Tuesday, August 7, 2007

Life After 756


I’m getting pretty tired of talking about whether Barry deserves the record, or if any of these steroid-era milestones should be respected. Only one thing is certain after Bonds hits #756, your life will not be the same. You can call me a hypocrite, but I’ve come around; last year I would have been the first to say that all the “Chasing Aaron” graphics were a little premature. Now, however, I look forward to seeing if Barry hit a home run, how he’s historically fared against his next pitching matchup, etc. So exactly what changes will ESPN make to your life??

  • BottomLine- All you Giants fans will finally be able to see how your favorite player, non-Bonds division, did on ESPN’s bottom line. I feel your pain, I’ve got Tim Lincecum on my fantasy team, and when I look for his stats all I get is “CHASING AARON: Bonds: 0-3 2K’s 1BB … left game in 8th Inning.” I don’t give a shit about Mr. 756; it’s time to get back to focusing on the real season, I feel like I don't even know the Yankees or Red Sox anymore.
  • ESPN.com- In case you didn’t catch Barry’s most recent groundout on the BottomLine, you can always log on to ESPN.com. I’m going to miss my daily Barry updates in the breaking news section, front page headline, AND the fucking “Chasing Aaron” pop-up; sometimes they’re all about Barry at the exact same time, a steroid trifecta. Basically, my computer has something against my penis; it blocks such ads as Extenz but allows “Chasing Aaron” which is just begging me to take steroids, hit home runs, and shrink my balls… fuck you Norton.
  • Giant’s ESPN Games- I’m going to really miss watching the Giants games on TV every night. I cherish every moment I get to listen to John Miller; sounds crazy right? Not when you compare the last-place Giants' games to the atrocity that is NASCAR Now. Eric Kuselias and Brad Daugherty make John Miller look like Bob Costas.
  • Bonds Countdown- The best thing about the Giants games are the countdowns to Bonds' next at-bat. This isn’t awesome because of Bonds, I hate the douche, but I love knowing when my favorite former Brave, Ryan Klesko, is coming up. See, all I have to do is add one to the Bonds countdown to know when Klesko continues “Chasing Strawberry” for the elusive 1000 RBI milestone … Go RYNO!!!
  • Live Look Ins- This might be the only part I don’t miss about Bonds/ESPN’s “Chasing Aaron” fiasco. Have you been here? “Top of the ninth, full count, runners at first and third, two outs, ANDDDD a Barry Bonds look in. [cut to shot of Barry being intentionally walked, while you’re team is scoring the go-ahead run on the top two inches of the screen].” Yea, that’s annoying.

We can only hope that tomorrow will be the day; (channeling Bill Simmons) it’s the Nationals! It’s the Giants! It’s Major League Baseball on ESPN!!! (and ESPN2, ESPN.com, ESPN Mobile, and any other game you might be watching)

Cartoon

7 Comments:

Guy said...

Haha good stuff. My favorite part is about Chasing Strawberry and Ryan Klesko.

Guy said...

Oh, and Jon Miller's Spanish accent makes me nautious.

Say Hey said...

The worst part will be no more Erin Andrews every night.

Eric said...

Top 2 inches of the screen...I wish! There were a number of times around homer 715 that I was ready to drive up to Bristol and put a foot in some executive's face for interrupting a broadcast just to see Bonds walk or ground out.

Buzzsaw said...

Yea guy, I got lucky with Strawberry, I looked to see who had 1000 RBIs, I was pleasantly surprised.

Eric- The best part about the live look-ins is that we get to watch the entire intentional walk ... just in case Barry decides to go after one.

Daris said...

barry, barry, barry

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