Thursday, July 26, 2007

Guy's Favorite "Guys" (Vol. 1)

I don't know how long this segment will go on-- this may be both the first and the last one, but I'm going to give it a go to see how the reception is. There are certain "guys" out there that either crack me up or annoy me by their actions. It is either a "what the hell is this guy doing?" or a "is this guy serious?" In no particular order, today's "Guys":

1. Entirely too tan guy on the beach

This one is sticking out to me right now because I am at the beach. There are guys that are with the rest of their family who are doused with tanning lotion and are usually sporting a gold chain and/or watch. To qualify, their wives and children must be of fair complexion, making it unnatural. Perhaps they have some Native American in them, but I'm going to go with the assumption that they care way too much about their bronze color.

2. Guy standing in front of a TV at a sports bar

These guys are completely unaware of their surroundings. They are probably the same people that slowly change lanes and don't really worry about if they are going to cut you off. It isn't that they are being ass holes, they are just stupid. I experienced this one last week at BW3's while trying to watch the Indians game with some guys. The big screen was clearly in our path, but this guy stands by his friends, blocking our view. Yeah, don't worry about it-- we weren't watching the game anyway. "Sports bar" is stressed because it would be completely different if we were at shitty Applebee's or something. But we are at a sports bar where the sole reason for attending one is to watch sports.

3. Guy that just suffered a really bad beat in poker

Usually when someone is telling a bad beat story, they are telling someone that is knowledgable about the game, considering a lot of bad beat stories are told at poker tables in casinos to guys at their table. I've got news for you-- these people have heard them all. Seriously, every single bad beat. The only exemptions are very long strings of bad beats, they can be summed up like "yeah I was getting beated all day, like 9 hands in a row." These people can be patronized by giving them a simple "wow that is so bad man." You don't even need to listen to their story. Just sympathize and say how bad the other player must be. That is exactly what they want to hear.

I will be posting more "guys" as I come across them in everyday life. Hopefully you enjoyed the rant. (It's a slow news day-- and I'm not touching the Costas/Bonds catfight or Deion Sanders' absurd quotes).


Matt Jenks said...

You mean there's a reason to go to Applebee's unless it's to try and watch an out-of-market game?

The last time I went to an Applebee's, I got hit on by the waitress. Cool, right? Well, not so when she looked like a bloated Ann B. Davis. It was awful, but at least I got my drinks filled often. It was kind of like being retro-hogged.

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Buzzsaw said...

I get so furious when I go to BW#'s or the like and they either have one game on every TV, don't know how to change the channel, or, worst, blare pop music rather than the audio of a game ... it kills me

Guy said...

We went to watch a Warriors-Jazz game and they were blasting Guns N Roses Greatest Hits. It was totally awesome... if your name was Axl.

Daris said...

ya, that guns n' roses album probably drowned out 50 Cent's Straight to the Bank that was surely gettin blasted in the arena. I'm pretty sure B-diddy is one good "hook" away from c-walking down the floor, ball in hand.

Oh, and no one has HBO, so boxing is usually a no go. I almost missed the Castillo/Hatton fight because of that, which in retrospect wouldn't have been that big of a deal.