Chris Cooley is probably one of the most, no, the most beloved player in the NFL. Hog's Haven does the best job introducing the few that don't know to his previous hijinks; I'll try and summarize.
The legend of Captain Chaos began with the formulation of his nickname. It all began in 2005 when a teammate bet Cooley $100 that he wouldn't introduce himself to the St. Louis captains as "Captain Chaos." He clearly took the bet, here's how it went:
"There were five captains," Cooley said. "I looked every one in the face and said: 'I'm Captain Chaos. Nice to meet you.' "Haha, love him already? Who wouldn't? But there's more. Last year, for his fiance's 21st birthday, Cooley and his future father-in-law took 21 shots of Jim Beam in her honor. "Oh we were hurtin'," Cooley said. That wasn't the last time Cooley partied with his future in-laws. Earlier this spring:
Chris, Christy, Scott, her uncle Craig and aunt Shannon ended up at Vixens Gentlemen's Club in West Virginia for what turned out to be a family outing.
"Everyone knew who Chris was," Christy said. "The owner came out, they gave us VIP treatment and all of a sudden I look up and the strippers are dancing to 'Hail to the Redskins.' It was crazy."
That sounds like the coolest family of all time. By the way, his fiance is a former Redskins' Cheerleader. I also need to mention that Cooley is a phenomenal dresser, as you can tell, but on to the new stuff.
Now, there's a new story to add to the list. Cooley just signed a 6 year, 30 million dollar contract, and answers the question of what you do with that kind of money ... you put it in the bank. He deposited a 9 million dollar bonus check into a normal bank, using the drive thru lane. The Washington Post reports, "Cooley said the transaction did not surprise the teller. "She just took a little bit longer to come back out," he said." I think the government might burn that bank down ... I believe the FDIC only insures $250,000 of that. I think it'd be safer to use some type of safe for that cash, probably something like Scrooge McDuck's.