Meter Cops Sweep Through West Hollywood

Contributed by Sockless
I was on my way to work earlier today and heard a very alarming story. It turns out Vida Guerra and a couple of friends had just finished up dining at a West Hollywood restaurant when a couple of parking lot enforcers (ys, Meter Maids) spotted them, and quickly developed a masterplan so that they could see a nice rack or two.
After the male Meter Maids wiped the drool from their mouths, they attempted to carry out their plan. They asked Vida and her friends to pose for them naked, and said that they would wipe the 50$ ticket off the record in exchange. Now, technically, that could almost be considered soliciting a prostitute because we all know a chick who's willing to get nude for $50 in a public parking lot is a definitely a pretty big slut, and most males know that fornication is only moments away when "the fun" has been exposed. Yes, I refer to a girls rack, and, well, nether region as "the fun".

Like they couldn’t come up with anything better than that? Whatever happened to; "I’m gonna have to write you a ticket for being too damn Sexy?"

At least Vida, the ghetto skank, would have cracked a smile. Just the simple fact that they tried to bribe Vida for $50 dollar ticket is insane. They see a super hot chick in West Hollywood with her Range Rover probably parked in the middle of the street, and they still try to score a free peep show from her. They couldn’t put two and two together, and realize she might be important? I love the school boy ambition here.

Evidently this isn’t the first time these villains have preyed on the more fortunate. Numerous reports show that the team hit Hayden Panettiere a couple days before and reportedly were heard bragging about it. Niccceeee.

Contributed by Sockless. Now, I must admit I had no idea who Vida was until I found that FHM picture of her. I probably would have tried to get her to show me her boobies as well.( In the words of Three 6 Mafia, "she got a big ole butt", and she can stand under my umbrella, ella, ella, eh, eh, eh any day.) However, all I would have needed is my wit and charm. I still don't know who Hayden is, but I will in a minute. Thanks Sockless.

Vick's Own Father Throws Him To the Wolves...err, Dogs

Predictably, Mike Vick doesn't have many friends these days. His dogfighting pals are turning on him, the Falcons have come to terms with him as an ex-teammate, and now even his own father is against him. In an interview with the Atlanta Journal-Constitution his father, Michael Boddie, said, "I wish people would stop sugarcoating it. This is Mike's thing. And he knows it. He likes it, and he has the capital to have a set up like that." Sheesh.

He goes on to say that he warned Vick that he shouldn't have his name on the title for the house and that Vick also used to fight dogs at the family's house.

But let's have a closer look at this Boddie guy, the apparent voice of reason. He hasn't worked in four years and as been in and out of both drug and alcohol rehab and is living in an apartment paid for by Vick. Two years ago he was denied by Vick when he asked for $1 million spread out over 12 years so he could live in comfort. Now Boddie feels disrespected by Vick, saying, "[He was] talking to me like I'm one of his . . . dogs."

My favorite part: "A picture of Vick's two young children is framed on a wall near the kitchen. Hung on a wall beside the kitchen sink is a long list entitled 'Quick Drink Recipes.'" Oh yeah, and he plans to write a book about all of this. Expect to see that on the NY Times Bestseller List sometime next year.

Atlanta Journal Constitution
(via ESPN)

Fausto is NOT Invited to Grady and Travis’s Tree House

Poor Fausto. First his career as closer ends abruptly last season, and now this bull shit happens to him. In his eight starts since the All-Star Break, he has an ERA of 1.80 (wow), but his record is 4-4. That should be a pretty easy 6-2 or 7-1 at the least. The Indians might be using plastic bats just to screw around with Fausto’s mind. Maybe they just don’t like him and figure they can coax manager Eric Wedge into believing that he should be demoted to Triple-A. That’s the only legitimate way these final scores with him on the mound make sense:

5-3 W vs. KC
3-2 W at Tex
1-0 W vs. Bos
3-1 L vs. Tex
1-0 L at Min
6-1 L vs. NYY
5-2 W vs. Det
2-1 L @ Det

That’s a total of 17 runs scored in the eight Carmona starts. And this is coming from a pretty formidable offense in Sizemore, Victor Martinez, Hafner, Ryan Garko, and Kenny Lofton. Hell, even Casey Blake and Franklin Gutierrez aren’t that bad.

A couple of those wins were probably goof-ups by the Indians, too. I’m sure Franklin Gutierrez was scolded properly for hitting the eventual game-winning home run in the 3^rd inning of the 1-0 victory over the Red Sox. The veterans don’t take too kindly to things like that.

In fact, Trot Nixon was rumored to have given Fausto a wet willy after striking out with the bases loaded and Josh Barfield depantsed him in the clubhouse after the 1-0 loss to Minnesota.

At least for him, his contract is up after this year.

59 Year Old Makes College Football Team

People make a lot of ridiculous decisions when they are drunk, and I’ve found one that takes the cake. Supposedly, Mike Flynt, a 59 year old man, made a spontaneous decision to make a college football comeback while drinkin’ beer and swapping “old college war stories” one night in Alpine, Texas. He was kicked off his college football team before his senior year (37 years ago), and has decided to do something about it after one of his old, drunken friends said something along the lines of “Why don’t you do something about it, chicken?” The friend then said, “Caw, ca caw, ca caw” as he fluttered his arms around, and mimicked a chicken. (AD rest in peace)

Flynt, obviously taking the joke way too seriously, found out that he had one more year of eligibility remaining, and yesterday he made the roster of the Division III Sul Ross State. He’s a grandfather. He hasn’t played football in 37 years, and is actually 8 years older than the coach.

Jerry Lernad, the coach who kicked him off the team 37 years ago said this:

"I told him he's an idiot. Gosh, dang, Mike, you're not 20 years old any more. You're liable to cripple yourself.' He understands all of that. But he has a burning desire to play. ... He is in great physical condition. He still runs a 5-flat 40 and bench presses I-don't-know-what. He's a specimen for 59 years old."

So basically, the coach still thinks he’s a cocky son of a bitch, and wants to see the old man get seriously injured. I doubt that any 59 year old man can run a 5 flat 40. Come on, it’s gotta take “Old Bones” a little longer to get the motor running. What position he will play is still up in the air, but he was a linebacker so expect to see him getting ran over from time to time. When he takes the field on Sept 1^st, he will most likely be the oldest man ever to play college football. Reaseachers haven’t found anyone over 45 years old.

He was originally kicked off the team many years ago for fighting too much. I think he might run into a similar problem this year while showering. Can you think of anything worse than seeing a set of old, wrinkly balls right after exhausting yourself on a football field? That should be enough to start a couple shower brawls. God, I wish I could have been a fly on the wall the night he made his decision. Watching a drunk, old man make a decision that could potentially get himself killed brings a smile to my face. I hope there are “Cool Zones” in Hell.

Clausen

This story was written over a week ago. I don't feel like finding the sources from the Tribune.If you want them, I'll get them.

So, when the Irish take the field against Georgia Tech on September 1st, a couple of things are going to be up in the air:
1. My 2.5 month sobriety streak
2. The quarterback situation at Notre Dame

Sorry, the sobriety thing is a little too personal I guess, but I like to let my reader's know that, yes, even I struggle with certain vices. I'm more like "the normal, every day peasants" than you think. Getting to the point, I've taken great interest in this quarterback situation for two reasons. First, I love Notre Dame football; there I said it. I've always been critical of the program and some of the decision making, but that’s what happens when you grow up 10 minutes from the campus. I want the Irish to exceed their very low expectations this year, and I think they have a decent chance of doing it if their young players can step up. Charlie Weis is an easy target, I know, but he is a damn good football coach. I've been quick to call him out when he's gotten to cocky over the last couple years and let his ego negatively affect his in game decision making. If you don't think Charlie's been guilty of that, watch some of the USC game out in LA last year. He and Pete Carroll were in a "I've got a bigger dick and have more power than you" match for the entire first half of the game. You'd think Pete would have learned his lesson after that national title game against Texas, but that’s for another column.

Saying all that, Charlie’s done wonders for the program with mid-level talent. Trust me; Charlie is good for Notre Dame if only because he's been able to shut up the media and Notre Dame fans in South Bend. Literally, no one gets attacked more than a Notre Dame football coach after a loss. Trying to explain how insane it is really isn't even worth my time. Even Indiana University, with our beloved Hoosiers basketball, isn’t as bad. My alma mater was calling for Mike Davis' head two years after he led them to the national championship game, but it wasn't quite the same as what you see in South Bend.

Guys like Holtz, Davies, and Willingham had to keep winning. Their first let down, and they were gone. Patience isn't a virtue over at Notre Dame, its a sin. Winning is not an option, it is a priority. So, what Weis has done should be applauded. He controls the South Bend media now. Nothing he does is second guessed, and I dare say that a .500% season wouldn't mean blood for those sharks over at the Tribune, and WNDU. I think that suggests Charlie is doing something right. How he keeps the soberly challenged Jeff Jeffers at bay is beyond me. Jeffers hard hitting questions are enough to floor even the strongest (or fattest) of men. If you're asking yourself whether or not I'm being sarcastic with the Jeffer's comment, I'm smarter than you.

So, ya I love the Irish, and am intrigued about this quarterback situation for that reason. More importantly though, I am intrigued because I'm competitive and enjoy when people have to say " you were right, I was wrong, you win, you're better than me......and a lot funnier" Along time ago, Logan revealed that Clausen had "a minor procedure" done on his throwing elbow. People over at Irish Eyes were up in arms. How could this shitty little blog know this information before national sports media? Everyone thought we had to be a bunch of full of shit losers from South Bend, who were just trying to create a little stir. I was even attacked, on a personal level, for defending Logan's story. The next day, ESPN had it up as a top story on their website. We were linked on Deadspin, with the help of Wizard of Odds, and our blog counter nearly exploded. The first comment under our link on Wizard of Odds blog was from a guy named Penn State Football, who runs a discussion board on Yahoo!. He said :"What the freak is "Log's Blog"? Come on, Wiz, what kind of source is that? Even if this ultimately turns out to be true, linking to that blog is weak." Now, I don't feel the need to comment too much on this ridiculous quote, but notice the part that says "even if this ultimately turns out to be true", and form your own opinion.

The next comment on the blog read, "Not true. This has been verified with the coaching staff." Man, I bet this guy wishes his computer would have stopped working for 24 hours, so that it could have been confirmed by the mighty ESPN. Stop posting anonymously people, it takes the fun out of my blog war victories. I like to know the opponents I'm destroying.

So, like I said, I want to give these guys an "I told ya so." Yes Clausen did have elbow surgery. I still believe Clausen won't see a snap this year; nor do I think he should. The South Bend Tribune, a couple days ago, reported that Clausen was the only quarterback not throwing any pass over 15 yards, and today Charlie came out saying that he's going to keep the starter quarterback "a secret", so that Georgia Tech can't prepare for the Irish attack. First, that’s bullshit. Charlie hasn’t named a starter because he doesn’t know who in the hell it’s going to be. Jimmy Clausen is the best QB prospect of the last decade, so to suggest he wouldn’t be the #1 with ND’s current qb situation is absurd. After Quinn’s departure, the quarterback position was literally up for grabs. Clausen arrived in South Bend in a strech Hummer Limo, which dropped him off at the College Football Hall of Fame.

Side Note: Just real quick, imagine Clausen arriving at SBI, getting into the limo, and telling the driver “Away to the College Football Hall of Fame we go.” To which a confused South Bend limo driver, who’s lived in the city for 15 years, says “What’s that?”

Suffice to say, Clausen arrived in South Bend as the “next coming”. He was “ready for the NFL” as a junior in High School. He was enrolled at ND during last years spring semester to get acclimated with the school, start weight training, participate in spring practice, and be spoon fed by Big Charlie.Sharpley, Jones, or Clausen? I don’t think that’s even a question if Clausen wasn’t still a question mark himself. . I hope he does play, but I think the coaching staff and Clausen’s camp are seriously considering their options. Does he want to risk future injury or make sure he’s completely healed? Is Weis willing to risk ND’s future on a year where everyone knows the team’s parts aren’t good enough to win a national championship?”

Ultimately, I believe Clausen redshirts this year, and if he doesn’t , I think it’s a shame. From all reports, it seems like he needs to take a year off to heal properly.

A friend, who’s close to Notre Dame’s program, said this about Clausen after I asked him whether or not Clausen plays this year.

“I think he will start on Sep 1st. and will never sit a game in his college career. If the injury is being somewhat hidden, then that is a different story, but baring injury, regardless of who the "best & most-ready" quarterback is. Clausen starts & never sits again even if he’s only 90% for multiple reasons.

#1) and most obvious; is the hype. {He} might as well be getting paid by ND... too much pressure from the powers that be to get him in there. Do I think its right or he should? No. But do I think he will? Yes.”

This quote sums up the attitude and atmosphere at ND. My bud basically suggests that Clausen will play, even if he’s only 90% healed. So, I guess my point is this: Logan broke the story about Clausen’s procedure and it was ultimately proven true. Now, people say our site is going to lose credibility because Clausen might not sit out this year as our source suggested?

How does this mean we are less credible? Our source said Clausen had surgery, and he did. Remember, that is the most important part of the article, as its something that had already happened. If Logan wanted to protect his own ass, he could have left the story right there. However, his source also suggested that Clausen would be out the entire year because of it. He knew that the source was reliable and wouldn’t make up some “phantom surgery”, so why would he suspect that his statement about Clausen’s status would be any less legitimate? I mean at that time, the game plan moving forward was to red shirt Clausen, and I still think that’s ultimately going to happen.

As the season approaches, we still haven’t heard a definite answer on Clausen, and many of Charlie’s answers and some reports from inside practice smell funny. Clausen’s season is definitely in question, and I think he only plays for the reasons mentioned in the above quote: pressure from the powers that be. The pressure to win at ND is very intense, and Clausen might be sent out there even if he shouldn’t be. I don’t think our story losses any credibility if Clausen does suit up. We can’t be expected to predict the future, we can only report on what’s happened, and use legitimate sources to suggest what, at that time, was ND’s plan moving forward. When the news came out about Clausen’ surgery, everything indicated he was going to miss the year. Of course Charlie wasn’t going to come out and say Clausen might not play this year, it would have only meant unnecessary media attention. From a journalistic perspective I hope it turns out to be true, but if not I’m sorry. As a fan of the team, I hope we have to eat our words.

Either way, I stand by the story.

Dawg Pound in Midseason Form

Cleveland Browns fans are a rowdy bunch, their reputation was solidified in 2001 when they bombarded the refs of their game against the Jaguars with beer bottles. Well, the tradition of losing has not been the only holdover from the 2001 squad, Browns fans also remain rowdy as hell.

So far this preseason, in two games, a total of 160 people have been ejected and 15 have been arrested.

The crowd at Cleveland Browns Stadium for the game against the Lions was better behaved than the one that witnessed the game against the Chiefs. The number of ejections and arrests went down to 74 and seven, respectively - compared to 86 and eight the week before.

Maybe I'm blowing this out of proportion, but that seems like a hell of a lot. That's like my entire high school class getting ejected. I think we can safely attribute a majority of the ejections to women fighting over who Brady Quinn was looking at in the crowd, "He was TOTALLY looking at me!" Browns fans, please explain.

The News-Herald (via PFT)
Picture via Deadspin

BIG EAST SUCKS: Possible Mispellings Included

Oh, wait I think I spelled misspelling wrong. Please don't report me for crimes against humanity.

I don't know when/why the ACC was brought into the debate. I've never mentioned it. I think the conference is garbage.

People keep asking; how can you say a conference is weakn when it has two teams in theTtop 10 and 4 total in the Top 25? And why are 2 of the top 8 Heisman candidates from the Big East if the conference sucks so bad? The answer is simple. It’s pretty easy to string together wins or ridiculous individual stats when competition sucks. This increases recognition and potential to win awards/move up in rankings, but it doesn’t mean a person/team/conference is as good as another. The top competition in college football exists down south, out west, and in patches of the midwest. Bottom line. It’s about defense, and talented offensive players are going to be brought up in Heisman talk when they can exploit weak defense. WV beats teams in the Big East because they can score. If they meet any defense with a ton of speed, they can be contained. (Not stopped, don’t freak out WV fans) The Big East doesn't have big, fast, quick D's that can make up for mistakes.

On the other hand, WV ranked 109 in pass defense in '06. Their entire secondary is returning in '07.They were ranked #13 in rush D last year, but they lost their top two lb's, and a couple d-lineman. Their defense is garbage. Against weaker teams they are alright. They can score the ball at will, and don't have to worry about teams with a lot of offensive fire punch. But if they play any good team from the SEC, PAC 10, or Michigan, they would have a TON of trouble. Their oppenents' offensive unit would control the line of scrimmage, and be able to throw at will. This would keep the WVU offense off the field, and prevent them from turning it into a shootout. I mean Louisville did this to them last year, and controlled the game. Can you imagine what Louisville would have done if they had a dominating defense to match their offensive prowess? Well teams in the SEC, PAC 10, pockets of Big 10 have this talent on BOTH sides of the ball.

My question still remains, could Louisville/WV really go undefeated or lose just one game if they played in the Big 10, SEC, or PAC 10?

I just think the answer is no. Too many teams from top to bottom that can win on any given day in the aforementioned conferences.

College football is all about speed. You learned that very fast if you’ve been watching the Irish the last couple years. WV and Louisville are like the past two ND teams; flashy O that’s very talented, but not enough speed on the D side of the ball. If the Big East "powers" played against the speed seen in the SEC, Pac 10, or parts of the Big 10, they are 10-2 teams at BEST. I'd suspect they are closer to (9-3) or (8-4).

Moreover, ND proved that they aren’t even ‘close’ with their performance in the BCS the last two years. Are you suggesting that either of the ND teams from the previous two years wouldn’t be favored to win the Big East Conference this year if they were participating? They would be, and they would most likely finish with a record of (11-1) (10-2), and then go on to get routed in the BCS by a team from the Pac 10, Big 10, or SEC. I see a similar fate for Louisville/WV if they make it to a BSC game because of their weak schedules.

The Big East is definitely a league moving in the right direction, but to suggest the conference is top 2 is just ridiculous. I really don't understand how people can come on here and comment without trying to hide their ridiculous bias. One’s not any less of a man for saying “I love my team/conference, and am going to defend it, but in all actuality I might be wrong.”

I'd feel like a douche if I was arguing for Michigan this year as one of the top 5 teams just because they're "my team". I hope the AP/other media is right, but I think they are definitely overrated. Why? Because they have no defense. Some of these clowns seem to argue for their team/conference, and inject so much emotion into the argument that it’s almost unbearable. I know, you guys want to give Slaton (no Y) a bunch of head, and that’s fine, but that doesn’t mean the Big East is one of the best conferences in the league. Brady Quinn got undeserved Heisman attention last year, but I was ok with it because I like ND. You didn’t see me running around saying he deserved it though, because I don’t like looking like a fool. When your team/conference is overrated, shut your mouth and enjoy it. The more people start talking, the more ridiculous your position will start to look.

I hope the spelling is alright on this one, I wouldn’t want minuscule detail to detract from my point.

Live Blog: ESPN Fantasy Draft Special

I guess this will be my contribution to Log’sBlog’s (so many apostrophes) tradition of live blogging. My sport of choice? Fantasy football. ESPN held their Fantasy Draft Special last night, in which, they rounded up the best football minds their network had to offer, Steve Young, Chris Mortensen, Jerry O’Connell? Yes, Jerry O’Connell or, as you might remember him, Charlie Carbone from his most famous role in Kangaroo Jack. Jerry actually has a new movie coming out that I’m pretty excited about, Cat Tales, IMDB gives a riveting plot summary, “Rover is a cat who has grown up in Dogtown by accident, and voyages to Catopolis to find his roots.” Jerry O’Connell’s presence is only like the 15^th most ridiculous thing about this program. Let’s get right down to it.

The Cast

Host- Trey Wingo

Analysis- I love the pick, he’s one of the only tolerable hosts ESPN has left.

Analyst- Merril Hoge

Analysis- Someone please pick Vince Young, PLEASE

Analyst- Matthew Berry

Analysis- A respected fantasy ‘expert,’ but he’s really, really annoying.

Draft Order-

1) Chris Mortensen
2) Jerry O’Connell
3) Steve Young
4) Mark Schlereth
5) Sean Salisbury
6) Nick Bakay
7) Cato June
8) Michael Smith

Round One

Mort- LaDainian Tomlinson

O’Con- Steven Jackson

Young- Larry Johnson

Mark- Frank Gore

Sean- Laurence Maroney

Bakay- Joseph Addai

June- Peyton Manning

Smith- Carson Palmer

Round 1 Analysis

Best Pick- LT; fantasy football isn’t fair.

Worst Pick- Carson Palmer; Michael Smith is a dumbass. Berry did not appreciate it, “This is a terrible pick”

Funniest Moment- Nothing too exciting to start, UNTIL, Berry starts talking about how you should wait on Peyton Manning, because points … running back … blah blah, but he ends with a HILARIOUS joke. “By the way, uhhh, the Irsay’s called me and, ummm, asked me if I thought Peyton Manning would still be there at one, and I told them I thought he would be, so yea, I suggested that, yea.” -Akward Silence- That was hilarious enough, but Wingo’s reaction took it out of the park, “By the way, somebody called me and said let’s end those jokes right now, for the rest of the show,” hahaha, BURN … Wingo’s presence is already paying off.

Best Advertising- “Peyton Manning joins us now courtesy of Direct TV’s NFL Sunday Ticket Super Fan Package.” I’m not sure that seemless advertisement is gonna be beaten, they leave you wanting more. I’m a Super Fan if I buy this? Does it come with face paint? How much is it? These are all questions you ask yourself that can be easily answered by calling 1-800-DIRECTV.

Round Two

Smith- Marvin Harrison

June- Thomas Jones

Bakay- Travis Henry

Sean- Rudi Johnson

Mark- Shaun Alexander

Young- Willie Parker

O’Con- Reggie Bush

Mort- Willis McGahee

Round 2 Analysis

Best Pick- Shaun Alexander; great value Mark.

Worst Pick- Thomas Jones; Smith is no longer eligible for this category, he clearly has no idea what he’s doing. For some reason Wingo loved this pick, “Well, Thomas Jones a very solid pick by Cato, he obviously did his homework.” The only way he actually did his homework is if Thomas Jones did it for him. His average draft position is 28^th, but he just went 10^th, ESPN is awesome.

Funniest Moment- Thirty-nine minutes into the broadcast, they accidentally cut to Jerry O’Connell and he’s dancing. The producer tells him, he stops, and makes the cutest looking guilty face. I really wish I knew how to move videos from my DVR to computer.

Best Advertising- Not much advertising this round, but I think I saw O’Connell pawing at the camera during that dance, thus promoting Cat Tales … he gets the nod here.

Round Three

Mort- Mark Bulger

O’Con- Antonio Gates

Young- Brian Westbrook

Mark- Tory Holt

Sean- Cedric Benson

Bakay- Chad Johnson

June- Steve Smith

Smith- Roy Williams

Round 3 Analysis

Best Pick- I’m done with this portion of the analysis, this draft is soo fucked up, I don’t know what to think. Just assume Bakay’s pick is the best from now on, he’s won this league two years in a row.

Worst Pick- Cedric Benson, just awful, 21^st pick in an awful, awful draft. I’m done with this portion as well.

Funniest Moment- Nick Bakay and Steve Young get into a bit of an argument after Bakay takes a shot at Cato June for willingly choosing to play for the Bucaneers. Young defends June because of the Bucaneers change in uniforms (I don’t understand either) but here’s where it gets funny. Bakay responds with, “Ok so you’re a big fan of pewter, what does it all add up to here?” Young’s brilliant retort, “It’s on the way to Pluto.” What the fuck is happening??? It doesn’t end there, Young starts talking about how he sang with Bon Jovi and gave a stirring rendition of “Shot to the Heart” … I’m not making this shit up.

Best Advertising- O’Connell advertises San Diego Charger season tickets, he gives a shout-out to his homies in section F-32, he’ll see you next Sunday.

Round Four

Smith- Marion Barber III

June- Edgerrin James

Bakay- Drew Brees

Sean- Jon Kitna

Mark- Tom Brady

Young- Donovan McNabb

O’Con- Maurice Jones-Drew

Mort- Javon Walker

Round 4 Analysis

They’re really starting to pick up the pace here, we’ll stick to the picks and funniest moments. Even ESPN doesn’t have enough time to cross promote during five minute rounds.

Funniest Moment- Sean Salisbury inexplicably used the phrase Seacrest Out. He butchered the hell out of it, which is difficult since it’s only two words, but he was bitching out Micheal Smith by saying, “OUT … Seacrest,” a shocking development. I hope everyone watches this show at some point.

Round Five

Mort- Deuce McAllister

O’Con- T.J. Houshmandzadeh

Young- Reggie Wayne

Mark- Larry Fitzgerald

Sean- Terrell Owens

Bakay- Andre Johnson

June- Marques Colston

Smith- Adrian Peterson

Round 5 Analysis

Funniest Moment- Sean Salisbury offering to trade Terrell Owens for Jerry O’Connell’s wife Rebecca Romijn-O’Connell? Afterwards, Wingo called Sean out for practicing that line all day. Who the hell knew those two were married?

Best Nickname- Merril Hoge just gave Adrian Peterson the nickname “The Cashier” because he’s gonna make everyone pay … nice one.

Round Six

Smith- Vernon Davis

June- Jeremy Shockey

Bakay- Donald Driver

Sean- Calvin Johnson

Mark- Clinton Portis

Young- Lee Evans

O’Con- Anquan Boldin

Mort- Randy Moss

Round 6 Analysis

Hoge continues to mention “the Cashier” I’m absolutely loving it.

Funniest Moment- Jerry O’Connell reveals who the hell Nick Bakay is … he was the voice of the cat on Sabrina the Teenage Witch. Wow, another shocking discovery. By the way, Bakay came back with a joke about Kangaroo Jack.

Best Advertising- “Remember you can play fantasy football for FREE on ESPN.com” I could have used that every round, I guess.

Round Seven

Mort- Kellen Winslow II

O’Con- Chicago Bears Defense

Young- Plaxico Burress

Mark- Tony Gonzalez

Sean- Santana Moss

Bakay- Todd Heap

June- Baltimore Ravens

Smith- Jason Witten

Round 7 Analysis

Funniest Moment- Just the unbelievable picks that are being made here, Jason Witten was just taken over Chris Cooley, Todd Heap, and Alge Crumpler. Witten had one touchdown last year. Ronnie Brown is also still available, and we’re going into the 8^th round; they play three running backs, this whole thing is a joke.

Round Eight

Smith- Deion Branch

June- Julius Jones

Bakay- Ronnie Brown

Sean- Chris Cooley

Mark- Hines Ward

Young- Marshawn Lynch

O’Con- Reggie Brown

Mort- Fred Taylor

IT’S OVER!!! Thank god. How helpful was that? We got a great example of when not to draft the best players in fantasy football. The draft was so shallow that they didn’t even get to sleepers. That was a tremendous waste of my time. I apologize to anyone who is still reading this. This is what we learned, like, the only things we learned:

1) Bakay was the voice of the cat on Sabrina the Teenage Witch

2) Matthew Berry is not funny

3) Jerry O’Connell is married to the model formerly known as Rebecca Romijn-Stamos

4) Michael Smith is a complete dumbass

Get me out of herrrrreeeee

$100 Million Dollars (Dr. Evil Voice)

Phil Knight, co-founder of Nike, has donated $100 Million Dollars to the University of Oregon which will most likely be used to fund a new sporting arena. He supposedly held his pinky up to the side of his mouth, and laughed like Dr. Evil as he made his announcment to 100 Oregon donors at Nike's "campus" in Beaverton. Knight graduated from Oregon.

Pat Kilkenny, the school's AD said this:

"Not to be sacrilegious, but it was almost spiritual"

Pat, you failed. Jesus doesn't like you anymore, and neither does UO biology professor Nathan Tublitz, who said this:

"The priorities of the university are totally out of whack when so much money can go to an ancillary activity of the university when the rest of the university goes begging."

Phil Knight has to find that comment funny. Come on, not- a- one Biology major in Oregon wears Nikes. "They aren't "down with the Nike sickness." (I have no idea what that means, or who's quote it was.)

Personally, I think everyone might be a little out of line. Phil's company hasn't always been a becon of business ethics/moraility. Little people sewing soccer balls in Indonesia, Pakistan, and South Korea all shook their head in unison at Knight's donation and comments from the University. But they even admitted that "they do make some pretty sweet shoes."

Alright, enough of this blabber, I gotta go running, and I can't find my Shox.

The Oregonian

You Don’t Come into the OB Talkin’ Smack

It’s a sad day for University of Miami fans all over the country, as the program announced today that it will relocate its home turf to Dolphin Stadium starting in 2008. The decision was made due to the decaying Orange Bowl (The OB, of course) and the fact that they can bring in more revenue if they move.

The biggest problem here lies with The U’s announcing crew. What the hell is Lamar Thomas going to say next time (and there will be a next time) that the Hurricanes get into another brawl? “You don’t come into Dolphin Stadium baby, I know we’ve had a down year, but you don’t come into Dolphin Staidum talkin’ that smack.” It just doesn’t have the same ring to it as his original quotes during the infamous FIU Brawl:

Tearing down monuments, classical Greek structures, national parks, and even the rain forest is one thing, but once The U abandons the OB, you’re taking it a little too far with this sports fan.

After a Miami-(Insert school here) Brawl in 2008, we’ll soon discover that you can take The U out of the OB, but you can’t take the OB out of The U.

[ESPN.com]