Berman Doesn't Believe in Miracles

Oh, Another Berman video. He doesn't like Al Michaels. He actually calls him a very, very dirty word at the end of the clip. Bad Chris.



Here's the rest of them from the white whale at You Tube. Supposedly, he doesn't have anymore. What will we all do with ourselves?

MA

Frat Bro Love: Roy Jones Jr. Endorses Mike Huckabee. People far and wide left saying, “Whaaa???”

Roy Jones announced his endorsement of Republican Presidential nominee Mike Huckabee last week. The Huckabee camp actually put an announcement up on his internet “media page”. Huckabee said he was “proud to have the support of such a dedicated athlete and champion.”

I’m sure he has no idea who Roy Jones, Jr. is. Seriously, what in the hell is going on? Is it possible that two men have any less in common? Jones Jr. and Huckabee are both members of Tau Kappa Epislon and that seems to be the reason Jones came forward with the endorsement, but it’s absurd nonetheless.

Jones said:

"Governor Huckabee is a man who knows about struggle and how to work hard for what he wants. As a fellow TKE, I know he's a man of honor and integrity."

This is the same Roy Jones Jr. who’s held cockfights on his property, formed a rap group called the ‘Body Head Bangers” in 2004, and admitted letting the pit bulls he breeds fight for “10 minutes, 15 minutes, maybe like the longest I let them go was a half-hour, but I never let them fight to the death 'cause I can't take that.”

At present, the two most famous people endorsing Huckabee are Chuck Norris and Roy Jones, Jr. Think about that for a minute. Then, think about them fighting each other because that’s even funnier.

Oh, and Huckabee used to be an absolute HOUSE. I don’t think anyone knew that.

Haha, goodnight.

MA

Berman's Softer Side

With all of the ridiculous videos of Berman popping up all over the internet -you know the ones of him dropping f-bombs, creepin' on the ESPN help, and getting angry with screwy telepromters- I figured it was only fair to show Chris' more sensitive side.

In this video, he's just trying to get a couple kids into a bar. Really, he's not that bad. At least, until people start ducking in front of cameras or he's feeling a little horny.



Whoopp.

MA

Talkin About Fights not involving Kimbo Slice

Carlos Quintana (25-1, 19KOs) defeated Paul “The Punisher” Williams (33-1, 24KO’s) in a welterweight match-up a little south of here in Temecula, CA. Quintana was a big underdog going into the fight,-coming in as an 8-1 shot- but his movement and left hand helped him score a unanimous decision to capture the WBO title. Two judges scored the fight 116-112, while one had it at 115-113.

Williams was the most avoided man in the 147lbs Welterweight division coming into this fight after his decision victory Antonio Margarito in July. Before that fight, Margarito was the most feared fighter in the division, but Williams’s height (6’2”) and 82” reach were too much for him to handle.

Williams was supposed to dispose of Quintana easily and then set his eyes on the winner of the Cotto vs. Margarito/Cintron fight that’s scheduled for June/July of this year. Now, its back to the drawing bored for Williams. Quintana, who was destroyed by Cotto in 5 rounds at the end of 2006,is now right back at the top of the Welterweight division with this massive upset. Ultimately, he’d like a rematch with Cotto, but he’ll have to see if the “bigger” names will give him a shot.

I didn’t watch the fight yet (sleeping pattern is fucked up), but I’d be interested to see how Quintana pulled off the upset. Williams’s victory over Margarito 7 months ago was so impressive because he was able to keep Margarito at a distance the entire fight. He used his enormous reach advantage to effectively control the fight. Quintana wasn’t any bigger than Margarito, yet he was able to get inside on Williams and reach him with some big shots. Really surprising result, but that’s boxing for you. Williams was already having trouble making money as no one wanted to fight him out of fear. Now, he’ll have trouble making money because no one has to fight him now that the “0” has vanished from his record.

Next Saturday night, Jermain Taylor and Kelly “The Ghost” Pavlik pick up where they left off this fall in their much anticipated rematch. The first fight between the two was unbelievable, with Taylor scoring a knockdown and near knockout in the 2^nd round, only to see Pavlik rally back and KO Jermain in the 7^th. Pavlik took the middleweight championship for Taylor that night, and now Taylor’s looking for revenge. There are no title implications for this fight and it happens at a catch weight of 170lbs (I believe), but that doesn’t mean the fight won’t be as good as the first one .Taylor was undefeated coming into the last fight and lost his belt. Now, Pavlik’s the undefeated titleholder and the favorite to win the rematch, so Jermain will be looking for some revenge. He’ll only get it if he keeps that fucking left hand of his up. He has trouble doing that, and with the brutal straight right of Pavlik’s, he might be in trouble again.

Highlights of last fight between the two (Pro Pavlik Video):

MA

Mom's Takin Lil' Eli to Disney World

Usually when players are asked the question, "You just won the Super Bowl, what are you going to do next?"

They respond with "I'm gong to Disney World!!!"

I've always suspected they didn't mean it, where paid to say it, or just felt pressured into conforming to society's demanding expectations.

For the first time, I'm convinced an athlete was generally excited about going to Disney World. In fact, this You Tube Clip was cut short.


The extended version of Eli's quote was this:

"I'm going to Disney World! Thanks for finally taking me mom. I wanna go to Animal Kingdom, Epcot, and Magic Kingdom in that order! Than, I gunna watch the fireworks over Cinderella's pretty castle thing. Oh mom, thanks for letting me go finally. Just me and you though. No Dad, Pey, or Coop"

During an interview the day after the Super Bowl, a reporter asked Eli what he'd do if his mom didn't actually take him to Disney World. Eli didn't respond with words. Instead, he pointed down to the shirt he had on at the time. (see below)


I don't know why I enjoy poking fun at good old Eli, but I can't help myself. Really, I'm glad he was able to win and give everyone who doubted him a big middle finger, but for whatever reason, I see him as a big eight year old.

MA

Roy Williams Don't Know Nothing About Nothing

I’ll be brief with this story about UNC basketball coach Roy Williams, but let it be known that I think his lack of pop culture knowledge is arrogant, miserable, and extremely obnoxious.

Exhibit A: He doesn’t know who Dr. Phil is.

A reporter began a question about the rivalry by saying "I don't mean to be Dr. Phil-esque with this, but ..."

When the question ended Williams looked around the room and said, "Who's Dr.Phil?"

Exhibit B: He doesn’t know who ‘Kramer” is.

"When I was at Kansas, they had a contest among the students I was supposed to help judge about who looked the most like this one guy. I turned to (guard) Jacque Vaughn and asked him for some help. He said 'You never heard of Kramer?' and told me who to vote for.

Exhibit C: He knows nothing of the Lord of the Rings Trilogy (which I guess I actually applaud).

We were in a group talking one day and somebody mentioned the latest 'Lord of the Rings' movie. Coach was amazed they made a movie about that and we had to tell him it was the third film in the trilogy."

Please, please, and please. Roy, there’s no shame in admitting you know about this stuff.

I remember watching a Coca-Cola commercial Williams was in awhile back and thinking two things:

1. He should have said, “I’m Roy Williams, and I approve this message.” at the end of the commercial.
2. This guy is the biggest hilljack I know.

I think my observations were spot on. I’ll let you decide.

Roy needs to focus less on slamming Cokes and more on getting his pop culture game together. Pussy.

MA

How are we supposed to swim without any water?

And you say global warming isn’t real. Try telling that to local Atlanta swim teams who were almost forced out of the water this summer after Georgia governor Sonny Perdue (ridiculous, probably made up name) placed a ban on outdoor watering. Translation: No outdoor swimming pools for neighborhood swim pool associations, swim teams, and yes, even private pool owners.

A drought in Atlanta has forced leaders of the state to come up with, well, unique ways to conserve water. The governor has since backed off the “no watering stance” a bit, but there are still a few interesting strategies for dealing with the drought. Read this absurdity.

“Pool-filling will be allowed and home and business owners will be able to hand-water landscaping and flower gardens for 25 minutes a day, between midnight and 10 a.m., on a three-day-a-week schedule. Watering with sprinklers would still be banned, except for watering newly installed landscapes. “

So they can water three times a week, but can’t use sprinklers? Very Interesting. But wait, it doesn’t stop there. The government has also implemented a schedule based on the old “odds and evens” strategy.

“The three-day schedule for watering is the permanent one: Odd-numbered addresses can water on Tuesdays, Thursdays and Sundays and even-numbered addresses can water on Mondays, Wednesdays and Saturdays, only during the allowed hours. The governor said he hasn't decided whether to let fountains run this summer, including the popular tourist destination in Centennial Olympic Park.”

So, as we wait on the “fountains decision” from the governor, local swimmers at least know they’ll be able to take a dip or compete a few times a week. Frank Marsden, of Atlanta Swimming, wrote a passionate letter to local swimmers in the area hoping to prevent the governor’s proposed ban. He decided to make an entirely emotional and over the top argument. Usually, this type of argument isn't effective if dealing with sane and rational human beings. However, the fact that everyone involved is talking about pools, which I must remind everyone are just holes that hold water, suggests that no one involved in the “controversy” possess any sanity or ability to reason. Here’s his argument as to why the pools should remain open.

“Having our pools closed during the summer would be catastrophic. First, it would create a massive health risk. Stagnant pools would be a rampant breeding ground for mosquitoes that carry West Nile virus as well as other dangerous bacteria. Second, it eliminates the centerpiece of thousands of local neighborhood summers, the local pool. It is the place for kids to safely play, exercise, socialize and generally stay out of trouble. In metro Atlanta alone, over 40,000 kids participate in summer league swimming. Could you imagine cancelling Little League baseball? Third, the economic loss resulting from all local pools being closed has been estimated at $300 million.”

"Uhhhhhh, ya......... ok......I guess?"(My response 30 seconds after reading that as I stared blankly at my computer screen and scratched my head)

You’d think he was talking about a possible terrorist attack. Shit, maybe –at least subconsciously- he is. Let’s raise the terror alert level to red, or orange, or green, or whatever color it is the Department of Homeland Security uses to unnecessarily scare the shit out of people.

MA

Leo Dicaprio: Just Tryin' to Ball

“Yo, I just wanna ball. Why these haters trying to interrupt my game?”

I imagine that’s what Leonardo DiCaprio has been mumbling this past week. His next door neighbors are alleging the full-size basketball court Leo had built in the backyard of his Hollywood Hills home has undermined their swimming pool and surrounding land on the property. Why he built a full-size basketball on a hill is still mystifying to me. It seems like the game would become unnecessarily difficult with that setup, but to each his own, I guess.

Anyway, Leo’s a big time Lakers fan and played a young druggie in ‘Basketball Diaries’, so it comes as no surprise that he wants to play a little ball in his free time. Me thinks the neighbors are just angry about the court because of the noise it creates. Have you ever tried to sleep while a next door neighbor’s playing basketball at 3 or 4 in the morning? I have, and it doesn’t work. They probably just felt like filing a noise complaint and being those “old, grouchy neighbors” would come off as a little snooty, so instead they’ve filed a lawsuit and are suing him for at least $250,000. Chump change to wealthy elitists like you and I, but no laughing matter for Leo.

DiCaprio doesn’t believe the lawsuit holds any merit, but said even if it does, the contractors are to blame. Leo, like every good American, is going to place the blame on someone else. Now that I’m thinking about it, I really don’t care one bit about this stupid story. It's just another example of whitey trying to bring a baller down.

I’m done typing. My bed beckons.

MA

Sky Network Demands More 'Talent'

Sky Reporter GeorgiaThompson..I think they might have something here.

Competition amongst sports networks is intense. In order to keep viewers tuning in, networks work hard to gain a competitive advantage in anyway they can. Interesting match-ups, quality commentary (if that’s what you call it), and uhhh, extremely hot women are necessary to remain relevant.

see how much more interesting things become when hot women are involved?

Stateside, we have Erin Andrews and a slew of other women I’d enjoy fornicating with for our viewing pleasure, and it seems like those feisty Brits have realized they need a little more “high quality ass” roaming their sidelines as well.

Sky Network, the leading subscription based sports network in the United Kingdom, has told their female presenters to get all "sexed up" to fend off the sideline talent their rivals are putting on the air. Read this little tidbit from the article I stumbled across.

“Sky broadcasters including Georgia Thompson, Vicky Gomersall and Millie Clode have to raise their game to compete with a sexy new squad of hosts on Setanta Sports News. They now have good-looking girls of their own and we want our female hosts to stay ahead of the competition. Viewers may even have noticed recently that a few of our girls have a new hairdo or are extra lippy.

Wow, so these girls not only look good, they talk dirty as well. It’s a very good combination.Oh, and one Sky “insider” had this to say:

“All our girls are perfect - but we can all have our off days.”

Really, a more perfect line has never been uttered. Subtle and to the point.

The networks might want to be extra careful though. Only bad things happen when women are competing for a man’s attention. Usually, those bad things involve cat-like fighting, tears, and runny mascara, which we can all agree are really annoying and unattractive. Well, at least the tears and runny mascara are. The cat-like fighting can be cool given the correct set of circumstances. And by correct set of circumstances, I mean hot, naked, and big busted.

Zing!

MA

Baseball's Jim Sorensen is a Drunk Again

Holy shit, I thought I knew how to drink, but this guy puts me to shame. Jim Sorensen, former MLB player and Detroit Tiger play by play guy, was arrested on his 7^th drunken-driving related incident last night. Detroit cops found him passed out in his car on the side of a Detroit highway. He was taken to the hospital where it was discovered that his BAC was 6 times the legal limit.

Jim was sentenced to 20 months in prison for drinking during 2005, and released in June 2006 after serving 14 months. Most people might consider hitching a ride to the party after 6 DUI’s and a 14 month stay in prison, but not Jim. I was going to ask what type of friends would let Jim drive with that drinking resume, but then realized a drunk of his caliber probably doesn’t have too many.

Michigan’s legal limit is .08, so that means he was at a .46 at the time he got tested. Who knows how long he had been passed out on the side of the road or how insane his BAC was at it’s highest point? I remember the alcohol classes I had to take after getting a couple drinking ticket in college, and they always showed us this ridiculous chart of BAC levels and the symptoms that accompanied them. (see below)

The lady leading the alcohol class always said two things.

1. If you’ve been arrested once you’ll be back again. (She was right.)
2. Any BAC above a .30 is extremely dangerous, and any BAC above a .40 usually results in comatose or death.

Seasoned drinkers will usually laugh at the 2^nd statement. Anyone who knows how to party has hit that .30 mark once in their life, and the true drinking “stars” have come close to that .40. Yet, when one gets into the .40’s, it’s just scary -and more often than not -deadly. Good ole’ Jim was getting pretty close to a .50, and still had the wherewithal to get off the road.

Reckless, drunken idiot or "leading light" for alcoholics everywhere? I’ll let the public decide.

Really though, 7 DUI’s? Come on now, Jim.

MA