Vick's Own Father Throws Him To the Wolves...err, Dogs

Predictably, Mike Vick doesn't have many friends these days. His dogfighting pals are turning on him, the Falcons have come to terms with him as an ex-teammate, and now even his own father is against him. In an interview with the Atlanta Journal-Constitution his father, Michael Boddie, said, "I wish people would stop sugarcoating it. This is Mike's thing. And he knows it. He likes it, and he has the capital to have a set up like that." Sheesh.

He goes on to say that he warned Vick that he shouldn't have his name on the title for the house and that Vick also used to fight dogs at the family's house.

But let's have a closer look at this Boddie guy, the apparent voice of reason. He hasn't worked in four years and as been in and out of both drug and alcohol rehab and is living in an apartment paid for by Vick. Two years ago he was denied by Vick when he asked for $1 million spread out over 12 years so he could live in comfort. Now Boddie feels disrespected by Vick, saying, "[He was] talking to me like I'm one of his . . . dogs."

My favorite part: "A picture of Vick's two young children is framed on a wall near the kitchen. Hung on a wall beside the kitchen sink is a long list entitled 'Quick Drink Recipes.'" Oh yeah, and he plans to write a book about all of this. Expect to see that on the NY Times Bestseller List sometime next year.

Atlanta Journal Constitution
(via ESPN)

About Time That Herpes Came in Handy

As everyone already knows, Michael Vick has agreed to a plea deal which will send him to jail for over a year, but Vick won’t be going to jail alone. While he may be losing the respect of all his peers, Vick’s got one friend that will never leave him, Ron Mexico, aka his herpes.

Herpes is a lot like that embarrassing (and itchy) friend that you avoid as much as possible. Even though you don’t like them you know that, when shit goes down, they’ve got your back. Vick’s always been embarrassed of his herpes, he used to keep it a secret. Back in 2003, for example, when he didn’t tell his friend Sonya about it before he sexed her. Now that he’s in trouble, with no one else to turn to, Vick will be telling everyone about Ron. Like when he meets his roommate, I bet it’s the first thing they talk about. Vick’s speed won’t help him avoid being penetrated in a small cell, herpes is the only thing that can save his anal virginity.

Sure, there’s gotta be a large portion of the prison population that won’t be deterred by an STD, especially those who’ve already been tainted or those with life sentences. If I had a life sentence, I’d be sticking my dick everywhere, electrical outlets, mashed potatoes, who gives a shit? You’re dying there anyway, might as well figure out how every vegetable makes your penis feel. Vick should be alright with the average prisoner, but would be wise to avoid the D-Block.

The other burning question doesn’t involve herpes at all, it’s asking what Vick will do after his release from prison. The Monday Night Countdown guys seem to think he’ll make it back to the league, but I’m not so sure. The NFL’s rules would be pretty out of whack if they don’t allow a guy with a drug problem in Ricky Williams to play, the most peaceful player in the league, but allow a guy with a dog fighting problem back in. So I’m going to guess that Vick will be playing football after jail, but, like Ricky, it will be a little further North in the land of the misfit football players, aka the CFL.

When he gets released, the CFL will never be the same, Vick will surely break records and win championships. The CFL field is about 12 yards wider than an NFL field making it even easier for Vick to dominate (albeit there are 12 players on each side). But why stop at the CFL, the entire country of Canada will be changed, have you ever seen a moose fight? It will fuck you up. I’m not kidding, they’ve got gigantic antlers that get stuck in inappropriate places, they lose control of their bowels when they fight, shit is flying everywhere … it’s a disgusting sight. His impact on Canada should rival that of Doug Flutie and his Flutie Flakes.

This will be my last Vick article for a long, long time. He and Lindsey Lohan’s imminent prison stays are going to make my head explode.

Special thanks to Guy for the CFL picture

Oh Pretty Prince of Parties, Where’s the Party Now?

I don’t know where the party is now, but I do know where the party was on Saturday night … right here. My apartment was the place to be. You see, I don’t like ‘casual drinking’; I don’t understand it. I’m not gonna act like I enjoy the taste of beer, but I will admit to enjoying its affect on me. So, I look for the quickest possible way to feel that. On Saturday night, the quickest way involved Michael Vick’s indictment. I’ve always wanted to read it, so I could make my own judgments. I don’t feel comfortable letting ESPN’s talking heads make my judgments for me. The only way I thought I could get myself to read the transcript was to make the best drinking game ever, the Mike Vick Indictment Drinking Game. I’m working on a better title. Here are the rules:

One Drink per word = DOG, KILL, BURY, PIT BULL, VIRGINIA

Three Drinks = BAD NEWZ KENNELS, ANY NICKNAME (minus Ookie)

Five Drinks = OOKIE, DOG NAMES, HANGING

Ten Drinks = ELECTROCUTE, DROWN, SUFFOCATE

Legend: One Drink = One second or one shot of beer

I made a large miscalculation on my drinking ability before this game. I thought it’d be pretty badass to do a power hour before the Ookie Pokie (not a good name, still working on it) … bad idea, and as you’ll soon see this game, like its namesake, is an ice cold killer.

The stats break down like this. The first page is only one paragraph, but it included ten seconds worth of drinking. This was difficult for me, after the power hour, but I was still holding strong. I was pretty drunk at this point, the best part of which was how funny dog killing became. It was also a better indication of Vick’s state of mind when he was actually killing these dogs; I’m starting to really understand him. People always kill dogs when they’re drunk.

Page two gave us a nice breather, it was only ten seconds of drinking. At this point it became difficult for me to read and I was laughing at the end of every sentence. Page three was also kind of short, but there was twelve seconds of drinking. It really set me up for a bad page four, aka, the puke page.

First of all, I’d like to let you know what was happening in my apartment. There were only two guys playing this game, there were about four girls sitting around that were completely disgusted with the whole thing especially the indictment which they had never heard about. Visually, these girls were barely legal but pretty hot.

Page four consisted of thirty-three seconds of drinking; I’m not going to act like I finished all of these seconds. About half way through, in front of all of these sober people, I threw up in my mouth, tried to hold it in, but it came out of my nose. It was the most disgusting/painful experience my face has, um, faced in quite a while. My nose is still burning from the experience, my reputation, irreparably damaged. So, in summary, don’t mess with Vick … period. It was like “The Ring” or something. Through the game he was trying to kill me. He was somehow trying to drown me using my own puke. People of Virginia, if you’re reading this, lock his ass up, PLEASE.

The Onion (Picture)
The Indictment

Mike Vick is One Step Ahead

Maybe I wasn’t too young to follow the whole Sadaam situation, but I just wasn’t interested enough. How does this tie in with this blog post and Mike Vick, you ask? (Besides the fact that Americans hate both of them). Well, I just remember people talking about how Sadaam used to hire men to get plastic surgery to look identical to him so that he couldn’t be officially found, considering his slight image problem. Mike Vick has the same kind of problem with his reputation. Everybody hates that dog killing son of a bitch. Now, Vick’s got some coin (that 10 year, $100mm contract doesn’t sound so bad). So who is to say that Vick didn’t take a couple of plays out of Sadaam’s playbook? I probably would. Well, I think I found the real Mike Vick today while watching the Indians-Tigers game. He was the asshole on the mound that struck out the side in the bottom of the 9^th!

Look at that! Are you kidding me? Ron Mexico, my ass. I’m going to start calling him Fernando Rodney.

Let's think about this for a minute. Vick has been running this shotty dog operation for years. He almost had to know something was going to come back and "bite him in the ass." I mean, he didn't exactly have rocket scientists running the show while he was away. He's smart, and like any true owner/CEO of a Dog Fighting Organization, he prepared for the inevitable rainy day. First, he found some young kid in the minors and paid him to get plastic surgery. This didn't take much work on Vick's part; as dreams of more pussy have to be quite common if you're playing Double A baseball somewhere in Tennessee. Also, the pickup line "I'm Mike Vick, and you know how I get down" must have had some real power before this whole dog fighting circus. Think about it, anyone in his right mind would agree to the surgery if he knew you only had to take the rap for any future allegations that might come up. Rodney was young and vulnerable, and Mike went in for the kill. So now as Vick pitches for the Tigers, Rodney's day in court approaches, and he's probably going to jail for a long time. All of that plastic surgery wasn't worth it after all, and I suspect, he realizes that looking like Michael Vick wasn't as cool as he once thought. Detroit is a city full of dog heads as is.

I know some will say, "Well, Vick's a lefty and Rodney is a righty."

To those people I say, "Why must we keep doubting the brilliance that is Michael Vick?"

We all know he is one of the most freakish athletes of the last 50 years. You really don't think the man can throw a fastball with his right hand? Please, I'd be surprised if poor Brian Finneran's hands don't fall off by the end of this year. Vick has been practicing that fastball since his Virginia Tech days. That thing on Beemer's neck is actually a bruise from a well-placed Vick eraser throw during a boring '02 film session. What a sly son of a bitch. Ever since his Virginia Tech days, I knew that scrambling asshole had something up his sleeve. He even had the presence of mind to find a young pitcher in the Tigers' organization, yes, Tigers, so he could stick it to those dog loving fools one more time. No line, to a dog owner, is a bigger slap in the face than "I love cats." Asshole.

That's okay with me, Mike. I'd rather be in jail than living in Detroit, anyway.

(This was a Guy Production in association with Poor Man's Entertainment.)

James "Lights Out" Toney: There's a Dart in Your Neck

James “Lights Out” Toney’s year long suspension has been reduced to six months after the California State Athletic Commission voted 6-1 in favor of the lighter punishment. If you remember, “Lights Out” and his opponent both tested positive for performance enhancers after their May 24th fight in San Jose. Toney ultimately won the fight by spilt decision, and every one assumed the match-up was fair as both fighters were both using steroids.

Well Toney’s opponent, Danny Batchelder, might have a complaint now that new information reveals Toney was on “boldenone, which {is} a fat-reducing medication for horses and can only be prescribed by veterinarians.”

So, James Toney was using the animal equivalent of Fat Predator in an attempt to lose weight for his fight against Batchelder. I don’t know what’s more shocking, Toney taking Barbaroids or the California State commission reducing his suspension after this information was revealed.

I started doing a little investigating and found out that boldenone is a little more common than you think. In fact BodyBuilding.com, had this to say about boldenone.

“For something that is generally injected into cows, horses and dogs boldenone is quite a popular and well-liked drug by most bodybuilders because of its unique make-up.”


Now that’s special. I just wish Toney would have done a little more investigating before juicing up. One simple google search told me that boldenone is “easily detectable in blood tests due to its long metabloic half-life. Trace amounts of the drug can easily be detected for months after discontinued use.”

I’m not 100% sure what “long metabolic half-life” means, but I’d guess you shouldn’t take it if you think you might get tested right after a fight. “Lights Out” didn’t learn his lesson after all. Just a little over two years ago, Toney was stripped of his victory of John Ruiz for testing positive for another anabolic steroid during…wait for it…..another post-fight steroid test! Toney’s won 70 fights in his career. I can only imagine how many of those victories were juice induced.

Too bad Vick didn’t get a hold of this veterinarian who was supplying Toney with the animal steroids. He wouldn’t have had to kill so many dogs. Oh, will the Vick funny ever end? Seriously though, those dog fights would have been more entertaining.

BoxingScene

The Ole' Gun Pull: These Guys Need Some New Material

An NFL football player was arrested after pointing a gun at a stripper outside of a “gentlemen’s club” on Thursday morning. A few questions just popped in my head after rereading that first sentence.

1. Why are these places still called “gentlemen’s clubs”?

2. Who gets arrested on a Thursday afternoon? (pick a cooler day/time)

3. I wonder if Stephen Jackson thinks imitation is the greatest form of flattery? (Oh wait, Bridges didn't fire off any rounds)

The man arrested plays for an NFL team who’s mascot is a cat. Oh, I know you’re saying, “This has Carson Palmer written all over it”, but it was actually the Carolina Panthers” offensive lineman Jeremy Bridges. Bridges, a regular at the club, supposedly arrived after the night’s festivities had ended and wasn’t able to get in. He then pulled out his gun, the stripper called the police, and he got arrested. He posted the $3,000 bail, and should be ready for the Panther’s training camp which starts today. Just another day in the life of an NFL player!

I mean I’d be pissed too. If I had a nickel for every time I’ve been locked out of a strip club thinking, “I wish I had a gun to pull on someone”, I’d be 10 cents richer.

I’m sure Goodell is getting one of his big suspensions nice and ready. I think we can all agree that this is sooo much more serious than murdering dogs (vicking from this point forward)! I bet Vick couldn't keep a straight face if you held that picture up in front of him.

Story

A Reason to Show a Picture of Erin Andrews (and a little bit of news)

Vick entered a not guilty plea at his first federal hearing today. He was granted bail but was ordered to surrender his passport, wear a monitoring device, and is not allowed to leave the jurisdiction where he lives. His trial date is set for November 26.

I watched the Who's Now segment on SportsCenter for the first time today and it was actually outstanding. I don't remember a word of what was talked about but Erin Andrews was on the panel. That's the ESPN I could get used to.

Odell Thurman will sit out the entire 2007 season. I'm usually the first one to make fun of the Bungles but this is pretty ridiculous. He failed a drug test and got a DUI. He sat out all of last season. Another whole season? Seems pretty excessive. All I can say is that if Vick takes a snap this season the NFL is a huge joke.

Cruella DeVick

Lost in the Michael Vick saga is a story of love, compassion, and mercy, a story of selflessness and gratitude, the story of Jonathan Babineaux. On February 18, 2007, Babineaux allegedly got in a fight with his girlfriend and, upon her leaving the house, proceeded to beat her dog to death. Sure, I know what you're thinking, "the bitch probably deserved it." And yes, that's probably true, but there is a bigger issue here.

I'm sure all of us have, at least once, thought about killing an enemy's pet, and most of us have even formulated a plan to do so; this story is a great reminder of why that's a bad idea. Babineaux was arrested and charged with one felony count of animal cruelty [1-5 years in prison] because, "Police ... have revealed that there are certain inconsistencies with Babineaux's story as it relates to the injuries that Kilo [the dog] sustained." Authorities did not release the details regarding Babineaux's story due to the graphic accusations he made about a certain teammate, but recent events have vindicated the Falcon's 25-yr-old defensive lineman.

At the police station Babineaux, covered in blood and tears (the dog's), gave his side of the story: "I killed the dog, I had to, that crazy bastard was gonna electrocute her." That's right, Babineaux had to beat the dog to death to save it from being electrocuted by Michael Vick, albeit the dog did get worked in it's test fight. So, there you have it, Jonathan Babineaux is an innocent man ... another Log'sBlog exclusive.

Fanhouse

Update: We just reached Clinton Portis for comment, he had this to say "I don't know if he was executing dogs or not, but it's his water, it's his electricity; it's his dogs. If that's what he wants to do, do it ... I know a lot of back roads that got a dog murder if you want to go see it. " Disturbing, Go Redskins

Convict Vick

Now I’m not some sort of PETA nut job by any means, but I do like dogs. Well, except for my own dog who has a proclivity for taking massive dumps on white carpet. Anyway, I think you would be hard pressed to find someone who was not disgusted by the information from the indictment of Mike Vick and his, umm, associates. The Feds say they have evidence that shows Vick and co-defendants used a variety of techniques to kill dogs that didn’t perform well in test fights, including drowning, beating and, most shocking, spraying them with a hose and then electrocuting them. Athletes and famous people can do a lot of stupid things that make them look bad, but I’ve never seen anything like this before. If this turns out to be true Mike Vick is a pretty sick fuck.

The way it was first reported, Vick was involved only because it happened on his property, and he was unaware of what was going on. Not so, say the Feds. The indictment claims that Vick was prominently involved in the whole operation and that there are already four witnesses ready to testify against him.

The NFL and Roger Goodell are going to be a tough spot here. They didn’t take much heat for suspending Pac Man, Tank and Chris DUI Henry before the legal process played out because everyone was already convinced that they were bad guys. Now they have a much larger, more public case with a more popular player. If they don’t do anything they will look like hypocrites and if they do, well, it could be pretty controversial, not to mention crippling for the Falcons organization.

Everyone is already talking about how it’s not the same as previous cases because Vick is not a repeat offender. I think that’s pretty absurd considering the incidents Vick has found himself involved in. He was fined by the NFL for flipping the bird to his hometown fans, and of course everyone knows about the water bottle incident which he was given the benefit of doubt on despite a marijuana related suspension in college. And how could we forget Ron Mexico?

Let’s be clear. Getting in a fight a night club, drunk driving, even failing a drug test are stupid, indefensible and punishable acts. But they can all be classified as mistakes. Read the indictment on the Smoking Gun. What Vick did was not a mistake. It shows a coldness and cruelness that simply cannot be defended by even the biggest Mike Vick supporters. Not only should Vick be suspended by the NFL, he deserves to spend a significant amount of time in a Federal Prison. Hey, maybe then he might even come to realize the gravity of fumbling when he drops the soap in the community shower.

The Smoking Gun

ProFootballTalk.com for the picture