Thursday, August 23, 2007

59 Year Old Makes College Football Team

People make a lot of ridiculous decisions when they are drunk, and I’ve found one that takes the cake. Supposedly, Mike Flynt, a 59 year old man, made a spontaneous decision to make a college football comeback while drinkin’ beer and swapping “old college war stories” one night in Alpine, Texas. He was kicked off his college football team before his senior year (37 years ago), and has decided to do something about it after one of his old, drunken friends said something along the lines of “Why don’t you do something about it, chicken?” The friend then said, “Caw, ca caw, ca caw” as he fluttered his arms around, and mimicked a chicken. (AD rest in peace)

Flynt, obviously taking the joke way too seriously, found out that he had one more year of eligibility remaining, and yesterday he made the roster of the Division III Sul Ross State. He’s a grandfather. He hasn’t played football in 37 years, and is actually 8 years older than the coach.

Jerry Lernad, the coach who kicked him off the team 37 years ago said this:

"I told him he's an idiot. Gosh, dang, Mike, you're not 20 years old any more. You're liable to cripple yourself.' He understands all of that. But he has a burning desire to play. ... He is in great physical condition. He still runs a 5-flat 40 and bench presses I-don't-know-what. He's a specimen for 59 years old."

So basically, the coach still thinks he’s a cocky son of a bitch, and wants to see the old man get seriously injured. I doubt that any 59 year old man can run a 5 flat 40. Come on, it’s gotta take “Old Bones” a little longer to get the motor running. What position he will play is still up in the air, but he was a linebacker so expect to see him getting ran over from time to time. When he takes the field on Sept 1st, he will most likely be the oldest man ever to play college football. Reaseachers haven’t found anyone over 45 years old.

He was originally kicked off the team many years ago for fighting too much. I think he might run into a similar problem this year while showering. Can you think of anything worse than seeing a set of old, wrinkly balls right after exhausting yourself on a football field? That should be enough to start a couple shower brawls. God, I wish I could have been a fly on the wall the night he made his decision. Watching a drunk, old man make a decision that could potentially get himself killed brings a smile to my face. I hope there are “Cool Zones” in Hell.


Guy said...

hahaha oh man. What is this guy thinking?

I'm excited for those youtube clips.

sammich said...

I don't like to root for injuries that much, or death, but i really hope this guy gets owned coming across the middle. And then the 20 year old feels no remorse after slaying a 59 year old