Tiger Woods: Swamped

(Photo by Streeter Lecka/Getty Images)
Getty Images

Tiger Woods is winning the PGA battle, but losing a more important war; the one he's currently fighting with "Swamp Ass". I don't know if it was the pants, but he looked worse than Big John Daly. Now, Daly keeps cool by slamming warm Diet Cokes and smoking "heaters", so Tiger is doing something wrong. I was embarrassed for him. Look at that picture; he is smiling to hide the embarrassment that is "Swamp Ass". His version of the dreaded affliction has actually crept to the front side of the pants, and now it’s safe to say “Swamp Ass’s” more evil cousin, "Swamp Cock" is playing for keeps.

At the beginning of the PGA Championship, Tiger was asked about the intense heat and humidity at the PGA Championship in Oklahoma, and said:

"I just change gloves more often. That's about it. As far as your concentration waning, I don't see how that can ever be a problem."

Well Tiger, you might want to consider changing pants at the turn on Sunday. The temperatures at Southern Hills have been in the100's all week, with heat indexes over 110 degrees at some points. Sunday is expected to be even warmer. I know he's never lost a major with the 54 hole lead, going 12-12, so he doesn't have to worry about that.......but going 0-1 against the "Swamp Family" might not be worth that 13 slam.

Thank God I'm too poor to afford HD.

TwinCities.com: Tiger IS Sweating the heat. Literally

Just like the best ALL-Star Team Ever

Dear friend Mike Blair sent me over to his FLB page today to view his league office homepage. I completely agree with each of his selctions. I might have to name some reserves as this just seems to good to pass up. My favorite, of course, is Dante Bichette, who looks absolutely ridiculous.

Without further ado, I give you the:

"Best All-Star Team Ever"

You get it idiots?

Thanks, Mike.

Updates

Hey guys,

I made some changes. I saved the old html template, so we can change back anything we don't like. Tell me what we should do.

Would you rather have the white background or the yellowish one?
How about the sidetabs? What color do you want them?
Lastly, the background can be changed as well. White,black, any color.

We'll talk tomorrow.

Daris

John Daly Update

I'm thinking about devoting this site exclusively to John Daly. He's currently -1 through 11. In related news my friend's brother just rewound the Tivo to show me Tiger's butt sweat in HD. More later. Go Daly!

Maybe Next Year

Sergio can't be too excited about how his last two majors of the year finished. First, the playoff loss to Padraig Harrington in the British, now this:

Garcia, who made the cut on the number at 5-over par, signed for a 4 on the par-4 17th hole, when he in fact recorded a 5.

He was playing alongside Boo Weekley, who was keeping his scorecard and wrote the score down incorrectly. It is the player's responsibility to check the card for accuracy and Garcia didn't do that.

Weekley had to feel kind of bad for what happened:

"It's my fault for putting the wrong score in, but it's his fault for not checking," said Weekley, who shot 5-under 65. "I just said 'Sergio, I put a 4 but in fact you had a 5.' He said, 'That just puts the icing on the cake.'"

"He just took off," Weekley said. "I called him back down and tried to get him before he got all the way up the stairs."

Ouch. But come on, Sergio! Anyone who has ever played competitive golf (be it high school or just some tournament) knows that you gotta check the card before you sign it and turn it in.

There's nothing worse than a Sergio pout, and that's what Weekley had to witness. Not only does he have to overcome Tiger Freakin Woods, but now the Sergio Pout? Good night. To be honest with you, I feel worse for Boo than Surge after this tragedy.

ESPN.com

Bobby Cox: Roid Raging?

In this age of steroids, many milestones have been achieved; Palmeiro’s 3,000^th hit and Sosa’s 600^th home run, and records have been broken; Bond’s recent 756^th home run, but one record has yet to be tainted. Bobby Cox is currently tied with John McGraw for the all-time lead in ejections at 131. A feat like that takes longevity, strength, and extreme anger, each happens to be an effect of the use of anabolic steroids. So it’s time for us to stop, squat, and taint this seemingly legitimate record.

The links between Cox and steroids are unavoidable; let’s start with his body transformation. Cox entered the league at a slender, 180 lb third baseman. Clearly, those ‘slender’ days are gone. There are no firm numbers available, but from my eye, honed at numerous state/county fair booths, I’d say he’s pushing 275 right now. That’s even more extreme than Bonds’ transformation.

Cox’s connection to Bonds does not end at their weight gain; Yahoo’s Jeff Passan notes another similarity:

He and Bonds share that continued greatness, and much more, too. Eight years ago, when asked by the Contra Costa Times how he hit a fastball so well, Bonds answered: "Reaction."
Earlier this week, asked to explain what caused so many of his ejections, Cox said: "It's all reaction."

BOOM!!! GOTCHA BITCH

Now that we’ve established, beyond a shadow of a doubt, that Bobby’s been using we can establish the juice’s benefit to him. Along with longevity and brute strength, steroid use also causes an inhuman rage. The effects of roid rage have been well documented in recent weeks. Luckily for the Braves, Cox has avoided his inevitable double murder suicide, but he has had his own domestic violence issues. Universal man code notes a huge difference between slapping a ho and strangling a ho, sadly, Cox chose the later which is a clear sign of the presence of a banned substance. Throughout history, drugs have been made to increase anger and increase the likelihood of violence, verbal or otherwise. It all began with the Vikings and the mind altering drugs they’d take before battle; a modern day example would be alcohol, I almost got in a fight due to alcohol just this weekend. Alcohol, however, is legal but detectable on the breath; Cox had to turn to another drug with more subtle warning signs.

Basically, Bobby Cox has gotten a free ride for too long and it’s time that his record be put into perspective. It’s sad, but, in this era of steroids, every achievement must be scrutinized. One must ask not how many ejections Cox has received, but how many injections it took to get him there.

Yahoo!

NY Times

Big John Grips It and Rips It

I'm not really sure where my obsession with John Daly comes from. Maybe its because his shirt is adorned with the logos of both Hooters and 84 Lumber (in line with values of this site). Maybe its because he is the first professional golfer I've seen play his second shot from the fairway of another hole. Mostly I think its because it seems like he makes every decision by thinking for a second and then saying 'fuck it'.

Daly put together a decent round yesterday (73) which puts him at E for the tournament. With most golfers you would think that would leave them in decent position to make a run heading in to the weekend, but with Big John everyone is just waiting for his blowup. Not me. I'll be watching and rooting for Daly and hoping we can see him drink beer from the Wanamaker Trophy on Sunday.

Daly should be teeing off pretty soon, so I'm off to watch that. We'll keep you updated on his progress.

World Cup (of Boxing) Preview

Tonight at 10:00 PM on HBO, Daniel Ponce De Leon and Rey Bautista meet for the WBO junior featherwight title in the main event. Ponce De Leon attempts to defend Mexico's World Cup that they obtained last year when they kicked Thailand's ass. Golden Boy Promotions is involved, which suggests that Oscar is running out of unique ways to promote his fights. A World Cup should include, well, more than two countries. Nonetheless, I'm excited about the fight as the lighter weight classes tend to produce more action fights then other higher divisions. If this fight is anything like Marquez vs. Vasquez II from last week, we are all in for a treat.

Ponce De Leon comes into the fight with three succesful title defenses and a career record of (31-1 28 KOs). His oppotnent Bautsista, only 20 years old, boasts a record of (23-0 17 KOs). Bautista wants to prove he is one of the best up and coming "pound for pound" fighters in the world. His punching power in the lower divisions is only rivaled by Manny Pacquiao.

In fact, Pacquiao's 2003 fight with Marco Antonio Barrera started this Mexico vs. [Insert name of another country] World Cup battle. This year Mexico's foe happens to be the Phillipines. The fight between Ponce De Leon and Bautista is one of 7 fights on the card.

The undercards consist of:

Davao City’s Gabi (29-3-1, 21 KO’s) versus Mexico City’s Jose Angel Beranza (30-9-2, 25 KO’s)
Banal (13-0-1, 10 KO’s) of Ermita versus Eric Ortiz (26-6-1, 17 KO’s) of Mexico City
Domingo (27-16-3 11 KO’s) of Libac versus Mexican Miguel Roman (22-0 16 KO’s)
Batawang (50-6, 34 KO’s) of Cebu versus Mexico City boxer Gerardo Verde (15-4, 11 KO’s)
Gorres (26-2-1, 14 KOs) of Mandaue City versus Mexico City’s Gerson Guerrero (33-7 25 KO’s)
Gerry Penalosa (51-6-2, 34 KO’s) of Manila versus Jhonny Gonzalez (34-5, 29 KO’s) of Mexico City

The team that wins the most number of fights wins the $500,000 World Cup and will be awarded a specially-designed trophy made by IceLink. It will be aired on ABS-CBN on August 12, 2007.

I don't think Mexicans and Filipino's hate each other yet, but hey, this is a start. The winning country gets money and a trophy. Money always causes problems between counries, and when you throw in a trophy, war is soon to follow. I hope I did an adequate job of getting everyone pumped up for the fight night. If not check out this promotional video. I don't know what they are saying, but it seems pretty freakin intense.



HBO Sports
Boxing Scene

Weekend Editor

Some random blabber from a couple days back that I've finally posted.
Poor Man's Podcast

I saw this video a few weeks back and found it absolutely hysterical. This little girl is responding to her mom's question: What will you do if a monster comes here?



Sports:

Tiger was ridiculous at the PGA tour today in Southern Hills. He shot a 63, and has taken the lead. He's never lost a major with the 54 hole lead, so by tomorrow at this time, we might know he has it in the bag. I have no idea how his putt on 18 didn't stay in the hole. I've never seen anything like it. Unfortunately for the other players, it probably just pissed him off. A running diary will be kept if the weekend is at all interesting.

Baron Davis and Terri Hatcher are an item. Sooo weird for reasons that don't even need to be mentioned. [With Leather]

Friday Funny: Will Baby take Backseat to Blue Label? Problems in Lohan Land

Are the Vodka Filling Water Bottle Days Over for Lindsay?

Log has disappeared, and he was our in house celebrity gossip columnist, so we've hired outside help.

Kiss Louisville, a local pop radio station, reported that Lindsay Lohan might be pregant. Lindsay had a similiar scare a year and a half ago. This report suggests that Miss Lohan is not only a line blowing cokehead but a whore as well….Yeahyaaaaa.. I once had a dream of moving out to California and knocking up a famous celebrity such as Lushahan. I guess I made my move just a little too late. A young man from Indiana will never get to fulfill his lifelong dream. I believe I also missed my window op opportunity with Britney Spears as she seems to be regaining some sanity one open- doored poop at a time. Must have been the fried chicken she was stuffing her face with during the OK interview late last month. She probably only devoured the skins, a la Cartman.

Who knows maybe this bastard child is what Lindsay needs to get a grip on reality. I seriously doubt it though. She is gonna take one look at Fas Lohan (Fetal Alcohol Syndrome Acronym) and peace him/her to the curb. She has been to so many clubs that I bet the baby is gonna flop out dancing to house music (techno to the layman) with a glow stick in hand during delivery. Poor thing never stood a chance. Wow, another celebrity mom pushing her child to the backseat; exactly what Hollywood needs…Life just ain’t fair.

Buzzsaw, has Daly made any visits to LA lately? Your think piece is really starting to make a little more sense. If not Daly, its gotta be Phil Jackson. He's dating Jeanie Buss, and I think she just graduated from high school this past June.

Article contributed by Sockless Dilemma (friend of the blog)
I could not find the information on KissLouisville's website, and thats where they told users to go to read the rest of story. We'll figure it out.