Biglots Talks a Big Game

Travis Diener is a pretty good shooter. I can't find a link or video anywhere but I'm told that a reporter once asked then Magic guard Diener about the rumor that he drained 86 of 100 threes in a pre-draft workout. Diener replied, "Eighty-nine."

You might be wondering what this has to do with the contributor "Biglots" who wrote an article for this site one time. Well, he was involved in a conversation with my friend Alex and me about this Diener feat, when he declared that, "Its not that impressive. I could probably do that."

Now before we start ripping on Biglots, let's give him some credit. He's an athletic kid. He was All-State in High School.....in soccer! He didn't play basketball in high school and I'm pretty sure he doesn't know where the gym is located at school. Its been four years since he's performed in any serious athletic competition. Since then he's pretty much been on a round trip path from his bed to his computer to Wendy's and back to his bed.

And these are NBA range three's we're talking here. So we discussed the possibilities. Alex said he guaranteed Biglots couldn't hit 30 out of 100--from the college stripe. Biglots said he definitely could beat that.

If you know Biglots, what do you think? If not how many could you hit? Keep in mind after 100 shots in a row and your arms are probably going to get a little bit tired.

Biglots and Alex are going to the gym to wage the bet tonight. Biglots will either have his moment of triumph in front of the millions of people who read this site or be publicly humiliated--I'll keep you posted.

Writing To You From Hell.

I feel like the only reason I come here to write is to talk about death. I don't want to be a mortician, nor do I get off thinking about death and emo kids, but I just have a sick sense of humor. I find serious issues to be funny. Maybe I just like making jokes out of subjects people take seriously. I say this to myself daily... Seriousness sucks, serious people suck, lighten up. That's why it doesn't hurt to offend people. It doesn't hurt like getting fucked in the ass by Jake Gayllenhaal.

Ever since seeing Batman Begins I have been waiting impatiently for The Dark Knight. Katie Holmes bailed which means there's a new actress playing a sequel and I hate that. Now Heath Ledger had to be all selfish and kill himself. If there are 10 things I hate about You him popping pills then 9 of them are awaiting news on what they are going to do about the Dark Knight. The tenth is the fact that he was a pretty good actor and I was really excited for his role of Joker. The film is in post-production according to IMDB (which has actually replaced the Bible as the holiest text in religion land) so I would imagine they will go ahead and release the film. If they decide to postpone the film for a little while I think they will have a tougher time "filling his hole" in the cast. Ledger's career was looking Brother’s Grimm until this point, but I really think his role here would have brought him out of the closet.

In remembrance of Heath, the detectives were instructed to be very anal while investigating the scene. In future appearances Heath was scheduled to appear on WWE Raw (does that still exist?). He was only going to be in one fight but it was ironically a tag team match and his name was dubbed "The Pharmacy." I am being instructed that I have to leave now to go to Hell. Good day.

Mr. Bacon Back made a big whoopsy daisy

So, I’ve read a lot about this controversy regarding Rick Majerus (not the him getting naked one) and his appearance at a rally for Hillary Clinton. During the rally, Majerus mentioned that he was pro-choice and pro-stem cell research. Unfortunately for Rick, he forgot that he was the head basketball coach at St. Louis University, which is a Catholic institution. He also forgot that Raymond Burke, the Archbishop of St. Louis, damns people who hold these beliefs to Hell. A big slip up if I do say so myself, but I do feel sorry for Majerus. Let’s be honest, he has to have a big mouth. How could he eat whole, uncooked pigs without one?Come on now, the man needs to eat!

I understand why Archbishop Burke is upset. The Church vehemently opposes abortion and the destruction of embryonic stem cells. However, vast moral, ethical, and philosophical issues surround the two issues, and as a representative of the Catholic Church it’s important that any comments/statements made about the issues are dexterously handled. Yes, the Church should defend their pro-life and stem-cell research positions vehemently, but might want to reconsider releasing statements like this one from Burke about the Majerus situation:

It’s not possible to be a Catholic and hold those positions.

I just don’t understand how Burke thinks he’s adding anything meaningful to the situation or anything valuable to the “Catholic cause” by saying something like that. I guess his statement shouldn’t be too much of a surprise though as his diocese refuses to give communion to Democratic politicians. Talk about a power-trip, this guy is like the Communion Nazi. “No Jesus for you today.”

Burke should be able to take some comfort in the video below. Though Majerus might be a threat to the nation's meat and dairy supply, this is definitive proof that he is not gay. (even though his comments at the end comparing Rudy Gay to an Italian sports car might suggest otherwise). Oh, and watch Lavin’s face. Priceless.

Matt Arrowhead

Tiki Torched (Clever, huh?)

I’ll preface the rest of this post by saying I don’t really have too many problems with Tiki Barber. His name is ridiculous and sometimes I think he might like dudes, but I can say that about a lot of people. Yeah, he’s a little bit of a pompous-poop on NBC’s bullshit “Sunday Night is Football Night” pre-game circus, but really, the network and its viewers don’t seem to mind it, so no big deal.

Somehow (at least in my book), he’s been able to avoid “full d-bag status”, even though he’s been guilty of dipping his foot in the murky, douche filled waters a few times this year. Like anyone, he wants to see if it’s worth jumping in. So far, he’s decided against it.

Now, he’ll have to do everything in his power to avoid being pushed into the douchewater’s deep end after the New York Giants advanced to the Super Bowl. Lets’ rewind to January of last year, when Tiki was criticizing Tom Coughlin before he even retired. He thought Coughlin’s hard-nose style of coaching was outdated. He didn’t think Coughlin would be able to lead the Giants to a Super Bowl in this “new age” of professional sports where athletes do and say whatever the hell they want. So, he decided to announce his retirement during the middle of the season, saying his “love for the game” was gone. Here’s what he said about his former coach:

"The grind took its toll on me and really forced me to start thinking about what I wanted to do next. And that's not a bad thing. That's a good thing, for me at least. Maybe not for the Giants, because they lose one of their great players, but for me, it is.”

Then just months after he retires, he starts criticizing Eli Manning for not being able to manage and led a team of “men”. In August, Tiki said this on national TV about Eli’s supposed inability to communicate with the Giants offense during a Week 12 meeting:

"His personality hasn't been so that he can step up, make a strong statement and have people believe that it's coming from his heart. He didn't feel like his voice was going to be strong enough and it showed. Sometimes it was almost comical the way that he would say things."

In fact, Tiki seemed to me hoping the Giants would fall flat on their asses after he left. He would say that he wanted the best for his former organization and teammates on NBC, but I always got this feeling that he was full of shit. Well, it’s ’08 and Tom Coughlin just coached his team to a Super Bowl berth. Eli hasn’t turned the ball over in 3 road playoff games, and people are beginning to think he might have turned the page from sucky to competent. Brandon Jacobs, Barber’s replacement, has been very good down lately, and the Giants seem more focused then ever.

Perhaps Tiki was the problem last year, perhaps he wasn’t; who really knows? However, I do know that people are going to want Tiki to admit that he was wrong about his characterizations of Coughlin and Manning. When faced with these questions, he can either be a man and admit he was wrong, or act like a little baby and defend what he said a few months ago. My hope is that he chooses the former. The Douche Bag Pool has already reached maximum capacity, and there’s no life guard on duty to save more people from drowning in its unforgiving waters.

Matt Arrowhead

http://sports.espn.go.com/nfl/news/story?id=2984974

http://sports.espn.go.com/nfl/news/story?id=2763247

Giants Fans= :-) Packers Fans= :-(

Oh, and I just couldn’t resist finding some reactions from the Packers and Giants fans after the championship game. Really, when looking for entertaining reactions from fans, one can’t go wrong with these two teams.

Simple, sophisticated and classy.

Reaction to Packers’ loss or rubber bullet to the stomach????

10 yr old girl Doesn’t like New York because, well, I guess you're not supposed to???

Cry Baby (rather annoying)

Dejected to ecstatic just like that…

Giants Fan does post game "show". I think there are some tears under those shades, dag gamut!

And You Thought Your Mom was Not Very Nice

I tend to hate people who blame all life’s problems on their parents and personal vices like food and drugs. I might have to reconsider all of that after watching the video below.

This poor chubby butt goes through one minute of personal hell while her mother sits next to her howling with laughter. I just hope she got treated to an elephant ear after coping with the immense emotional trauma.

Bad, bad mommy.

Matt Arrowhead

Weekend News

When we're talking about money there are a number of examples of exceptionally large figures. Bill Gates is worth $56 billion. The United States' national debt is something like $9 trillion. US gross domestic product is $13 trillion. And then there is the jackass from Lousiana that sued the United States government for $3 quadrillion dollars, citing damages from Hurricane Katrina and governmental failures.

The first thing I had to do when I read that was go to dictionary.com and make sure that was a real number. But seriously, I understand Hurricane Katrina was a horrible event and the feds really shit the bed big time, but asking for an amount of money that excessively exceeds the combined output of the world's economic superpowers? I think Uncle Sam should just give the guy $20 and a swift kick in the nuts and call it even.

In other news, le Cheff showed me this story which made me laugh, meaning either its funny or I'm pretty sick. Some lady's pug ran away during the holidays and her attempts to find "Scooter" were in vain. After several days the family assumed the dog was gone for good, until they received a letter in the mail from an anonymous woman. The woman said she found the dog and instead of returning it to the address on the tag, she kept it and gave it to her daughter as a Christmas gift. She assured the family that although the pup had a new name, it was well fed and living a good life. To compensate them for their loss she enclosed a $20 bill. Oh yeah, she's an unemployed alcoholic too. I guess the letter is a nice thought so the family knows their little puppy isn't splattered on the pavement somewhere, but twenty dollars for a pug? She may as well have taken a picture of herself flipping the bird and put that in the envelope.

In the sports world, a new report shows that a representitive of Roger Clemens met with Brian McNamee in 2004 to...blah, blah, blah. When are people going to stop giving a shit about this douchebag. He cheated, he got caught, and now he's lying because he's a big pussy.


I think the heat is broke in my house because I can see my breath in the living room and my fingers are too cold to type any more. Peace.

Letter from Tulsa explains why woman stole dog on Christmas Eve

Katrina victim sues U.S. for $3 quadrillion

Sunday Prayer

Watching the early game today (and maybe the late one) might not be an option for me. I’ve been up all night and need some fucking sleep. I’ve been under the weather for over 2 weeks now. I get this odd feeling that people think I’m “sick” when they see me. Not the cool “sick”, but the literal one. You know, the “don’t go anywhere near that person because it looks like he has HIV” kind. So, before I go to bed, I just want everyone to do me one little favor: say a pray (or two) that either the Giants or Charges pull off an upset. I don’t need to watch a two week Favre/Brady d-sucking marathon where everyone in the mainstream media proves its actually possible to suck the two of them off without touching their dongs.

The two weeks in between the championship games and the Super Bowl are always soo excruciating. If the Packers and Patriots are playing, excruciating turns into catastrophic. Really, nothing is worse than hearing the CBS/ESPN/FOX/NFL Network dip shits talk about the dip shits who will be playing in the game. If I hear one more person call Favre a “gunslinger” or refer to the Patriot’s early season cheating as “Spy Gate”, I’m going to lose my mind. I don’t want to lose my mind, so I need you all to pray to whoever it is you pray to. See, usually I’d just turn off the TV, get a newspaper and/or surf the web, and move on. However, this strategy doesn’t work when the Super Bowl rolls around. Everyone becomes kind of dip shitty with their reporting; even those sources you didn’t think would.

I’m going to pray to Jesus today, but really, feel free to choose your own god. Just make sure you ask for a Giants and/or Charges win. I’m putting all of my hopes and dreams for a “Favre/Brady Free” two weeks on the shoulders of you people, Eli Manning, and Philip Rivers. I don’t like my chances.

Here’s why:

1. I’m pretty sure Eli has Down syndrome (at least a little bit of it).
2. Phillip Rivers is better at making an ass out of himself than throwing a football.
3. We all know nobody’s actually going to pray.

So, I’ll most likely have to deal with it, but just know, you let me down by not praying. I’ll be bed side in t-minus 5 minutes with rosary in hand saying; “Our father who art in heaven, hallowed be thy name, pray for us sinners now and at the hour of our death.” Ha, and people didn’t think I still knew the “Our Father”.

The last part was (at least mildly) sacrilegious. I apologize to any and all holy rollers who read this blog.

Matt Arrowhead

Nevada Primary

I promised a look at the Nevada Democratic Primary and it will be starting in about 3 hours, so I figured I’d better get on it. I don’t really feel like writing this and my head hurts, so don’t expect too much in-depth analysis, or for that matter, anything that resembles rational thought.

After splitting the first two races in Iowa and New Hampshire, Hillary Clinton and Barack Obama have focused the lion’s share of their efforts on the state of Nevada. For the first time ever, the Nevada caucus was moved to the front of primary season, which means the state will be influential in deciding who ultimately gets the Democratic nomination. On February 5^th, around 25-30 states will have their primaries. Consequently, candidates fight for early primary states such as Nevada so that they can build momentum and gain national support/recognition by the time February 5^th rolls around (called Super Tuesday). This will be the first and last representation the Western part of the US has in the primary season until Super Tuesday, so it’s the only indicator one has to go off of when looking at the political mood out here. Immigration, the sub-prime mortgage crisis, health care, union issues, and the war seem to be the most important issues to people in Nevada and California. So, I’m interested to see what Democratic candidate the people out here think will best handle these issues.

Obama has received endorsements from Nevada’s 60,000 member Culinary Workers Union whose members work up and down the Las Vegas Strip. In fact, every major casino in Las Vegas is setting up areas in their buildings so that employees (union members) can caucus while working. The Teachers Union in Nevada tried to stop the casinos from setting up these caucus areas, but a judge denied the appeal. Members of the Teachers Union were arguing that these sites were unfair as it gave unequal representation to those Culinary Workers Union members who would have access to a caucus site on the job. You see, members of the Teachers Union will have to drive to their caucus location today. One can’t just walk into work and caucus; making it less likely members of the Teachers Union will actually become involved in the process. (The Teachers Union strongly backs Hillary Clinton and many think the Clinton machine had something to do with the lawsuit.)

The Nevada caucus has taking on extra significance after Barack’s improbable win in Iowa, and Hillary’s seemingly improbable comeback victory in New Hampshire. Clinton, even a month ago, led in Nevada by over 20 points in most statistical polls, but now these same polls suggest that Obama has closed the gap. In fact, he is at least within the margin of error in almost all polls that have been conducted over the last few days. The Hispanics haven’t really leaned for one candidate over the other yet, but a large percentage of them are union members, so it would seem that Obama might have the upper hand. Moreover, Barack has taken most of the black vote away from Hilary. A couple months ago, Hillary had the support of 25-30% more African Americans than Obama. Now, Obama leads that same vote by 25-30%. After Obama’s win in Iowa (where 93% of the Democrats caucusing were white), African- Americans believe that Obama is a viable candidate who actually has a chance at winning the national election. But as we learned in New Hampshire, where all polls showed Obama leading by double digits the day before the primary, nothing is certain.

I just really don’t know what to think. After Obama’s performance in Iowa, I was almost certain he would carry NH, and ride that momentum through the primaries leading up to Super Tuesday. A victory over Clinton in NH would have all but sealed the deal in Nevada and the rest of the country. However, Clinton was able to take down New Hampshire, and it seems like she might have taken control of the race again. I forgot to mention anything about John Edwards, who will most likely gather anywhere between 10-20% of the vote in Nevada. He’s going to stick around until South Carolina, and if he loses there, I’m sure he’ll remove his name from contention before February 5^th. I’d be interested to know which way most Edwards’ supporters are planning on going when he drops out of the race. I have a feeling it’s towards Obama. Anyway, I like rooting for the underdog, and most polls suggest Obama is trailing in Nevada, so I’ll take him and say he captures 36% of the vote. (I won’t root for the Edwards, because he’s not an underdog, he’s a statistical improbability.)

Republican voters in South Carolina also head to the polls tomorrow to cast their votes. SC is another important state as it’s the first southern-state involved in the primary process. As the “gateway” to the rest of the south, candidates realize how important the state is. McCain is leading in most polls w/around 30-35% of the vote. Huckabee and Romney are not too far behind gathering anywhere between 20-25% of support each. I think McCain takes the state, and starts to separate himself from the rest of the pack with a victory. I don’t see Huckabee winning here, and Romney is too much of a Yank to gather the support of the folks down there. I’d write more about the Republicans, but I already wrote one about them, and I want to be done typing.

Sorry this sucks. I am still learning how to write again. I’ll get the hang of it eventually.

Matt Arrowhead

The Greatest Chinese Checkers Game

It is never right to joke around about someone dying unless it is Britney Spears, Sadam Hussein or Bobby Fischer. Thats right, age old chess champ Bobby Fischer has passed away due to kidney failure. Apparently ESPN believes that Fischer was a cold war hero because he beat some ruskie in a game of chess. I guess that's cool to be remembered for, but you and I both know where the name Bobby Fischer became famous. HEY! ARNOLD of course....

Remember that episode where old grandpa was teaching Arnold the finer point of chinese checkers? Of course you do. Grandpa couldn't beat that snively Bobby Fischer and just wanted to see Arnold beat Fischer's kid. So by golly he did. The tournament was sponsored by Big Bob's Beeper Emporium and Arnold took down Fisher in a grueling battle.

The moral of the story is of course that we are to remember this war hero. He killed many russians and we should pay our respects to any pawns sacrificed in battle. In the end, America wins again... even though he wasn't American.