Rational Talk About the Redskins

Now that I’ve had a day to let it all settle in, I’m ready to rationally talk about the Redskins’ 2-0 start to the season. They are the best team in the NFL. They have the scariest secondary in the entire NFL, Champ Bailey and Dre Bly can talk all they want, but any rational WR would rather get locked down by those guys than knocked out by Area 51.

Let me explain to everyone why the Redskins are so good. Do you all remember ESPN’s preseason NFL rankings last year? I’m not exactly sure where the Redskins ended up, but I know they were in the top 5. That team had a ton of talent, on defense and offense, but they disappointed everyone. So, due to the 5-11 alone, people have counted them out this year … except for Redskins fans. We knew that last year was a fluke disaster for two reasons, Mark Brunell and injuries to the secondary.

Mark Brunell was painful to watch, imagine Grossman if he never threw further than 10 yards down field. It was one of the more painful offenses ever. However, when Jason Campbell came in, teams had to respect the deep pass and, in turn, the running game opened up. They averaged 151 yards rushing per game when Campbell started and have continued by averaging over 160 yards in their first two games, despite losing two of their top three linemen. Campbell is a game manager type quarterback, but keeps defenses on their toes because of his above average arm.

The defense was ranked 31st in the league last year in total defense, they didn’t get any turnovers or sacks. People thought the problem was the defensive line, which would make sense, but that wasn’t the problem. Injuried to the secondary killed the team. Shawn Springs missed nearly half of the season, and was injured even when he did play. Carlos Rodgers only missed one game, but had nagging injuries all year. Even though he could play, he wasn’t ready to be a #1 cornerback. They had no depth either, and Mike Rumph actually started for the Redskins defense. Clearly, those guys couldn’t matchup man to man with any receivers, even the Eagles, thus neutralizing Gregg Williams. His defenses are predicated on the blitz, and it’s impossible to do that without able cornerbacks. Quarterback pressure does not come from the defensive line, it comes from the linebackers and safeties, who were unable to blitz. This year, however, they’ve got Rodgers and Springs healthy and they added Fred Smoot and David Macklin … two guys who started on their previous teams. Now, with great CB depth, and the addition of monster LaRon Landry, the Skins defense can blitz and get the opposition’s QB off balance. Exhibit 1: Trent Green Exhibit 2: Donovan McNabb … I can’t wait to see Rex Grossman when the Bears come to Washington, it will be a sight to see.

So, in conclusion, this team is for real. As it stands they will be favored in all but 3 of their last 14 games. If they don’t make the playoffs, I don’t know what I’ll do … but it won’t be good. If they do make the playoffs though, absolutely anything can happen because the NFC is, shockingly, worse than last year.

Sorry about the slow day thus far, I had a rough morning. I was getting my Bagel Bites out of the oven and literally burnt the entire back of my hand trying to get them out, but I'm fighting through the pain; I've got to, I'm a blogger.

Plaxico Burress Considering Faking an Injury

Fact: The Giants are pretty bad

Fact: Eli Manning, when pressured, hangs his receivers out to dry

Fact: Sean Taylor and LaRon Landry are both capable of putting opponents into an intensive care unit, as seen last night on Monday Night Football

Now you see Plaxico’s dilemma.Why should he put his body on the line for a crappy team with a crappy quarterback against the most feared safeties in the league? A source of mine, and it is a good one (or did I dream this-- ehh, screw it), let me in on a little secret. Burress has been on the horn all morning with the best and brightest looking for advice on how to fool Tom Coughlin to make him think that he is injured, and as a result, won’t have to be on the wrong end of a blood bath at FedEx Field this coming Sunday. If I’m Plax, I get Paul Pierce, Vince Carter, Randy Moss and every Italian soccer player I can get a hold of in a conference call to figure out the best way to sit out of a game without actually being injured.

In closing, here’s a reiteration about what Landry’s high school coach said about him:

"If they go over the middle, I'll bet on him. I'll give him a dollar if he takes T.O. out," said Lou Valdin, Landry's coach at Hahnville High. "He'll shut him up because he can hit you and hurt your whole family. Interception for a touchdown or put a guy in the hospital? That's a tough decision for LaRon."

He and Taylor are probably pretty good friends. You know, like those two psycho guys that are friends with each other, get in fights once every couple of weeks, but are made up the next day.

Plaxico, go with “Ruptured spleen.” That shit is can’t miss.

Another Reason To Love Chris Cooley

Chris Cooley is probably one of the most, no, the most beloved player in the NFL. Hog's Haven does the best job introducing the few that don't know to his previous hijinks; I'll try and summarize.
The legend of Captain Chaos began with the formulation of his nickname. It all began in 2005 when a teammate bet Cooley $100 that he wouldn't introduce himself to the St. Louis captains as "Captain Chaos." He clearly took the bet, here's how it went:

"There were five captains," Cooley said. "I looked every one in the face and said: 'I'm Captain Chaos. Nice to meet you.' "

Haha, love him already? Who wouldn't? But there's more. Last year, for his fiance's 21st birthday, Cooley and his future father-in-law took 21 shots of Jim Beam in her honor. "Oh we were hurtin'," Cooley said. That wasn't the last time Cooley partied with his future in-laws. Earlier this spring:

Chris, Christy, Scott, her uncle Craig and aunt Shannon ended up at Vixens Gentlemen's Club in West Virginia for what turned out to be a family outing.

"Everyone knew who Chris was," Christy said. "The owner came out, they gave us VIP treatment and all of a sudden I look up and the strippers are dancing to 'Hail to the Redskins.' It was crazy."

That sounds like the coolest family of all time. By the way, his fiance is a former Redskins' Cheerleader. I also need to mention that Cooley is a phenomenal dresser, as you can tell, but on to the new stuff.

Now, there's a new story to add to the list. Cooley just signed a 6 year, 30 million dollar contract, and answers the question of what you do with that kind of money ... you put it in the bank. He deposited a 9 million dollar bonus check into a normal bank, using the drive thru lane. The Washington Post reports, "Cooley said the transaction did not surprise the teller. "She just took a little bit longer to come back out," he said." I think the government might burn that bank down ... I believe the FDIC only insures $250,000 of that. I think it'd be safer to use some type of safe for that cash, probably something like Scrooge McDuck's.