old Leona Boehme’s response to the question “Do you feel like an athlete?”

"No"

At least one of the old timers is still with it. Louisville has placed a bid for the 2015 Senior Olympic Games. I am considering joining a committee to promote my great city. Many local Elder Law attorneys and I are interested in seeing a fresh, new batch of oldies roll into the city; however slowly that might be. I hope they start putting together some extreme Senior Olympic Games. Mobile Scooters flying off ramps. What could be better?