Monday, August 13, 2007

7th Floor Crew: Where are they Now?

Some consider the 7th Floor Crew a simple one-hit wonder, think Baha Men if their song wasn’t titled “Who Let the Dogs Out,” instead, “Who Let the Dogs In (My Girlfriend’s Vagina).” However, a simple comparison fails to adequately describe this group’s cultural impact. Their impact on male sexuality is tough to gauge, but I’d compare it to the work of Susan B. Anthony for women in the late 19th Century. They’ve sparked a new dialogue between men and women. Men can now feel comfortable asking women if it’d be possible for them to “get mudded” or “run a man train up in them,” just a few years ago, that conversation would have been impossible.

Since the song’s release back in 2004, the identities of all nine University of Miami rappers have finally been uncovered which begs the obvious question, where are they now?

Greg Olsen- aka “G-Reg”

Famous Lyrics:(What’s your name?)/G-Reg/(What’d you do?)/Get head/(How you do it?)/Drop my drawers and let her see me third leg; Chillin on the 7th floor, I gotta let these chickens know, Big Greg is in the house, And I’m fi’n’ to make these hoes choke, On my balls, on my dick, Then I bust a nut quick, On her face, on her chest, Stick my dick between her breasts, Come on fellas lets get weird, Sick your dick up in her ear, While I’m laughin’ at these guys, A second nut all in her eyes

Where is he now? Olsen is arguably the most famous member of the 7th Floor Crew (because he's white); he was picked in the first round of the 2007 NFL Draft by the Chicago Bears at pick #31. By joining the Bears and Rex “Sex Cannon” Grossman, the threat of a man train is ever-present amongst their opposition’s cheerleaders. Overall, Olsen has, sadly, stayed out of trouble since leaving Miami.

Brandon Meriweather- aka “Hollaman”

Famous Lyrics:I fucked this bitch on the beach last night, This bitch was talking ‘bout how her pussy was hurtin;’ Bitch, I don’t give a fuck, let that shit burn, bitch I still want to hit that ass

Where is he now? Judging by the lyrics, you can already tell that Meriweather is one of the classier members of the group. He doesn’t give a shit if you have a sandy vagina, or even an STD. He can’t possibly know what that bitch’s burn is, but it’s a risk he’s willing to take. His risk-taking nature with vagina has translated well to the gridiron and also the parking lot. In 2006 when his teammate Willie Cooper (aka Dub-C [see below]) was shot in the ass, Meriweather returned fire. He wasn’t charged with a crime in this incident because, shockingly, his gun was owned legally. Also in 2006, he was a major part of the Miami/Florida International brawl; he was the one stomping on FIU players on the ground. In 2007, he was drafted by the New England Patriots with the 24th pick. The Patriots are confident they can reform him into a “Belichick guy,” they even brought in Randy Moss to speed up that process.

Jon Beason- aka “Big Beast”

Famous Lyrics:Actin’ all innocent last night suckin’ TG’s dick, Held up on the back of the head ‘til she swallowed all of it, Nigga even told me the bitch didn’t spit, It’s cool ‘cause you know, we a tag team, Whenever we fuck a bitch, you know my boys are on the crime scene

Where is he now? Big Beast was drafted by the Carolina Panthers in the 2007 Draft with the 25th pick. He recently concluded a two-week holdout; apparently the sticking point was Beason’s insistence on the reinstatement of two lesbian Panther cheerleaders. His request was not honored, but in the NFL there will be plenty of bitches for Beason and, new best friend, Jake Delhomme to tag team.

Tavares Gooden- aka “T-Good”

Famous Lyrics:She found out there was more to Miami than just a football team, There’s also the 7th floor king ding-a-ling, She thought 5-2 was just my number, Then she realized, You multiply the bitch up, Dog you get my dick size, First I put it in the pussy, Then in the butt, That’s all pro dog, The condom is filled up

Where is he now? Tavares is still at the U, but, most impressively, he finished a double major in liberal arts and criminology in just three years. He clearly wrote his part of this song before the sexual harassment chapter in his criminology class, we can assume he’s since learned his lesson. Gooden is looking to start this year at linebacker, reports from Miami summer practice show that he will be involved in a four-man rotation at linebacker, he’s had a lot of experience with four-man rotations (albeit, in that ass), so he could be in for a breakout year.

GoMarvelous- aka “Marvelous”

Famous Lyrics:Would you cry like you a bitch or would you try to hate on me don’t matter to me chief that’s why or ass stay lonely, I stay rubbin', stay sqeezin’ that ass for days, Don’t throw your ass at me playa, that’s how Marvelous gets paid, I keep gettin laid, No matter the time of the day, No matter about where she stay, Keep breaking her off and shaking that dick up in yours A

Where is he now? Marvelous was the mastermind behind the entire production, he’s currently a Miami-area producer; he didn’t actually play football. His name is actually GoMarvelous, that's the only name he goes by 'since birth,' I don’t really understand that, but he actually seems to be doing pretty well for himself. He’s got his own label, GoMarvelous Entertainment Inc. I have no confirmation, but my guess is he’s also driving an Escalade. Here’s a link to his myspace page, if you’re one of those emo freaks with a myspace page, please thank him for bringing the 7th Floor Crew to all of us.

The news on the rest of the crew, “Big Nick” (Nick Nucci), Lil’ Newt (Darnell Jenkins), Dub C (Willie Cooper, shot in ass), and T-Buck (Tavarous Bain) is not so happy. As the story goes, Big Nick tried to sling dick at Ned’s sister after the Miami/FIU game. In retaliation, Ned beat each of these men senseless with his crutches. It was a very dark ending to four very bright futures. (full disclosure … that was a lie, I have no idea what happened to those people, they’re all pieces of shit)


7th Floor Crew Rap

21 Comments:

Daris said...

buzz, you gotta link the actual song. I've heard it a few times. It will make the whole experience so much better.

Also, we need to whip up a "Log's Blog" remix version. This would allow us to start reaching a much larger audience.

Buzzsaw said...

It's the first link, the "7th Floor Crew" myspace plays the song.

Buzzsaw said...

That's better

Daris said...

haha perfect

Chris said...

If we're talking about the same guy and I think we are, Marcus Maxey is currently on the Kansas City Chiefs roster with at least a small chance to make the team.

Buzzsaw said...

Thanks Chris, I just checked that, Marcus Maxey actually isn't Marvelous, he wasn't on the Miami football team. Marvelous is just Marvelous.

Chris said...

No problem. I was about to do a post on your very story here about Maxey and the 7th Floor Crew. My bro is a huge Miami fan and would have just eaten up a story about a Chiefs player who was on the Crew.

Buzzsaw said...

Haha, sorry to get your hopes up

Guy said...

Fantastic work, Buzz. Must have taken a lot of research.

The myspace line was priceless.

Anonymous said...

Awesome, awesome, awesome. I read this on my phone and laughed so hard I had to come back on a pc to say THANK YOU!

Buzzsaw said...

Haha, wow, you are welcome ... I swear I didn't write that

dbvader said...

I recall reading an article after the draft that Meriweather was mistakenly identified as part of the 7th Floor Crew. Wiki identifies another guy, Akiemm Jolla, who transferred from the U. A poster named Gomarvelous was responsible for changing the wiki page from Meriweather to Jolla.

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