1) Sam Bradford: 40/48, 568 yards, 8 TDs
2) Colt Brennan: 77/101, 964 yards, 11 TD (including 1 rushing), 1 INT
Colt, I really wish you’d stop throwing interceptions, interceptions make my dick soft. For the most part, Brennan has kept my dick hard though, hard enough to stay on this list. Sure he was only playing Louisiana Tech, a team that has never seemed to recover after their loss in the Bourbon Bowl, but his teammates aren’t exactly superstars.
3) Tiquan Underwood: 16 rec, 352 yards, 2 TD, 0 INT
Woody, Log's Blog's poster boy, showed that his week one performance was not a fluke by putting in another 100 yard receiving performance. So people might ask, “wait, where’s Ray Rice?” I’d answer their question with a question, “where was Ray Rice with 2:17 left in the game when
4) Patrick Pickney: 45/66, 521 yards, 3 TDs, 0 INTs
Most of his stats came this week against
5) Tashard Choice: 37 rushes, 306 yards, 4 TDs
Ray Rice should take a page out of the Tashard Choice playbook, Choice only played in the first quarter against over matched Samford, but in that quarter he ran for 100 yards and a touchdown. This is the type of performance I like to see from a Heisman hopeful. Someone needs to get this man a billboard in
6) Graham Harrell: 92/123, 903 yards, 8 TDs, 1 INT
Brennan and Harrell are struggling to separate themselves as the best system quarterback in the country, so, for the time being, they will both stay in the rankings. I might just keep Harrell on here because I feel bad that he has to deal with his coach Mike Leach. Leach was abusing dogs before it was in vogue. When his dog peed on his tent as a child, Leach tied the dog up and pissed on it, so I can’t imagine what he does to Harrell when he throws an interception. God help him.
7) Jake “For Goodness Sake” Locker: 27/44, 335 yards, 1 TD, 1 INT … 26 rushes, 167 yards, 3 TDs
Locker might not have the passing numbers, but he’s got a Vince Young-type presence. He doesn’t lose. He’s another redshirt freshman that’s come in and taken over. He, too, has played actual competition, as
8) Dorien Bryant: 14 rec, 123 yards, 1 TD; 3 KO Returns, 191 yards, 1 TD
I tried to keep Bryant off this list, I thought if he didn’t get a return touchdown then he’d be gone. I just couldn’t do it though, he had over 100 yards receiving and a touchdown to go with a 40 yard kick return on his only chance. His QB, Curtis Painter, probably deserves a spot on this list, but I’m openly against Purdue quarterbacks. I had a bad experience with Kyle Orton, so I swore them off for good; the same thing happened when I got food poisoning at a Kuboto, I can no longer eat Japanese steak.
9) Dennis Dixon: 25/40, 426 yards, 5 TDs, 0 INTs
This spot will remain open for the QB facing
10) Brian Brohm: 41/60, 776 yards, 9 TD, 0 INTs
This nomination will stand so long as I don’t hear any rumors of Brohm paying his defense to let
Dropped out: James Davis, James Hardy