Has Pronk Finally Awoken From His Slumber?

It’s safe to say that Travis Hafner hasn’t been fulfilling his expectations for this season, consider last year’s numbers (.308, 42 HR, 117 RBIs, and an OPS of 1.098).

However, he may be turning things around. Lets look at his last seven games (where the Indians are 5-2):

AB	R	H	2B	HR	RBI	BB
3	1	1	1	0	0	1
3	2	2	1	0	1	2
4	2	2	0	2	4	1
5	0	1	1	0	1	0
3	0	1	0	0	0	1
4	0	1	1	0	2	0
2	1	1	0	0	0	1
24	6	9	4	2	8	6

Hafner has been batting .375 and his on-base percentage is .625. He also had the game-winning sac fly in the September 4^th game at Minnesota. It looks like things may finally be turning around for him in a season where he’s batting .260, has an OBP of .398, only 21 homers, and whenever he steps up to the plate, every fan in Jacobs’ Field knows he’s striking out (97 strikeouts this year-- which may not really be all that bad, but is magnified when the rest of his numbers aren’t great).

Now that I say all of this, he will probably crawl back in his hole and disappear for the rest of September and however much of October the Indians get to play. Let’s assume they’ll make it to the Series and blow it. His recent emergence is great; the home runs, RBIs, etc-- all awesome. But the best thing about Pronk? He's clearly named after his penis.

Hey, somebody had to say it.

Don't Choose the 'I'll Break Your Freaking Arm' Difficulty

This is a Sammich article, posted by Buzzsaw ... to confuse you
(I took some liberties with the title)

Not having internet for the past week has really opened my mind to realize that I can't actually function without it. Peanut butter and internet. One cannot survive for more than 2 weeks without both of them. I was down to my last seven days but don't worry I made it.

When I lose in a video game I usually become emotionally depressed for a few hours, sometimes days. However the fine technologically advanced country known as "Japan" has invented a game that punishes its gamers. In the popular game "Arm Spirit," nerds arm wrestle a machine. I can't even win a regular arm wrestling match let alone one versus a fucking machine.

This hit game has decided to break its' opponents arms. Three of them. Some poor little kid just wanted to go have a ball at Chuckie Cheeses but he came home with a broken arm.

The machine isn't that strong, much less so than a muscular man. Even women should be able to beat it," said Atlus spokeswoman Ayano Sakiyama, calling the recall "a precaution.

Arm Spirit

Weekend Betting Preview: NFL Edition

Alright, as you may have already guessed, we’ll be doing the same betting previews for the NFL as we are for the NCAA. Loser at the end of the year does an anal bong … let’s bully.

I’ll be taking the Rams +1 over the Panthers as my first pick in this series, let’s hope this goes better than my first NCAA pick. The Carolina defense is the key to this bet for me. They are not the same unit as they have been over the last few years. Their defensive line and linebackers are all back, with Dan Morgan and Mike Rucker’s return, but they are old. Mike Rucker is coming back from an ACL surgery which will surely affect him this season. Odds are that Dan Morgan will leave with a concussion in this game, opening up a spot for rookie Jon “Big Bease” Beason (skeet skeet). The real advantage for the Rams comes thanks to the Panther secondary. Their CBs are only average, and they have to replace both safeties. The biggest loss is of Mike Minter, the Panther career leader in tackles. The replacements at safety are Chris Harris and Deke Cooper. Harris had a few starts for the Bears the last couple seasons, but he was not Chicago’s first option. Cooper is 30 years old, and only played in one game last year (from ND, woo woo). Actually, he played for more teams in 2006 than he did games. Torry Holt, Ike Bruce, Drew Bennett, Randy McMichael, etc, will kill these guys.

Delhomme is coming off of his worst season ever, he threw 17 TDs to 11 INTs, which aren’t bad numbers, but are bad for a game managing type quarterback. He only threw for 2805 yards, or only 55 yards more than Brad Johnson … depending on how you judge shitty quarterback play. The fact that the Panthers brought David Carr in will only complicates matters since Delhomme will be looking over his shoulder all season. He has possibly the top WR in the NFL, but still sucks. It goes without saying that Steve Smith will shit on anyone, but they have no other real receiving threats, Drew Carter is their number two and Jeff King (I have no clue who that is) at tight end … that’s a joke.

Carolina’s running back situation is definitely better than their passing. They’ve got DeShaun Foster and DeAngelo Williams splitting carries; I don’t know why they don’t just break Foster’s leg now to save everyone the trouble but when that happens, DeAngelo will be great. However, the football prospectus guys ranked Carolina as only the 24^th best O-Line in run blocking (as compared to 6^th for STL), so it could be a tough season for either back.

I think everyone loves the Rams offense. I’m not the biggest fan of Mark Bulger, but I absolutely love Torry Holt and Steven Jackson. No one is more consistent than those two guys. This offense, ranked sixth in the league last year, might have improved with the additions of Drew Bennett and Randy McMichael. Basically, you know what you’re getting from the Rams, a great offense and a suspect defense. One change I do like with the defense is their draft pick, Adam Carriker, who, from all accounts, has been a stud throughout the preseason. In conclusion, I like this machine of an offense indoors against a methodical offense and a defense with a suspect secondary.

St. Louis -1 over Carolina

The Rest:

Buzzsaw:
St. Louis +1 v Carolina
Washington -3 v Miami (FL)

Biglots:
Cowboys -6 v New York
Houston -3 v Kansas City

Guy:
Cleveland +4.5 v Pittsburgh
Denver -3 @ Buffalo

Sammich:

Denver -3 @ Buffalo
St. Louis -1 v Carolina

Weekend Betting Preview: College Football Edition

Alright, last week didn’t work out so well, but the first week is a crapshoot. The second week is also pretty much a crapshoot, but I’m feeling pretty good about this play based on the results from last week as well as last year.

The game is Navy versus Rutgers on Friday night in New Jersey. These teams met last year when Rutgers shutout Navy, 34-0. Rutgers’ offense is even better than last year. They return seven starters from the team that averaged 30 ppg, including returning Heisman hopeful, Ray Rice. The line in front of Rice is also very experienced, they lost two starters, but gained Anthony Davis, the #7 ranked offensive lineman in the nation out of high school, Rutgers’ most highly touted recruit ever.

Last year, despite leading a high scoring offense, QB Mike Teel was a liability. There is no excuse for throwing 13 INTs to only 12 TDs when you have one of the best running backs in the country in your backfield. However, Teel is now a junior and should do a better job managing the game. You can’t take much from their game versus Buffalo, but Teel was awesome throwing for 328 yards and 2 TDs, most of which to (Heisman front runner) Tiquan Underwood. Though Navy’s defense is a little bit better than Buffalo’s, I expect Rutgers to carry the offensive momentum from that game with them into this contest with Navy.

Navy’s defense is absolutely awful. They return only 3 starters from a unit that gave up 20 ppg, that number isn’t bad, but is way worse when you realize that they were playing teams like Massachusetts, Temple, Tulsa, etc. Not to mention the fact that Rutgers scored 34 on them. They allowed Temple to score 19 pts last week, so, when you multiply that by how many times better Rutgers offense is than Temple … let me think … OK, Rutgers should score 200 pts.

In contrast to their defense, Navy’s offense returns seven starters, including four of their top five rushers, which is huge in an option offense. You may have stopped reading because Navy got shutout in this same spot last year, and you’d be justified, I was cautious about even playing before I looked deeper. I realized that Navy’s starting QB was injured on the second series of the game last year. 'Playing' in an option offense in high school, I know how important repetitions are for the offense’s success. The offense clearly had no rhythm the entire game, and it showed in the score. Navy only rushed for 113 yards in that game, over 200 yards less than their average of 350 rushing ypg. I was shocked to see they got shutout last year when I was looking into this game, but there is no way that will happen again, barring injury, the option attack is too difficult to stop. I actually think this veteran Navy offense has an outside chance of shocking everyone and winning this game SU, but I’m not gonna go crazy.

The Rutgers defense is actually pretty decent. Their strength is in their defensive line, which actually doesn’t concern me since the option offense forces linebackers and safeties to make stops. Most plays option off of a defensive lineman that is left free, so, they run the plays based on which choice that lineman makes … thus neutralizing them. Rutgers’ weakness is in their linebacking corps. They lost Devraun Thompson and Quintero Frierson, two of their top three tacklers, inexperience at linebacker will kill them against the option. Soooo, I’m taking (this is an awful number, you can get it at 48, but we use wagerline.com to keep the numbers consistent for the contest):

Rutgers/Navy Over 49.5

The Rest of the Plays:

Buzzsaw (1-4)

Rutgers/Navy Over 49.5
TCU/Texas Under 44.5
Miami (FL) +10.5 @ Oklahoma

Biglots (5-0)

Louisville -39.5 v Middle Tennessee State
UCLA -7 v BYU
Alabama -3.5 @ Vandy

Guy (3-2)

Oregon +8.5 @ Michigan
Washington +3 v. Boise St.
Auburn -6.5 v. South Florida

Sammich (2-3)

UCLA -7 v BYU
Florida -25.5 v Troy
Indiana +1 @ Western Michigan

The Bluff City Miracle

You know how everyone thinks that they suffered the unluckiest loss ever when it comes to gambling on sports? You hear stories of some piece of shit throwing a pick with two minutes to go or some liquored up idiot kicker missing the game winning field goal. Well, this weekend marks the rematch of my worst loss ever. Let me set the stage for everyone. As some of us know, Buzzsaw has a little bit of a gambling problem and one night he was informing everyone about how great Arkansas St. was because they had won him some bet. He then proceeded to guarentee that they would win the next day at Memphis. I, knowing nothing of either team, thought that there was no chance for Arkansas St. so I slapped down 40 on Memphis. Needless to say, this garbage game was not televised so we were reduced to following it on Gamecast. I'll spare everyone the details of the game and jump straight to the ending. ASU was facing third and ten on their own 47 yard line with six seconds to go in the game. I think you know what's coming next. Imagine how I felt when Gamecast updated with the message: 53 yard TOUCHDOWN! Game Over. I gasped, Buzzsaw laughed and then I punched him in the face.

No I didn't punch him in the face but I wanted to. I think I just threw a pillow or something gay like that. Anyways, it was complete bullshit. Here's a video of the "Bluff City Miracle" so you can see just how ridiculous it was. The play is 25 seconds into the video.



To quote Tom Jackson and Chris Berman: "JUST KNOCK IT DOWN!" Assholes. Anyways, this Saturday at 7 PM, Arkansas St. will host Memphis. There's no way Memphis can lose to them twice in a row. Any takers?

When Will People Learn to Not Go Into the OB Talkin’ That Smack?

This weekend marks the long awaited matchup between perennial powerhouses Oklahoma and Miami (FL … in case you’re a dumbass). Fans have been waiting for nearly twenty years for the rekindling of this rivalry. In twenty years, you’d think that each school would have grown somewhat apathetic to the other, but you’d be wrong. An Oklahoma fan got the trash-talking started in a big way by attending Miami’s ritual sacrifice against Marshall wearing an Oklahoma jersey; the togetherness shown by the Miami fans is truly remarkable.

Lowsman Watch: Week 1

Anyone can do a Heisman watch, including us, but how hard is it to pick the best player in the country? Answer, really easy, it’s Tiquan Underwood. It takes much more effort to find the worst player in the country; luckily for everyone, I’m a very hard worker. Throughout the season, we’ll be updating our Lowsman Watch … pause to appreciate the pun … in hopes of determining the worst player in the nation. On December 7^th, the day before the Heisman ceremony, the top 5 candidates will be invited to my apartment for the award ceremony. The event will be televised on YouTube sports. Here are the rankings from week 1, let’s bully.

1) Michael Henig, QB, Mississippi State: 11/28, 120 yards, 0 TDs, 6 INTS

This might have been one of the worst quarterback performances I’ve ever seen. Sure, he was going against LSU, one of the best defenses in college football, but that’s no excuse for throwing six interceptions. Colt Brennan probably won’t have 6 INTs all year. I found out this little nugget, using mathematics, Henig’s six interceptions were returned for 120 yards, matching his total yards passing. That’s a difficult thing to do, and I’m going to go ahead and say he’s the only person to throw exactly as many yards to the other team as he did his own.

2) Shawn Crable, LB, Michigan: 10 tackles, 1 sack, 3 TFL, 1 missed block

His numbers are great, and, as Sammich pointed out, he’s a scary mother fucker, but he’s not the most intelligent player on the Michigan team. I can’t imagine how many times they practiced it, but for some reason Crable forgot that he was supposed to take the guy inside him on field goal block. Crable was the guy who allowed the Appalachian State defender a free pass to block the game winning field goal try. It was pretty obvious. So long as Crable is losing games for Michigan, we’ll leave the light on for him.

3) Jameel Sewell, QB, Virginia: 11/23, 87 yards, 0 TDs, 2 INTs; 5 rushes, -6 yards

I’m going to leave a spot open for the player that single handedly loses me the most money. So far, that man is Jameel Sewell, the super athletic UVA quarterback. He was a complete piece of shit against Wyoming. Under 100 yards passing? Fine. Two interceptions? Ok, I can handle it, but -6 yards rushing? You’re a black multi-purpose quarterback Jameel, run you asshole.

4) Paul Duncan, OL, Notre Dame: 0 rec, 0 yards, 0 rushes, 0 yards

I had to pick someone from Notre Dame’s line for this list, I decided to choose Duncan, but everyone probably deserves it. I apologize to Sam Young, Dan Wenger, John Sullivan, and Mike Turkovich; you were all deserving but I could only pick one. I choose Duncan because of one play, which Blue-Gray Sky notes, “he was just off-balance and fell down without touching anyone.” I would love to see a video of that [Update: Thanks to Loy for the video, it's the second sack]. The unit gave up 9 sacks, and was responsible for Notre Dame totaling NEGATIVE 8 yards on 41 carries. Paul, you and your teammates are ruining my semester.

5) Lionell Singleton, WR/KR, Florida International: 1 rec, 22 yards, 3 fumbles

I hesitate to put Singleton on this list, because God knows FIU players will throw down anywhere. If they come into the OB talking that smack, I doubt they’ll hesitate to enter Clover Ridge Apartments to kick that ass. My journalistic integrity overrides my fear though, and I’m including him. Singleton touched the ball nine times and fumbled it three times, god he’s awful. Suck it Lionell, you’re my bitch, I’m not afraid of you or your dawgs… BRING IT.

Also See: Week 2

B-Easy Thinks Highly of Himself

After visiting the Official Website of Braylon Edwards, I can’t get enough of watching the intro to the site. Make sure you have your sound on-- the “B-Easy” tune by DJ Joey Fingaz is off the hook (or something?).

Braylon has proclaimed, “I’m back.” I’m not exactly sure where he went, or if he had ever even arrived to Cleveland for that matter. All I remember is his holdout his rookie year, his subsequent non-stop talking to the media and yelling at Charlie Frye his second season, and his abysmal performance to go right along with it.

The best part? He actually had to make up a situation where he did something good:

Pittsburgh 24, Cleveland 20. It’s the fourth quarter. 4^th and 25. Ball on the Cleveland 32 yard line. The play clock is ticking, 4 seconds, 3, 2…

And Braylon streaks down the field for a 68 yard touchdown, all the while throwing a Steeler corner to the ground!

Talk about the most generic “hero that saves the game” scenario possible. It’s a situation in which a young selfish and immature high school wide receiver would dream about.

But then again, that’s pretty much what Braylon is.

[BraylonEdwards.com]

Thanks to a retired blogger for the tip.

Hands off Limas’ Weed

Since the Texas Longhorns won the BCS Championship game on January 4, 2006, there have been eight current or recently graduated players arrested for various charges. To fight the problem, Mack Brown instituted a ‘zero tolerance’ policy regarding any University of Texas player arrest. Sergio Kindle and Henry Melton have already fallen victim to Brown’s new policy.

Obviously, this policy cannot continue. If you want to be a top college football program, you’re going to have to turn the other cheek on a few indiscretions throughout the year. You might think that Brown would have to drop the policy in order to avoid suspending the entire team, but you’d be underestimating the power of football in Texas. Somehow, Brown managed to have the Texas legislature pass HB 2391. HB 2391 allows for police to give tickets to, rather than arrest, people for certain infractions; such as, criminal mischief, theft, and possession of up to 4 oz. of marijuana. In short, it just got a lot harder to get arrested. There's no proof that Brown played an active role in getting this bill passed, but there is no doubt he's a staunch supporter.

Getting caught with 4 oz. and less of weed will now only be punished with what amounts to a parking ticket. I’m not sure how any school will be able to compete with Texas for the top recruits in the country now that this law has passed. At Notre Dame, you get suspended from school for a semester for having weed in your car, just ask Kyle McAlarney. The law just went into effect September 1^st, and might help to explain Texas' uninspired play against Arkansas State (they only won 21-13).

Austin Chronicle

ESPN.com

Heisman Watch

Preseason rankings are ruining college football. It’s nearly impossible for a team ranked out, or even in the bottom half, of the top 25 to win the national championship … just ask Auburn (Jason Campbell deserved better). This will once again be proven true by Michigan’s imminent inclusion in the latest polls ['receiving votes' counts], to be released today. Well, the preseason polls are not the only unjust rankings that negatively affect otherwise deserving candidates, the preseason Heisman rankings do the same thing. We’re here to correct the system, to wrestle power from the man, and reestablish the glory of the Heisman Trophy. For the rest of the season we’ll be ranking the candidates based on performance, rather than previous accomplishments, manufactured hype, and dashing good looks. Let's bully.

Week 1

1) Tiquan Underwood, Rutgers: 10 rec, 248 yards, 2 TDs

I’d like to introduce you to your Heisman front-runner. Underwood nearly matched his season total from a year ago in one game. That’s tough to do. I don’t think I’m ever going to put Ray Rice on this list, because everything he does should be directly attributed to Underwood. People would be crazy to think it was the other way around.

2) Colt Brennan, Hawaii: 34/40, 416 yards, 6 TDs, 0 INTs

Those stats are from one half. It’s pretty much impossible to be more efficient than Brennan. I don’t like that people regard Brennan as a Heisman candidate just because he’s actually respected by NFL scouts, when other system quarterbacks have gotten no respect. Clearly, judging by the success of former Heisman winners (Eric Crouch, I’m talking to you), NFL readiness doesn’t effect a player's Heisman prospects. Plenty of system quarterbacks have had overwhelmingly superior numbers to their counterparts yet weren’t even invited to New York. However, I’m of the belief that these players should be considered, so I can’t fault Brennan for being the best of the bunch, but I’m putting you on notice right now Colt … Graham Harrell is nipping at your heels.

3) Tashard Choice, Georgia Tech: 26 rushes, 196 yards, 2 TDs

This was a pretty easy choice (BOOM!), I saw this with my own eyes, nothing can convince me that Choice isn’t the best tailback in the history of college football. Choice quietly led the ACC in rushing last year, and if this continues, may lead the nation this season. So long as defenses refuse to believe that GT is running when Choice lines up at quarterback, he won’t be stopped.

4) Marlon Lucky, Nebraska: 30 rushes, 233 Yards, 4 TDs (including 1 receiving)

Luck has nothing to do with Marlon’s inclusion on this list (nice). His 233 yards were more than any Nebraska running back since Jammal Lord in 2002. He didn’t even play in the 4^th quarter of their game against Nevada. Nebraska has clearly not missed a beat since losing Brandon Jackson, Green Bay's new starting running back. The emergence of Sam Keller at quarterback should only increase Lucky’s numbers, as Keller did not play well in his first game at Nebraska.

5) James Davis, Clemson: 18 rushes, 102 yards, 1 TD

I tried to add people who actually played decent competition, but Davis was the only player that really stuck out. His TD run was absolutely awesome, and, since it was on national TV, it gets him on the Heisman watch list. Note to self: Don’t bet against Clemson @ Clemson.

6) Brian Brohm, Louisville: 16/25, 375 yards, 4 TDs, 0 INTs, 289.05 QB rating

Somehow Brian Brohm beat out Colt Brennan in “QB Rating” clearly the most confusing stat in football. I look forward to Logan’s column about the rating, but I refuse to believe Brohm had a better game than Colt. The only thing I can think of is that he averaged more yards per completion. Anyway, Brohm’s march to the number one pick, back in Bobby Petriono's loving arms, started out pretty well.

7) Dorien Bryant, Purdue: 2 KO Returns, 151 yards, 1 TD

I'll leave a spot open each week for an all-purpose type player. To this point, I’ve got to give the nod to Dorien Bryant. This was a difficult decision, considering DeSean Jackson’s unbelievable punt return against Tennessee, but Bryant had two great kick returns against pretty good competition in Toledo. This should be a tight race with the NCAA’s new rule change which moved kickoffs back 5 yards. Right now Bryant is in the lead, but I expect someone to separate themselves from the pack shortly. Bryant is going to absolutely rape Notre Dame, can’t wait.

8) Sam Bradford, Oklahoma: 21/23, 363 yards, 3 TDs, 0 INTs

This is the feel good story of these rankings; Bradford avoided all of the temptations that Oklahoma quarterbacks face and rose up to dominate North Texas. Instead of selling cars, Bradford was preparing for the season this summer, and all his work has paid off. We may have another Josh Heupel on our hands, in fact, Heupel is his quarterbacks coach. Get used to Bradford’s name in these rankings.

9) James Hardy, Indiana: 3 rec, 153 yards, 2 TDs

Hardy might be a legit candidate even for ESPN's talking heads. He’s had 10 TDs in each of his last two seasons, and he’s off to a pretty good start this year. So long as he’s averaging 50 yards per reception, we’ll leave him a spot on the list. Luckily for Hardy, these rankings don't take home attendance into account, he might have been screwed.

10) Graham Harrell, Texas Tech: 44/59, 419 yards, 4 TDs, 0 INTs

Harrell is the first big quarterback recruit Leach has wrangled into Texas Tech. He was the 16^th ranked quarterback coming out of high school. In week one they played SMU which is actually a pretty decent team. Texas Tech was actually only an 8.5pt favorite in this game, but Harrell’s offense blew them out of the water, 49-9. I love system quarterbacks.

Photos from ESPN, ESPN, and ESPN