Boxers and Briefs

I just want to mention that I realized the gayness of the article title almost instantly after I finished typing the 's' on the end of briefs. I was tempted to take it down as no one would have known, but I decided to leave it. If anyone read it and thought to himself/herself "hey, that was pretty clever", you are gay too. Side note on the himself/herself usage in the last sentence: I don't know if one woman has ever voluntarily/intentionally visisted this site, but I'll still be gender sensitive.

Now that I've wasted 15-30 seconds of your life depending on your WPM (words per minute) reading speed, continue on to waste 120-240 seconds more.

Boxers:
Response to comments posted by Gee, who said: "ive read the comments by you guys and wonder what way your TV's are facing when watching the fights? before the tyzu fight he was pound for pound rated best in the world and was taken apart by Hatton. same for castillo. as for castillo over the hill thats a joke he was just well beaten, what you want Hatton to do stand back and let him fight? id take Hatton against any fighter in his divisions including Mayweather but he wont fight Hatton, too high tempo and needs to rest on the ropes at times and he would get badly beaten up doing that. Hatto, Calzaghe you all want to put them down but unfortunately no big names will fight them as they all run scared. Taylor has pulled out of 2 fights with Joe after Joe smashed opponents up and their comments about his power. So guys look a bit longer at whats out there and ask WHY the so called best in world wont fight the best of british?"

1. Kostya was 35 years old when Hatton fought him. He may have been considered the best pound for pound going into the fight, but it would be insane to suggest he was fighting anywhere near his prime. Hatton’s win was impressive, but it needs back-up. Hatton wasn’t able to prove anything because Castillo was done before the fight started. He said it was one of his toughest fights of all time, and if that’s the case he still has something to prove.

2. I'll say it again; Castillo was shot. You could tell 30 seconds into the fight. He was slow and dried up. The man wasn’t sweating until the end of the 2^nd round. He couldn’t make weight a year ago and was banned from fighting under 140lbs. His last fight was an unimpressive victory that was blamed on his time away from the ring! Believe what you want, but the Castillo we saw two nights ago wasn’t the same man who battled Mayweather, Corralles, and Johnston. Again, I don’t know how that can be disputed; all one has to do is watch Castillo’s old fights.

3. Your assertion that the “best” in the world are running scared from Hatton and Calzaghe is also off base. Mayweather and other big names in the division won’t fight the Brits because there’s not enough money to make it worthwhile. Now, I know that might not be as true for Hatton anymore, but before his last couple of fights it certainly was. Calzaghe’s last fight was against Peter Manfredo, winner of The Contender. If he is 43-0, and his last opponent won a reality TV show in the States, how am I expected to be anything but cynical? That's like me saying I'm 43-0 in my local basketball league, only for you to find out I'm playing at the YMCA against 10 yr old kids who are "special". (I’m 23 years old and only 50% of the population would consider me “special”.) A bit of an exaggeration, but I think you get the point.

4. I don’t have an opinion on Hatton because I haven’t seen enough of him. However, I don’t think anyone is running scared from him. If the money is right, I am sure Cotto, Margurito, Sugar Shane, and a host of others will gladly accept a fight. Just be careful what you wish for as Buzzaw mentioned. Hatton would have trouble dealing with the speed if he jumped to Welterweight. He’s a brawler, but that won’t work against someone like Pretty Boy. Hatton doesn’t move his head and keeps plowing forward. The fight just might turn into target practice for Floyd. Someone like Cotto or Margurito would be better for him, but I’ve seen him look suspect after some marginal shots at light welterweight. Once again, I’m not sure, but he might want to consider staying at 140lbs.

Briefs:

Put these in your favorites so that you have more shit to keep you distracted at work. They all work pretty well for me. Logan, that comic is speaking to you.

The two best boxing links I have found on the internet so far are listed below. Boxing Scene uses something called Compubox which caluculates punch totals and allows observers to really look at the numbers after a fight. (I know Log will love this one! He is the resident "Stat Man") Boxrec is nice as it allows for you to search by name and find any boxer that fought before 200 B.C.. Their database is unreal.

Boxing Scene
BoxRec

My buddy from California gave me a cool basketball link. A lot of NBA news to be found. I especially like the team salaries link on the page. Take a look at what Isiah and the Knicks owner have done spending wise. They are the biggest disgrace to business management in the last 100 years. The guy who invented the pet rock might have more brains.....no, I don't have mine anymore, I gave Theo away.

Hoops Hype

Two cool statistical type sites for the NFL and MLB. I'll also link the ProFootball Talk page, but I think everyone should have that bookmarked by now.

ProFootball Talk
NFL Page
MLB Page

I still like gambling. The WSOP is going on right now and the new main event, the 50k HORSE tournament is running over the next few days.

Cardplayer

Last Thing:

I'll end another one of my ridiculously long articles on a serious note. The number of injured vets returning from Iraq now number anywhere between 35k-53k based on different estimates. A CNN article states,"for every one solider killed in Iraq 15 are injured." This is due to increased, more sophisticated body armament and protection. Many of the injuries aren’t life threatening anymore, so serious long term health problems are becoming more prevalent. Additionally, the weapon of choice isn’t always a gun, instead our enemies are using something our media/politicians are calling an IED (Improvised Explosive Device). I think they mean a shitty, homemade bomb. Semantics aside, these IED’s lead to traumatic brain injury.

During the 04' election, both candidates suggested that something needed to be done about our Veteran health care system; especially for those just getting back from the Middle East. What has been done? Their injuries are less subtle then a bullet hole or missing leg, but ubiquitous nonetheless. We need to make sure our vets are receiving the best possible care!

These are the men and women fighting to protect us and spread democracy around the world. Regardless of what side of the fence we all sit on, it is important that we never diminish their efforts through our own apathy. Sit back, even for a moment, and remember what these people are doing. I've taken their courage, altruism, and devotion too lightly for far too long. Love or hate the politicians who sent them over, but thank the people who are doing the job!

That's all for now.

USC IS SCREWED

USC is going to have to do a little bit better than a preseason #1 ranking if they think they're gonna be able to just walk into Notre Dame Stadium and blow the Irish out. It's not that Notre Dame Stadium has been especially terrifying to play in lately or that the Irish have the talent to match up with this USC team. None of that matters ... What does matter is that Notre Dame has announced that they'll be bringing out the green jerseys for the meeting. You know what that means ... a definite loss, albeit, an exciting one.

What the hell is going on?? I get that it's in honor of the 1977 team, but it doesn't take away from the fact that the green jerseys are a jinx. The only value these jerseys have is the excitement the players get when the jerseys are unveiled during the pregame speech, otherwise, donning the green only serves to bring back memories of horrific losses (see USC 2005 or Boston College 2002). As a Notre Dame fan, I can only hope that the monkey really is off our backs coming off the dominant 41-9 victory over Army last year(in which they wore the jerseys for the seniors ... green is Quinn's favorite color).

UHND.com

Gold Cup Final Recap

Sunday’s Gold Cup final between the U.S. and Mexico was actually a pretty important game despite the fact that fans wanting to watch it had to order a premium channel (Fox Sports Soccer Channel) or watch it on Univision in Spanish. The United States overcame a first half deficit and a noticeably pro-Mexican crowd at Soldier field to win 2-1 and ensure themselves a spot in the 2009 Confederations Cup.

A few thoughts and observations about the game:

• It was evident almost immediately that Jonathan Spector was going to have a hard time marking Andres Guardado, Mexico’s speedy winger. After being burned repeatedly during the first half, it was his failure to mark the backside that led to Mexico’s goal just before the break.
  
  
• After a miserable first half Brian Ching had a great turn with a defender on his back that led to a foul in the box and the penalty kick for Donovan.
  
  
• Speaking of the penalty…I completely expected Donovan to be stoned by Mexican keeper Oswaldo Sanchez, who had been brilliant up to that point. In the past it seemed as though Landon lost that swagger and scoring instinct he displayed in the 2002 World Cup. He completely faked out Sanchez and proved me wrong.
  
  
• Donovan’s goal was followed by the game winner by Benny Feilhaber. He took an attempted clearance from a corner out of the air and sent it dipping over the defense and inside the far post. It was a amazing strike, and it goes to prove that we need more players playing overseas (Feilhaber plays for Hamburg SV of the German Bundesliga).
  
  
• It was great to finally see Donovan and Beasley playing well together (minus Beasley’s late choke job with the open net). It looks like we may be able to build a team around these two after all.
  
  
• The outstanding play of Carlos Bocanegra should not go unnoticed. He was not only solid in his marking but he routinely made up for the mistakes made by the rest of the defense. This guy seems like he’s been around forever but he’s only 29.
  
  
• Still no complaints about the job Bob Bradley is doing. Throughout the tournament he has mixed young talent with established veterans with considerable success. His attacking gameplan against Mexico was both refreshing and successful. The U.S. was a few fairly easy (in Beasley’s case painfully easy) finishes away from breaking this one wide open. It will be interesting to see what he does in the upcoming Copa America when he will be forced to use even more of his young and inexperienced players.
  
  
• Lastly, just so you can get an idea of what this win means for the future, I wanted to explain what winning a spot in the Confederation Cup actually means. The tournament of eight is held every four years and is made up of the winners of each of the six FIFA confederation tournaments. The World Cup champion and host country are also guaranteed spots. The tournament is held in 2009, so this means we are guaranteed some amazing competition which will be perfect to prepare for the 2010 World Cup.

Hatton vs. Castillo: Too Bad

Well, the fight came and went pretty fast. I am quite disappointed in the outcome, not because my boy Castillo lost, but because the fight wasn't entertaining. I suspected that Castillo would put up more of a fight, but he looked like a shot fighter. In his defense, he couldn't gain any rhythm as Hatton's "Hold and Hook" strategy made the fight crawl on, but it wouldn't have mattered anyway.

Hatton was the younger, more dedicated fighter, and Castillo knew he was in big trouble right away. In fact, Castillo didn’t work up a sweat until after the 2^nd round. He seemed frustrated with Hatton’s style, and willing to pack it in the first chance he got. Hatton’s left hook to the liver was great, but Castillo could have gotten up if he wanted to continue. He would have five years ago. Vegas had Hatton going off at 8/5 yesterday, and I think he was closer to 2/1 at fight time, so it was expected, but Castillo could have pulled off the upset if his heart was in it. As Kellerman said, its' never fun playing "revisionist historian", and I hate doing it as well, but the Castillo we all saw tonight was a shell of his former self. Maybe it was the vicious battles with Corralles, or his two tough Pretty Boy decisions, or sparring with Chavez for all those years, or his 17 years of punishment during his brilliant career, or just finally quitting for the first time at the age of 33; whatever the reason, it wasn't the Castillo who was in every big fight the last 10-12 years.

I feel bad for Hatton because he wanted to prove he was one of the best in the world tonight, but Castillo couldn't help. Hatton's two” most impressive fights" are now Kostya and Castillo, as he mentioned in his post-fight interview. He needs to move back to welterweight where he can get some real fights. Cotto, Margurito, and a host of others are all waiting. The fight wasn't what I expected or hoped for, but that's boxing. The next couple months feature a full-plate with many exciting matchups, and I am looking forward to the next big fight.

I had to order HBO (the channel) for the fight, so even though the fight itself was a let down, I can now watch 'The Sentinel' 5 times a day, and maybe catch a little soft-core porn late night.

Hatton vs. Castillo

Don't let the picture fool you. On Saturday night, when Ricky Hatton and Jose Luis Castillo step into the ring, things won't look so friendly. Both fighters have shown great respect for one another, but know Saturday night will be a war as they both are relentless attacking fighters. Something has to give. I'll tell you this much, both men won't back down. If they both come into the fight well conditioned, I can guarantee this will be better than Cotto vs. Judah. I think we all agree that fight was unbelievable. Hatton's quote best sums it up: "If you want to watch a chess match then [Oscar] de la Hoya versus Mayweather is the one to see. But if you want to see two guys knock the hell out of each other, then come and watch us."

The fight starts at 10:00pm and will be televised on HBO. No excuses to miss this one; the dreaded PPV money collection from friends won't be necessary.

Hatton enters Saturday’s fight with a record of 42-0 and 30 KO's. Castillo, on paper at least, boasts a less formidable record at 55-7-1 with 47 KO's . The fighters come into the fight at different points in their career. Hatton, 28, the up and coming star looking to prove himself on the biggest stage, has never fought a seasoned warrior like Castillo.

Jose Louis Castillo:
Castillo, 33, has battled the likes of Floyd Mayweather (2 times), Diego Corralles (2 times), and Stevie Johnston (2 times) ; constantly proving himself as one of the greatest fighters of the last 10-12 years. In fact, Castillo vs. Corralles 1 is one of the greatest fights of the last 20 years, and many argue it ranks as one of the best of all time. Castillo was TKO'd in the 10th round after scoring two knockdowns in the same round.. In their rematch, Castillo KO'd Corralles in the 4th round. It was the only time Corralles failed to get up before the count reached 10!

More impressive, was Castillo vs. Mayweather 1, which was by far Floyd's most controversial fight on his unblemished career record. Castillo was leading on all analysts scorecards, but Floyd scored a UD over Castillo. Try to find some highlights of that first fight on the internet, and I think you'll understand why the decision is so disputed. I am not a boxing expert, but it appears that Castillo did more than enough to win the fight. Castillo vs. Mayweather 2 was Floyd's closest scorecard win prior to the De La Hoya decision as all three judges gave Floyd the fight at 115-113.

Age is also a huge concern for Castillo. Many believe he is over the hill and has stopped training enough for his fights. He has a lot of mileage in the ring as he's fought the best fighters in his division the last 10 years and was Julio Cesar Chavez' main sparring partner for three years prior to 1996. Chavez was a vicious fighter and one of, if not the most, revered figures in Mexico's long line of boxing heroes. One must assume this sparring day in and day out has taken a toll on Castillo as he ages. Castillo's last fight was very unimpressive, and he almost lost the eliminator match which would have made him ineligible to fight Hatton.

Castillo has also dealt with serious weight issues over the past couple years which cost him a rubber match with Diego Corralles in June of 06'.

"Serious weight problems -- rarely a good sign -- also surfaced for Castillo in his rematch with Corrales in October of 2005. For the first time in his career, Castillo failed to make weight, coming in three and a half pounds over the 135 limit. Stripped of his title, he went on the next night to knockout Corrales in the fourth round. The last scheduled fight of the trilogy was for June last year. Again Castillo couldn't make weight, coming in at whopping 139 ½ pounds. The bout was scrapped, and the Nevada State Athletic Commission fined Castillo $250,000, suspended him for the rest of the year and banned him from fighting below 140 pounds in the state." (HBO Sports)

Hatton has already said that he will not fight Castillo if he comes in over 140 lbs., and Castillo can kiss the rest of career goodbye if he doesn't make weight.

Ricky Hatton:
Hatton's most impressive victory is probably his 11th round TKO of Kostya Tszyu in 2005. Tszyu had beaten Zab Zudah in 2001 and a tough fighter named Shamba Williams who I just recently became aware of. Hatton was the underdog going into the fight, but his relentless style eventually was too much for Tszyu. I think its important to mention that Tszyu was 35 when this fight took place and definitely not in the prime of his career.

More recently, Hatton fought Carlos Maussa to obtain the WBA 140 lb. belt that will be fought for this Saturday. Hatton scored a ninth round TKO in the bloody battle. Maussa was also knocked out by Cotto a few years ago, and lost to a fighter with a combined 20-7 record his last time out.

Hatton is a true grinder and "old-school" fighter. He is always moving forward, throwing tough body punches, and taking shots. He has a devastating left hook that he likes throwing to both the body and head. Hatton usually attempts to wear his opponents down with punishing body shots and then double up with a big left hook to the chin or a sweeping right. His most important attribute might be his courage under fire, but I think he's met his match in Castillo.

Hatton has dealt with some weight issues as well. Hatton has continued to put on upwards of 20 pounds between fights. He looks like a little chubby kid in the attached picture. He has consistently been in decent shape for his fights, but many opponents claim he starts to hold in the championship rounds, which only indicates he is fatigued.

Hatton has a lot to prove. He hasn't fought anyone near as tested as Castillo as I have mentioned. He thinks he is up for it saying ""I'm not saying I took Collazo or Urango lightly but with all due respect they were not big names and perhaps without realizing it I got a bit complacent. But because I am fighting the guy who I am fighting, I think without realizing it I will find a bit extra. I've been walking around snarling for two weeks and I didn't have that for my last two fights."

Prediction:
I have to go with Castillo in the mid to late rounds. I know I always pick the underdog, but think Castillo is going to come out fighting. Castillo has a steel jaw and will welcome Hatton's attacks. Castillo is quoted as saying, "I know this fight is going to be a bloody war. I am going to win that war." Simple and to the point.

Hatton has never faced this kind of pressure, and hasn't proven enough to me. My prediction might be different if I had seen more of his fights, but that's not the case, so I am sticking to my guns.

Get ready for a brawl.

An Eating Disorder Had Her at "Hello"

Jerry, did you know the human head weighs eight pounds? If Ray (from the classic movie Jerry McGuire) has his facts straight, that accounts for about one-fifth of Renee Zellweger's entire body. Gross. I'm not too sure what happened here, but I'm not even touching the "the-media-is-pressuring-American-girls-to-be-skinnier" issue. Whatever—this is just disgusting, plain and simple.

I'm nearly Jerry McGuired out. Someone "show Renee the buffet!" Okay, that's better.

Renee Zellweger is Skinny

This post written by "Guy"

Links

• Piece of crap Michael Barrett is traded to the Padres. I think it's safe to say that he needed a change of scenery. Who knows how many people he would've randomly punched had he stayed in Chicago. ESPN

• I know this happened a couple days ago but it's pretty sad and I don't feel like the passing of IU's head football coach has gotten a whole lot of notice. From all accounts, he seemed like a great guy. The Postmen
  

• For some reason this just seems like something that would happen to Buzzsaw. MSNBC

• This story has to be made up. CNN
  

Britney Spears Eats Baby Seal

Not really, but I hope you get my point by the end of this rant.

I was reading some headlines on Fox News just a minute ago and came to the realization that our major media sources are trying to dumb us down.

The most read stories on Fox News consisted of:

1. A man who choked a bobcat to death

2. An 8ft alligator being found in a New York basement,

3. A man, doused in gasoline, who died after being shot by a taser gun fired by a police officer

4. A Michigan Mom who is serving 12-22 years for a sex "contract" with underage girl.

5. A Bikini Model Turned Newswoman for Fox Reality show Anchorwomen

6. A Manuscript showing Isaac Newton's calculation of the Apocalypse

A few other stories not worth mentioning were also included.

I can't begin to explain how many problems I have every time I look at a most read or most viewed story section on the internet. Why does our country care about this kind of stuff? Do the major media sources have a responsibility to report important news, or can they only focus on those stories which make them the most money?

It's hard for me to consider the majority of American's "informed" if they are skipping over major international news for a quick fix of ridiculousness.

Terrorists have taken over the Gaza Strip. Iran's power and influence in the Middle East has reached an all time high, and they are linked to the situations in Iraq, Palestine/Israel, and Lebanon. Their president is crazy and many Islamic extremist groups want Israel wiped off the face of the map forever. Sounds pretty serious, right? Yet, we focus on the trivial. The saying' ignorance is bliss' is now more true than ever.. Get out a map, study the world we live in, realize the seriousness of it all, and I'll guarantee our "most read stories" will be a bit more valuable. That's all for now.

Editing is like needing to let a really gross fart around a bunch of strangers. It just sucks.

Kobe Bryant Has Questionable Character

Today I was looking online for a place to hone my basketball skills this summer, in doing so, I ran across Kobe Bryant's summer camp. The camp costs $600 for 3 days, which isn't ridiculous in comparison to others. What is ridiculous is this:

Each camper will receive a team photo with Kobe and one signed personal autograph from Kobe. No number eight jerseys will be signed.

So, in case someone out there wasn't convinced that Kobe only changed his number to make money, that should change your mind. These people are paying $600 to be at the camp and he's making them pay an extra $80-100 for a brand new jersey, what a fucking douchebag. I say fuck it, bring the #8 jersey, what's the worst that can happen?? He takes it from you, cums in it, and throws it in your face?

Kobe Basketball Academy

US Open: Back Nine Log (Pun 50% Intended)

I really haven’t been able to focus enough to write something meaningful, so I’ll go for some entertainment value with this piece. If anyone is familiar with Bill Simmons, the Sports Guy, you’ll get the gist. I hope you guys were able to watch the end of the Open this year as it provided for some great drama down the stretch. Oakmont is probably the toughest golf course in the world and it proved itself this weekend.

I really love NBC’s coverage, but sometimes Johnny Miller, Roger “Chocalate” Maltbe, and the rest of the crew go a little overboard with their old man comments. Miller, when describing Angel Cabrera, said “he’s moving around like a cat on a hit tin roof.” What? If I would have known any of my grandpa’s I’m pretty sure I would have heard that line at least a half dozen times. Start speaking to your crowd you guys, we aren’t all 55-75 years old.

5:10pm- I decided to start this thing as I promised Log an article, and thought this might be good enough. The coverage is interrupted so that we can listen to Bob Costas, at the Lincoln Financial Prudential Bank One FedEx Sports Desk, recap the entire round I’ve been watching the last 3.5 hours. I find out Bonds went deep off Wakefield in their series against Boston, so I am happy. I’m sure Log was as well. Anytime you want to start winning ball games just look for a 3 or 4 game stint with the Giants.

5:14pm- The 9th green at Oakmont is insane. First, it doubles as the 9th hole and the practice putting surface. More importantly, its two elevations make it almost impossible to score on. Tiger hits it to within 20 feet, but facesa real tough double breaker. Maltbe, who has been following Tiger around during the round, is talking entirely too loud. 6/5 Tiger eventually turns around and tells him to shut the fuck up.

5:17pm- Steven Ames needs to stop fist pumping after the 40 ft bomb he just made. Last time I checked he was leading the open 30 minutes ago and now he’s 5 back after a 3 hole string of triple, double, bogey. Oh, and if you think Shannon Sharpe looks like a horse, take a look at Ames. He looks like Mr. Ed.

5:20pm- Miller mentions that the last three groups are a combined +25 at the turn. Combination of tough course conditions and people choking. We should be in for a good finish. The USGA just started promoting the 08’ Open which will be held at Torrey Pines. Tiger’s won 5 or so tournaments there. Might as well save everyone some time and just give him the trophy.

5:25pm- Tiger just smiled on a Sunday at the US Open down 1 stroke on the back nine. What in the hell is going on? Cabrera continues attacking pins and ripping cigarettes, or “heaters” as Scott Van Pelt called them on Sportscenter tonight. BTW, Cabrera just hit a 397 yard drive. He is a house.

5:28pm- Tiger has another 12-15ft putt. He missed. I’m pretty sure he might break down and start crying if he doesn’t get one to drop pretty soon. I’ve never seen him miss this many opportunities to take over a major on Sunday.

They keep cutting back to Scott Verplank……….. Yeah, exactly, who is that?

5:30pm- I feel bad for Aaron Baddeley. He was paired with Tiger in the last group and came out nervous with a triple on one. He continues to meltdown. He, along with Justin Rose, is a good young player who can contend in future big tournaments. They both just need to adjust to the pressure. Johnny Miller keeps saying how great a kid Baddeley is and that he was really pulling for him. He’s also commented on his attire over the past couple days. I think he wants to do him.

5:33pm- AIG has some funny commercials going. The Big headed kid, who’s standing in the doorway of his parents bedroom, is hilarious. His parents think he’s having a nightmare, but he’s worried about their investments. He runs through a laundry list of his concerns, and they make him feel better by telling him they’re with AIG. He then says, “Ah,, don’t get up. I’ll tuck myself in.” Really funny stuff, and if you don’t know what I’m talking about I apologize.

5:35pm- NBC’s Sunday Night Football commercial with Al Michaels and John Madden has been played 10-15 times already. Madden looks 3 times as big as Michaels, and its entirely possible he is the world’s largest man. Who really knows though? Has anyone ever seen John Madden in person? Is he even real? He’s close to seven feet tall and weighs over 400lbs, that’s all I know. Seriously, someone produce one real picture of John Madden just to prove to me he isn’t some fat, turkey leg eating, ghost-jackass.

5:44pm- Cabrera (+3) seems to be holding up pretty well right now. I still predict +5 or +6 is going to win the tournament. Looks like we could be looking at an 18 hole playoff tomorrow. I hope so because it means I won’t have to work.

5:48- A commercial comes on for America’s Got Talent. It’s just another one of those stupid ass reality TV Shows that NBC threw together to try to compete with American Idol. (All of these shows are garbage btw, and I hope no one watches them.)

David Hasselhoff (sp?....wait who cares) just told someone to shut-up. The other jackass came back by saying something like “you don’t run this show.” I know Hasselhoff(sp?...wait who cares) is worth close to $100 million dollars and revered in Germany. Why is he doing this? Hasn’t he already embarrassed himself enough?

5:56pm- The log of events was temporarily interrupted as I frantically searched for my tin of Grizzly Straight. Couldn’t find it so I had to scrounge what I could out of the 7-8 empty tins laying around my apartment. (Personal reaffirmation that I am still 100% addicted and it feels soooo good.)

Cabrera just birdied giving him a 3 stroke lead. I till think he’s going to choke. He’s way too worked up. Easy on the Red Bull Angel.

5:59pm- Tiger’s shirt isn’t red, its pink. He’s been wearing this color a lot recently on Sunday. Your color is red Tiger, don’t think you can fool me. It’s really, really tight too. He is trying to show off his guns, and looks stupid. So Smug tiger, you’re not a body builder, put on a shirt that fits.

6:06- Cabrera is on the 16th tee biting his nails. He just landed in front of the 16th green. He is about 90ft away. I smell a three putt!! Tiger needs to start scoring right now. I think he’ll need to play his last holes at -1 if he wants to win.

6:07pm- Tiger sticks a shot to within 7ft on #13. NBC cuts to commercial with Hicks sating “Cabrera is feeling vintage Tiger heat.” That’s’ all, I just thought it sounded kind of funny.

6:08pm- Damn commercial with Zach Johnson keeps coming on where he says “I’m just a mid-western guy.” Me too Zach, who the hell cares.

6:11pm- NBC finally unveils their spilt screen coverage as Furyk and Cabera are putting. Where has this been the last 15 hours of coverage? Furyk drills his putt and is making a big time move. Furyk is from the Pittsburg area, and Johnny Miller says “Jim is making one of those Western Pennsylvania charges!” Once again, what in the hell does that mean?

Cabrera leaves himself with 8ft.

6:17pm- Commercial time. I forgot about the log as the action is getting fucking good. I flip and see Seinfeld on. The episode is “The Subway”, and its one that is rarely talked about. Elaine’s internal outburst on the Subway is great when it stops moving, and Kramer’s “his mother was a mudder” line is one of my favorites of all time. Not to mention, the shot of him at the bookies when he is rooting for the horse he bet on. Screaming “Come on, come on!” as he hits his knee with a newspaper and mimics the moves of a jockey. I hope you know what I’m talking about.

6:18pm- Tiger should make a commercial with Lee Trevino. They could do the whole Happy Gilmore deal where Tiger would be saying inappropriate shit and then cut to Trevino who is just shaking his head. Good stuff.

6:20pm- Tiger missed his short putt on #13. He needed to stick his approach on 14, but he flew the green.

6:24pm- Cabrera is starting to meltdown as he just bogeyed 16, and if Tiger can pull out some of his tricks the tournament will be his.

6:25pm- I am getting way to into this tournament. Jim Furyk is putting together one of the best back 9’s in Open history.

6:30- Cabrera just bogeyed 17 after failing to get up and down. Furyk and Cabrera are tied at +5 and Tiger is one behind at 6 over. Cabrera needs to find a Joy John and put on a diaper. He’s about to poop his big pants.

6:32- Goes to commercial. I just flipped to A League of Their Own at the end of the movie, and almost forgot about the Open. How embarrassing that would have been!

6:35pm- Tiger misses another green. Furyk decided to go with driver on 17 and ends up in the deep, deep rough on the left side of the green. What in the hell is he doing? Very uncharacteristic of Furyk!

6:41pm- Tiger continues to grind out ridiculous par saves. Cabrera is in the house and has posted +5. I think Tiger can get him! NBC announcers are basically giving Cabrera the tourney. He has a good chance, but Tiger is heading to 17 down 1 stroke.

6:43pm- Ben Toothlessburger just woke up from a nap nightmare thinking he was on a crotch rocket. Can you imagine what that old lady was thinking when he flew through her windshield? “Oh, that’s Big Ben and he just face planted into the front of my car.” Nice little weekday, don’t you think?

6:52pm- First Immaculate Reception reference all week, which is a good thing. Tiger has a tough chip on 17. If he hits this, I shave off my eyebrows. (I need to do that anyway, they are quite bushy.)

6:56pm- Close-up of Cabrera watching Tiger. He looks nervous as hell and it smells like poop in the clubhouse, Check his diaper.

Jimmy Roberts appears for the second time, but he doesn’t have a sweater vest on. Nothing makes sense to me anymore!

6:58- We find out Frank is the name of Tiger’s Tiger driver head cover. Good sports reporting.

7:10pm- Sorry I got distracted. Tiger didn’t birdie 17.

Those “The Villages” commercials with the old people are scary as shit. Old people golfing, roller-blading, and going upper 90 during a pick-up soccer game is ridiculous. I haven’t exercised that much in 5 years.


7:20pm- Tiger is on the lip of the primary cut looking at his approach on 18. He needs to stick it close for a birdie and playoff. Steve Williams, his caddy, just told him to hit a 9 as hard as he can from 155 yards out. What?? I would hit a 9 iron there.

7:22pm- Tiger misses long by about 25-30 feet. Nice shot, but he didn’t get it to land soft enough. His putt is going to be too tough.

7:27pm- Tiger misses his putt and Cabrera wins the 07’ Open. Congratulations Angel , you played very will.

The Open this year was unreal. I hope you weren’t too bored. Editing is stupid when you are writing a running log.