An Attempt to Make Your Day Worse

Due to a combination of factors today I am in a pretty foul mood. So I thought I would allow you all to share it with me by coming up with a list of things that I hate. In no particular order…

Ridiculous fantasy trade proposals. At no point do I, nor will I want David Weathers on my fantasy team. EVER.

The radio. I swear to God if I hear the song “Buy U A Drank” one more time I’m going to drive my car into oncoming traffic.

Golf. My game reached an all-time low yesterday when I whiffed with a nine iron on the fourth hole. There were witnesses

Julio Lugo. Congratulations on hitting .083 for the month of June, Julio. For those scoring at home that’s worse than Curt Schilling, Josh Beckett, Julian Tavaraz, and even the corpse of Doug Mirabelli!

People who hold in their sneezes. I don’t know why this bothers me but seriously, just let it fly.

Christiano Ronaldo. I know he’s a good soccer player but he’s also a douche. If you think otherwise, well, you’re wrong.

ESPN. Last night I was watching Sportscenter and a large portion of the show was devoted to a fictitious tournament where famous people in sports were set up in brackets and the network’s most annoying commentators were arguing over who was more “now” to decide who advances to the next round (what does that even mean??). Seriously, what happened to this company? Whoever thought of this idea should be fired on the spot. My hope is that its Stuart Scott.

While we’re on the subject of ESPN…

Steve Phillips. I have yet to hear one semi intelligent comment come from his mouth. We’re supposed to listen to trade speculation and analysis from the same person who traded for the planet formerly known as Mo Vaughn?

And last but not least,

Roger Clemens. When will people get the picture that no one cares about this fat piece of crap? He’s alienated the fan base of every team he’s ever played for. NO ONE LIKES HIM. I can’t think of a more disgusting sight than watching Clemens fondle the Babe Ruth statue before he waddles in from the bullpen before each game. On a more positive note though, I can’t wait to watch him finish his career on a Yankees team that misses the playoffs by ten games. See things are already looking up.

I Can't Think of a Fitting Title For This Article

I am going to start this article with a random link of Billy “Kernels” Walker from Kansas State who got a little hungry during K-State’s NIT game this past spring. I didn’t tell anyone about it because no one would believe me without some proof.

Here it is: Billy is Hungry

It’s absolutely hilarious that the announcers see him eating the popcorn and decide not to say anything about it.

I just wonder if he went to get it himself. Taking into account the fact that Walker is a Bob Huggin's recruit, the exchange at the concession stand probably went something like this:

Billy Walker- “I’ll take a large bucket of popcorn, extra butter”
Concessions Person- “Aren’t you on the team?
Billy Walker- “Ummmmmmmmmm…………nope.”
Concessions Person- “Ya, sure your not. Anyway, that will be $4.50.”
Billy Walker- “Shit, I don't have any money. Slowly hand me the popcorn and back away from the register ho, or I'm going to have to use this (Gun under his warm-ups)."
Concessions Person- “Are you really holding me up for a bucket of popcorn?”

NBA:
The “greatest” NBA Draft of all time went on this past week. I heard that ‘greatest’ word being thrown around way too much before, during, and after the draft. I don’t know how anyone can consider a draft the greatest of all time until 5-10 years down the road, but maybe I’m wrong.

5 Things that can make this the "Greatest Draft of All Time":

1. Top secret video footage is released three months from now showing Greg Oden being formally introduced as the new president of the AARP. (I'm pretty sure Bill Russell has just dyed his hair in hopes of winning another NBA Championship.)

2. The NBA creates a new award titled “Gayest Player of the Year” to go along with its MVP, 6^th Man of the Year, Comeback Player of the Year, and Defensive Player of the Year awards. Joakim Noah wins the award every year from now until his death and no other player is even considered. Not even Antoine Walker, with his gayer than Christmas "Shimmy", can compete.

3. (a) Yi fails in the NBA and instead becomes Bernie Brewer, mascot for the Milwaukee Brewers, or
( b) the Bucks are forced to move to China after Yi wins a best out of three “rock-paper-scissors” contest against Bucks owner Herb Kohl. Kohl, immediately after the game, is heard saying “Damn it, I should have gone with ‘enney meeny miney mo”

4. Stephen A. Smith never covering another draft again. His name should be Stephen A. A. Smith because, quite frankly, he’s an annoying asshole, and I bet he smells like Cheetos. You're not a sports journalist Stephen A. A., you're a cartoon character!

5. Jared Dudley, drafted #22 by Charlotte, finally admits that he not only looks like a lesbian, but actually is one. Then, he, Josh Boone, and Tyrone Lue arrange a three-way marriage.

Gambling:
Pretty cool gambling story involving Eric Lindgren (professional poker player) who had to play 4 rounds from sunrise to sunset out in Vegas and shoot below 100 from the tips. He started at 5:45am after a night of heavy drinking. The bet was over $300,000.

Here is the link to the story and some video footage of his four rounds: RAW VEGAS

Ridiculous:
I am really shocked ESPN had this article up for a number of reasons. This man knows nothing about what Michael Jordan has done behind the scenes, and more importantly, has no idea why Jordan chooses to stay out of the “social issues” spotlight. This is amateur hour journalism. True social liberals respect Jordan’s right do whatever the hell he wants as long as it’s not directly effecting someone else in a negative manner. There’s a big crack in his ideology if he thinks Jordan has any responsibility to become more involved!

Some Conclusions:
1. I hate putting pictures in the damn articles. Log, you'll need to help me out with that from now on.
2. I ate a Garden Sensations Chicken Ceasar Salad from Wendy's tonight. It was disgusting unless you like watery chicken and bugs on your lettuce. Also, the amount of ice Wendy's puts in its drinks is insane, and I think it's being done on a national level.

3. There is some pretty exciting boxing coming up over the next couple of weeks, and I will get up an article about it sooner or later. Oh, and the tentative date for Mayweather vs. Hatton is November 10th according to Hatton's wanker father.

4. I apologize for the random and boring nature of this article. I think my editor needs something to motivate me ($$$$$$).

Goodnight.

Editing never felt so wrong.

the nighthawk

Soccer News and Notes: If You Don't Read This You're a Wanker

I always wanted to say "wanker". It makes me laugh. Anyway here's some stuff to keep you up to date on transfers and things of that nature.

• It looks like Liverpool is very close to the big signing everyone has been waiting for. It is expected that it will become official that Fernando Torres will be the new striker for the Reds. I'm pretty excited about finally having a world class goal scorer, even though I was really hoping for Eto'o, especially after Henry signed with Barca. Luis Garcia, the Liverpool forward who missed most of the season with a knee injury, will sign with Torres' old club, Atletico Madrid.
• In other, less enjoyable Liverpool news, legendary goal score Robbie Fowler, who's contract with Liverpool expired this year, can't seem to find a team for next season. He said he hasn't gotten a single offer, but remains optimistic. I would think Premiership's fourth leading goal scorer of all time would be able to find work somewhere. If it means he ends up in the MLS, I would be happy though.
• Manchester United finally signed Owen Hargreaves, the English national who formally played for Bayern Munich of the Bundesliga. Hargreaves was one of England's lone bright spots in the 06 World Cup and should make an already great Man U team even tougher to beat.
• Chelsea midfielder Frank Lampard has yet to renew his contract. Its been reported that he recently rejected an offer that would have made him the highest paid player in Chelsea's history, which is saying something. His name has also been linked to Barca and Juventus.
  
• The U20 FIFA World Cup is going on right now in Canada, and the U.S. is one of the favorites to do well. They actually tied South Korea 1-1 yesterday and they play Poland tomorrow on ESPNU. Check it out if you have the channel. It's good soccer and these guys are the future of our program; many of them will probably play in the next World Cup.
• The Men's National Team takes on Paraguay tonight in the Copa America group stages. Its on a channel that most people don't get (GolTV), but there is an easy way to watch it. Go to this site, and download the player for free. Once you get it up scroll down until you see GolTV. Its pretty good quality and the announcers speak English, which is always a plus.
  

Okajima Snubbed

I normally try to refrain from talking about the Red Sox stuff here since I know most of you could care less, but I just couldn’t hold back on this one. When I saw the All-Star roster I was pretty upset with the omission of Hideki Okajima. I mean this guy has been absolutely lights out! But I wanted to make sure that my bias wasn’t clouding my objectivity so I decided to look at the stats of the others relievers who were chosen to see if there is anyone who was less deserving than Mr. Okajima (even Jonathan Papelbon).

The four relievers who were selected were J.J. Putz, Bobby Jenks, Francisco Rodriguez, and Papelbon. After methodically examining all of their stats, along with those of Okajima, it looks like a case could be made for the Red Sox lefty over Jenks or Rodriguez.

	Okajima	Jenks	Rodriguez
IP	40	32	35
H	22	25	27
HR	1	1	2
R	4	10	9
BB	10	10	14
SO	36	29	49
ERA	0.9	2.76	2.27
WHIP	0.8	1.071	1.171429
K/9	8.1	7.99	12.36
BB/9	2.25	2.76	3.53
AVG	0.163	0.213	0.187

Okajima has an advantage over the other two in every category except strikeouts. So why did he get left off the list? Obviously sometimes get left off in favor of players who are the only representative for their team. That leaves out Jenks since he is the lone selection from the lowly White Sox whose hitters couldn’t hit themselves out of a wet paper bag and their pitchers have been anywhere from mediocre to dismal.

So we’re left with Rodriguez, since the Angels are also represented by starter John Lackey. Why Rodriguez over Okajima? Most people would probably say because he has more saves. But why should that matter? Okajima’s only fault then, it would seem, is that he is one of two relief aces on his team. He just happens to pitch one inning before Papelbon on most nights. Imagine this situation. The starter leaves the game after the seventh inning and the score is 2-1. Due up for the Yankees are the 3-4-5 spots in the eighth. Who has a tougher job, Okajima, or Papelbon who comes on in the ninth to pitch to the bottom of the order?

Okajima has been dominant over the first half of the season. Still, he’s been overshadowed all year by Dice-K, Papelbon and everyone else. I know some of you will say, what are you complaining about, the Red Sox already have five All-Stars. I just think this guy deserves a little recognition for his domination and contributions to the best team in baseball. (Sorry had to get that in).

Maybe some more thoughts about the All-Star game later.

Nearly Three Years After the Death of Bozo the Clown, Chicago Finally Finds a Suitable Replacement

Thanks for the joke Brian, and happy birthday.

Welcoming Yi to Milwaukee

After being drafted by one of the teams on his “not approved list,” our boy Yi Jianlian needs some cheering up. The 7-foot, 246 pounder out of China was selected #6 overall in Thursday night’s draft by the Milwaukee Bucks. This occurred despite not inviting the Bucks to his workout in Los Angeles, the Bucks not seeing him play in China, and not putting Milwaukee on his “approved teams” list. Overall, just a great play by the Bucks. If they don’t trade his rights, I will be shocked. But just in case they don’t, here are some things that Yi’s travel agent is recommending he do upon his arrival to Wisconsin.

Brewers Game at Miller Park (Read: Sausage Race)

Nothing to cheer you up when you’re down like a great competition at Miller Park. Oh, and a baseball game, too (that joke would have been a lot funnier if the Brewers weren’t actually good this year). Anyway, there is no telling which sausage Yi will be rooting for, but I’m guessing he’ll just play along with Charlie Villanueva, who is rumored to love large dark hairless objects. So, Frankie Furter the hot dog it is.

The Great Wisconsin Cheese Festival

The hits just keep coming for Yi. The famous festival is held in the first week of June every year, meaning that Yi just missed out. It is probably for the best anyway, as Yi may have been scared off by the state of Wisconsin even more after seeing both the hefty broads stuffing their faces with cheese and the strange people wearing Cheeseheads.

(EDIT: I just learned that 93% of Chinese are lactose intolerant-- which may be another good reason that he just missed the festival.)

Shotz Brewery

“One, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight! Schlemiel! Schlemaz! Hasenpfeffer Incorporated!” A dream come true for Yi would be Yao and him skipping arm-in-arm down the street reciting this chant to the Laverne & Shirley background music. I think it’s time for Larry Harris to make this happen. Yi might even take off his gloves, put them on top of already-capped bottles, and wave goodbye to them. Oh, that whimsical Yi.

Press Conference Lessons with Brett Favre
We all know Favre’s genius. “Is he going to retire?” “Is he going to come back for one more?” He leaves his fans hanging on a thread every year. Only Roger Clemens loves the media attention more than Brett. During this two week program, Yi will learn the finer points in giving a press conference. Among these points he will learn timing, shock value, and Favre’s most famous attribute, the “maybe, maybe-not” factor. After all is said and done, Yi will most likely hold a press conference sometime before the Chinese New Year (I don’t know when this actually is, though) or even the NFL preseason to divert attention his way, saying that he may possibly be playing for the Bucks this season, but he’ll have to see about that. If his English is anything like his interview with Stu Scott on Thursday night, it may go down as the greatest press conference of all time. Upon this announcement, NBA Fastbreak analysts Tim Legler and Greg Anthony will strike up so much debate that their respective heads will go Exorcist on us. Then, that son of a bitch Brett Favre will announce his retirement to switch the attention back his way to take the attention away from Yi. That gunslinger really knows how to play his cards.



All that being said, well wishes to Yi and his future endeavors. Hopefully for him, he gets traded to a more Chinese populated area. And hopefully for the Bucks, Yi decides he just can't resist the dark beer and cheese.

Where Are They Now? (Vol 1, #1)

Sometimes you get bored, really bored, and start wondering what ever happened to some people who seemingly had it made not too long ago. I'll start with five, but no worries, I have a list of at least 100 more people. So, next time you might be screaming REEEEMIXXXX.

Enjoy!

Where in the world is………..?

1. Carl Winslow:
What ever happened to the beloved dad of Family Matters? His spunk (only chubby people can be spunky), light-hearted demeanor, and moral values can never be duplicated. I, personally, would have been in the looney bin if I had to deal with that nuisance Urkel. He handled himself with dignity through it all and for that reason I ask, where are you Carl Winslow?

Well, Mr. Winslow is currently doing theatre work and has made limited public appearances since his TGIF days. He’s written a couple critically acclaimed plays and that’s about it. Ya, sometimes the answers to our questions are a little melodramatic. I bet you thought it ended with him in some gutter, crack-pipe in hand. Side note: When are the Family Matters DVD’s coming out? (Only the ones before Urkel hit puberty, it got really annoying after that. One last thing, why is every television dork’s middle name have to begin with a Q?

2. Nate Newton:
Nate is the biggest known drug dealer in NFL history. His quote best sums up his attitude about dealing, “"I've always been competitive, I've always been in sports. I couldn't see myself not being the biggest dope man."

Nate’s white van was pulled over on an interstate in Nov of 01’ with over 200 pounds of marijuana in the back seat. Five weeks later, having learned his lesson obviously, 175lbs. were confiscated from his trunk on his way into an early morning Cowboy’s practice. But come on, he had to take his pot to practice, that’s where his best clients were.

The Cowboy’s O-Line was probably the greatest in NFL history and Emmitt Smith is the career rushing leader because of it. Just think how many yards #22 would have if his blockers weren’t higher than a spacecraft exiting earth?

So, I’ve gotta ask, what are you doing now Nate Newton?

Guess what, Nate found God, went “straight”, and renounced his past. He speaks to troubled youth in Texas. So basically, he’s still getting really high.

3. Steven Segal:
Who can forget the fourth best action hero of the 90's behind Arnold, Bruce, Keanu Reeves (Speed, Speed 2: Cruise Control, Hardball, The Replacements, The Matrices Part 1 y Part Deux)? Segal's Under Seige Sequal was an action adventure to behold. His repetrior of karate chops, super kicks, and slick sleek hair make me tingle in my nethers. I just wonder; what's up Steve?

Impressively, Seagal was recently awarded a PETA award for his humanatarian efforts after he prevented the export of baby elephants from South Africa to Japan. Why would Steven be afraid for the elephants if they were shipped to Japan? Simple, he had an encounter with the Japanese version of Cojo.

After winning the awatd, a PETA interviewer asked Segal to provide an example of a special interaction with an animal, Here's what he said: " A dog approached [me] during [my] early aikido years in Japan. [I] felt like [I] had known this white dog forever. After keeping the dog for a few days, the dog (by barking) warned me that his dojo was on fire. [I] quickly summoned help to put out the conflagration. [I] never saw the dog again." What in the fuck are you talking about man? Thats one of the most ridiculous quotes of the past 50 years.

Can you imagine his nightmares? He see's Babar(thanks cheff) get detusked as Air Bud, the Golden Reciever, majestically floats through the air only to get gunned down by a glasses and mustahce disguised Slyvester the Cat. Cold sweats, anyone?

4. Olden Polynice:
Olden is a retired NBA player who played for the Sonics, Clippers, Kings, Pistons, and Jazz. He was an average NBA player during his 15 year career averaging 7.8 ppg and 6.7 rebounds. He never had a career defining moment, but he's had a couple life defining moments more recently. Namely, liking Halloween a little to much. To further explain, I must ask, what's going on Lutient Polynice?

Somehow, Olden obtainted a California state police badge and began driving around Salt Lake City impersonating a cop. It might have worked if he wasn't a 6'11 black man. I'm sure there's a lot of police officers in Morman land that fit that description. Imagine what that altercation was like.

I think it would go something like this: Olden, high out of his mind, starts flashing his fake cop lights and pulls over mid 90's chartruse colored RAV 4 sport package with Ski Rack (ski bunnies). He walks up to the car as the couple inside slowly rolls up the window thinking, "Is that Karl Malone? It's gotta be, he's the only black person in Utah" He proceeds to tell them their under arrest, they say "for what", and he say's "I don't know, nevermind, have a marvelous day in the mountains." He walks away confused, and they drive away unable to say anything for 15-20 minutes.

He was arrested when the "criminals" got his plate number and called the cops. It didn't stop Olden, he was arrested a year later for the same offense. He's not smart. Do it on Halloween, avoid the misdemeanor impersonation charges, and get some decent candy in the process. Makes sense to me.

5. Mark Curry:

Mark, from the famed Hangin' With Mr. Cooper, in the house. He lived with two hot black chicks. One of them mattered Rodney Peete if I'm not mistaken. I remember the show most for its theme song. If you need a little refresher about Mark and the show check out the homepage: Hangin' With Mr. Cooper

The creator of the site makes it clear that its "not an official website" promoting the show. Thank god he told me, I ws confused. I personally enjoy the quotes page, as well as the quiz which tests your episode knowledge. I thought I was a loser, but this guy is making me feel pretty good right about now.

The show aired for five years. Mark and the gang were on top of the world. One could say he was on fire! The last word in the previous setence got me thinking, is Mark still on fire? Well kinda of, just in a different way. Mark, whatcha up to buddy?

I'm sad and so is Smokey the Bear. Here's why: On April 17, 2006, an aerosol can that had fallen behind Curry's water heater exploded and Curry, who was doing laundry at the time, was burned on over 18% of his body, including his arm, back and side. He spent many months recuperating at his home. According to an Associated Press interview posted on CNN.com on February 17, 2007, Curry considered suicide after waking from a three-day, medically-induced coma, reportedly hoarding pain medication. (from wikipedia)

He was contemplating suicide but Sinbad (ya, he'll be on the next list) made him "laugh", and got him out of his funk. He must not have been that serious about suicide because, if so, Sinbad would have been the last straw, guaranteed.

That's all for now.

Matt Arrowhead

U.S.-Argentina Copa America Diary

After coming to the sad realization there was going to be nothing to do on a Thursday night in SB I decided to watch the U.S. soccer game vs. Argentina. Might as well keep a running diary, a la Simmons.

0:00 As mentioned before Bradley is opting to go with a young inexperienced lineup of the Copa America, without any of our European stars. Some have criticized the decision but I think it will be a good opportunity to find some talent. With that being said, there's a lot of pressure on Argentina in this tournament because they are bringing a loaded squad and they have underperformed in this tournament for the past 10 years. I read that their fans are taking this almost as serious as the World Cup.

2:00 I'm watching this game on my computer on some channel called GolTV. The announcer has a crazy accent (British or Scottish?) and sounds like he smokes two packs a day. Just thought you should know.

5:00 Johnson makes run and gets behind the defense with a perfectly times through ball. He slows down in the box and looks indecisive but he draws the foul! Penalty kick and Johnson converts!!

12:00 And just as quickly as the U.S. scores they give it back on a free kick that looked like a make-up type call. Very poor defense in my opinion as Argentina had three men inside the defense and Crespo flicks it over Keller.

13:00 The announcer is questioning Keller on the goal but I don't think you can really blame him. Another hard foul....looks like this could be pretty physical.

15:00 I love watching Javier Mascherano. I really think he's going to be a great addition for Liverpool. Great passer and he is always disrupting things in the middle.

25:00 The U.S. is getting completely owned in the possession right now. They've seen very little of the ball.

42:00 Great save by Keller on a shot from the right wing by Verron.

46:00 As the second half starts I'm wondering when we're going to see Tevez. For the U.S's sake hopefully not for awhile.

52:00 Another free kick wasted, this time by Mapp. It's frustrating but understandable, Bradley hasn't had much time to prepare with this squad.

60:00 The U.S. seems to be gaining momentum and has had much more possession this half. This team has been really impressive thus far against a much, I repeat much more talented Argentinian team.

64:00 And just as I speak, Messi makes a pass, makes a great run and gets the ball back, then slips a pass behind the defense to Crespo who finishes it for his second goal. You just had the feeling that this team could score at any time and it would have been a remarkable feat for the U.S. to hold them to one goal.

70:00 It looks like things might be starting to unravel for the U.S. They look like they're tiring and Argentina is stepping up the pressure.

73:00 Yellow card to Bornstein. I'm surprised that's the first card we've seen.

78:00 The sub Aimar scores on a diving header to make it 3-1. Unbelievable goal. Keller had no chance.

80:00 The forwards are the only thing that has been really disappointing for the United States. Taylor Twellman looks completely overmatched. And Eddie Johnson has basically disappeared after a few flashes in the first half, yet for some reason the chain smoking announcer has a huge hard-on for him. He's called him a "Titan warrior" and claimed that "he will lead the U.S. to South Africa". Yikes.

90:00 Tevez gets in way behind the U.S. defense to net the fourth goal, tucking it just inside the near post. What a clinical finish, and not a great end for the U.S.

I know the (probably 20) U.S. fans who were able to watch this game are probably disappointed, but I think its actually a pretty promising result. Almost all of these guys are second and third options for Bradley but they performed pretty well. They contained and at times controlled a world class at full strength team for 60 minutes. This team had Carlos Tevez coming off the bench! The only thing I wish they would have done was show some decisiveness in the offensive third. Don't get me wrong, they didn't bunker at all, they played a 4-4-2, they just weren't running at people and forcing the Argetine defense to make plays. The talent difference really showed through in the end, but I think there is a great deal they can take from this game.

The silver lining is that because Paraguay beat Colombia 5-0, the U.S. has a great chance to advance if that can put up a good result against Paraguay, which they definitely are capable of doing.

Top Twelve TV Shows

Ok before we start the list there are two things that need to be said. One, when talking about shows I watch, I'm talking about watching them on DVD or DVR. To me that's the only way to watch a good TV show. There's no commercials, you can watch it on your own time, and you can start from the beginning of the season one. Two, I did not include Sopranos in my list. I am sure it is a good show, but I haven't got into it yet. I'm waiting until school starts again and I have more time. Other than that I'll be interested to hear your complaints/thoughts. Without further ado...

12. Prison Break Very entertaining first season, even if it wasn’t the most believable. Its pretty much downhill after season one, because, well, its hard to write a show called Prison Break after they break out of prison.

11. Las Vegas This one features seven characters who are all involved in running a fictitious Vegas casino. The episodes aren’t really connected and its kind of predictable, but the female characters are all hot and its pretty entertaining, even if it doesn’t make you think that much. Its ahead of the next show because there are three watchable seasons.

10. House I haven’t really gotten into this one completely yet but I liked what I’ve seen so far. I’m a sucker for good sarcasm and the main character, Dr. House, is just dripping with it. As far as realism goes, House is somewhere between E.R. and Grey’s Anatomy. Anyway, I think its worth trying to get into, so that obviously means you should check it out.

9. Rome (HBO) This is a great show if you’re into drama and/or history. As a person who had to take Roman history for two semesters I can tell you that “Rome” is a very realistic portrayal of ancient Rome even though there a few minor historical inaccuracies. The show successfully intertwines the lives of two fictional, yet realistic Roman soldiers with the already dramatic story of Julius Caesar and Octavian/Augustus. If you like history at all, check this out! The only reason its not higher is because I know it probably won’t appeal to a lot of people.

8. 24 Another interesting case here. After watching the first season I probably would have argued that this was the best show on T.V. hands down. I think Cheff and I watched the first four seasons in about two weeks. The problem with 24 is that it hasn’t adapted. After every consecutive season it becomes more apparent just how similar the plots are and how predictable it is. I read somewhere that Kiefer Sutherland is under contract for at least a few more seasons, but if this show is going to survive they to inject some life into the writing fast. It’s ranked this high because any single season by itself is outstanding. If you haven’t seen it yet, rent it, and get ready to spend multiple hours in front of the TV.

7. LOST I’m not really sure how to describe this one. It may be the most creatively written drama on TV and I was basically addicted to the first season. Then there was the second season. It seems as though the writers got ahead of themselves, letting their creativity run wild so to speak. They were opening up too many questions without resolving any of the old issue and it started to get frustrating. I stopped watching it for awhile and only started up again at the advice of some faithful followers. It didn’t disappoint and season three is as good, if not better than season one.

6. Entourage (HBO) Probably the most fun show on the list—everyone in the show is living the life we all wish we could. It’s a must see every Sunday and the only reason its not higher is because its only a half hour, and frankly, sometimes you can watch a whole episode, enjoy it, and yet not really remember anything about it.

5. Rescue Me First let me say that I love this show. It stars Denis Leary and is focused on a group of New York City firefighters just after 9/11. There’s not another show that you can even compare it to. That’s actually why it’s not higher up on the list. You can’t say its funnier than next three or a better drama than number one, but it combines drama and comedy in a unique way that makes it completely unlike any other show. It’ll definitely make you laugh and maybe even cry. You’ve got to start this one from season one…the fourth season just started on TV this month.

4. Curb Your Enthusiasm (HBO) Absolutely hilarious and rewatchable. For lack of anything else to say about this show besides WATCH IT, I thought this might be amusing to some (from IMDB.com) ...

In 2003, a man named Juan Catalan was arrested for a murder in California. He repeatedly professed his innocence and asked to take a lie detector test, a request that the police denied. He also had an alibi: he swore that at the time of the murder he was at Dodger Stadium with his little girl, watching LA get creamed by the Braves, but his lawyer was unable to find him in any of the Dodger Vision or FOX footage he subpoenaed. Catalan's lawyer discovered that there was another possible source of crowd footage: "Curb Your Enthusiasm" had shot at Dodger Stadium that night. Although he Catalan did not make the final cut of the show, his lawyer was able to find him and his daughter depicted in the outtakes, and ascertain from the timestamps on the tapes that he could not have been the killer. When told that his show had released a wrongfully accused man from prison and a trial that could have led to the death penalty, Larry David commented, "I tell people that I've now done one decent thing in my life, albeit inadvertently."

3. The Office Another show that is guaranteed to make you laugh out loud and that I would have my DVR set to record every week if I ever actually got DVR. Interesting fact: Many of the actors who play main and supporting characters have individually written episodes. The actors who play Kelly and Ryan have written the most.

2. Arrested Development I’m kind of nervous about putting this at number two although I think it is definitely the funniest and smartest comedy I’ve seen (die hard Curb fans will probably disagree, but whatever). Some people watch a few episodes and just don’t get it. That’s why you have to take my advice on this one and start it from the beginning. The jokes build on previous episodes and sometimes are so subtle that if you watch an episode again you’ll be laughing at stuff you missed the first time. The characters are ridiculous, the writing is clever, and it never gets stale.

Side note: If you think this show is funny, the guy who plays Tobias (David Cross) does stand-up and his stuff is absolutely hilarious. You can download it to your iPod and its great for car trips.

1. The Wire (HBO) This is the best show on television and I will argue that with anyone. It is a engaging drama that both entertains and comments on important social issues that people tend to ignore (inner city drugs, education system, etc.). I am absolutely begging you to give this show a try. I promise you won’t be disappointed.

I also thought I would link to two separate Simmons articles that talk about the show, since he does a pretty good job describing the show and why it doesn’t get as good of ratings as Sopranos, even though it is a better show. Number 17 on this one and scroll to the bottom of this one.

Just to Help You Get Through the Day-- Links

Inmate grabs guard's gun and kills him. Did this guy really think he was going to get away with it? "The guy had tattoos all over his face, including a swastika on his forehead; it could be anybody!"



Nickelback Sucks. A friend of mine with equal hatred for Nickelback showed me this website a few months ago. That's talent.



Rosie O'Donnell's Sex Scene on Nip/Tuck. Don't worry-- its not a youtube clip, but how did I miss this? Thank God I stopped watching after season two.



SuperBron. Forget "King James," apparently LeBron now has unfair, supernatural powers.