Who Wants to win 50 to 100 Bucks?

Who Wants to Be A Dollar Menuaire?

This is a game I played the last couple weeks of summer last year down in Bloomington when we had no cable, 2 sets of apartment furniture( leaving no room to move), no air conditioning. and a broken DVD player. 1-4 people were continuously playing and a total of 5-10 games were won.

Here's the deal: I will give anyone 10-1 odds on a $5 to $10 dollar bet. You have 15-20 chances to get the million dollars (still haven't decided the exact number).

I trust all of you. I know, I am naive. Let me know if you are interested.

I accept checks. Must pay to the order of: Sir Daris The Great

BTW, its 3:30am, so I am going to bed.

NBA DRAFT: Ramblings from a Clippers Fan (Not the kid from Malcom in the Middle)

This article was written by Michael J. Reiss from Agoura Hills, CA. (That's Mikey. I pulled the close up right off of my desktop background) Agoura Hills is a nice little perfectly shaped bubble (haha) about 45 minutes north of LA; depending on traffic of course.

Mr. Reiss is an old college friend and roommate. On fantasy draft days, he truly believes he's a general manager. Our sports arguments have ranged from the famous JJ Reddick vs. NBA's best shooter debate, to Mike Tyson vs. baseball bat to the head. (I'll never forgot how funny that was, and I'm sure you remember as well.) He's going to UCLA this fall to study law, but you wouldn't think it was possible if you knew the countless hours he dedicated to all things sports.

Enjoy reading an article written by a man who's almost as lazy as me, which is an accomplishment in and of itself. Thanks Mikey!


Intro:
Few things in this world get my juices flowing like the NBA draft. Maybe this is because my favorite team, the Clippers, are always somehow involved and I convince myself that this single draft pick will turn around our 30 years of devastation into a championship caliber club. However far fetched this scenario may seem, we do have past drafts to back-up the notion that one pick can change a franchise: Tim Duncan, Michael Jordan, Lebron James and so on. And then there are the huge disappointments: Sam Bowie, Michael Olowakandi, Joe Smith...the list goes on again. This year though, is a little different from the years past. Due to the combination of a very strong and deep draft and the urgency of some teams to either rebuild now or build a contender now, superstars are being shopped at every corner. Draft picks are more valuable than ever. Teams outside the top 15 are eyeing players that will go much earlier and are looking to get into the top 10; but the price is steep.

The Big Trade Discussions:

Kevin Garnett - It would all start with Kobe if anyone thought the Lakers were crazy enough to actually honor his trade demand, but since they aren't it all starts with Garnett this year. It's time to move on. Everyone knows it. There is no player(s) the Timberwolves could bring in to make them a contender. There just isn't. They have no assets of any worth to anyone. Marko Jaric is under contract at 7 million a year for the next 4 years! Last year he averaged 5 points and 2 assists. Nice bang for your buck Kevin Mchale. It's mind-boggling that the only assets the Timberwolves have is their no. 7 pick, Randy Foye (who isn't going anywhere) and Ricky Davis's expiring contract at around 6.5 mill. However, by trading Garnett they could start a new path and actually have a decent team when it comes to the first year of rebuilding. The T'wolves tried to make a trade that would bring in Al Jefferson, the #5 pick, Gerald Green, and Ratliff's expiring contract. This would be great for the Wolves, but KG decided there is no way he'll go to Boston and since Mchale has a huge man-crush on KG, he won't do that to him. So they tried a 4-way deal involving the Lakers and Pacers with Boston getting Jermaine O'neal instead. But Boston balked at this because they weren't willing to give up Jefferson if it only nets them O'neal. I agree wholeheartedly. Jefferson averaged 22 and 11 in the 2nd half of the season last year. Would O'neal make the team that much better? I don't think so.

So where does KG go? The most perplexing deal sends KG to Phoenix, Amare to the Hawks, and the #s 3 and 11 picks to Minnesota....presumably with some more contracts. The reason for the Hawks being involved instead of a KG-Amare swap is that the T'wolves don't even want Amare! They want draft picks, a young player, and cap space. If you're the Hawks you do this deal in a heartbeat. Bringing in Amare would automatically make them a playoff team in the East; and, assuming they can keep Josh Smith, a nucleus of Smith, Joe Johnson (25 ppg), and Amare is not bad at all. Then, bring in a pg who just wants to dish (Steve Blake), and there's something cooking there. Also, they still have Marvin Williams, Josh Childress, and Shelden Williams for depth. The big question here is if the Suns should swap KG for Amare. Lets take a closer look. At first thought, I thought there is no way the Suns should do this. There is no reason. Amare fits perfectly in that system and he's 7 years younger. KG would maybe make them a little better at most, but that's not worth forfeiting your future. However, I now believe they should make the deal. The Suns would lose out on the unstoppable pick n' roll they had with Amare and Nash, with Amare rolling hard and usually dunking fairly hard in someones face. However, would they really score that many less points with KG on the team? I can't imagine them dropping too many points by adding a versatile big man who can pick and pop just as well as roll to the hoop. Also, as opposed to Amare, KG can catch the ball in the post and have a repertoire of moves. You're going to tell me that wouldn't come in handy at the end of a game in the Playoffs....especially if Nash is in foul trouble or out for any reason. But more importantly, KG will make the Suns one of the better defensive teams in the league. You see how they give up so many points, but what you don't realize is that they give up those points not because they're poor on defense, but rather because they shoot so quickly that there are simply more possessions in the game. With KG, they would improve their defense tremendously. Amare was completely over-matched by Duncan. Whenever the Spurs needed a bucket, they got one from him. Garnett would be much more effective. Overall, I hope this happens. It makes sense for all parties involved.

Other Potential Moves and Rumors:

- Word has it that Golden State is trying desperately to get into the top 6 where they'd have a shot at Yi. They're offering Jason Richardson and the no. 18 pick. I haven't heard that anyone is biting. Richardson has a huge contract. Also, Golden State, anticipating that Monte Ellis will want big money, is offering him and change for a pick. I think someone will bite at that. Ellis is young and dynamic. MIght be worth it for a team looking to go young.

-Also, besides the Garnett talks, Phoenix is looking to take the #8 pick off of Charlotte's hands and select Brewer. I don't think Marion would be part of this deal, although he has been mentioned in many trade offers. The Suns have a great asset in that they have the Hawks unconditional first round pick next year. That should sound very nice to a lot of teams....especially if the Hawks don't get Amare and are in for another weak season.

-A new rumor has Dallas offering Devin Harris in exchange for the #6 pick. I think the Bucks would have to pull the trigger on this. I also think that Dallas will not win the championship with this team. They'd pick Yi and market him all over the place. I don't think this makes sense for Dallas, but the Bucks should jump at it. He's be a great complement to Redd and Co.

-The Blazers are shopping Randolph and Jack in an attempt to pick up another young player, a high draft pick, or a solid pg. With Oden coming in and Aldridge developing, there isn't much room for Randolph. Personally, I think Randolph will end up in LA and Odom will go to the Blazers. The Blazers would definitely do that, but I don't know if the Lakers would. They're so fucked up right now it's incredible. Kobe has put them in a position where they have to do something. This might be the move. I think it makes them a little better to be honest, but they'd have to add another wing player for the mid-level exception.

Conclusions:

I hope the action tomorrow is at least as good as anticipated. Unfortunately, it's more realistic to think that these pussy GMs will back out of every trade on the table. Honestly, how is it possible that only 1 team (Nuggets) made a deal to improve themselves last year at the deadline? Why are these guys so scared? Everyone plays it safe, but they have been taking the heat for it recently. That pressure might make some GMs get off their asses and make some moves to better the ball club. Even if those moves are a little risky. I'd put up a mock draft, but there are already a million out there.

Predicitons:
I see Spencer Hawes falling come draft day. I just can't see anyone drafting a big white guy again unless they're European and play outside. He'll be serviceable at best. For the love of God I hope he doesn't fall to the Clips.

Brendan Wright, even though he has all the right key words for the draft (wingspan, potential, length, and young), will fall maybe to the T'wolves at 7 or whoever trades into the 8 spot. Might be a nice steal there.

Sleepers:
I can't understand why Julian Wright has been falling on draft boards. He has all the tools and will improve his jump shot as he gets in the gym more. Also, Nick Fazekas is a guy that I think would be a great late-first round pick for teams that already have a big man occupying the post and want to spread the floor. Word is that this guy has hit about 75% from 3-point range in workouts and is a heady player. Could be a nice player coming off the bench for an already good team looking for some outside shooting....even though he is big and white.

Anyways, good luck to all of you and your respective teams. I can only hope that David Stern walks to the microphone and says those words that send a chill down my spine "I have a trade to announce..." at least 5 times tomorrow. And, more importantly for me, I hope someone wakes up Elgin Baylor from nap time so the Clippers don't miss our pick. Godspeed.

Pretty Boy Ready To Fight Again

It looks like Floyd Mayweather Jr. is not done fighting after all. He has announced that he plans to come out of retirement to fight Ricky Hatton. Obviously this a very exciting development for anyone who is a fan of boxing. I could write some analysis and stuff about the potential fight, but I think you'll enjoy it more if I let Pretty Boy Floyd do all the talking. Here's what he had to say about Hatton....

"He has disrespected me and my accomplishments in the ring, and I take that very seriously. I'm going to give him the opportunity to step up and fight the best in the world. I don't think this punk will take the challenge."

"Now that Hatton has opened up his big mouth, he might start to think about what he has been asking for."

"Does he really want to step into the ring with best fighter of this era and embarrass himself? Being the coward that he is, I doubt he'll get in the ring. We'll see what his excuse will be this time."

"He beat an old (Kostya) Tszyu and he beat an old Castillo who was shot. I beat Castillo twice and the first time I did it with one hand because the other was so messed up."

"That was five years ago when Castillo was in his prime. I was retired but I'll sign to fight Hatton right now."

"I've tried to let the things he said about me slide by but now he's 'dissing' me on national TV and I want to shut him up."

"I've never wanted to hurt an opponent like I do Hatton. For me, boxing is a science but it will be a pleasure to prove to the world what a great phoney the guy is."

"Ricky Hatton cannot fight. He cannot box. He throws one punch at a time and then holds. There is no skill to what he does in the ring. He has got zero skills."

"I will beat him all the way back to England."

Wow.

Pretty Boy Ready to Silence Hatton

Five Baseball Stats You Should Know

I'm not sure if anyone else will give a crap about these but I just finished reading Moneyball and they seemed pretty interesting to me. These are not the five most important stats, in fact some may be completely worthless.

OPS

This one most people have heard of already but I thought I would try to explain exactly what it’s quantifying and why it’s so much better than Batting Average. OPS actually stands for “On-base plus slugging” and it is essential measuring the same thing as runs created, just in a much simpler way. The on-base percentage represents the “on-base factor”, while the slugging percentage represents the “advancement factor”. OPS just adds them together instead of multiplying them. OPS is a far better indicator of a players offensive contribution than BA because it takes into consideration most of the statistics that lead to runs, not just hits.

Range Factor

= (Putouts + Assists) / Innings Played

It’s a much better measure of defensive ability than errors, because if you think about it, errors are completely subjective. An error is one person’s opinion of a play made (or not made) on a ball the fielder was able to reach. Range factor takes into account how many balls the fielder was able to reach, thus giving a better indication of their actual contribution to the team.

Runs Created

Created by Bill James, it takes a hitter offensive statistics and uses them to assess how many runs he essentially “created”. It can be summed up by saying it is equal to the product of the on-base factor and the advancement factor divided by the opportunity factor. The actual equation is a little more complicated:

(H+BB–CS+HBP–GIDP)*(TB + (.26*(BB-IBB+HBP)) + (.52*(SH + SF + SB)))
= -------------------------------------------------------------------------------
(AB + BB + HBP + SH + SF)

Yikes. How it works I’m not exactly sure, but I trust Bill James because he’s much smarter than me. I did try it out that and it’s pretty accurate. So let's take the hottest hitter in baseball right now, Magglio Ordonez. He created 81 runs for the Tigers as of yesterday. Just how important is that to his team? Let's see what would happen if we switched him with one of the worst right fielders in baseball, the Cubs' Jaque Jones, who has contributed only 19 runs to his team. That's right, 19! In order to find out the effect of the hypothetical switch we need to look at....

Pythagorean Win Expectancy

This much simpler formula attempts to predict how many should have won based on the number of runs they scored and the number of runs they allowed. The theory is that:

Win % = R² / (R² + RA²)

Using this we can find out how many wins the Cubs and Tigers would be expected to have if they had the other team's right fielder. I took the difference in run contribution between the two players (62) and added it to the Cubs total and subtracted it from the Tigers total. The result? The Cubs would have won 7 more games because of Magglio and the Tigers would have lost 5 more. Kind of interesting. And now for our last stat...

Balls

League Leaders
(748 Tied)...........2
Mike Lowell........1 (don't laugh he had testicular cancer)
Alex Rodriguez...0

.....just in case anyone was still reading.

NBA Draft Preview 2k7

Here’s how this works. Buzzsaw and I are going to try to accurately predict each of the Lottery picks (the first thirteen picks) in the draft. Keep in mind that this is what I would do if I were the GM of each of these teams; this isn’t necessarily what is being projected. We’re going to bet on this but we haven’t come up with anything good yet. I suggest that the loser has to anal bong a beer but I don’t want to soil a perfectly good beer bong. Leave your suggestions in the comment box.

On to the picks:

1) Portland Trailblazers

Buzz- Greg Oden- This is too easy, you can't teach height (cliche #1) .. look at the other center prospects in this year's draft: Hawes, uhhh Sean Williams (I guess he's a center), Marc Gasol?, AND Aaron Gray. To be thorough, last year's top center prospects were Patrick O'Bryant, Mouhamad Sene, and Hilton Armstrong. The only thing I'm worried about is Portland's team chemistry as Oden's height will make him too easy to spot on the team's off-day bank robberies, but from all accounts Oden is an accomplished wheelman, which should endear him to the fellas.

Biglots- Greg Oden- Except for Bill Simmons, everyone is predicting that the Blazers take Oden. I have to agree with them simply because I see no logical scenario in which Oden doesn’t average at least 20 points, 12 rebounds, and 2 blocks a game for the next fifteen years. However, Oden is still a fuck in my mind after helping to deliver one of the more painful losses any of my teams have ever received in the second round of last year’s NCAA tournament, so I wouldn’t mind if the Blazers passed on him.

2) Seattle Sonics

Buzz- Kevin Durant- Could the Sonics possibly pull a "Houston Texan's" and pass on Kevin Durant, the basketball equivalent to Reggie Bush?? No. The thing about Durant is that he's very long (cliche #2); he's basically Tracy McGrady in Chris Bosh's body (not to be confused with Tracy McGrady in Tracy McGrady's body, because that'd be two inches shorter). Durant will be able to step right in for Rashard Lewis as Seattle's #2 scoring option.

Biglots- Kevin Durant- Anyone suggesting that he should drop out of the top two because he can’t bench press 185 is a complete dumbass. He has the potential to be a multiple MVP winner.

3) Atlanta Hawks

Buzz- Al Horford- I absolutely love the Hawks, for the record. This pick is not necessarily what I think they'll do, but I think regardless of the team that picks in the 3 spot, Horford will be taken (unless some Yi lover like the Lakers does something crazy). Horford is to girth what Durant is to length. Length may be impressive, but girth gets the job done (penis analogy #1). Sadly, the Hawks won't be the team receiving pleasure from Horford's body as they'll be trading this pick for either Garnett, Amare, or Gasol ... or else. Or else I'm going to cry.

Biglots- Al Horford- Continuing the trend of taking players that are exactly like the person they drafted in the year before, the Hawks take Horford. This team needs some luck though. It just seems as if nothing ever goes right for them. Let’s just call it the curse of Jason Collier.

4) Memphis Grizzlies

Buzz- Mike Conley Jr.- This one was really tough, because I really don't feel that Conley should go this soon, and I'm pretty sure the Grizzlies will be trading which means their whole team will change. However, as the team is presently structured, the Grizz have to take Conley. Chuckie Atkins (32 yrs old) and Damon Stoudamire (100 yrs old) are their primary PG's, they DID take Kyle Lowery with their first pick last year, but they clearly will need depth at that position anyway. The only other real option seems to be Joakim Noah but there are reports from Memphis saying Rudy Gay has refused to play with Noah because he couldn't stop giggling when the two were introduced (also because Stromile Swift and Hakim Warrick are basically the same player .. high energy, defensive players).

Biglots- Corey Brewer- I was hoping to find someone ghetto as hell for Memphis to draft but this draft seems to be rather tame. Brewer may be similar to Gay but he is more of a 2 guard while Gay can play the 3. On a side not, everyone always says that the Utah Jazz is the most ridiculous name for a sports franchise considering jazz music is not played anywhere near Utah, however, when was the last time you saw a grizzly bear in Memphis?

5) Boston Celtics

Buzz- Yi Jianlian- Boston will no doubt find that Yi's Asian persuasion is too strong to deny. The city of Boston has had quite the love affair with Asians lately, something I can totally understand. I think we've all gone through phases in which we become infatuated with women from other cultures, mine include Mexicans, Indian, and currently I'm going through a French-Canadian phase (Celine Dion is a cougar I'd love to tame); basically the same principle is true for cities.

Biglots- Yi Jianlian- I absolutely love Jianlian and am really hoping that he falls to the Bulls, however, I don’t see that happening. I think Yi will be a really good player in a couple years but he’s going to need some time to develop. Good thing he’ll be in a place that has low key fans that are patient and understanding.

6) Milwaukee Bucks

Buzz- Joakim Noah- This may be a little surprising to some, as most have the Bucks getting either Wright or Green in this situation, but the Bucks have absolutley no interior defense with Villanueva and Bogut downlow. Noah, despite his homosexual tendencies, is a great defender with a motor (cliche #3).

Biglots- Mike Conley Jr.- The Bucks need a point guard who can distribute better than Mo Williams. However, Conley is an even bigger fuck than Oden because he completely buried Xavier in OT of the aforementioned NCAA tournament game.

7) Minnesota T-Wolves

Buzz- Spencer Hawes- Garnett is gone, the T-Wolves are going to be in complete rebuilding mode, and what better way to rebuild a franchise than by starting with a 7 ft white guy .. they always work out. Minnesota is going to have a lot of extra picks and this will be the only center available to them basically, I'm sure there is someone that thinks he has a chance to be good ... somewhere.

Biglots- Joakim Noah- This is more of a hopeful pick. Noah is a complete douchebag and I don’t want him anywhere near the Bulls’ roster. Plus he’s just another big with no offense game so it would make zero sense for the Bulls to draft him but apparently if he’s available they’ll take him. Anyways, Noah would at least bring some energy to the Wolves which is something Garnett would love (if he’s still around).

8) Charlotte Bobcats

Buzz- Brandan Wright- This might have been easier than picking Oden #1. For this pick I looked at the UNC roster, figured out who declared themselves eligible, and decided who was the best. Luckily for Charlotte Wright is still available because picking Reyshawn Terry might have been a stretch.

Biglots- Brandan Wright- The Bobcats love drafting players from successful colleges and Wright fits right in. He’s very similar to Sean May but May could be headed out the door. In reality, it’s the Bobcats so no one really cares who they take.

9) Chicago Bulls

Buzz- Julian Wright- The Bulls goal in this draft should be to find a PF or C with at least one discernible offensive move, something they have gone without since Eddy Curry left (being very generous). Julian Wright still needs to develop as a shooter but he's a point forward type who can dribble and pass very well for a player his size (hence a point forward). When Tyrus Thomas and Ben Wallace are in the game at the same time, the Bulls are basically playing 3 on 5. Wright will be able to kick the ball out to Deng, Gordon, Hinrich, and Nocioni getting them easier looks. No one is talking about this so it's pretty much wrong.

Biglots- Spencer Hawes- The Bulls desperately need low post scoring and Hawes is the best post player in the draft apparently. In my mind, this is a complete waste of a pick because Hawes is a marginal upgrade over P.J. Brown if at all. I’m hoping they reach and take Al Thornton who is an absolute beast, or trade for a veteran. Thornton won’t happen because he’s undersized and they won’t trade for a veteran because they don’t want to break up the core of the lineup. The window of opportunity is closing in the East. Eventually, the Cavs are going to pick up a halfway decent player to play alongside LeBron and once they do, it’s going to be lights out for everyone else. This is the year that the Bulls have to make a run at it and Hawes is not going to help that cause.

10) Sacramento Kings

Buzz- Jeff Green- This is an extremely boring player and team ... I'm trying to trim this article.

Biglots- Jeff Green- Green is projected to go higher than this but I think he’s a little overrated. That’s all I’ve got.

11) Atlanta Hawks

Buzz- Corey Brewer- He's 6-8, he's a swingman, he's a Hawk. Actually I've realized I've pretty much screwed myself dropping him this far, the Hawks would be forced to trade this pick, too many teams will want him.

Biglots- Acie Law IV- Easiest pick in the draft besides the first two. The Hawks are supposedly ready to make the leap this year and Law is more ready than Crittenton. They desperately need a point guard and if they take anyone else then they are even more incompetent then we thought. For comedy’s sake though, let’s hope they take Julian Wright and continue towards the dream of playing five small forwards at the exact same time.

12) Philadelphia 76ers

Buzz- Javaris Crittenton- People seem to think that Thornton is the unanimous choice here, but Andre Miller is getting old, and there are talks that he's being traded. Crittenton is young and can learn under Miller.

Biglots- Al Thornton- I look forward to Thornton viciously dunking over Hawes multiple times in the near future.

13) New Orleans Hornets

Buzz- Thaddeus Young- His stock is rising as much as anyone's in the draft, the Hornets need a slasher to go along with Peja spot up shooting and West/Chandler down low. This might also be Thornton if available. That's it, none of this will matter because this might be the most ridiculous draft ever in terms of trades. People are saying it's one of the deepest drafts which are leading teams to think it's more safe to trade their centerpieces and begin rebuilding.

Biglots- Nick Young- The Hornets are still a pretty young team and could definitely make the playoffs next year with a solid contribution from the 2. Anything is better than Peja at this point.

Alright, that’s it, these are my picks. We will see what happens on Thursday night and hopefully there will be no pictures tagged of me on facebook with a beer bong sticking out of my ass.

ESPYs That Just Missed the Cut

You've seen the recent commercials and Sportscenter segments-- the ESPYs are near. This year, Jimmy Kimmel and Lebron (LeBron??) are hosting, which should make things rather interesting. Everyone knows all of the different awards: Best Male Athlete, Best Female Athlete, Best Moment, Best Finish, yada yada yada. Those ones are boring, so I'm going to let you in on the awards that didn't quite make the final cut in the ESPN executive idea room.

Best Choke Job

The runners up:

• Troy Smith, Ohio State (vs. Florida)- The Heisman Trophy winner had a rough time in the National Championship Game versus the Gators, going 4/14 passing with only 35 yards and an interception. Fun year for Ohio State fans. “Always the bridesmaid, never the bride.”
  
• Detroit Tigers (vs. St. Louis Cardinals)- No one in particular to blame here—Sean Casey (.529), Carlos Guillen (.353), and Brandon Inge (.353) were the only Tigers to bat better than .200 in the series. Magglio Ordonez (.105), Pudge (.158), and Curtis Granderson (.095) all probably had something to do with it, though. Plus, how do you lose to the Cardinals? Pathetic.
  
• Others worth mentioning:
  
  Reche Caldwell, his hands, and his bug eyes in the AFC Championship Game against the Colts; Phil Mickelson at the ’06 US Open (even though it was more than a year ago, Phil’s “I’m Keith Hernandez” moment still shines bright).

And the ESPY goes to:

Dirk Nowitzki, Dallas Mavericks (Game 6 vs. the Golden State Warriors)- 2/13 from the field. 0/6 beyond the three-point arc. 8 points, 10 rebounds in a 25 point loss with the season on the line by the league’s Most Valuable Player. I’m not even sure how Dirk hoisted those 13 shots with those hands around his neck.

Best Chance of Serving 5-10 in a Maximum Security Prison

The runners up:

• Pacman Jones, Tennessee Titans- At some point, the argument shifts from “Pacman is just hanging out with the wrong crowd” to “The crowd is hanging out with the wrong Pacman.”
  
• Chris Henry, Cincinnati Bengals- When kids that live in Cincinnati get bottles thrown at them and beat up, blame a Cincinnati Bengal, and most everyone believes it, there is a problem.
  
• Tank Johnson, Chicago Bears- He was just released by the Bears on Monday. If I’m the Bears owner, I get a restraining order. Maybe that’s just me.
  
• Others worth mentioning:
  
  The problem with this award is that you feel like you left some guys out if you don’t mention them. Cleaning up the rest of the mess, we’ve got Stephen Jackson, Golden State Warriors; Floyd Mayweather, just because; and Albert Haynesworth, Tennessee Titans. Note: I also feel bad not mentioning Sean Taylor of the Redskins, but he hasn’t really done anything yet. Just wait.

And the ESPY goes to:

Mike Vick, Atlanta Falcons: (Insert bad dog-fighting joke here).

Best Job by the Media of Driving a Story into the Ground

The runners up:

• The Super Bowl in regards to Tony Dungy and Lovie Smith- Did you know this is the first time an African-American coach made it to the Super Bowl? And there’s two of them!
• Kobe Bryant wants out- Maybe too early to gauge the severity, but it’s been grueling.
  
• Barry Bonds/Jason Giambi/Steroids- It just hurts.
  
• Barbaro- Just trust me on this link. Scroll down to the part about the woman modeling her dancing movements after Barbaro. That's pretty normal.

And the ESPY goes to:

Rocket Roger Clemens’ comeback- Yeah. We get it. Clemens is going to pitch about 6 innings per game as the Yankees are still just a mediocre baseball team. Please don’t air his minor league start vs. the Red Sox farm team on ESPN2 when you’re already being merciless enough by showing Red Sox-Yankees on regular ESPN. One is enough.

Best and Most Shocking Quote

• Joakim Noah, Florida Gators (upon winning the SEC Championship Game)- “When we win, everybody eats. That's our motto. Everybody eats.” I am pretty sure we still have the Noah dance on “Save Until Manually Erased” status on our DVR at school. We have probably watched and analyzed nearly 50 times.
  
• Gary Sheffield, Detroit Tigers on Latin players in baseball- “I called it years ago. What I called is that you're going to see more black faces, but there ain't no English going to be coming out. … [It's about] being able to tell [Latin players] what to do -- being able to control them.” Sheffield actually goes on to suggest that there are black players that are sitting at home that can outplay a lot of the Latins. Wow.
  
• Ichiro Suzuki, Seattle Mariners on his first matchup with Daisuke Matsuzaka in the states- “I hope he arouses the fire that's dormant in the innermost recesses of my soul. I plan to face him with the zeal of a challenger.” Ichiro went 0-for-5. So much for arousing dormant fire.
  
• Others worth mentioning:
  
  Floyd Mayweather and everything that came out of his mouth on the HBO On Demand special leading up to the Oscar fight, most notably “My name is Floyd, I make it rain” while tossing bills at the camera; Ichiro, again, this time saying “If I ever saw myself saying I'm excited going to Cleveland, I'd punch myself in the face, because I'm lying.” I was just at Lake Erie last night. I guess it wasn’t that bad.

And the ESPY goes to:

Clinton Portis, Washington Redskins- “I don't know if he was fighting dogs or not, but it's his property, it's his dog. If that's what he wants to do, do it. I think people should mind their business.” When told that dog fighting is a felony, Portis replied, “It can't be too bad of a crime.” He goes on saying “I know a lot of back roads that have the dog fighting if you want to go see it.” After this one, I’m guessing Roger Goodell has him on a leash. Haha! Get it! A leash!

If you won’t be able to watch the real July 15th airing, hopefully that covered your ESPY quota for the year. Feel free to leave comments regarding stories that you think should be on here and even other categories.

Links

Leading Candidate for the 2007 Darwin Awards. Don't worry there's still time to vote.

Kobe Clears up Any Trade Rumors. He really had us going for awhile.

Things are a little different in Tennessee. And you thought your parents were mean.

A Brief History of Swear Words. For your education today.

$@#&*!

Boxers and Briefs

I just want to mention that I realized the gayness of the article title almost instantly after I finished typing the 's' on the end of briefs. I was tempted to take it down as no one would have known, but I decided to leave it. If anyone read it and thought to himself/herself "hey, that was pretty clever", you are gay too. Side note on the himself/herself usage in the last sentence: I don't know if one woman has ever voluntarily/intentionally visisted this site, but I'll still be gender sensitive.

Now that I've wasted 15-30 seconds of your life depending on your WPM (words per minute) reading speed, continue on to waste 120-240 seconds more.

Boxers:
Response to comments posted by Gee, who said: "ive read the comments by you guys and wonder what way your TV's are facing when watching the fights? before the tyzu fight he was pound for pound rated best in the world and was taken apart by Hatton. same for castillo. as for castillo over the hill thats a joke he was just well beaten, what you want Hatton to do stand back and let him fight? id take Hatton against any fighter in his divisions including Mayweather but he wont fight Hatton, too high tempo and needs to rest on the ropes at times and he would get badly beaten up doing that. Hatto, Calzaghe you all want to put them down but unfortunately no big names will fight them as they all run scared. Taylor has pulled out of 2 fights with Joe after Joe smashed opponents up and their comments about his power. So guys look a bit longer at whats out there and ask WHY the so called best in world wont fight the best of british?"

1. Kostya was 35 years old when Hatton fought him. He may have been considered the best pound for pound going into the fight, but it would be insane to suggest he was fighting anywhere near his prime. Hatton’s win was impressive, but it needs back-up. Hatton wasn’t able to prove anything because Castillo was done before the fight started. He said it was one of his toughest fights of all time, and if that’s the case he still has something to prove.

2. I'll say it again; Castillo was shot. You could tell 30 seconds into the fight. He was slow and dried up. The man wasn’t sweating until the end of the 2^nd round. He couldn’t make weight a year ago and was banned from fighting under 140lbs. His last fight was an unimpressive victory that was blamed on his time away from the ring! Believe what you want, but the Castillo we saw two nights ago wasn’t the same man who battled Mayweather, Corralles, and Johnston. Again, I don’t know how that can be disputed; all one has to do is watch Castillo’s old fights.

3. Your assertion that the “best” in the world are running scared from Hatton and Calzaghe is also off base. Mayweather and other big names in the division won’t fight the Brits because there’s not enough money to make it worthwhile. Now, I know that might not be as true for Hatton anymore, but before his last couple of fights it certainly was. Calzaghe’s last fight was against Peter Manfredo, winner of The Contender. If he is 43-0, and his last opponent won a reality TV show in the States, how am I expected to be anything but cynical? That's like me saying I'm 43-0 in my local basketball league, only for you to find out I'm playing at the YMCA against 10 yr old kids who are "special". (I’m 23 years old and only 50% of the population would consider me “special”.) A bit of an exaggeration, but I think you get the point.

4. I don’t have an opinion on Hatton because I haven’t seen enough of him. However, I don’t think anyone is running scared from him. If the money is right, I am sure Cotto, Margurito, Sugar Shane, and a host of others will gladly accept a fight. Just be careful what you wish for as Buzzaw mentioned. Hatton would have trouble dealing with the speed if he jumped to Welterweight. He’s a brawler, but that won’t work against someone like Pretty Boy. Hatton doesn’t move his head and keeps plowing forward. The fight just might turn into target practice for Floyd. Someone like Cotto or Margurito would be better for him, but I’ve seen him look suspect after some marginal shots at light welterweight. Once again, I’m not sure, but he might want to consider staying at 140lbs.

Briefs:

Put these in your favorites so that you have more shit to keep you distracted at work. They all work pretty well for me. Logan, that comic is speaking to you.

The two best boxing links I have found on the internet so far are listed below. Boxing Scene uses something called Compubox which caluculates punch totals and allows observers to really look at the numbers after a fight. (I know Log will love this one! He is the resident "Stat Man") Boxrec is nice as it allows for you to search by name and find any boxer that fought before 200 B.C.. Their database is unreal.

Boxing Scene
BoxRec

My buddy from California gave me a cool basketball link. A lot of NBA news to be found. I especially like the team salaries link on the page. Take a look at what Isiah and the Knicks owner have done spending wise. They are the biggest disgrace to business management in the last 100 years. The guy who invented the pet rock might have more brains.....no, I don't have mine anymore, I gave Theo away.

Hoops Hype

Two cool statistical type sites for the NFL and MLB. I'll also link the ProFootball Talk page, but I think everyone should have that bookmarked by now.

ProFootball Talk
NFL Page
MLB Page

I still like gambling. The WSOP is going on right now and the new main event, the 50k HORSE tournament is running over the next few days.

Cardplayer

Last Thing:

I'll end another one of my ridiculously long articles on a serious note. The number of injured vets returning from Iraq now number anywhere between 35k-53k based on different estimates. A CNN article states,"for every one solider killed in Iraq 15 are injured." This is due to increased, more sophisticated body armament and protection. Many of the injuries aren’t life threatening anymore, so serious long term health problems are becoming more prevalent. Additionally, the weapon of choice isn’t always a gun, instead our enemies are using something our media/politicians are calling an IED (Improvised Explosive Device). I think they mean a shitty, homemade bomb. Semantics aside, these IED’s lead to traumatic brain injury.

During the 04' election, both candidates suggested that something needed to be done about our Veteran health care system; especially for those just getting back from the Middle East. What has been done? Their injuries are less subtle then a bullet hole or missing leg, but ubiquitous nonetheless. We need to make sure our vets are receiving the best possible care!

These are the men and women fighting to protect us and spread democracy around the world. Regardless of what side of the fence we all sit on, it is important that we never diminish their efforts through our own apathy. Sit back, even for a moment, and remember what these people are doing. I've taken their courage, altruism, and devotion too lightly for far too long. Love or hate the politicians who sent them over, but thank the people who are doing the job!

That's all for now.

USC IS SCREWED

USC is going to have to do a little bit better than a preseason #1 ranking if they think they're gonna be able to just walk into Notre Dame Stadium and blow the Irish out. It's not that Notre Dame Stadium has been especially terrifying to play in lately or that the Irish have the talent to match up with this USC team. None of that matters ... What does matter is that Notre Dame has announced that they'll be bringing out the green jerseys for the meeting. You know what that means ... a definite loss, albeit, an exciting one.

What the hell is going on?? I get that it's in honor of the 1977 team, but it doesn't take away from the fact that the green jerseys are a jinx. The only value these jerseys have is the excitement the players get when the jerseys are unveiled during the pregame speech, otherwise, donning the green only serves to bring back memories of horrific losses (see USC 2005 or Boston College 2002). As a Notre Dame fan, I can only hope that the monkey really is off our backs coming off the dominant 41-9 victory over Army last year(in which they wore the jerseys for the seniors ... green is Quinn's favorite color).

UHND.com

Gold Cup Final Recap

Sunday’s Gold Cup final between the U.S. and Mexico was actually a pretty important game despite the fact that fans wanting to watch it had to order a premium channel (Fox Sports Soccer Channel) or watch it on Univision in Spanish. The United States overcame a first half deficit and a noticeably pro-Mexican crowd at Soldier field to win 2-1 and ensure themselves a spot in the 2009 Confederations Cup.

A few thoughts and observations about the game:

• It was evident almost immediately that Jonathan Spector was going to have a hard time marking Andres Guardado, Mexico’s speedy winger. After being burned repeatedly during the first half, it was his failure to mark the backside that led to Mexico’s goal just before the break.
  
  
• After a miserable first half Brian Ching had a great turn with a defender on his back that led to a foul in the box and the penalty kick for Donovan.
  
  
• Speaking of the penalty…I completely expected Donovan to be stoned by Mexican keeper Oswaldo Sanchez, who had been brilliant up to that point. In the past it seemed as though Landon lost that swagger and scoring instinct he displayed in the 2002 World Cup. He completely faked out Sanchez and proved me wrong.
  
  
• Donovan’s goal was followed by the game winner by Benny Feilhaber. He took an attempted clearance from a corner out of the air and sent it dipping over the defense and inside the far post. It was a amazing strike, and it goes to prove that we need more players playing overseas (Feilhaber plays for Hamburg SV of the German Bundesliga).
  
  
• It was great to finally see Donovan and Beasley playing well together (minus Beasley’s late choke job with the open net). It looks like we may be able to build a team around these two after all.
  
  
• The outstanding play of Carlos Bocanegra should not go unnoticed. He was not only solid in his marking but he routinely made up for the mistakes made by the rest of the defense. This guy seems like he’s been around forever but he’s only 29.
  
  
• Still no complaints about the job Bob Bradley is doing. Throughout the tournament he has mixed young talent with established veterans with considerable success. His attacking gameplan against Mexico was both refreshing and successful. The U.S. was a few fairly easy (in Beasley’s case painfully easy) finishes away from breaking this one wide open. It will be interesting to see what he does in the upcoming Copa America when he will be forced to use even more of his young and inexperienced players.
  
  
• Lastly, just so you can get an idea of what this win means for the future, I wanted to explain what winning a spot in the Confederation Cup actually means. The tournament of eight is held every four years and is made up of the winners of each of the six FIFA confederation tournaments. The World Cup champion and host country are also guaranteed spots. The tournament is held in 2009, so this means we are guaranteed some amazing competition which will be perfect to prepare for the 2010 World Cup.