Tuesday, September 11, 2007

Fantasy Football Is Ruining My Life

Fantasy football is ruining my life. There's no denying it, it's affecting my personal relationships, my school work, my loyalties, the list goes on. I need an intervention, someone needs to just delete my teams; it's the only thing that will get my life back on track.

  • My family barely knows me anymore, I never leave my apartment for fear that I might miss a waiver wire pickup. My life has devolved into one long wait, I've waited for the last two years for LaDainian Tomlinson to get injured so I can pick up Michael Turner. If I leave now, I know he's going down. I've made the decision, at least subconsciously, that I'd rather lose my relationship with my sister than lose the Burner.
  • My grandma died last year, but don't cry for me, I didn't cry for her. My ducts aren't wide enough to release ice, I'm cold, I don't have feelings. Or at least that's what I thought. I cried for the first time in ten years Sunday night; it took Brandon Jacobs getting hurt to make me feel something.
  • I no longer know where my loyalties lie. As I've stated before, I love my Eagles, but that devil on my shoulder named fantasy football doesn't care about loyalty. The guy I was facing had McNabb, I couldn't believe I found myself thinking about how an injury wouldn't be soo bad. Kevin Kolb is the shit, I would tell myself. Donovan, I'm sorry; Mrs. McNabb, I'm sorry.
  • I can't do school work, if i did I wouldn't know who to start next week. Fantasy isn't about moves made on Saturday or Sunday morning, it's about the work one puts in on Monday and Tuesday. I've got DVR recordings to study, weekly fantasy rankings to review, and blogs to read regarding injuries and weekend outlooks. I haven't opened up a goddamn book, I'm screwed.
  • I've lost multiple frienships on fantasy message boards. I'm sorry, but if you pick up Terry Glenn I'm going to tear you apart. Maybe I shouldn't have said his mother was a whore and I fucked her for a dollar, but he should know fantasy isn't for the faint of heart. That relationship is gone, but I hope I can stop so no more need to be compromised.
I haven't showered since Friday, I haven't shaved ... I look homeless. This couple hundred dollars I might win is going to be TOTALLY worth it. No it isn't, someone please help.


Guy said...

Thank God there aren't two Monday night games every week. My Tuesday classes would be screwed.

Daris said...

hahah, send me that trade offer again. After reading that depressing personal confession, i might reconsider if for nothing but your sanity.