Monday, September 10, 2007

Bill Simmons Is the New Skip Bayless


I don’t like admitting this, but I was watching ESPN’s Cold Pizza First Take this morning and Skip Bayless was getting killed for another ridiculous prediction gone terribly wrong. He apparently chose the Falcons to win 8 games this year, which is not looking good after their 24-3 loss to the lowly Vikings. Let alone not making it into the end zone, the Falcons didn’t even make it into the red zone. Bayless refused to back down from his prediction, and his reasoning reminded me of someone … Bill Simmons.

Simmons chose the Falcons as the 12th best team in the NFL in his recent power rankings column. They were his “Mega Sleeper,” but God knows that this team, as presently constructed, would be nowhere near that ranking if they didn’t fit into his “Ewing Theory.” The Ewing Theory predicts a team’s success when an overrated “superstar” leaves them. It might have been a decent pick, except for the fact that the Falcons completely buried themselves by trading Matt Schaub.

Simmons knew how ridiculous the pick was, every ridiculous analyst was predicting the Falcons to be the surprise team in the league. I really doubt; however, that anyone picked them as high as 12th in the league. In ESPN’s world of shouting idiots, Simmons voice was the loudest. I envision a preseason meeting at Bristol where Bayless, Simmonsm and Salisbury, were playing a twisted version of name that tune with the Falcons, trying to see who’d get the most credit if they actually were decent. “I’ll pick them to win 6 games,” “I’ll do 7,” “Fuck this it’s the Ewing theory, 8 GAMES! And I’ll call them the 12th best team in the league!” … “SOLD!”

I’ve got a couple theories he may want to subscribe to. How about the Akili Theory, it states that Oregon quarterbacks are always awful. Also, he should take a look at the Spurrier Theory, which states that college “offensive geniuses” suck in the NFL. Sure there is plenty of time left for the Falcons to improve, but I think it’s very safe to say they won’t be anywhere near .500.

1 Comment:

Guy said...

I like your Atlanta Falcons auction. It's kind of like a game of Chicken.