Monday, August 13, 2007

Sockless Says. “Novak, I Demand a Piddle Test”

Novak Djokovic beat Roger Federer on Sunday ( 7-6, 2-6, 7-6) to pocket $400,000 at the Rogers Cup in Montreal. I know what you’re thinking. Who the hell cares? I certainly didn’t until I dug a little deeper. Novak not only dethroned Federer, but also beat Rafael Nadal and Andy Roddick in the same tournament. He knocked off the top 3 tennis players in the world in one tournament. Talk about being suspect. Djokovic was a combined 0-7 against Federer and Nadal this year heading into the event. All of the sudden he ends up beating both of them in less then 4 days time? He’s made a lot of progress in the professional rankings over the last year or so. Rising from 83rd all the way to the top 20 in the last year, and now, after this win, he will take over Roddick’s #3 position. I know that Djokovic is only 20, but in an era plagued with steroids, it’s not unreasonable to suggest that something might be up.

I’ll tell you what needs to happen with Djokovic moving forward:

  1. Check the surface of his ass and in between the toes for needle marks, we might have a juicer on our hands.
  2. Avoiding placing too much emphasis on noticeable mood swings and acne flair ups, which are usually tell-tale signs. At the tender age of 20, they might just be part of the physical maturation process.
  3. Don’t, for any reason leave, this man alone with women or children unless we want to see something Benoit-esque. I don’t know how appropriate that was, but I’m guessing not very.

In conclusion, Nadal is nearly impossible to beat, even when he’s not playing on clay. He is like a jumping bean on the court and his energy and shot making ability make him the only man who can consistently give Federer trouble. So that victory was hard to believe, but everyone assumed it was just a little luck. However, nobody beats Federer on a consistent basis. Every time I think of Federer, images of Ivan Drago from Rocky 4 pop into my head. Roger is that intimidating, and Djokovic needed a “Rockyian” effort to pull off the upset. Yes, I just used Rockyian, and I think its going to stick. This victory indicates that foul play is a pretty big possibility.

I hope the International Tennis Federation does their god-forsaken job. They should test Novak, and while they’re at it, throw Serena a piss cup. I think the results could be surprising, from both a steroids standpoint, and the ever popular “I think Serena is definitely a dude” standpoint.

-Sockless Dilemma with a little help from. (Sorry, I had to give myself a pat on the back.)


Buzzsaw said...

Benoit Reference Count: 5ish ... I dare someone to find a blog with more Benoit references... it's not gonna happen. That's something to be proud of

Daris said...

haha double murder suicides are pure gold.

sockless dilemma said...

yea you added a nice touch to it

Guy said...

Log's Blog is a fan of the Crippler Crossface.