Eric Snow Drains Two Jump Shots

Sports fans will be hearing a lot about the San Antonio Spurs winning the 2007 NBA Finals, their 4th in 9 years. Congratulations. Whatever. Let's call that a headline-stealer. The real story from Cleveland is that with 10:33 to go in the second quarter, Eric Snow buried a 16-foot jumper to put the Cavaliers ahead 22-21. The beautiful stroke was assisted by Cleveland Cavaliers' LeBron James. I can assure you that when Snow released the shot, every true Cavs fan around the state of Ohio had a couple months taken off their lives. As if that wasn't enough excitement for Ohioans, the Snowman trotted down the court with 4:43 to go in that same quarter and buried yet another 16-footer, this time assisted by Daniel Gibson to cut the Spurs lead down to 30-29. Snow's relentless effort, heart and determination represent a lot of what he is all about. Going into the fourth quarter, ABC showed the Snowman giving a pep talk to his teammates (the ones that are usually on the court in these big time situations… you know, like Donyell Marshall). He basically said that the Cavs had 12 minutes to keep this season going and it was all up to them. Let's just say the rest of the team didn't look too interested.


Guy

Random Thoughts

°I watched some of the U.S. Open yesterday afternoon and today at lunch, at it is absolutely unbelievable to watch these pros who are usually amazing hack away out there. This course is so tough that ball are just going everywhere and its almost impossible to get an approach shot to stay on the green. I'm not a huge fan of golf but this is actually fun to watch because it makes them look like actual humans as opposed to robots who hit ridiculous shots reminding me that I suck at golf.

When Big Phil was asked what he was going to do after finishing his horrific round today he said, "Go back back and watch the carnage on tv." When asked if he was rooting for carnage he replied, "I don't have to, its just going to happen."

°Daris showed me this pretty cool artcle that ranks the top ten fighters for every division. Its kind of sad how much the quality of the heavyweight division has suffered. But on the bright side, James Toney made the top ten!

No division is more intriguing than the welterweights. I think the best case scenario would be Miguel Cotto attempting to defend his title against the winner of Antonio Margarito-Paul Williams, and maybe Sugar Shane Mosley after that. If those fights are exciting and generate some more interest it might be enough to lure Mayweather out of retirement. Or at least we can hope.

°Not that anyone really cares but the Giants are coming to Boston this weekend and the Red Sox are really struggling. Big Papi sums it up best when he says, "We haven't been hitting for shit."

°I'm going to be gone next week but the other contributors will still be posting articles, so check back regularly.

What Does this Actually Mean?

Now that we know Jimmy Clausen did have a procedure done on his elbow, I wanted to take a closer look as to what the effects of the surgery will be and examine if it is possible that there is any truth behind Notre Dame's claim that he will be ready for fall practice.

Since I am assuming that the surgery was to repair bone spur problem in his throwing elbow, I began by trying to find some information on the procedure itself. The best site that I found was this. The site not only outlines what the surgery would entail, it also says that a return to pre-injury athletic activities would take anywhere from 8-12 weeks. I also looked for cases involving athletes who have had a similar procedure. The first I found was Giants outfielder Dave Roberts. It was estimated that his surgery for bone spurs in his elbow would take 6 weeks to recovery from but he came back in a month. The problem here is that his injury was on his non-throwing arm. A better fitting case is Cardinals pitcher Chris Carpenter, since his bone spurs were in his throwing elbow. He is expected to miss three months.

Now that we have identified both ends of the possible return spectrum, we need to make some assumptions about when Clausen actually had the surgery. I broke the story on Tuesday, and my source said the surgery happened several days ago, sometime prior to that weekend. I know this is a big assumption, trying to guess the day, but I would think if it was done any time prior to late last week the story would have broken sooner. So for the sake of setting up a time line, let's say he had the surgery on June 7th.

If all of our assumptions are correct the best case scenario (8 weeks) would have him coming back just in time for the start of fall practice on August 6th. Notre Dame made it sound like as long as he was ready to play by that date everything would be fine, but let's think about this. Do you really think that they are going to just throw back into the mix as soon as he comes back as if nothing happened? If the coaches and medical staff is smart (which I believe they are) they will ease him back into things slowly. And there's still the problem of him having missed all of summer practice, putting him at a huge disadvantage with the other QBs.

If the injury takes any longer than 8 weeks to heal it will cut into fall practice time. At this point, it can basically guarantee that Clausen will not be the starter on September 1. The worst case scenario (12 weeks) would mean he misses all of fall practice, at which point it would be stupid not to redshirt him.

So what can we conclude from all of this? This injury and subsequent surgery, while not career threatening by any means, is serious, especially in how it will affect the upcoming season. Notre Dame fans should be worried about Clausen, despite what Notre Dame officials are saying.

Everyone Mocks the Bengals

For the past year the Cincinnati Bengals have been the running joke of the NFL for their off the field problems, as opposed to previous years when they were a joke because of their on field issues. They mocked by fans, talk radio, late night TV, and especially by me. Well, I have a new one for you. They are now being mocked by a minor league baseball team.

The Fort Myers Miracle of the Florida State League (Twins affiliate) will be holding "Don't Be a Bengal, Be a Good Citizen Night". Any fan wearing prison stripes or prison orange, while fans wearing Bengals gear will receive a slap on the wrist from an on-site lawyer. Tickets to the Bengals-Dolphins game will be raffled off, and rumor has it they will even pay to have a live tiger on hand. If they really wanted I'm sure they could pay Chris Henry to attend. I'm pretty sure he won't be doing anything else.

Celebrity Matchmaking: John Daly

John Daly's love life is in trouble, and we're here to help. By now, everyone has heard of Mrs. Daly's alleged knife attack and the story that he actually cut his own face ... whatever, no one knows what actually happened. However, one thing is for certain, and that's the fact that John's marriage is on the rocks and he's gotta start weighing his options. There is only so much masturbating a redneck can do to Jamie Presley, at some point, John is gonna have to get back on 'the course,' pull out 'the driver,' and go for 'the green.' When he's ready to do that, we've got just the girl for him...

Her name is Lindsay, she's nearly 21 and resides in LA ... Despite the age difference, these two are perfect for each other. Lindsay comes from a broken home, her dad was taking advantage of her and her parents separated; she is in desperate need of a father figure. This fills a need for John as well, since he is in need of some 21-yr old vagina. However, beyond their needs, these two have much in common:

1) Booze- It was nearly impossible to find someone that could keep up with JD in terms of alcohol consumption, but we managed to do it. Lindsay isn't hindered by things like "legal ages," she is hands down the drunkest person in Hollywood, and she hasn't even turned 21.

2) Boobs- In our search, one thing was for certain, the match had to have a great appreciation of the female breast. John withstands high prices and poor food quality, just to eat at Hooters ... and the Hooters girls aren't even hot. Their only redeeming quality is their breasts, and Lindsay holds these qualities near and dear to her heart, literally. Rather than going to Hooters, Lindsay can bring Hooters to him.

3) Blades- Some might consider this a turnoff for John, but one must understand that it's impossible to match him with someone that isn't batshit crazy, it just wouldn't work. I'd argue that a date pretending to cut you with a knife is a clear step up from a wife that actually cuts you. Besides, if John cut himself, then he'd be into Lindsay's knife play anyway.

As with all relationships, nothing is certain. However, if Daly can muster the will to play a round with Lindsay, he's sure to find the rough ... if you know what I mean.


Daly Cuts Own Face
John Daly

ESPN Confirms Clausen Story

As happy as it makes me to prove all the assholes who doubted me wrong, as a fan of ND football I am not pleased to report that almost 24 hours after I posted my article about Jimmy Clausen's elbow surgery, ESPN.com came out and confirmed my original story, citing an unnamed friend of the freshman QB. ESPN then contacted a Notre Dame official who said Clausen would be ready for fall practice.

First, I want to say that I'm skeptical that Clausen will be ready for practice in the fall. It makes sense for Notre Dame to try to downplay the situation to negate the inevitable panic from ND fans. With that being said, even if he is somehow ready for the start of fall practice, this is still a huge story. By missing the entire summer Clausen will be at a huge disadvantage in the quarterback race. In my opinion it almost assures that Demetrius Jones will win what was already going to be a tough competition. Regardless, it is absurd to think that my original story is somehow discredited just because ND says he will be available for fall practices.

If you are a fellow ND fan, I'm sorry that this was proven to be true. If you are one of the people who made insulting comments, you can post your apologies to myself, Daris, and 'Buzzsaw' in the comments section.

No One Likes a Potty Mouth

Especially in Singapore, where English striker Kim Grant was fired from his team, Geylang United, for using vulgarity that club officials "felt was unacceptable". Grant, who previously played for Charlton Athletic of the EPL, said that his profanity was not directed at one person in particular and, "I looked down and exclaimed angrily. I did not think it would hurt anyone." He plans to appeal to FIFA and Singapore FA, but they probably don't like potty mouths either.
Striker sacked by Singapore club for Swearing

Clarkson Needs Love Surgery

I recently found out from a trustworthy source (read CNN.COM) that Kelly Clarkson has indeed "never been in love". I must assume this could put a hindrance on any future K-Clark endeavors. Whether or not she will cancel any summer tour is still unclear. At the end of her soliloquy, Clarkson delivered these haunting words which have been echoing in the depths of my mind all night long: "Women can't possibly be good at two things. I haven't lost my temper about it. It only drives me more. If your thing is to bring me down, cool. I'll just work harder." I've been saying the same thing every day for the last 6 years. With Clarkson out my summer tour might boil down to some different Ruben Studdard and gay Clay Aiken shows. I hope this is wrong.

Note to Editor: I couldn't resist the striking similarities between the two stories. I think this story will generate as much, if not more buzz than the Clausen story, so get ready to take some heat from those fiesty guys over at irisheyes.com

Cincinnati Bengals' Representatives Assault Child

Another breaking story, of the non- Jimmy Clausen variety, Chris Henry and Reggie McNeal are being questioned by Cincinnati Police about their involvement in the assault of a 16 yr old boy on Friday night around 11 PM. The boy said he was walking down the street when a black SUV pulled up next to him .. a white man got out of the SUV and assaulted him, when he tried to run away a black man (later identified as Henry) got out and pushed him to the ground. The assault continued when those in the SUV threw beer bottles at him as he fled. The victim also identified McNeal as being in the SUV. Goodell has already said that if Henry screws up again he's going to be banned from the NFL ... However, I don't believe there will be any Hall of Fame reprecussions with this newest Cincinnati player to potentially be banned from a pro sport. I think the only possible way to save this organization is to send this team to Utah, you can't get in trouble in Utah .. Mormons aren't there to cause no trouble, they just want to do the Super Bowl Shuffle.


WCPO Cincinnati

Thank you "Guy" for this tip

Clausen Has Elbow Surgery

I recently found out from a trustworthy source who I cannot name that ND freshman QB Jimmy Clausen recently underwent elbow surgery. Supposedly he will miss the entire season. Whether that means the recovery period covers the length of the season or ND will choose to redshirt him is unclear. With Clausen out the two leading candidates for the job would be Demetrius Jones and Evan Sharpley. I hope this is wrong.