Umps Really Do Suck

At the start of this week the Major League Umpires’ Union refused the league’s request to perform background checks. Clearly, the commissioners office made this request due to the NBA’s recent scandal involving Tim Donaghy’s connection to organized crime. Though the league’s intentions may not be good, and they haven’t been in many decisions lately, the overall idea of background tests is necessary for the integrity of baseball.

People don’t seem to believe that there is a great threat of ‘fixing’ games in baseball, and that’s probably true. There is no need for crooked umpires to determine a game’s outcome in order to win someone a bet. The easiest way for an umpire to win someone a bet is by changing their strike zone. If they tighten their strike zone, that means players have easier balls to hit, they will draw more walks, and, therefore, score more runs... that means the game will go over the bookie's total. In contrast, umps can increase their strike zone, thus leading to more strikeouts, less walks, and fewer runs.

Bettors have caught on to the importance of umpires on an over/under bet; they are arguably the most important part of the bet. Basically, the average percentage of called strikes is anywhere between 61.5% and 63.5%, anything outside of that zone would be bet accordingly; games with umpires over 63.5% would be bet under and visa versa. This year, for example, Lance Barksdale has one of the biggest strike zones this season at 64.68%, that lead to an average of 8.71 runs/game. On the opposite end of the spectrum, there is someone like Greg Gibson who only calls strikes 60.7% of the time. This doesn’t seem like much of a difference, but his games average 10.65 runs/game... almost a two run difference.

The problem is that Major League Baseball recognizes the imprecise nature of calling balls and strikes, they also realize each umpire’s specific trends. They hide the identity of their home plate umpires before a series begins. Bettors scramble to find out this information, the umps are released about two hours before game time. Therefore, an umpire does not even have to adjust his personal strike zone to help someone win bets. All an umpire would have to do is let the highest bidder know who is behind home plate before everyone else knows. That’s it. Baseball can’t check things like that through statistics, they’d have to do background checks to find out what type of connections these umpires have. The bettor most likely wouldn’t draw suspicion from their bookie because they wouldn’t be winning 100% of the time, rather, 65-70%. Depending on how much is being bet, the difference between winning 55% of the time and 65% can be hundreds of thousands of dollars with the umpires getting a nice piece for themselves.

Umpires have very little at stake by giving this information to people, and wouldn't be affected by their conscious because the information does not directly affect the games. However, any connections these umpires might make could turn ugly, a bookie with ties to organized crime could easily pressure a umpire for better results, hence the necessity for MLB intervention.

Umpire Stats

James "Lights Out" Toney: There's a Dart in Your Neck

James “Lights Out” Toney’s year long suspension has been reduced to six months after the California State Athletic Commission voted 6-1 in favor of the lighter punishment. If you remember, “Lights Out” and his opponent both tested positive for performance enhancers after their May 24th fight in San Jose. Toney ultimately won the fight by spilt decision, and every one assumed the match-up was fair as both fighters were both using steroids.

Well Toney’s opponent, Danny Batchelder, might have a complaint now that new information reveals Toney was on “boldenone, which {is} a fat-reducing medication for horses and can only be prescribed by veterinarians.”

So, James Toney was using the animal equivalent of Fat Predator in an attempt to lose weight for his fight against Batchelder. I don’t know what’s more shocking, Toney taking Barbaroids or the California State commission reducing his suspension after this information was revealed.

I started doing a little investigating and found out that boldenone is a little more common than you think. In fact BodyBuilding.com, had this to say about boldenone.

“For something that is generally injected into cows, horses and dogs boldenone is quite a popular and well-liked drug by most bodybuilders because of its unique make-up.”


Now that’s special. I just wish Toney would have done a little more investigating before juicing up. One simple google search told me that boldenone is “easily detectable in blood tests due to its long metabloic half-life. Trace amounts of the drug can easily be detected for months after discontinued use.”

I’m not 100% sure what “long metabolic half-life” means, but I’d guess you shouldn’t take it if you think you might get tested right after a fight. “Lights Out” didn’t learn his lesson after all. Just a little over two years ago, Toney was stripped of his victory of John Ruiz for testing positive for another anabolic steroid during…wait for it…..another post-fight steroid test! Toney’s won 70 fights in his career. I can only imagine how many of those victories were juice induced.

Too bad Vick didn’t get a hold of this veterinarian who was supplying Toney with the animal steroids. He wouldn’t have had to kill so many dogs. Oh, will the Vick funny ever end? Seriously though, those dog fights would have been more entertaining.

BoxingScene

A-Rod's Defense

Last night A-Rod and the Yankees faced the Blue Jays for the first time since the infamous fake “I got it” yell that caused the BJ’s third baseman to drop the ball. In the gameA-Rod was thrown at and later slid very hard and very out of his way into Jay’s SS John McDonald. Normally I would just think to myself, “Well, A-Rod is a douche and he deserved it,” but for some reason I had a very different feeling.

I realized I’m starting to feel sorry for Rodriguez. Why? Here’s a guy who is almost unquestionably the best player in the game. He’s the highest paid player in the game, which means he’s the highest paid player in any of the big three professional leagues. He plays on a team that has been in the playoffs every year he’s played for them. And yet, somehow, he seems like the most insecure athlete I have ever seen.

Most athletes are cocky and egotistical for a reason. To get to where they are, beat so many odds, and accomplish something that so many people aspire to do and fall short they must have the utmost confidence in themselves. Anything less, any self-doubt could cause them to fail. That is why we love the rare athlete who is both good and humble. It is also why I find it so remarkable that A-Rod, someone who possesses so much talent, seems so unsure of himself.

Think about the biggest stories in his career and you will realize that almost all of them were some sort of attempt to validate himself to the people around him. He signed the largest contract ever, which showed to the world just how good he really was. But then the losing got to be too much and he wanted to go somewhere where he could win. So he went to New York, eager to prove that he could contribute to a winning team and validate his career with a ring. But he wanted to prove himself to his teammates, the fans and the world so badly that he struggled immensely (hitting under .200 for the first month of the season). Playoffs? Same story. He struggled so much last year against Detroit that Torre dropped him to eighth in the batting order.

So when A-Rod hit home run 499 and promptly went 0-21 I wasn’t surprised at all. For as much talent as he has, the second he starts thinking about things he starts doubting himself and he has problems. Bottom line is that he just wants people to like him. He wants his teammates to stick up for him (something the Yankees players have never really done). He does things like yelling to make someone drop the ball, slapping the ball out the mitt of the pitcher coving first, and it all comes across all wrong.

I’m retracting all the things I’ve said about Rodriguez and ignoring the fact that he’s a Yankee and saying this: I don’t think A-Rod is a bad guy. He’s just someone who, despite his talent and success, is very insecure and misguided in his attempts for acceptance. So for once let’s just give A-Rod a break.

O'Charlie Challenges God

Charlie Weis was asked about the Irish's prospects this season, and eventually the subject of rebuilding was brought up. At first, Charlie didnt quite hear the question , and responded "Yes, I love building my own burger at Chili's. More restaurants should let you do that." Then, he realized the reporter was talking about his teams prospects, and the idea of having to rebuild. Charlie wasn't having it. Being the big, tough guy he is, Weis said, "God strike me dead if I use that word"

God, wasn't immediately available for comment, but released this press statement from Heaven:"That jackass has to be kidding. I almost killed him once in an attempt to get him off his high carb diet, and now this? So, what happens if he says rebuilding? Do I have to kill him? God damn, this puts me in a sticky situation"

Weis doesn't care. He does and says whatever he wants. I can only imagine how shocked he was when the verdict was handed down at his case. He's challenging God now, and I wouldn't be surprised if he's serious. His ego is alive and well. Unfortunately, he hasn't found a way to eat that yet.

South Bend Tribune. I forgot how funny this newspaper is.

I've Been Wondering what Josh Barfield’s Greatest Talent Was

Note: I would have posted this earlier, but I couldn’t find the booklet until I found it under my car seat a couple of days ago.


I was at an Indians-Royals game back in early June and was handed the week’s edition of “Batter Up!” that the workers hand out when you’re walking in. It contains rosters, concession stand details, the season schedule, and most importantly, a feature player and a story about him. Well, this particular week’s was Josh Barfield, second baseman ordinaire. I flipped through to the middle page, where the feature story was waiting. Usually, it’s something about the player and his kids or his contributions to a charity organization. Barfield? Not so much.

The article, titled “A True Gamer On & Off the Field” written by David Briggs of MLB.com, goes on about Barfield’s “achievements” and time spent playing video games. Take special note of the complete seriousness of the author. I will do my best to summarize the article with some quotes from it:

His days often start with video games. He then heads off to work, where his portable PSP system allows him to sneak in a few more games. And finally, before he crashes, the night winds down with yet some more gaming back at his apartment with his roommate (Ryan Garko).

It’s a scholarly video-gaming lifestyle Barfield shares with many young players in the big leagues. How many other guys walked the red carpet at last year’s Video Game Awards in Las Vegas, participated in a gaming competition during Super Bowl week in Miami and are a member of the Professional Baseball Gaming League? Yes, a professional video game league. Formed by Yankees center fielder and self-proclaimed commissioner Johnny Damon.

To Barfield’s credit, he never slacked off on his rigorous gaming routine once he made it big. In fact, his passion has only heightened over time.

“I’ve never seen anyone with so much enthusiasm for video games,” Garko said. He plays in the afternoon, at night, at the park, on the plane, pretty much anywhere but second base.

If you’re an Indians fan, you’re asking yourself where that enthusiasm and “rigorous routine” is when the guy is at the plate. As of August 7, his batting average stands at .245 (OBP .273, SLG .320). He has 2 HRs and 48 RBIs through 106 games. What a joke. I almost guarantee his stats in MLB 2K7, or whichever baseball game the kids are playin’ these days, are about double that considering his gaming abilities compared his actual baseball talents.

Barfield also loves the competition…

Right now, that competition comes from his daily NBA 2K7 showdowns with Garko, a guy who just might be Barfield’s match. The roommates guess they’ve split about 100 games in the virtual basketball arena, though Barfield is coming on strong. Winning three straight, Barfield has sent his buddy into panic mode, which means Garko’s hometown Lakers will be making a cameo.

“They’re my emergency team when things aren’t going well,” Garko said. “That’s when I take it personally.”

But Barfield will be waiting. And acknowledging he’s now reached the “big time” in the video gaming world, Barfield knows he cannot be dethroned by a mere amateur.

If I’m Mark Shapiro (Cleveland's GM), I get a trade lined up involving Barfield and Garko, ASAP. This is going to turn into a carpel tunnel syndrome nightmare.

Life After 756

I’m getting pretty tired of talking about whether Barry deserves the record, or if any of these steroid-era milestones should be respected. Only one thing is certain after Bonds hits #756, your life will not be the same. You can call me a hypocrite, but I’ve come around; last year I would have been the first to say that all the “Chasing Aaron” graphics were a little premature. Now, however, I look forward to seeing if Barry hit a home run, how he’s historically fared against his next pitching matchup, etc. So exactly what changes will ESPN make to your life??

• BottomLine- All you Giants fans will finally be able to see how your favorite player, non-Bonds division, did on ESPN’s bottom line. I feel your pain, I’ve got Tim Lincecum on my fantasy team, and when I look for his stats all I get is “CHASING AARON: Bonds: 0-3 2K’s 1BB … left game in 8^th Inning.” I don’t give a shit about Mr. 756; it’s time to get back to focusing on the real season, I feel like I don't even know the Yankees or Red Sox anymore.
  

• ESPN.com- In case you didn’t catch Barry’s most recent groundout on the BottomLine, you can always log on to ESPN.com. I’m going to miss my daily Barry updates in the breaking news section, front page headline, AND the fucking “Chasing Aaron” pop-up; sometimes they’re all about Barry at the exact same time, a steroid trifecta. Basically, my computer has something against my penis; it blocks such ads as Extenz but allows “Chasing Aaron” which is just begging me to take steroids, hit home runs, and shrink my balls… fuck you Norton.

• Giant’s ESPN Games- I’m going to really miss watching the Giants games on TV every night. I cherish every moment I get to listen to John Miller; sounds crazy right? Not when you compare the last-place Giants' games to the atrocity that is NASCAR Now. Eric Kuselias and Brad Daugherty make John Miller look like Bob Costas.

• Bonds Countdown- The best thing about the Giants games are the countdowns to Bonds' next at-bat. This isn’t awesome because of Bonds, I hate the douche, but I love knowing when my favorite former Brave, Ryan Klesko, is coming up. See, all I have to do is add one to the Bonds countdown to know when Klesko continues “Chasing Strawberry” for the elusive 1000 RBI milestone … Go RYNO!!!

• Live Look Ins- This might be the only part I don’t miss about Bonds/ESPN’s “Chasing Aaron” fiasco. Have you been here? “Top of the ninth, full count, runners at first and third, two outs, ANDDDD a Barry Bonds look in. [cut to shot of Barry being intentionally walked, while you’re team is scoring the go-ahead run on the top two inches of the screen].” Yea, that’s annoying.

We can only hope that tomorrow will be the day; (channeling Bill Simmons) it’s the Nationals! It’s the Giants! It’s Major League Baseball on ESPN!!! (and ESPN2, ESPN.com, ESPN Mobile, and any other game you might be watching)

Cartoon

Digger: Highlighting a Fool

Digger Phelps is a South Bend, IN. legend. I remember going to Martin’s Supermarket with my grandma one late fall night a long, long time ago and spotting Digger. My grandma told me “that’s the basketball coach at Notre Dame”, but she didn’t have to say it. I mean, of course I knew who he was. The grocery store was about 5 minutes from Notre Dame’s campus, and Digger was decked out in ND workout gear rifling through the snack aisle like the store was going out of business. It was late and Digger was hungry. He was out of there before we even had time to blink. Sadly, that was the best chance I would have at getting the famed coach’s autograph. He became a laughing stock in his final years at ND, and was replaced by John McCloud, who shockingly, made an even bigger ass of himself. After he was booted from ND, Digger dropped of the Notre Dame map for a long time, and he became an afterthought.

Digger’s efforts in South Bend, IN and across the rest of the county since his coaching days are rather impressive. He’s worked with the United Nations, helped victims of Katrina, and worked with the local government in South Bend to improve education and pass youth initiatives. He’s a philanthropist. Good for him.

However, no amount of generosity can make up for what he’s done on the ESPN sets. I can get past his ridiculous commentary on ESPN’s new basketball version of College Game Day. Him, Dick Vitale, and Jay Bilas make my heart hurt soo bad, but all I have to do is change the channel. However, I cannot get past one thing, and it eats at me every time I see him on ESPN. I cuss, scream, and leave the room with high blood pressure. What is it you ask? His color coordinating of highlighters and ties!

The first time I saw Digger with a bright green highlighter in his hand while wearing a bright green tie, I thought it was an accident. The next time, it was the pink highlighter with the pink tie. Still, maybe it was just a coincidence. The orange and orange finally did it, and I realized he was color coordinating. Digger, why in the hell do you need a highlighter? You’re not studying for a history test. It’s probably the most obnoxious, smug, and idiotic thing of all time.

I was reading through the South Bend Tribune, as I do occasionally to remind myself just how ridiculous my old stomping grounds are, and I found an article about Digger . He’s written a book titled, ‘The Undertaker’s Son”. Pretty self-explanatory, but his Game Plan for Life really caught my eye.

Below are three of his most powerful messages:

1.Music Is Like Pizza: Pick Musical toppings to suit your taste and mellow out to beat stress.
What in the hell does that mean?

2. Always Have A Backup: The best game plans don't prevent setbacks. Have alternatives.

Now, that almost seems like some advice he’s followed in life. Many of his game plans were ineffective at preventing setbacks, only he never had good alternatives.

3. Be Color Blind: Racism is wrong morally and an obstacle economically in global competition.

Digger, take some of your own advice and stop coordinating highlighters and suit ties. You might have a small chance of pulling it off if your suits weren’t 2 for 1 specials from S&K’s Menswear. Believe it or not, you aren’t a local pimp.

I can’t wait to see where this one finishes on the top seller list. Ya, I’m going to take advice from a man who color coordinates highlighters and ties. Good one.

SB TRIBUNE

Be Scared Brandon Inge, Be Very Scared

I checked out Curtis Granderson's blog on ESPN.com the other day (I don't know why, I guess it was because Buster hadn't had a blog post in two days and I was freaking out) and was pleasantly surprised to find this story. Granderson tells how while the Tigers were on their last road trip Brandon Inge broke into the blogger's room, flipped all his furniture and turned on the shower and bathroom light so he would think there was someone in his room.

While this in and of itself is not really that funny (a halfway decent prank I suppose), what Granderson has decided to do about it is rather humorous. He is asking his readers to come up with pranks to get Inge back. Some of my favorites, straight from the comments section:

• Put Nair in his shampoo bottle.
• "Any thing that involves poo will be hilarious. But it has to be real poo. You could put it anywhere from in his cleats, in his bball pants pocket, batting glove, inside the flap on his cap...the list goes on you decide"
• "Create a fake ESPN baseball tonight "breaking news" reports and have it broadcast in his room while he's watching TV. Something like 'Inge traded to Tokyo's Yomiuri Giants for cash considerations'" How the f*** do you propose he go about that banstyle74 ?
• "Get Leyland to tell him that he cleared waivers and has been traded to the Dodgers, and when he calls them, have someone there tell him they are sending him back to Double A Jacksonville for a little more seasoning." Somehow I don't see Jim Leyland as the prankster type.

And by far my favorite suggestion...

"Alright here's what you do next time you are at a hotel room. You get an average sized metal trash can and a case of a beverage you can drink a lot of. You drink all the beverages you can and spend a while peeing into the trash can.(Yeah yeah it's gross, but the payoff is worth it.) After you've filled it as much as you can, half prop it against his door, knock and run. When he opens the door, it should fall forward onto his feet, thus giving him a wonderful footbath."

Dear God.

Those Clever ESPN Folks

Did the great minds in Bristol really think we wouldn't notice? Scheduling the final results announcement of Who's Now on the final day of the PGA Event that Tiger Woods has owned ever since stepping foot on Firestone's South golf course? Woods has won six of the last ten events at Firestone Country Club, located in Akron, Ohio. On Sunday, he laughed his way up and down the course, slapping "the major caliber course" in the face by being the only player to finish in red numbers at eight-under par (-8). Hey, at least Rory gave us a storyline.

Tiger's unlucky Who's Now opponent? LeBron James from, you guessed it, Akron, Ohio. Not a bad Sunday for Tiger-- he dismantled both Akron's heralded golf course and it's pride and joy, all in one day.

Today's most Now athlete had this to say about ESPN's bracket style contest: "As a huge fan of ESPN, this is an honor. They always come up with cool new content. I'd like to thank all the fans who took the time to vote for me." I like the cool new content as well, Eldrick.

As a side note, Tiger has been playing in the event at Firestone since 1997 (they keep renaming the tournament, or I would call it by its name). Here is how he has fared in those 10 years:

T3, T5, 1, 1, 1, 4, T4, T2, 1, 1, 1

He owns Akron. The least he could do is give LeBron his due and a goddamn Who's Now title. Asshole. Yeah, I know-- another bridesmaids gown for Ohio-- it's like clockwork. (Inserting "LeBron will never be as good as Michael!" bash) But hey, we all know his Airness would have taken Tiger down! Okay, that's better.

BARRY BONDS: An American Legend!!

(I put this picture up because he looks like a big prick in it! BARRY, BARRY,BARRY!)

So, Barry’s finally done it. The chase, which had seemingly turned into a marathon, ended when Bonds blasted #755 into the left field stands at Petco Park in San Diego. Fittingly, Chad Hensley gave up the historic home run. He tested positive for a banned substance in 2005 and was suspended by MLB for 15 games.

Bonds admired his work, as he’s done so many times, before he started making his way around the bases. The crowd’s reaction was more positive than expected, and it’s a safe to assume that 60-65% of those in attendance were applauding. I waited on this column for a long time because I had grown tired of the nonstop attention Bonds has received over the last 3 or 4 years, but now I think its fitting to fully articulate my position on Bonds and offer some coping techniques to those who absolutely can’t stand the man. Before I do all of that, I will first go on a bit of a rant about Bud Selig.

Selig created this entire mess 8-10 years ago when it was blatantly obvious that a large percentage of Major League ballplayers were using steroids. He was perfectly content using the long ball to bring baseball back. In fact, he looked like a kid in a candy shop as Sosa and McGwire went on their juice-filled pursuits of the record. Once the backlash finally came, and the fans wanted the “cheaters” called out, Selig finally stepped up and admitted there was a problem. He was the only commissioner across the 4 major sports in America who openly allowed the federal government to investigate his league. Hmmm, I wonder why? Selig only started tackling this problem when it became a black eye for MLB. Don't pretend like he gave a shit about the fans. He turned this damn thing into a circus to protect the league! Ultimately, his plan failed, but his motives are obvious. The same people who argue against ESPN for abandoning "the people who got them there" should have just as big a problem with what Selig's done to MLB. He let steriods run rampant to increase the league's entertainment value and draw fans back. Right when fans caught on, he started this huge crackdown to win back their trust and support. I don't hear to many people saying fuck MLB and predicting its demise. Doesn't make sense to me.

Anyone close to baseball had to know the severity of the steroid problem well before this crackdown begun. Even casual observer’s unquestionably knew something “smelled funny” when they watched offensive production skyrocket across the league. When Bret Boone hits 37 home runs and has 141 RBI’s, something is definitely up. Why wasn’t he doing something then? Bret Boone hitting close to 40 bombs is about twice as insane as Bonds’ 73. (I’ll prove it to you if you don’t believe me.) Oh, and look at the statistics in 98'/99' and tell me their not ridiculous.

Selig’s motives have been selfish from day one, and it’s amusing how many people think he’s done nothing wrong. He should be the man facing this intense scrutiny. Instead, he’s been patronized and given the benefit of the doubt. Leaders, in other professional business settings, face punishment when they close their eyes to unethical and illegal behavior being carried out by their employees. Moreover, it’s usually discovered that they were aware of what was going on and did absolutely nothing to stop it! Lastly, employers should face the most severe punishment in the rare instances when they actually aren't aware of what's going on. They are responsible for making sure illegal things aren't happening within the organization!

Selig basically ok’d the use of steroids in MLB in order to bolster the league's public image, and now is criticizing those who used the steroids to bolster that same image again. If the media driven steroid backlash he created didn’t exist, Selig would be inviting Jason Giambi out to dinner, not forcing him to testify as part of some joke investgation. If I’ve been confusing and you’ve missed my point, go get a dictionary and look up the word hypocrite. You’ll understand what I mean.

So, when he sits out in California looking completely disinterested and says, ““I don’t think anybody can say I haven’t made a Herculean effort” when asked about his involvement in Bonds' pursuit, I hope you can understand why I want to get on the first flight to California and punch him straight in the face.

He stood up about 5 seconds after Bonds struck the historic ball . The ball was already in the stands, and the others in attendance had long since been on their feet. Some cheered and some booed, but one thing was certain, everyone at least had some short of reaction. I guess I understand why Selig stood there expressionless. He was thinking one of two things to himself.
“I created this whole mess, and now have to act like I’m upset even though I would be cheering if everyone was oblivious to the steriods that invaded my league as I sat back and allowed it to happen.” Or, “I am pissed that he tied the record because now I’m going to have to act like I give a shit about steroids for reasons outside my bank account, my public image, and place in baseball history “ Wow, I’m getting nauseated just talking about this. He should have stood up like a man and given Barry his proper respects. After all, he's the one who basically said steriods were alright by not saying anything! His reaction would have been merited only if he had truly tried to stop the problem when it started.

One reaps what he sows. Selig’s like the idiot farmer who plants corn seed, only to act pissed, disappointed, and shocked when its harvest time. “Damn it, I planted corn seeds and got corn!" Well, no shit buddy. Corn is going to grow if you plant corn seeds. The steriod problem is going to grow if you plant the seeds of their acceptence early on! Why is this man being let off the hook with the obviously idiotic defense of "see no evil, hear no evil, speak no evil."?

Back to Bonds

Unlike the announces calling the game, I knew the ball was gone once it hit the bat. I’ve marveled in too many Barry home runs to have any doubt. His pose, only rivaled by Griffey, sealed the deal, and I excitedly jumped out of my seat.

I was on cloud nine. I’ve been on “Barry Watch” for a long, long time. The whole damn thing was finally over. I was beginning to think he wasn’t going to get there with all of his injuries, his age, and his growing disgust for the personal attacks. Immediately, I sent out the same text to around 20 people, both to inform them of the historic accomplishment and create a little controversy. Below is a sampling.

Bathrick responded saying “Liking Bonds is so unAmerican. You are a homosexual”

Keg said, “Ya I’m watching juicefest.”

McCready said just one word, “awful”

Smarty (Brian Joines) Said: “I better go turn it on.” I assume he was being sarcastic.

So, the moment had arrived, and was over just as quickly. The game wasn’t stopped; no long tribute, and no Hank Aaron. He was probably somewhere far away lamenting the day Barry Lamar Bonds was born. I expected this type of reaction. The whole thing was unremarkable and that might even be an understatement. It was as if something extraordinary didn’t just happen. The most revered and sought after record in sports had been tied, and everyone sat around flummoxed (my new favorite word) This wasn’t how it was supposed to be, but it made sense nonetheless.

I couldn’t contain myself though. If you hate Barry, don’t read the next few paragraphs unless you have a barf bag freely at your disposal.

I’ve loved Barry Bonds since I can remember. I used to choke up on my bat in Little League, and had to fix the “hitch” in my swing because I mimicked his. (I guess I just never had the same bat speed.) When All-Stars came around, and we choose numbers, I always took #25. I remember watching those painful series against Atlanta in the early 90’s, and can still name off half of that Pittsburg Pirate’s roster because of him. I remember his massive first year in San Francisco, his 40/40 milestone, and how sweet he was in RBI 93 and Tony LaRussa Baseball for Sega. I loved that cross ear ring he wore. I loved the walk after he hit bombs, and I loved that really weird “snag” catch he did in the outfield for one or two years until someone told him that he looked like a cocky asshole when he did it. (I tried that in Little League too, and was unsuccessful.) Don’t ask me why, I just thought he was freakin’ sweet. I’ve met only one other true Bonds fan my entire life (Conroy aka Big Slick), so it didn’t surprise me that I was the only person in Indiana wearing an orange and black SF hat from 1994-1997.

As he approached the single season HR record, I was a senior in high school. I followed his games, and remember his record tying #70. He was in Houston, and he launched a ball deep into the stands, right in the left center gap. I remember winning a bet against Murphy because of it. I sensed Bonds was going deep, and made a 5 beer shotgun bet against him. Bonds delivered, and so did Murphy as beers were immediately being shot gunned in my kitchen sink. I remember the 2002 World Series when Barry finally lived up to his potential in the situation that mattered most. The homerun he hit against Anaheim in Game 4 or 5, was the most impressive sports moment I’ve witnessed. I have never and will never see a baseball hit that hard again. I remember reading Tim Salmon’s lips in the dugout as he said, “Oh my god. I’ve never seen a ball hit that far.” The ball didn’t land anywhere. I think its still orbiting the earth. When the Giants BLEW that series and lost, I was shocked. They were a few outs from a World Series. Barry almost had his fucking ring.

Bonds put together monster years in 2003 and 2004, but then age, injuries, and maybe a lack of steroids, caused him to slow down. The chase became a grind, and the negativity, resentment, and animosity surfaced on an even grander scale. I never worried that Bonds was going to retire before the record. He has too much pride, and is too big a prick. He wanted this record. He thinks he’s a victim. He wants to be the “martyr” who takes all of the heat for the league wide epidemic. He’s ego is so big that he thinks it only makes sense “they target me because I’m the best.” I know that’s what he is thinking.

I’ve never argued that Barry Bonds was the nicest guy. I’ve never argued that he doesn’t deserve all of the negativity. I only argue that he’s a damn good baseball player. He was the best I’d ever seen; even before he supposedly started using steroids. The only other player in his league during the 90’s was Griffey. Their numbers during that stretch are eerily similar. I just want people to understand that Bond’s never tested positive to using steroids. Moreover, he has support from a majority of Major League players both past and present. He was going to be attacked by the media regardless of whether or not he ever touched a steroid. He’s a villain, always has been and always will be. Don’t pretend that Griffey would be facing the same backlash if he was the man pursuing the record and some unproven allegations had surfaced about him. I don’t say that to attempt to prove Barry’s innocence, I just want people to admit that Bond’s would be getting attacked even if he never touched a steroid. In the end, no asterisk will be placed next to his name, and history will once again prove it has a way of forgetting how a person achieved something; it tends to focus only on results.

So, my advice to those who hate Bonds is this: Get over it and move on. A-Rod will be right on Bonds heels in around 7 years, and then we’ll have another hated guy facing unproven accusations. I think I’ve started to hear some A-Rod steroid rumors already this week. The record is Bonds’ and nothing can be done to change it. I don’t waste my time on arguments that really aren’t relevant moving forward and suggest everyone does the same. I hope people divert their attention to Selig soon. He’s the real asshole in the situation even though its far more subtle.

Barry, congratulations my man. I am happy this whole deal is almost over. Soon, I’ll only have to defend you with the simple line “what’s done is done.”

As a kid, I always loved the flashiest and most entertaining athletes, even though I am pretty close to emotionless when I compete. (Well other then the massive temper that causes me to yell at my own teammates, or criticize an idiot on the other team.) Agassi, Barry Sanders, Michael Jordan, and Barry Bonds were the athletes I started following at a young age, and they all still have a soft spot in my heart. You should have seen me during Agassi’s last US Open. I grinded out every match like I was fucking coaching him, and legitimately believed he had a shot at winning the title, even though he was moving around like a 70 yr old man. I just can’t stop rooting for the people I loved growing up. So, if I would have picked up baseball at a later age, maybe I hate Barry Bonds right now. But hey, you gotta appreciate my loyalty to the guy’s I’ve been following for over 15 years now. I can guarantee everyone that will never change!

Quick side note: My first sports recollections really start in 91’ with the Bulls win over the Lakers in the NBA finals, and then the Pirates loss to the Braves in the NL league championship. (Bonds lost three straight NL Championships. One to the Reds (4-2) and two straight to the Braves (4-3).)