Breaking News: Yankees Set to Make Huge Offseason Acquisition

An unnamed source today has confirmed that George Steinbrenner and the Yankees have plans to undertake a shocking and unprecedented offseason acquisition that does not involve Alex Rodriguez. Apparently the Yankees are going to buy the Tampa Bay Devil Rays.

After yet another early postseason exit the Boss was desperate to find another way to use his outlandish spending habits to his advantage. As much as I hate the Yankees, I must say, this is a great idea. The Yankees play the Devil Rays 18 times in a season, so they are essentially buying 18 wins. Not only will it lessen competition within the division, the Devil Rays do have some useful talent on their roster despite the fact that they are somewhere between an AAA and major league team. With an extra 25 man “MLB” roster (stress the quotation marks) the Yankees in essence double their salary cap and get twice as many draft picks. Roger Clemens needs a tune up before making his inevitable July comeback? Send him to Tampa to make a few starts. Perhaps the most brilliant part of the move is that if the Yankees need the Devil Rays to come through in a big series, say against the Red Sox, they can simply trade the majority of their roster to Tampa, take two out of three, and then trade them back to New York.

The only real question is how the Devil Rays players would respond but thus far the attitude has been overwhelmingly positive. “I’m really excited,” Carl Crawford said. “No one likes losing. I’m just going to keep working hard and hopefully I’ll get called up to the major league squad at some point.”

When asked if he thought the insinuation that the D-Rays were a minor league team was a slap in the face Elijah Dukes said, “No, not really at all. I see it as more of an opportunity. But I do like to slap my girlfriend in the face.”

I just wish the Red Sox would have thought of it first.

End of an Era

I never really thought about it until I saw the Rocket walk off the mound. It felt weird to see the greatest pitcher of my time leave the field for the last time. Roger Clemens has been pitching since before I was born. He has been part of baseball for 24 years, and it is going to be strange to have a season without the man. No one will pay him the ridiculous amount of money he requires to pitch another year, and his heart lies with his family now anyways.

You can say you hate him, but you can't deny his skill. His numbers speak for themselves. 354 wins, with six seasons of 20+ wins including his third year in the bigs with a 24-4 record. In two seasons, his ERA was actually under 2.oo. That happens about as often as Joe Borowski not giving up a run in a save situation (never). He has a lot of strikeouts. 4700 some. He threw a bat at a homosexual catcher. Hate him if you want, but he is the best in this era.

I don't like welcoming a new age of players into baseball. I just don't think they will ever have the same stuff, or be as good. I love veterans and I don't think it's possible for guys like Brandon Webb, Josh Beckett, and CC Sabathia to be the next Roger Clemens, Curt Schilling, Randy Johnson, Dave Burba. I even have a hard time with some of the hitters like Jose Reyes, David Wright, the whole Rockies lineup. It just doesn't seem like old fashioned ball the way it used to be. That's why when Bonds was getting close to Aaron, I started to care and was ready to see the record broken. When he hit it, I accidentally missed it, and I was pissed that I didn't get to see history happen.

We may never see another pitcher as dominant as Roger Clemens. Just like there will NEVER be another Michael Jordan or Muhammed Ali. There could be another Rocket, but there will always be the talk of steroids and the game will never be the same. At the bottom of this blog it says hating Roger Clemens since 1996... I can't hate him at all, I respect him too much.

Tribe-Yankees Game One: Sabathia vs. Wang (Insert Penis Joke Here)

Let's make this quick. The Indians play host to the Yankees tomorrow evening at 6:30 for Game 1 of the ALDS. Certain victory looms for the Tribe, as the Yankees haven't faced off against Sabathia since 2004, before he was a real ace. And with a name like Wang, you're asking to get slapped.

But seriously, this game will set the tone for the rest of the series. Although that may be true for every series, it is especially true for this one. The Yankees beat the Indians in the season series 6-0. If the Tribe can't win with their ace on the mound at the Jake, this team might start agreeing with everyone else; that they just can't beat the Evil Empire. I will be in Cleveland for this game, but not in the stadium. That way I can be there if the city sees fit to set up the collective noose. I imagine Derek Jeter would be the one kicking the chair.

Speaking of Jeter, I found it absurd outrageous appalling all of the above that he doesn't appear on Simmons' 25 Players to Watch in the ALDS. Seriously, I typed "Jeter" into the "Find" feature after reading the article and there were no results. Either it's some weird Boston thing where you can't say his name in October or Simmons is just a big jackass.

"Too high. It's too high."